5 steps to help you get over unrequited...

Unrequited love - what to do?

What to do if you are overwhelmed by an unrequited feeling?
What should I do? What should you pay attention to? Try to see a powerful resource, and with it, the opportunity for change and development that one-sided love brings with it. The resource is as follows: unrequited love teaches you to love without demanding an answer. That is, not to suffer, not to feel sorry for yourself, not to appeal to universal justice, but to learn to live with it, while remaining open to a new feeling

The resource is as follows: unrequited love teaches you to love without demanding a response. That is, do not suffer, do not feel sorry for yourself, do not appeal to universal justice, but learn to live with it, while remaining open to a new feeling.

This is quite difficult, since you want only one thing - to be with the one you chose and not even think about the fact that reciprocity will not happen.

At the same time, it makes sense to try to live a full and rich life yourself. Do not close yourself off from potential partners: those who are ready to choose you and try to build relationships with them.

Over time, this will lead to the fact that you will be able to fill your life, make it interesting for yourself and for those around you, making it more likely that you will meet someone with whom you can share a common feeling and life.

Mutual love is real

What does a person who loves unrequitedly want? What will be the most desired gift for him? The answer is mutual love. One way to realize what you want is to find the courage to admit your feelings.

Namely, ask your loved one about what your chances of reciprocity are and how interesting you are as a relationship partner. Open recognition is an opportunity to escape the vicious circle of thoughts and feelings into a space of reciprocity. All you need to do is tell the person you love how much he means to you.

Of course, confession is scary. First of all, because there is a possibility of being rejected. And yet, confessing and hearing “no” is better than cherishing the dream of reciprocity for years and not making a single attempt to be together.

Ultimately, the experience of recognition can help you make an internal decision that you have “loved enough” unrequitedly, and that it is time to reach a new level of relationships with the opposite sex, where mutual love will become a reality, and not a dream.

What should a girl who is unrequitedly in love do?

The weaker sex turns out to be not so weak after all. Many girls in love prefer not to sigh and think about how to survive unrequited love for a man, but to act very decisively, trying to win reciprocity by any means, including turning to psychics who promise to cast a powerful love spell. Let us say right away that we do not advise anyone to engage in such dubious things. We only give ethical advice.

If you think that a guy simply hasn’t yet seen your merits and beauty, then psychologists advise in this case to do something that will help open his eyes faster. And to do this, you don’t need to look at the object of your passion from afar. Try to be closer to him! Be feminine and sweet. Clothes and hairstyle, of course, must be impeccable. Unrequited love for a man should become a reason for you to strive for perfection in everything.

We will tell you one secret from a psychologist: give a man to show his best qualities in your presence, the opportunity to perform some chivalrous deeds. Be weak, unprotected, turn to him for help, and when he gives it to you, do not skimp on praise.

Find out what worries your chosen one most in this life. Maybe he's a boxing fan or loves to talk about political topics? Or perhaps he likes to read books by some fashionable modern author? Take action! Try to share his interests and be on the same page with him.

Unrequited love in adolescence

“In love, someone always kisses, and someone only turns their cheek” French proverb Almost every person has once fallen in love without an answer

It doesn’t matter at what age it happened - it’s always very exciting, but at the same time, a little sad. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, it inspires a person, makes him do unthinkable things, pushes him to self-improvement.

This is a positive side, but there is also a negative side. If the feeling is unrequited, it hurts. A person has to face the collapse of hopes, be disappointed, experience self-doubt, try to do everything to forget unrequited love. Everyone reacts differently to this.

It is known that when falling in love, certain hormones are released into a person’s blood, which give reactions that cause strong feelings. When this happens for the first time, a person feels everything especially acutely. This can be compared to a viral disease. The disease is difficult to tolerate only the first time, then immunity is developed, which makes it much easier to transfer the same virus.

This is roughly what happens with falling in love. The teenager experiences an indescribable range of feelings in this situation. Of course, it seems to him that this is forever, that they will certainly become a family and will always be together. Time passes, a series of events occur, and the teenager in love realizes that his feelings are not mutual. Everyone behaves differently here. 1. Some try to make friends with their loved one, maintain his good attitude and be content with little. Unrequited love can accompany a person throughout his life. 2. The second - go ahead, achieve reciprocity at all costs, without worrying about how to get rid of unrequited love. 3. Still others withdraw into themselves, become isolated, lose interest in life, constantly asking why there are unrequited feelings. To put it figuratively, the former continue to burn evenly, trying to preserve the hearth, while the latter flare up and burn everything in their path. Still others go out, and this is the most dangerous option, from a psychological point of view. Teenage depression often leaves its mark on the psyche. Your whole life will then pass in a state of passive depression. But the main danger here is suicide attempts. This happens quite often, especially nowadays.

As for the first and second scenarios, the best, of course, will be the first option. A person who realized that his feelings were not mutual, but decided to continue friendly communication with his lover, wins in all respects. He always has hope for something more, which means he does not give up feelings, he simply makes a decision: to wait. The second scenario will ultimately be a disappointment, because you won’t be nice by force.

A teenager, faced with an unrequited feeling, will experience a feeling of mental pain. His friends, loved ones and family should support him by talking to him about this, studying the question of how to stop suffering from unrequited love. The main thing to remember is that all feelings end sooner or later - this is human physiology, those chemicals that provoke falling in love cannot be released throughout your life

It is important to understand and remember this

How to help yourself

But how to survive unreciprocated love? Let's look at the advice of a psychologist. Masters of psychological science recommend the following actions.

Investigation of the cause

If you cannot cope with unrequited feelings for more than 6 months, then there are reasons that incline you to love one-sidedly. Try to answer the questions honestly. What makes you continue to suffer? What is the reason behind the unrequited feeling and desire to be loved? Could this be due to fear that you will be offended or lack of confidence in your own attractiveness? What is the main fear in a relationship? If you manage to find out the reason, then you need to deal with it.

"Light a fire"

The poet Ovid advised treating unhappy love by lighting fires. Psychologists also recommend this appointment today. May you have many resources that will allow you to escape from unrequited feelings. New job, passion, hobby, volunteer help. It could be yoga, dancing, driving courses, a reading group - anything. If you scatter the firebrands of a love fire in this way, you will soon see that it has gone out.

Increased physical activity

This powerful remedy helps reduce stress, since the feeling of melancholy goes away along with sweat - adrenaline is produced. Nadezhda Babkina and many other stars cope with stress this way.

Make lemonade

A good method was recommended by Carnegie. He advised making lemonade from sour lemons. A feeling of love can be aimed at creation, and not at self-destruction. There are many examples of people coping with stress and rising above their worries.

Finding flaws

Feelings for a man or woman are often based on idealization. A loved one is endowed with only positive qualities; only the good is seen in him. Try going the other way. Write down all the shortcomings on a piece of paper, remember all the flaws, even if they are fictitious. This powerful remedy is suitable for people with a developed imagination.

Video: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, about unrequited love:

What signs should alert an unrequited lover and his loved ones?

• Understanding the hopelessness of the current situation leads to prolonged depression and persistent emotional decline: a person forgets or does not want to eat, feels unwilling to do usual things, and “withdraws into himself” for a long time.
• Obsession with the object of one's passion and obsessive thoughts cause the nervous system to constantly tense up, which can negatively affect the general condition of the body. Weakness, irritability, headache, and decreased immunity may appear.
• Manifestation of aggression, immunity to criticism. Sometimes hostility is directed at oneself, which is very dangerous, as it can lead to personality destruction and even suicide attempts. In this case, you need to contact a psychiatrist.

If everything is not so bad, and things have not gone to extremes, you can try to cope with the negative aspects on your own. Professional psychologists give some useful advice that you should listen to if unrequited love is causing you suffering and pain.

How to overcome suffering due to unrequited love

• For a moment, just “go with the flow”, let go of the situation, giving yourself time and the opportunity to understand and experience everything that is happening.
• Think that the subject of your feelings and experiences is absolutely not to blame for the current situation; no one asked his consent. And your hero is simply not able to reciprocate love for certain reasons, for example, the beloved is bound by any obligations, or at the moment starting a relationship is not part of his plans at all.
• Learn to see the positive sides in everything: character and fortitude are developed in such trials. And there is no need to consider your loved one as a hunting trophy, which simply must be obtained no matter what, you should respect the individual’s right to his own choice.
• Systematize your life: find an activity that interests you and evokes positive emotions - go in for sports, make more contact with friends. It might be worth trying to meet a new person. But don’t rush headlong into new acquaintances, thinking that this will help you quickly forget your unrequited love. This is wrong.

Unrequited love is nothing more than an illusion, a mirage. You fall in love not with an earthly person, but with a certain image, an inaccessible ideal, invented by your imagination and “convenient” for suffering. Love always involves two people, and if the object of your desire does not want to enter into a relationship, then this is not your soul mate and the love relationship you are dreaming about will happen with someone else, they are ahead. To overcome suffering and get rid of unrequited love, you need carefully analyze your feelings and find out why you are attracted to this particular person, and what objective reasons prevent you from being together.

Imagine two options for developing your future with the subject of your passion. The prospect of living your whole life with a person who doesn’t love you can hardly bring delight, can it? Once you understand this, it will become easier. The pain will go away gradually, giving way to pleasant memories that do not bring suffering, perhaps with a tinge of light sadness. Only by feeling like a free, fulfilled person can you enjoy life, making those around you happy. There will be no more torment of unrequited love and there will definitely be the one who wants to be next to you!

Video on the topic of unrequited love. Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya will tell you what to do for someone who loves and cannot pull themselves together.

“Not to be loved is only failure.
Misfortune is not to love! Albert Camus
Some people consider love to be their life's work. Others treat it coolly, believing that it is a “fad” that does not lead to anything good. What is unrequited love? It has always existed and was the “engine” for the creation of new immortal works of art, and sometimes it even became the cause of real crimes. This is what we would like to talk to you about today, to consider how to experience unrequited love.

Why does unrequited love happen?

Psychological analysis of this phenomenon helps to identify its origins. The reasons for unrequited love can be the following:

1. Low personal self-esteem. It prevents you from showing the real essence of a person.
2. Selfishness. A person focuses on personal emotional pain, turning a blind eye to the needs of the soul of another.
3. Psychological attitude of the victim. In such a state, suffering subconsciously brings satisfaction.
4. Lack of skills in dealing with the opposite sex. Pushkin described it this way: “but I, loving, was deaf and dumb.”
5. Lack of common interests. This is one of the manifestations of selfishness. It's always interesting to be with your loved one.
6. Mismatch of goals in life, life principles. Unrequited love will become mutual if the one who loves is able to change his life paradigm in favor of the loved one.

Why does such love arise?

Deep affection does not appear out of nowhere. Strong feelings arise when communicating with your chosen one or chosen one, recognizing each other, and also in the process of daydreaming. Therefore, to truly fall in love unrequitedly, you need to try hard. That is, to communicate despite refusal, not to see obvious differences in characters and interests, and to dream in the absence of prospects for rapprochement. Most often, a person who experiences non-reciprocal feelings, sometimes not for the first time, is predisposed to such suffering. The reasons for unrequited love are usually:

1. Infantilism. A lover simply has not matured psychologically for a relationship, so he subconsciously chooses objects of passion that will most likely not reciprocate. Moreover, in the case of non-reciprocal love, the sufferer receives the support of loved ones, everyone pities him and pats him on the head, which causes a kind of addiction. He shifts responsibility for the quality of his life and mood to the mythical object of love, which now serves as the cause of all failures and troubles. This is a childish position and fear of entering into a real adult relationship.
2. Craving for suffering. Every second person who is unrequitedly in love has psychological problems such as neuroses, depression and similar disorders. These mental deviations cause a craving for suffering, since such suffering is perceived as a deserved punishment for their imaginary sins. The psyche of nervous people is very sensitive, they unconsciously look for problems for themselves, and unrequited love is a great way to fall even more into melancholy.
3. Low self-esteem. If a person does not love himself, then he does not fully reveal himself in society as a person, he is always afraid of something, and certainly does not show his feelings. The object of adoration may not even realize that they have fallen in love with him, and most likely will never notice his secret admirer or admirer due to his reserved demeanor. For people with low self-esteem, the diagnosis is written on their face: “I am not worthy/worthy of love, better not look at me, I look terrible.”
4. Substitution of concepts. Particularly impressionable people can mistake sympathy for love, which causes them a lot of problems in life. They overthink themselves, constantly conjecture what is not there: they look for secret signs in the behavior of the object of passion, and even a simple greeting can be regarded as an expression of affection. Therefore, in the end, such people believe that they have fallen in love once and for all, and then they are disappointed in the absence of reciprocity, but quickly find themselves a new victim.

Non-reciprocal love does not bring happiness and causes only suffering. A person in love inadequately perceives reality and constantly expects that the object of passion will still pay attention to him. How to cope with feelings and start life from scratch? What to do if you are overtaken by unreciprocated love?

Signs of unrequited love

Assessing an unrequited love feeling, experts note that the principle of relativity fully applies to this characteristic. Non-reciprocal love today can be reciprocated tomorrow. Its signs can also be considered relative:

• the partner is burdened by society or is indifferent to the presence of the lover;
• he has no desire to introduce him to his friends and relatives;
• the status of the relationship is in “suspense”;
• friendly relations are emphasized by all means;
• he himself does not strive for and avoids closer contact between the sexes;
• When communicating, he maintains neutral behavior without displays of tenderness or affection.

Reasons for unrequited love

Before you begin to study the steps to get rid of non-reciprocal love, you need to have a good understanding of what kind of feeling this is and what are the reasons for its occurrence in you. Despite the fact that this problem happens to almost everyone, each specific case has its own characteristics.

If this is school love, which turned out to be non-reciprocal and went away after a month or two, this is absolutely normal. There is nothing to do here. We can only congratulate you - you know how to cope with such situations!

But what about those who are literally stuck in feelings and cannot get out of them for months, or even years? What if you don't fall in love with each other all the time? And each time the situation becomes more and more complicated, and the problem does not go away, only the objects of love change? Here it’s worth thinking about whether this is love at all and why this is happening to you.

Advice from a psychologist to get rid of unrequited love

Let's consider the two most common situations: a lover has fallen out of love, or simply rejects, or when he is not aware of the feeling of falling in love.

If the feelings have faded

1. The most pointless thing in this case is hope and the desire to “return feelings.” It is incredibly difficult to follow advice, but you will understand that it is the only true one: you need to wait it out, get over the disease and not humiliate yourself in front of the person who rejects, ignores, and avoids you. How can this humiliation be expressed, for which you will definitely be unpleasant after a certain period? This refers to intrusive calls (and in this case they are all intrusive), excessive attention, attempts to call again and again for a conversation or a meeting. Yes, hope dies very hard, but you will have to do your best to contribute to this, finding within yourself all the willpower that is possible.
2. Don't think that by making your partner feel sorry for you, you will make him fall in love or keep him. Usually such pity is inseparable from contempt and disgust. Be persistent and accept the fact that his (her) love is gone or is basically impossible. Do you think about the shortcomings that repel your lover? They love different people: the evil, the poor, and the stupid. It’s just that that person doesn’t love you - the main reason for the impossibility of this union. Let go of the indifferent and meet the loving.
3. You’re not happy with the “victim” position, and do you really want to stop suffering by breaking free from the captivity of unrequited love? You abruptly cut off relationships, short calls, messages, any reminders. Don't look for reasons why you can't do this - rather, find opportunities to implement this urgent recommendation.
4. Remember that almost everyone has encountered this situation at some point. This will pass. However, what will be remembered is how you behaved. Not just in your memory. Try to prove yourself with dignity, so that when this passes (which is inevitable) you will not be ashamed of your weakness. Trust your suffering to a friend, mother or psychologist, but not to a person who doesn’t care about you.
5. It is important to clearly understand that such emotions are a psychological addiction, similar to alcohol or nicotine. It takes time for the body to forget about addiction. It won’t be easy, but it’s time to start training willpower, it will still come in handy - get at least some benefit from the relationship that is tormenting you. Don’t idealize your partner, and then you will understand that what makes him special in your eyes is only your love, but otherwise, in your destiny you have met and will meet more interesting people who are able to treat you better.

If he/she doesn't know about your feelings

There are only two possible developments in the situation: recognition or getting rid of non-reciprocal love. If recognition has occurred, but there has been no response, try to follow the advice above; if you cannot do this for some reason, then do not ignore these recommendations. Life has given you a test, accept it with dignity.

• Find negative traits in him (her)
  . Sometimes a little thing is enough to make you disappointed in a person and lose interest. Perhaps this person is greedy, stupid, boorish, a cheater, or something from this category.
• You yourself can distract yourself from unhappy love
  if you really want it. Switch your attention to some other task that requires energy and time. It is possible that within a few days you will forget about your old feelings. Despite the obvious banality of this advice, most people prefer not to follow it, brushing off the fact that they “no longer have the strength to do anything.” Maybe you don't want enough to fill your life with something else. Pay attention to your figure - maybe it’s not as ideal as you wanted? Direct your energy in this direction. It definitely won’t get worse, but it will definitely get better.
• Fill up the time
  . This advice follows from the past, and yet: fill your time with useful and interesting things, do not give loving, suffering thoughts even a chance to take you captive. Meet with friends, go to the movies, the theater, visit exhibitions, find an interesting hobby, and so on. Make a plan for the month and you will see how much you can get done. Make a promise to yourself that in a month, if necessary, you will return to these thoughts, but in the meantime, great urgent things await you.
• Pay attention to the opposite sex
  . Try your hand at a dating site or in hobby groups if you think that among your acquaintances there is definitely no person who can interest you.

What to do if you love without reciprocation?

Suffering from unrequited feelings brings mental pain, which is sometimes harder to bear than physical pain. Don’t get discouraged, lie down on your bed and think about your unfortunate lot while looking at the ceiling. Only you yourself can help yourself get out of this situation and reduce the negative impact of pathological feelings on the body. How to overcome destructive non-reciprocal love in yourself:

Don't deny your feelings. The more you try not to think about them, the more violently thoughts about non-reciprocity in love will creep into your head. Of course, you don't need constant suffering at all. Therefore, give yourself only half an hour a day to think about the current situation, and the rest of the time, try to throw negative thoughts and images out of your head. You need to get through the situation, but with minimal losses.

Continue with your daily life. Don't give yourself any slack or time to suffer. Physical activity can help you cope with the pain of unreciprocated love

Take care of household chores, for example, do some spring cleaning, help your family and friends with some important matter. You can overcome your addiction if you continue to live despite the mental anguish.

Sooner or later you will come to terms with your fate, then you will see some positive aspects and finally free yourself from the shackles of unrequited love.

If the feelings persist, consult a psychotherapist. Not everyone can independently cope with moral torment due to unrequited love. If you continue to suffer despite your best efforts, and the future seems only bleak, do not sit idly by, but make an appointment with a psychotherapist. A specialist will help you find the roots of your problem, sort through what is happening and look at the situation from an outside perspective.

Don't let yourself break, educate yourself. There are still many difficult trials ahead in life, much more difficult than non-reciprocal love. Rest as much as possible and distract yourself from sad thoughts as much as possible, please and pamper yourself, look for the positive around you.

What if it's not love, but addiction?

Love is often confused with a pathological craving for the object of adoration - love addiction. It often occurs with unrequited feelings. This is a kind of disease born from complexes or victim syndrome. How to distinguish ordinary unrequited feelings from addiction?

Signs of addiction

Love, even non-reciprocal love, is a bright and positive feeling. They wish a loved one happiness and goodness, regardless of whether he is nearby or not. Addiction is very different from true love in a negative way, but on the surface it appears to be the same thing. Signs of addiction include the following:

1. Lack of adequate assessment of the current situation. If you think that unreciprocated love is the end of the world, then you are clearly out of your mind. Most likely, you have been overtaken by a love addiction, which prevents you from looking at the world with a sober look. Lack of reciprocity is an unpleasant fact, but it definitely shouldn’t cause depression and thoughts of suicide.
2. You think that there is no better person in the world. It seems to you that either you will be together, or you have a direct road to the monastery. The light converged like a wedge on one possible partner. You don’t even have thoughts about an alternative scenario, because this person was sent to you by fate. Such conclusions characterize love addiction, not love. And she, in turn, can forever block your path to happiness in your personal life with someone else.
3. Obsession with the object of passion. You cannot think of anything other than the object of passion. Loss of interest in favorite activities, work, meetings with friends, which leads to various life problems. Love addiction seems to erase a person’s personality, leaving only dreams of reciprocity and sad thoughts.
4. Persecution of a chosen one or chosen one. A negative response to confessing your feelings does not stop you. A real hunt is organized for the chosen one: waiting near the entrance for another attempt to talk, calls, SMS, letters. It all starts more or less tolerantly, but can end with threats and blackmail. This behavior is very typical for love addiction, but not for love.

Don't lie to yourself by trying to justify your addiction with exalted feelings. If your behavior shows at least one sign of the above, you simply must start fighting love addiction in order to save both yourself and your victim from the consequences of this disease.

How to solve the problem of love addiction?

The emergence of such a destructive feeling should alert you. Love addiction most often appears due to psychological trauma received in childhood. They are deposited in the unconscious, reinforcing the wrong model of behavior in adulthood. For example, if the parents divorced when the child was still small, and before that they often fought, he understands for himself that relationships are pain, fear and loss. In the future, a matured boy or girl subconsciously looks for an unattainable chosen one in order to suffer in the same way as their parents. Therefore, love addiction often occurs in those people who suffered psychological damage from parental mistakes in childhood.

It is almost impossible to solve such problems without a psychotherapist. No matter how hard you try to pull yourself together and listen to the voice of reason, the unconscious part will still win. Love addiction, especially if it is repeated over and over again, can only be overcome by psychotherapy sessions. Be prepared for the fact that solving the problem will take a lot of time and require a lot of emotional expenditure from you. But the result, with due diligence, will exceed all your expectations.

How to forget an unrequited loved one

An unrequited feeling causes a feeling of hopelessness, turning life into a series of dreary and joyless days. What can be done to make the obsession go away and life to sparkle with bright colors again?

Minimize contact

There is no need to change your place of work or residence; it is enough to ensure that your meetings are as rare as possible, without close contact. Remove the man from your social network contacts and erase his phone number.

Take a break

If you are overtaken by unrequited love, what to do with it? Force your mind to switch to other thoughts. Find an interesting activity that will completely absorb you and leave no time to think about the object of your affection.

Lead an active life

Start going to a club, attend concerts, appear in crowded places more often. Perhaps very soon you will meet a gentleman worthy of your love, who will be able to reciprocate the reverent feeling.

Don't blame yourself

The fact that a man is not inflamed with passion is absolutely not your fault. This is just not your person. Think about the fact that he couldn’t make you happy, the constant struggle for his feelings would quickly get boring, and you would start thinking about a painless separation. Shake yourself up, let go of the obsession and get ready to meet true love.

Don't accumulate negativity

Many ladies ask: “I suffer from unrequited love, how can I get rid of my worries?” Experts recommend not accumulating negative emotions caused by an unpleasant situation, but finding a place to throw them out. Sport has a positive impact. Do fitness, join a gym, run in the fresh air. Sports exercises release huge amounts of endorphin, the hormone of happiness. After classes, your mood will improve and bad thoughts will disappear.

The problem of unrequited love will never lose its relevance, because the heart cannot tell who to love and who not. Every woman finds herself in a similar situation at least once in her life. To get out of the bonds of unrequited love, you need to gather all your inner strength and act without delay.

You may be interested in: How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist Manipulator man in a relationship: how to recognize an inferiority complex in a man

"Hero of our time"

1. Does love always make a person happy
   ? In the novel by M.Yu. Lermontov “Hero of Our Time” Grigory Pechorin is a person disappointed in life, often bringing pain and disappointment to others. Pechorin is tired of everything, he doesn’t see the meaning in anything, and treats life like a memorized book - everyone knows what will happen in the end. And sometimes it seems that he is bringing this finale closer. Pechorin has success with women, but it also brings him only short-term pleasure. Most often, at the end of any relationship, Gregory experiences disappointment and brings pain to others. But Pechorin is by no means a villain; one can only sympathize with him, like Onegin. After all, the pain that he causes to others hurts him too: it is the awareness that he has made someone unhappy that makes Pechorin believe in the depravity of his own nature. And if you consider yourself evil, then doing evil is natural for you. When you cause pain repeatedly, you stop being surprised by it, it becomes a normal state for you.
2. Unrequited love
   . One of the girls described in the novel “A Hero of Our Time” was Bela. Seeing her, Pechorin wanted to gain the affection of the beautiful Circassian woman. Bela, an unapproachable, unusually beautiful girl, did not react to Pechorin’s gifts for a long time and ignored all his attempts to establish contact. She was brought up according to completely different laws, in a different culture, and this also captivated Gregory. He even learned the Tatar language in order to communicate with her. Gradually Bela fell in love with Pechorin. She fell in love exactly as much as she was unapproachable. She became very attached to Gregory. Their happiness lasted only four months. After this, Pechorin got tired of such affection. And he no longer needed Bela. It was hard to look at the girl wounded and crushed by love, and Maxim Maksimych felt very sorry for her. The heroine was painfully worried about her uselessness and, it seems, was even glad of death as a deliverance.

Unrequited love - how to live with it

Of course, it’s easy to say - forget about love and get carried away by another. But in life everything is not so simple. They say correctly: “You can’t order your heart!” If it were possible to cope with strong feelings at will, then there would not be a single sad love story in the world. And so, every now and then we are faced with grief and problems caused by unrequited love.

What to do? To live on! The saying “Time heals” applies specifically to the issue we are studying. Dear older readers, let's remember how we suffered, cried and suffered because someone did not respond to our pure and strong feelings. And now we think - “What a fool I was!”, or “What a fool I was!”

Yes, from the height of adulthood it is easier to look back and look at the past with a smile and irony. It is much worse for those who are captive of unrequited feelings. It seems that life has lost its meaning and there is no longer any need to continue to exist on this Earth. Stop, don't even think about it! Believe me, just a couple of weeks will pass and you will be able to look at the world with different eyes. The main thing is to control yourself and listen to the recommendations described above. And time will do its job - you will gradually begin to forget about your suffering. And most likely, you will meet and get to know someone who will share your feelings and make you a happy person.

What are the dangers of unrequited feelings?

At the same time, many people do not find the strength to give up their own suffering. At first, they simply experience their emotions, and then they get used to the role of the victim and already get their own special “high” from such destructive feelings. Those with weak personalities completely focus their lives on an unattainable chosen one, turning every minute of it into moments of memories or making unrealistic plans for a joint idyll and suffering from unrequited love. Many of these completely forget about their own interests, they may begin to look for ways to forget love in alcohol or drugs They rarely appear in companies, and if they do, they stay there only on condition that they are listened to and empathized with. Any attempts to open their eyes and reach their minds end in quarrels and alienation. Next comes depression, from which it is even more difficult to get out of it on your own. There are also frequent cases of suicide due to unrequited love, especially in adolescence and young adulthood.

Unrequited love - essay

Love is the most beautiful feeling that can arise in a person’s soul. However, unfortunately, sometimes one person can have strong feelings towards another, but do not receive reciprocation. It is in this case that they say that love is “unrequited”

It seems to me that love is a very complex and contradictory feeling that can bring not only happiness, but also suffering. Unrequited love forces a person to suffer and suffer, does not allow him to openly express his feelings and even hope for reciprocity. Many writers and poets have written about the tragedy of unrequited love.

Thus, in the work of the famous Russian writer A.I. Kuprin, the theme of love occupied a key place, therefore in most of his stories the writer touchingly talks about real deep feelings and strong emotions.

In the story “The Garnet Bracelet” the main characters are the “cold” and sensible Princess Vera and the ardent Zheltkov, who knows how to devotedly love. He is the embodiment of a man who is ready to sacrifice himself and devote his life to the hope of reciprocity from the woman he loves.

Zheltkov, having completely surrendered to the feeling of love for Vera and having lost the meaning of his future life, decides to commit suicide. Using the example of his tragic fate, we see that a strong feeling turned out to be stronger than common sense and the desire to live, which is the whole tragedy of unrequited love.

A.I. Kuprin brings us to the conclusion that unrequited love is dangerous, it makes a person suffer and can even lead to terrible, tragic consequences.

In addition, the famous Russian poet A.S. Pushkin also wrote about the bitterness of unrequited love. Let us turn to his poem “I loved you...” The lyrical hero of this work is in love “sincerely, so tenderly,” but his strong feelings do not find an answer. He is tormented by mental anguish, but does not want to “disturb” his beloved.

The hero gives his beloved girl freedom, makes a real self-sacrifice. A. S. Pushkin proves to readers that unrequited love is associated with sadness and sadness, but a person will never intentionally cause pain to the object of his love and will try to maintain self-esteem even in such a difficult life situation.

Thus, love is the most valuable reward, because it fills a person with warmth and gives meaning to life.

However, unfortunately, love is not always happy and carefree, so it is so important not to miss true love, which brings happiness, and to carefully preserve this wonderful feeling

Unrequited love must be bravely experienced, internal pain, sadness and grief must be overcome.

Causes of love addiction

If you cannot stop loving unrequitedly for a long time, most likely you are faced with love addiction. By the way, in works of art love and passion, love and love addiction are often confused. They all have one thing in common - a strong feeling. Many of us, based on books, films and songs, mistake addiction for love, and love suffering is considered an indispensable attribute of love.

A blatant example of unrequited love addiction was described by Stefan Zweig in his short story “The Stranger.” The heroine is completely hopeless, all her life, from the age of 13, in love with a rake who does not remember her at all. She behaves like a typical victim and devotes her entire life to unrequited feelings. She refuses marriage proposals, lives in poverty, becomes a kept woman, and eventually dies of illness. This is an example of what can happen to a person who does not know how, and, most importantly, does not want to manage his feelings, which act in a destructive way.

How to deal with unrequited love?

The guy we're in love with loves another girl or doesn't love anyone at all. The situation is quite banal. And not only young ladies with ordinary appearance fell into it, but also beautiful women, at the sight of which many men lose their heads. Well, the one for whom the heart yearns doesn’t love us, and that’s all! But, as you know, you can’t order your heart. It aches, groans, hurts, and thoughts persistently revolve around the image of a loved one, whom it is impossible to forget.

Almost all women experienced such a period of life, and, unfortunately, not every one of them was able to pass it with dignity, with minimal losses for themselves. After all, we usually don’t know how to cope with unrequited love, and, being in complete confusion, we either do stupid things or withdraw into ourselves, provoking the appearance of long-term deep depression.

What to do if love is unrequited? How to stop loving a guy if all your thoughts are only about him? I must say that this will require a lot of effort. However, it is necessary to apply them, otherwise unrequited love can seriously affect the psyche and leave a wound in the soul that will not heal for many years. No, perhaps someone likes to suffer and tell sad stories about unrequited love over the years. But most girls still strive for happiness, and it is unthinkable without mutual love. Therefore, we must try with all our might to get rid of a feeling that brings nothing but suffering. Here are some tips to help you do this.

First experience

In their youth, many are faced with unrequited love. The first experience, an attempt to build relationships and feelings, is usually accompanied by self-doubt, increased emotionality, and idealization of the object of worship. Sometimes unrequited love is useful for outgrowing most complexes and fears in adolescents. But it happens that young people are disappointed; first love leaves a negative imprint on all subsequent relationships. Unhappy love is difficult to forget; your thoughts always return to it.

What to do? How to survive first love? To begin with, we should thank life for the lessons; love comes to us for a reason. We learn to build relationships, observe, become better and improve for our loved one.

You should also sift the wheat from the chaff. There is no need to paste the shortcomings of your former lovers onto your new loved one. It is useful to give up the habit of comparing. Yes, it's not easy to do. Negative experiences often come to mind, but you need to thank the universe that you found out who you really need.

Signs of liberation from unrequited love

1. You began to be repulsed by the person’s shortcomings (even though you had previously noticed them but accepted them).
2. The desire to constantly look at a person and be near him has disappeared. Perhaps sometimes you don’t even notice his presence anymore.
3. There is no interest in the person, his words, actions and everything connected with his life.
4. You can calmly watch or imagine a person with someone else without experiencing burning jealousy and pain.
5. You no longer think about the person immediately after waking up and right before going to bed.
6. He comes to you less and less in dreams, and if he does, they do not evoke any special emotions.

The more of these signs you notice in yourself, the closer you are to healing from unrequited love.

Reasons for unrequited love

It happens that a person repeatedly experiences a feeling of unrequited love throughout his life. That is, the same type of situation, “Groundhog Day,” is repeated over and over again. This may indicate existing psychological problems. Such people should attend an appointment with a specialist who will help them understand themselves.

At psychologists' appointments there are many visitors with the same type of problems. For example, a woman says: “I suffer from unrequited love!” - and begins to describe his situation. And here, in the memory of an experienced psychologist, a whole string of similar stories immediately arises about how women choose as the object of their love men who are married and happily married or simply in love with another girl - that is, the most unavailable.

Starting to unravel the tangle of problems of such visitors, the psychologist understands that in their subconscious there is a strong conviction that they are unworthy of love, that dislike is normal for them. And the roots of this psychological anomaly go deep into childhood, when parents were too critical, picky and demanding of their child, scolding and criticizing them for the slightest offense.

There are often situations when unhappy one-sided love is an almost conscious choice. In these cases, women (this happens less often with men) do not feel the need for full-fledged relationships. They need mental anguish, violent feelings, but not a permanent partner for life. This indicates emotional immaturity and requires psychological correction.

There are often situations when a person’s life is so calm and comfortable in all areas that he subconsciously tries to create conditions that would give him the opportunity to suffer and complain. This creates an emotional contrast and subsequently makes you appreciate your past life, which seemed so insipid and boring.

In general, there are many reasons for unrequited love, and those described here are just a drop in the bucket.

Does unrequited love have a chance?

All people, without exception, are susceptible to unrequited love; age or gender do not play any role, but character and temperament play a key role. Sometimes it happens that, experiencing his love, a person crosses a certain emotional barrier, breaks down and goes to confess his love.

Recognition in itself is already a significant stress for a person in love, and if it turns out that his feelings are mutual, then he may experience a shock, because he did not even think that he had a chance for this relationship.

Often in such situations it turns out that unrequited love was simply far-fetched, the person in love simply loved the very feeling of unrequitedness, it provided him with the much-needed intensity of emotions.

It is generally accepted that unrequited love lasts less than a year and gradually fades due to various circumstances. For example, the object of passion found out about the interest in his person and harshly rejected the lover or changed his place of residence. In rare cases, unrequited love can last more than one year, but this rather indicates a person’s unpreparedness to build a relationship than the strength of love.