Low self-esteem: its causes and ways to combat it

What is low self-esteem

In psychology, low self-esteem is when a person greatly underestimates his inner qualities and potential. It interferes in your personal life and at work. It is difficult for a person to refuse others; he is constantly humiliated, thereby causing anger and rejection from others.

What is the danger?

A wrong opinion about yourself can cause many unpleasant consequences:

constant dissatisfaction with oneself and the environment;
lack of social life, contacts with people;
failures in all areas of life;
choosing a manipulative and cruel companion;

A person with low self-esteem creates unnecessary problems and unnecessary difficulties around himself.

What does low self-esteem lead to?

The inability to realistically assess one's capabilities ensures a life full of hardships and misfortunes. A person who does not value himself has virtually no chance of becoming happy. Along the way you will constantly come across dishonest people who will use you for their own purposes. A personality quality associated with extremely low self-esteem is cowardice. A person is afraid to take risks; he goes through life with the thought: “nothing will work out anyway.” To become satisfied with life, you need to learn to value yourself.

False assessment of yourself

Sometimes low self-esteem is false. People who crave praise often behave this way. For example, a girl prepared a delicious dish. The young man sincerely appreciated him. To which the girl replied: “What are you talking about, I don’t know how to cook at all.” For the first time, they will start dissuading her and praising her about how smart she is and generally doing well. A false belief quickly forms in the girl’s head: “If I belittle my abilities, they will praise me.”

Why is this statement wrong? Because a person manipulates the concept of “low self-esteem.” In fact, the girl doesn't think so. Sooner or later people get tired of it. Everyone hates giving compliments that devalue. This not only repels others, but is also dangerous due to the formation of real complexes.

Sacrificial position

Hiding behind low self-esteem is very convenient when the question of responsibility for your life and career arises. “I won’t succeed anyway,” “I can’t do anything,” “I’m a loser” are very convenient statements, aren’t they? In this case, low self-esteem and lack of confidence in one’s abilities are nothing more than an unwillingness to change oneself and one’s life. Also, people who really feel bad, who cannot love and appreciate themselves, suffer from this.

A convenient excuse is what low self-esteem means for such people.

Do personal achievements help correct poor self-esteem?

Unfortunately no. When a person strives to become socially successful - to get a good education, a diploma and a well-paid job, he has reasons to be proud of himself.

But in fact, he continues to value himself for exactly what his parents praised him for. He also does not allow himself to relax, he is constantly mobilized, since successes need to be regularly updated in order to maintain this inner degree. People who at some point fail to realize themselves, express themselves, may fall into a depressive state during such periods.

Causes and signs of low self-esteem

The foundation of our assessment is laid in childhood. Parental support, or lack thereof, has a particular impact.

A person with low self-esteem was often criticized in childhood, saying: “why are other children better than you?”, “why do you dress so strange?”, “what’s wrong with you?” etc. Parents seem to have good intentions, they want the best. But with their careless remarks they traumatize the psyche of the child and the future adult. Signs of low self-esteem in a teenager are indicated by:

avoiding contact with people;
escape from reality into your fantasies;
clothes are either black or absurdly bright;
reluctance to share thoughts.

Although toxic parents are not to blame in all cases. Parents may have an ideal upbringing, but a person’s self-esteem will still be low. A person’s self-esteem is influenced by traumatic situations in society: humiliation from peers, ridicule from teachers, disdainful attitude of colleagues. Genetic background and temperament play a big role.

Symptoms of low self-esteem can also appear in adulthood. The reasons may be associated with a large number of defeats or traumatic events: failure on the love front, betrayal of friends, career failure.

Features of the formation of self-esteem

Experts confirm that preschool age is the period when the baby begins to analyze his behavior. Opportunities arise to realistically evaluate your actions, then correlate them with the opinions of others. Under the influence of adults, preschool children develop an idea of their abilities, study social values, and make comparisons between their actions and the actions of other people. These factors form the basis of one or another child’s self-esteem. To help their child, parents need to learn more about what influences the formation of self-esteem:

The opinion of adults - the smaller the child, the higher the authority of the adult. The lack of life experience forces the child to completely trust the words of his parents, so criticism about his behavior is not taken seriously. Parents! Children take to heart all the words of loved ones. Just as endless praise has a negative impact on a child, constant criticism deprives the child of the opportunity to truly evaluate his own personality.
Certain life experiences - in children of older preschool age, the perception of their parents' assessments becomes more conscious. Individual experience accumulates, which helps the preschooler listen to the opinions of others and evaluate his actions in accordance with them. Some parents, imagining how their baby will grow up, make excessive demands. Often these ideas differ from the physical and mental abilities of the child. Parents! “Inflated standards” create insecurity and childish shyness in a child, which lowers his self-esteem. Remember that your child is a unique individual.
Communication between peers plays an important role in developing self-esteem. When performing joint activities, children display abilities that are often hidden when communicating with adults: the ability to invent games, assign roles, make acquaintances, and establish contacts. Collective communication reduces children's egocentrism and helps establish adequate self-esteem. A child's success among his peers will increase his self-esteem.
Level of mental development - using peers as “comparative material”, the child learns to evaluate the actions of other children, observing them from the outside, in the future he will be able to adequately relate to his own. Parents! Teach your child to critically evaluate his actions.

Low male self-esteem

Men assess their capabilities better than women. This is due to natural qualities: we need to be confident and strong in order to stand firmly on our feet. A weak man is not successful not only at work, but also in his personal life.

A man with low self-esteem in a relationship is jealous, does not hesitate to raise his hand, and makes a scene. Or vice versa: excessively self-pitying, constantly crying about far-fetched complexes and problems. Women run away from such men without looking back.

Signs of low self-satisfaction in men

The following gives away a complex man:

constantly proves something to someone;
sensitive to the opinions of others (what will people think?);
hates those who question his strength/masculinity;
does not try to get promoted;
not interested in anything;

Working with increasing self-esteem in a rehabilitation center

Specialists from the relevant institution regularly develop and successfully put into practice variable forms of working with patients’ self-assessment. The conducted classes have repeatedly demonstrated effectiveness and rapid achievement of the set goals. Among the most common methods of influence:

a diary of virtues - keeping records of positive traits, exemplary intentions and completed actions that cause pride (regular review of completed columns helps to focus less on negative circumstances);
formulation of the goal and ways to achieve it - tasks must be feasible and updated weekly; as a summary, not only the result is recorded, but also the degree of difficulty in implementing the plan, the nature of the difficulties that prevented the implementation of the plan;
inclusion of the patient in various types of activities and forms of cooperation with other participants in the process - constant employment and involvement replace the time previously used for self-flagellation.

Attention! Successful work to stabilize the mental state has a positive effect on the progress of the path to recovery from addiction.

Low female self-esteem

Women tend to notice their shortcomings more often. They try to overcome their complexes by asking for compliments. This behavior is irritable and inappropriate.

But a situation often arises when a man underestimates a woman’s self-esteem. Such a partner is an insecure person who is trying to increase his value. And this applies to both sexes.

Signs of low self-satisfaction in a woman

Symptoms of an insecure woman:

uses a lot of cosmetics;
always wears what is currently in trend, does not have his own opinion and style;
chooses cruel men, tyrants;
considers herself stupid, and that intelligence does not suit a woman;
often changes hobbies, fickle;

Non-obvious signs of underestimation in women and men

According to unofficial data, women are more likely to show signs of low self-esteem. The catch is that most often they are invisible. A girl can look brilliant, be smart and not show it. But these things always give away a bad opinion about yourself:

the desire to buy unnecessary cheap things, shopaholism;
the desire to always look brand new, even when going to the store;
creating a “perfect picture” or a rich life on social media. networks;
fanatical observation of the lives of idols.

Signs of low self-esteem in men are slightly different:

the desire to constantly fight with someone, to prove something to someone;
the desire to take the last place in public transport;
the opinion that success is pure chance, just luck;

All this points to the need to work on yourself, strengthen your character and develop confidence. In the next article we will tell you how to achieve self-respect and adequate self-esteem.

Low self-esteem of a teenager

For the transition period, complexes are a common thing. Sooner or later, teenagers outgrow them and begin to believe in their abilities. But if they are bullied and fueled with self-doubt, they carry their complexes into adulthood.

Consequences of teenage complexes

Low self-esteem in teenage girls is often associated with appearance. Young girls are concerned about their face and figure, wanting to look like cover models. The consequences of low self-esteem in a girl lead to anorexia, bulimia, and self-harm. During this period, it is important for them to show how beautiful they are. That their flaws make them special.

A guy's low self-esteem is also inextricably linked with his appearance. At the age of 15-17 they begin to be interested in girls; external attractiveness is important to them. A boy with complexes can close himself off and withdraw headlong from real life.

Young people need support and understanding from their parents. Otherwise, their adult life will be overshadowed by the constant correction of low self-esteem.

Existential questions of being

There comes a moment in every person’s life when he begins to comprehend the basic existential questions - questions of death and his own mortality, freedom, loneliness, the search for the meaning of his own life, etc. The answer to these questions helps a person move forward on the path of self-discovery, find his own identity and understand how to build his own life path. But the unresolution of these issues can threaten the onset of a personal crisis, the appearance of neurosis or a feeling of existential guilt due to the unfulfillment of one’s desires and potential.

In order to cope with the problem, it is necessary to provide answers to basic existential questions - this helps to determine the identity of the individual, finding one’s place in this world, one’s life path. And when you know exactly who you are and where you are going, then the problem of self-doubt disappears.

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How to understand that it's time to get rid of low self-esteem

If a person cannot sensibly assess his potential, this is immediately obvious. Habits, communication styles, and appearance change.

Top 8 signs that you need to work on your self-esteem

You have low self-esteem if you:

You don't know how to say no.
You try to please everyone, everywhere.
You often do things you don't like.
You don’t feel your needs and don’t satisfy them.
You feel guilty about taking a vacation.
You don't want to please yourself.
Too self-critical.
Reprehensible.

If you can attribute all of the above to yourself, you have very low self-esteem. This can be fixed.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The first thing you should know in order to overcome low self-esteem is that our words and thoughts have serious power. Having a negative view of your capabilities actually makes you try harder. Change to positive thinking, it really works.

Correcting your opinion of yourself on a physical level

Don't know what to do if you underestimate yourself? Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself: “I am beautiful.” Don't believe me? Try this:

Straighten your shoulders and back.
Open your eyes wide.
If you frown, raise your eyebrows.
Think of an object or person that brings you joy. Smile sincerely.

Now look how you have transformed. Gloomy thoughts are reflected on our face, turning us from attractive people to unattractive ones. Repeat to yourself every morning: “I am beautiful.” Hold on for a week and you will see the result.

Learn to accept mistakes

Remember: your past mistake does not tie your hands forever. Everyone stumbles, everyone fails. On the way to the goal there can be 1-2, 10-20, 100 miscalculations and unsuccessful attempts. Successful people would not become so if they did not know how to overcome themselves. If you make a mistake, don't stop and go to the end.

Praise yourself every day

Surely you are used to criticizing yourself. Look for the positives, you have them. Getting up on the alarm the first time is already an achievement. You can't get rid of low self-esteem without praising yourself.

Punishments: rules for parents

Not only encouragement, but also punishment plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. When punishing a child, you should follow a number of recommendations.

Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor psychological. Moreover, punishment must be useful.
If there is any doubt whether to punish or not to punish, do not punish. Even if they have already realized that they are usually too soft and indecisive. No "prevention".
One punishment at a time. The punishment can be severe, but only one, for everything at once.
Punishment is not at the expense of love. Whatever happens, do not deprive your child of your warmth.
Never take away things given by you or anyone else - ever!
You can cancel the punishment. Even if he acts so outrageously that it couldn’t be worse, even if he just yelled at you, but at the same time today he helped the sick or protected the weak. Don't forget to explain to your child why you did this.
It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly. Belated punishments instill in the child the past and prevent him from becoming different.
Punished - forgiven. If the incident is over, try not to remember the “old sins.” Don't bother me to start living again. By remembering the past, you risk creating in your child a feeling of “eternal guilt.”
No humiliation. If the child believes that we are unfair, punishment will have the opposite effect.

Techniques for normalizing a child’s high self-esteem:

Teach your child to listen to the opinions of people around him.
Take criticism calmly, without aggression.
Teach to respect the feelings and desires of other children, as they are just as important as your own feelings and desires.

We do not punish:

If the child feels unwell or is sick.
When a child eats, after sleep, before bed, during play, while working.
Immediately after mental or physical trauma.
When a child cannot cope with fear, with inattention, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, making sincere efforts. And in all cases when something doesn’t work out.
When the internal motives of an action are unclear to us.
When we ourselves are not ourselves, when we are tired, upset or irritated for some reason...