Unfortunately, ideal relationships only exist on the TV screen. In life, feelings are rarely mutual and lead to a happy marriage. Many unions fall apart due to the desire or fault of the other half. Others suffer from unrequited love, remaining just a friend to their object of adoration. Living in peace when a volcano explodes inside you and your emotions go wild every day at the sight of your beloved is tiring and sad. In this article I will talk about how to forget forever the person you love very much.
Is it possible to forget
Each has the experience of a not very successful relationship and has felt the bitterness of parting. This could happen for various reasons: physical betrayal, spiritual betrayal, lack of attraction, cold feelings. Such an event can lower self-esteem, create complexes, drive you into depression, and be deeply and permanently deposited in your consciousness.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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In order for life to regain a colorful plot, difficult memories to be left behind, you need to try to live without your other half. After all, before her appearance you felt great.
Devastation
family and friends often help cope with emptiness
It’s normal to feel emptiness in the place of common emotions, activities, and to come across empty places where your loved one’s things were.
It’s not normal: to bring yourself to a depressive state, when you become confident that nothing will close the emptiness, life is over, there is nothing and no one needed in it.
Productive: slowly but surely move on, in search of the meaning of life, amazing things that can fill the void. This is a complex condition and often requires outside help. There is no need to give it up.
Necessary:
- presence of girlfriends and relatives who will spend time together;
- performing usual household duties, work, study;
- pleasant little things - bright colors, sounds, interesting conversations, visiting new places, premieres.
Sometimes you need the help of a specialist. Psychologists and psychotherapists have long become a part of civilized life, and turning to them is the norm. In this case, it is important to choose a person who is internally liked and trustworthy. At first it will become a support and help you find a new path. More often than not, it turns out to be much more interesting than the previous one.
Three simple steps
- If you don’t know how to quickly throw out of your memory a man for whom you have feelings, the first thing you need to do is to throw out the bitterness of your emotions and experiences. Scream, cry, break dishes or tear paper, crumple an anti-stress toy to holes.
- Don't lose yourself in the waves of surging grief. Many people stop taking care of themselves and don’t worry about relatively dirty hair and wrinkled clothes. After all, life is over and there is no one to dress up for. Get these thoughts out of your head. On the contrary, take care of your appearance - go for spa treatments, relaxing massages, run or work out at the gym. Another hobby that will bring you pleasure is shopping.
- How to get behind the dear person you love - think about positive moments where your ex is not there, but there are other dear people. Go see them for a cup of coffee or invite them to a movie.
Negation
Denial is a normal reaction to psychological turmoil
Normal: when it takes time to understand the situation and draw appropriate conclusions.
It’s not normal to claim that there is no problem, everything will work out. Or it won’t work out, but that’s okay too. It's scary, yes. A loved one, a loved one, was nearby, and now he is gone.
Productive: understand the situation, think about it and get the maximum possible benefits. If it’s difficult for yourself, it’s worth talking about it, since it’s not easy to forget your first love. Friends, mother, sister will come up. Those who could observe the couple together from the outside will be able to give the necessary advice. They saw not only happiness, but also those moments during which conflicts, misunderstandings, oppression of the interests of one of the partners, and unrequited love occurred. What would previously have been perceived as envy or misunderstanding is now worth listening to in order to understand the reasons and realize what happened. At the same time, it is guaranteed that you can become closer to your interlocutor.
Parting with a lover
It's good if the relationship ended mutually. But how to survive the pain if only one person wanted it? Anyone who did not plan the breakup experiences warm feelings mixed with the taste of sudden betrayal. This prevents you from fully working, eating, communicating, and taking care of yourself. The ex-partner completely loses himself and psycho-emotional control. Depression, tears, and aggression appear. Often it comes to suicidal thoughts.
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Situations are different. It is important to be able to forget a man and not remember, completely throw him out of your head and start living again. I will help you with this, to do this, sign up for my personal consultation. I will organize the thoughts in my head and find a way out to the long-awaited freedom from love addiction. You will regain peace of mind and self-confidence, life will be filled with new colors and impressions.
Pros of the situation
Imagine that unrequited love can have its advantages - any experienced psychologist will tell you about this. For example, a guy’s unrequited love for a girl can force him to literally “move mountains” in order to achieve the favor of his beloved.
This is a huge incentive for self-improvement. The main thing is to act, and not sit limply in tears and snot. Direct the energy that strong love feelings give you to become better both externally and internally. Try to make your body ideal through sports and fitness, start reading a lot, try to achieve success in your professional activities, etc.
Hard work on yourself will lead to the fact that those around you will be more interested in you, surprised by the changes, and express their admiration for the transformation that has taken place. All this will increase your self-esteem, self-confidence, and open up new prospects that you had never dreamed of before. It may happen that soon you will be able to see the person who caused you so much suffering in a completely different light and will be surprised to feel that the love has passed.
How to erase a guy from your memory
The task of how to forget your dearest, beloved person and stop thinking about him can rarely be accomplished in the shortest possible time. The best medicine is time. But by building the right tactics of behavior, you will make your existence easier.
Parting is a painful test on the path to new happiness. I will tell you further about the recommendations that you need to follow in order not to depress yourself with thoughts about your ex-boyfriend.
Why is it so difficult
Falling in love inspires and gives a feeling of euphoria. Experiencing this feeling, a person often embellishes the surrounding reality and endows his loved one with qualities that he does not actually have. It is very difficult to say goodbye to this condition and then be disappointed. The world that the lover has long built around himself is collapsing.
READ How to get over a breakup with a girl: a step-by-step plan and recommendations from psychologists
But if you work with your consciousness and keep your thoughts under control, you can quickly change the situation. A person can control falling in love. When you find yourself thinking about the object of passion and don’t know how to forget your ex, try to direct this flow in the other direction.
If you can’t do this on your own, seek support from an experienced psychotherapist.
How to stop loving a married man
You should look at the disadvantages that will appear in the event of a successful development of a romance with an unfree young man:
- Do not hope that he found his happiness and cheated on his wife as an exception. Perhaps, after a while, the same fate awaits you.
- You may believe that such a relationship is not serious, and at any moment switch to another, free guy. In fact, you are simply wasting time and missing the opportunity to have a normal relationship, wasting your energy on an affair, without the confidence that your loved one will ever leave you.
- At first, you will be pleased by the fact that a man chose you over his wife. Your consciousness is fueled by the thought that he is leaving his family and rushing to you. But, lonely holidays, weekends and conversations about his family await you. You will be second and the realization of this will come very quickly.
- With such an affair, you will not be able to enjoy family holidays together, establish small traditions, or feel desired and unique.
- Give other guys a chance to woo you. You don't need someone who has already been used, who has already experienced the joy of marriage or the birth of their first child. The second time his emotions will not be so sincere.
Gratitude4
It is difficult to thank a person for bringing you pain and suffering. But hate won't get you far.
Perhaps he taught you something, opened your eyes to some things and changed your picture of the world. Gave you wonderful memories or helped you find your life’s work.
And even if you loved him with unrequited love, he gave you very valuable experience. Thanks to him, you strived to become better. Thanks to him, you experienced such a range of feelings.
Focus on the good. Thank him for everything that happened between you. And for something that never happened.
Any relationship in our life is an experience. And it depends only on you whether this experience will be useful or not.
Methods and advice from experienced psychologist Daria Milai on how to quickly forget a dear and beloved man
This is what the standard sequence of correct actions after a breakup consists of:
- Let go. Take the fact for granted, do not try to change anything, constantly tormenting yourself with thoughts of loss. Write down all the negative traits of your loved one and the unpleasant moments of the relationship. Maybe the list will be quite large, which will help you quickly part with the “less than ideal relationship.” Remove all his things and gifts, erase contacts.
- Change. Work on your image, change your style, hairstyle, job, or sign up for advanced training courses. This will be a great distraction.
- Fall in love again. When the first two stages are completed, do not be shy about meeting new people and communicating. Loneliness does not make a person beautiful.
Reconsider the features of your personality, remind yourself of them
There is such an illusion after a breakup that now supposedly “you are not self-sufficient because you don’t have a soulmate.”
It is especially common among girls who are troubled by restless thoughts about how to forget the man they love.
When it's all over, it's time to go back and reconsider your personality.
It is important to remind yourself of them!
You can read more about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem in a new publication on the site.
You need to reconsider the new you who went through this whole journey with your past partner.
Continue to enjoy life while discovering and learning more about yourself.
How to erase unrequited love from your memory
“You can’t be nice by force” – you don’t immediately understand the deep meaning and truthfulness of this phrase. Refuse to act on emotions and rash actions that will show you not in the best light.
Ask a question
Don’t be under the illusion that your chosen one will suddenly remember you. Don’t look for dates with him and don’t sort things out. He doesn't care, but you're ruining your nerves.
Don't spy on the details of its existence. Do not plot and do not weave intrigues. This will not help you get your loved one back. There is also no need to cry over lost love. Find time for more interesting things.
Support group3
This guy is no longer a part of your life. But you have people who really love you. Spend more time with family and close friends. They have seen everything you have been through and are there to support you.
Should you discuss the topic of your failed relationship with them? It's up to you. Try not to dwell on it.
Do you have no close people at all? Read the stories of girls who experienced the same thing as you. Read blogs, leave comments. Millions of girls around the world have gone through this. They suffered and thought that they would never meet their love again. And after some time they found their happiness and remembered the past with a grin.
Keep a diary. Paper or electronic. Express your emotions and feelings without censorship. You can write this guy a letter - this is also a very popular practice, which is recommended by many psychologists. There is no need to send a letter, so don’t hold back and don’t be shy in your expressions.
How to forget the guy you love that you talk to all the time
It’s easier to erase from your memory a person who has disappeared from your sight, does not call, does not write. It's much more difficult if you work or study together. Constant meetings will only aggravate the bitterness of parting and pain. Use the following tips:
- Don't act friendly, but don't be aggressive either. There is no need to be too persistently interested in his life, but it is also stupid to turn in the other direction. Be casual. Your colleagues should not know about the strained communication. Nobody needs rumors.
- Don't turn the team against him. If they become interested, briefly say that the affair is over.
Behave calmly, without emotions. Give yourself the opportunity to be independent.
Change of scenery9
Change your social circle, go on a trip, or have the courage to move to another place. Especially if everything around reminds you of him.
If you are an avid conservative, then you simply need such a shake-up. Visit new places, try new foods, read new books and watch new movies.
Speaking of films...
I can’t forget the man I love who left me
Do everything not to think about the breakup. As soon as this thought penetrates your consciousness, remember an interesting movie, trip, read a book. Constantly find yourself company and activities so as not to be alone with your reasoning. Go on a trip, go to a cafe, go shopping, visit your relatives.
Find the negative aspects of your relationship and the positive effect of it ending. Perhaps the partner was not decisive enough, soft, mumbled, absent-minded, forgetful, irresponsible. Focus your attention on the shortcomings.
Ideal5
So, now you need to find out why he captivated you so much. Why him? Why not the guy who tried so long and hard to get your attention?
Remember your first impression of him. Did he initially attract you, or did it happen gradually?
Remember how we talked about how any relationship is a valuable experience? Now we will try to turn a traumatic experience into a useful one.
Make a list of the qualities you like about him. Don't forget to also include some of his habits and mannerisms.
Now you have before your eyes an approximate list of what attracts you in men. “Handsome”, “confident”, “he has a good sense of humor” - this is not enough, think further.
“Can’t sit idle”, “knows what he wants from life”, “knows how to make money”, “an extrovert and the life of the party” - now you can work with this.
How to help a friend forget another person
If you see a loved one suffering from unrequited love, show unobtrusive participation. Of course, there is no need to convince him that his ex is a negative character.
Invite him for a walk, to the cinema, offer to go to another city for the weekend or sign up for courses together. Or ask for help by coming up with a serious reason. If he wants to participate, he will distribute his thoughts and spend time on another activity.
Antihero of your novel6
Now remember his shortcomings. About those qualities that you simply could not put up with.
Now is the time to come down to earth and remember that your lover is far from perfect.
Here you have another list. The anti-top qualities of a guy that you are not ready to put up with under any circumstances. In this list, also include qualities that are not shortcomings as such, but are simply unbearable for you.
If it seems to you that he is absolute perfection, we have to disappoint you - you are seriously mistaken. Either he skillfully pretended, or you don’t know him at all and fell in love not with him, but with the ideal image that you created in your head.
Causes of prolonged suffering
A girl cannot forget her ex for a long time when memories of him make her happier
Let's think about what may influence the fact that the process of forgetting is prolonged.
- Hope for a still possible reunion.
- The firm belief that you can love like this only once in your life. This means you will never experience this again.
- You don’t want to forget your loved one, because the memories of him are very warm and make you happier.
Resentment
It’s normal to not understand the reasons for what happened and to experience negative emotions.
It’s not normal to consider one person to blame for the current situation, to make the guy a scoundrel, or to make oneself a loser. They always fail, they both make mistakes.
Productive: draw conclusions from the current situation. Any separation occurs because one partner stops meeting the needs of the other.
The most common reasons:
- excessive attention, an attempt to lead or participate too much in the life of a partner;
- on the contrary, little attention was paid to the interests of the other, his needs;
- the couple was not initially compatible, and got together due to loneliness or coincidence;
- significant changes have occurred to someone under the pressure of external circumstances, thereby disrupting the harmony of relationships;
- an internal crisis occurred (a collapse in financial wealth, a sharp change in social status, pregnancy), for which the couple was not prepared.
In this case, you can achieve a positive result before breaking up the relationship. If they happened, all that remains is to draw conclusions. Sit down in a calm environment, take a piece of paper and start writing. Remember how negative circumstances began, how they developed, and what could be changed in your behavior. Read it in a couple of days, add it and use it as a weapon against breakup in your next relationship. Don't forget to congratulate yourself on your newfound wisdom. This is the only way to get it, with a load of errors and their careful analysis.
Get distracted
One way or another, the list helps, the reality of the situation is understood, and you can see everything that was previously hidden by a beautiful smile and alluring eyes. And after such an analysis, the feelings will become much weaker, but the habit is unlikely to go away just like that. After all, so much time was spent on it! The problem now is precisely the habit. When a woman or girl spends a lot of time courting a guy, after feelings have cooled, too much free time appears, and this can lead to loss, not knowing where and what to spend the weekend, work break, change, and if nothing is done about it , depression may even appear. And here life itself comes to the rescue. There is a huge world lurking around you, don’t ignore it and it will help you get distracted and find something to do with your newly acquired free time. Plunge yourself into your studies or work, and in the evenings, don’t miss the parties and get-togethers that your friends have been inviting you to for a long time. Halloween or New Year, a birthday or another big holiday is coming soon - throw a party, pumpkins, a Christmas tree, congratulations, costumes, make a themed evening and please your friends with interesting competitions and fun. So, you will kill two birds with one stone: you will be distracted and have a great holiday of life. Grab at any work and ideas, you need to get passionate about something again so that breaks and weekends are long-awaited, since your favorite activity will be waiting for you, and not an empty, boring apartment.
Fear of loneliness
Normal: the desire to find your mate.
It’s not normal to be ready to accept any person for this, even someone you don’t like.
Productive: Know your worth and be willing to wait for the right guy to show up in your life. And for this, at a minimum, we need to decide who is really needed. It is already clear that something similar to the previous one will not work. It’s worth taking a sheet and trying to make a description, starting from appearance and ending with everyday habits.
Everything is important. Such visualization will help you decide, guide you towards the right search and give you reason to think about whether the girl herself is suitable for this type. You may have to work on yourself too.
Need for revenge
It's best to channel negative energy into a positive direction
It’s normal: to spite him, do something good for yourself. Move up the career ladder, win a sporting competition or a grant to study abroad.
It's not normal: to do him harm. Physical, psychological, spiritual, whatever. There will be no relief after this, and the feeling of guilt will gnaw. Well deserved. Grandmothers with slander, candles in the church, lampoons to the authorities, the police, negative posts on social networks are not uncommon. But they haven't benefited anyone yet.
Productive: Showcase your best qualities. To the whole world. It doesn’t matter in what area success will come, the main thing is its presence.
If persistent physical and mental work is not enough to get rid of negativity, you should take advantage of additional opportunities. For some it is a psychologist, for others it is a priest. The result will be a successful, integral, spiritually rich personality who will attract the same guy.
Diffidence
“to jump higher, you need to squat lower”
It’s normal to look for mistakes in your actions that led to the breakup.
It’s not normal to consider yourself the only one to blame for what happened, incapable of new, strong relationships, unworthy of love. It’s natural to look for a mate; everyone needs one. To give up the joys of life because you are not suitable for one person is stupid. There is a person for everyone, you just need to look for him.
Productive: draw conclusions and look boldly into the future. It will be better now because the mistakes made have been taken into account. Living alone means finding more time for yourself, your development, and improvement. And over time, find a couple - a person who can appreciate the efforts spent.
Phases of experiencing relationship loss
According to the American psychiatrist E. Kübler-Ross, no matter what emotions and experiences overcome the girl, she is destined to go through five stages of rehabilitation after a breakup in order to completely forget. A girl can experience similar emotions with initially unrequited love. Whether you like it or not, for full healing after a breakup you need to go through all the stages; you can’t skip through any of them. But everyone has the power to speed up the process.
- Negation. Lack of desire to perceive reality, to take parting with the man you love seriously. The hope is that the guy will return, everything will return to normal.
- Expression of feelings. A storm of emotions overcomes. Anger, pain, fear, despair. Giving free rein to your feelings means speeding up the healing process after a breakup. Don't be afraid. Emotions are a detector of your state of mind; they help you forget the man you love.
- Dialogue, bargaining. Relationship scenarios are scrolled through, excluding separation. The girl figures out how to bring back, and not forget, the man she loves unrequitedly. He is trying to make a deal with his conscience, with his self-esteem.
- Depression. It comes with full awareness that the breakup has happened, the ex has left forever. After a breakup, there is a feeling of despair - how to live on, is there any meaning.
- Adoption. The girl gradually begins to realize that her ex-man should be forgotten. Life goes on. Bright thoughts replace dark ones, the world around us again plays with bright colors.
Each girl goes through the healing journey in her own way. How long each phase will last depends on the duration of the relationship, the degree of emotional attachment, and the reason for the breakup. When trying to forget the man you love, both a smooth and abrupt transition from one stage to another is possible. Sometimes, after completing a stage, you can return to the previous one.
