Unrequited love for a guy - how to survive unrequited feelings?

Causes

To know how to cope with unrequited love, it is worth finding out the reasons for this feeling.

1. Internal state. Fatigue and depression affect the overall energy, and disappointment in love becomes an addition to the general emotional background.
2. Low self-esteem. Lack of self-confidence is reinforced by attitudes: “I’m too ugly for him,” “I don’t match him,” “No one will ever love me.” The lower a person evaluates himself, the more difficult it is for him to achieve reciprocal feelings. There is a strong belief that “I will always have it worse than others.”
3. The benefits of unrequited love. Sometimes such feelings have benefits, but the person is not aware of them. This is a way to hide from life; subconsciously a person does not want to be in a relationship, and a one-sided feeling allows him to escape from them.
4. The illusion of love experiences. Unrequited love creates a vivid picture of emotional life. It contains suffering, hopes, internal events associated with the object of love. I don’t want to leave this illusion into problematic reality.
5. Usually, people who do not see an example of a happy relationship in childhood do not cope with falling in love. Their parents did not show them an example of trusting relationships. It is difficult for such a person to imagine mutual love; it seems to him that intimacy does not exist. The consequences of this are choosing unrequited feelings or completely closing yourself off from love.

These reasons may not be recognized, but accepting them can answer the question: “How to deal with unrequited love?”

Options

A girl may experience unrequited feelings for a guy who abandoned her, for a young man with whom she has not yet had a relationship, as well as for a public figure with whom there is no chance of even meeting in the real world.

1. To a celebrity, be it a singer, actor or magazine cover model. These feelings are mythical, and love exists only in the fantasies of a young person. As a rule, feelings pass when a worthy gentleman appears in real life.
2. To an ex-boyfriend with whom the affair has already ended. The young man realized that he did not have serious feelings for his partner, perhaps he was simply using her. And the girl’s heart breaks with pain, she suffers, because she loves him very much. Some young ladies in such a situation withdraw into themselves, close themselves off from everyone, and sometimes decide to commit suicide. Smart girls do everything to prove to their ex that he has lost the princess, they do everything to make the guy regret breaking up with such a beauty.
3. To a young man who doesn’t even know about her feelings. Some girls decide to immediately go all-in, approach the guy they like and directly declare their feelings. And it’s good if the guys knew each other before this moment. In a situation where the young man does not even know about the existence of this girl, after her confession he will be confused and certainly will not reciprocate. The best thing to do in such a situation is to simply get closer to the young man and do everything so that he notices you. Who knows, maybe the guy will have reciprocal feelings and he will take the first step.

Unrequited love is like an addiction

If a person cannot cope with his feelings for a long time, then psychologists sometimes use the term “love addiction” or addiction. Love addictions are often compared to alcohol or gaming addiction, only instead of alcohol or games there is a living person. When he is not around, the dependent person experiences real torment. He may get sick, gain weight, lose weight, and look exhausted. When dependent on love, a person directs all his thoughts and actions to the object of passion. He can write letters to him, keep watch at his house, stalk him on social networks.

Signs of love addiction:

• a feeling of love arises towards a person who experiences indifference;
• A woman or a man experiences unhappy love for a very long time, sometimes for years;
• Along with love for the object of worship, a range of feelings is experienced, from jealousy to resentment.

In severe forms of addiction, your career suffers, hobbies and friends disappear. Psychologists note that people often come to appointments with the question: “How to cope with love addiction?” In most cases, their condition is already very serious. Unhappy love is often glorified in literature, the most striking example being Petrarch and his Laura.

On a note! Psychologists advise the use of prescribing suffering, thoughts, and keeping a diary for love addictions - this is one of the techniques of psychotherapeutic practice.

What to do in case of one-sided love

How to survive unrequited love and how long can such a feeling last? If you have been waiting for calls and SMS for six months, your heart begins to beat faster when you meet, and he walks by and does not take any steps towards you, you should think about whether you are destroying yourself?

Every woman deserves love, adoration, compliments, and family happiness. Continuing to love a person who did not want to return your feelings, you are simply wasting your time. Perhaps somewhere nearby there is someone who will fill your life with warmth, you just have to look around.

Try to realize that love and the desire to possess are not the same thing. If you are sincere in your feelings, let the object of your love decide for himself who to be with. Sincerely wish him happiness, do not torment him with reminders of your love.

On a piece of paper, write down point by point what keeps you in this relationship? Formulate in detail and clearly. Psychologists believe that people who experience unrequited love are confident that they are unable to attract a worthy person, and are afraid to be left alone with themselves. Such fears may be the only reasonable explanation for such a situation.

Think about what steps you expect from a potential partner. You may have already realized that he is “not your” person, but it is so pleasant to be in a familiar state of comfort. Remember, did he humiliate you when sorting out the relationship, did you previously have a desire to end one-sided affection, which forced you to fight for his love?

Perhaps he takes advantage of your affection? His ego is stroked by the love of an intelligent, beautiful woman, and he is not going to change anything in his life, since for a long time he has not made attempts to get closer.

Popular wisdom says “from love to hate there is one step.” Do not allow a bright feeling, even if it hurts, to develop into anger and disgust. This is especially important for ex-spouses.

Emotions will go away over time, but human relationships will remain. Be wiser than your ex, do not allow words and actions for which you may be ashamed later. Try to remember the good things that connected you? It's stupid to waste your life on suffering.

How to get rid of unrequited love for a man? Without parting with your own illusions, you won’t be able to stop loving. Only by realizing the inevitability of this step will you slowly begin to move towards recovery.

Say goodbye to him in your heart. How will you do this? At first, you will have to strictly control your thoughts, weaning yourself from the habit of talking to yourself with your lover. Replace with anything, hum a phrase from your favorite song, repeat “everything is fine, but it will be even better” or a quote from the famous movie “I am the most charming and attractive.”

First experience

In their youth, many are faced with unrequited love. The first experience, an attempt to build relationships and feelings, is usually accompanied by self-doubt, increased emotionality, and idealization of the object of worship. Sometimes unrequited love is useful for outgrowing most complexes and fears in adolescents. But it happens that young people are disappointed; first love leaves a negative imprint on all subsequent relationships. Unhappy love is difficult to forget; your thoughts always return to it.

What to do? How to survive first love? To begin with, we should thank life for the lessons; love comes to us for a reason. We learn to build relationships, observe, become better and improve for our loved one.

You should also sift the wheat from the chaff. There is no need to paste the shortcomings of your former lovers onto your new loved one. It is useful to give up the habit of comparing. Yes, it's not easy to do. Negative experiences often come to mind, but you need to thank the universe that you found out who you really need.

Possible manifestations

There is a feeling that no one around understands what is in your heart. The girl is very mistaken, because almost every person in life had unrequited feelings. Unrequited love for a guy can be expressed in various reactions.

1. The girl withdraws into herself, does not want to talk to anyone, and tries to isolate herself from the world around her.
2. A woman lies in bed all day and doesn’t want to do anything. All thoughts are about how to get rid of the feelings that filled her heart.
3. Someone eats up unrequited feelings in the literal sense of the word. As a result, he gains extra pounds, which lowers his own self-esteem. At least she doesn't care at the moment.
4. A man stands by an open window, walks along the edge, and is not afraid of what might happen. There are no thoughts about relatives, mother, her feelings and worries.
5. The girl expresses the pain born in her heart with the help of poetry and music.
6. A woman, in order not to think about her beloved, increasingly puts her hand to a bottle of alcohol until she finally drinks herself to death.
7. Serious thoughts of suicide arise. The girl can take pills or take a very large dose of sleeping pills, possibly ligating her veins. She believes that life without a loved one has no meaning. Often such a reaction ends in death, especially at a young age.
8. Accepting that love will never be reciprocated. As a result, the woman decides to go to a monastery and devote herself to God.
9. The girl is trying to switch to another guy in order to stop thinking about the object of her love. For this purpose, a casual romance may appear, which can only temporarily relieve the need for love.
10. A girl whose chosen one does not reciprocate loses all meaning in life, ceases to be interested in usual affairs, and no longer cares about appearance. She does not notice anyone around her, does not hear the appeals of her relatives, cannot listen to them.

Surviving rejection

Sometimes, in order to receive reciprocity, you need to make a confession. It's scary to admit your feelings, get rejected and kill hope. How to survive rejection? But psychologists recommend not to be afraid to talk about emotions. This is better than dreaming about reciprocity for years and not making an attempt to try to be together.

Open recognition allows you to break out of a vicious circle and gain mutual relationships. Even if the answer is no, then you need to enter a new stage and build a different level of relationships, taking into account all past mistakes. Don't forget to praise yourself for your courage!

Video: psychologist Natalya Tolstaya about unrequited love

Why doesn't a man love

Perhaps he is bound by obligations, the short-term relationship was just a temporary hobby. The violent passion subsided over time, and the partner ceased to be interested in the girl.

The most difficult case is when, after many years of marriage, the husband finds consolation on the side. A married elderly woman, in a state of extreme stress, sends him out to enjoy his happiness, and then suffers from unrequited love and is tormented by doubts: was she in a hurry?

It is unbearable to remain alone, adult children live in their own interests, such a situation can cause severe depression, and it will be difficult to cope without the help of loved ones.

How to help yourself

But how to survive unreciprocated love? Let's look at the advice of a psychologist. Masters of psychological science recommend the following actions.

Investigation of the cause

If you cannot cope with unrequited feelings for more than 6 months, then there are reasons that incline you to love one-sidedly. Try to answer the questions honestly. What makes you continue to suffer? What is the reason behind the unrequited feeling and desire to be loved? Could this be due to fear that you will be offended or lack of confidence in your own attractiveness? What is the main fear in a relationship? If you manage to find out the reason, then you need to deal with it.

"Light a fire"

The poet Ovid advised treating unhappy love by lighting fires. Psychologists also recommend this appointment today. May you have many resources that will allow you to escape from unrequited feelings. New job, passion, hobby, volunteer help. It could be yoga, dancing, driving courses, a reading group - anything. If you scatter the firebrands of a love fire in this way, you will soon see that it has gone out.

Increased physical activity

This powerful remedy helps reduce stress, since the feeling of melancholy goes away along with sweat - adrenaline is produced. Nadezhda Babkina and many other stars cope with stress this way.

Make lemonade

A good method was recommended by Carnegie. He advised making lemonade from sour lemons. A feeling of love can be aimed at creation, and not at self-destruction. There are many examples of people coping with stress and rising above their worries.

Finding flaws

Feelings for a man or woman are often based on idealization. A loved one is endowed with only positive qualities; only the good is seen in him. Try going the other way. Write down all the shortcomings on a piece of paper, remember all the flaws, even if they are fictitious. This powerful remedy is suitable for people with a developed imagination.

Video: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, about unrequited love:

Psychologist's advice

• Professionals unanimously declare that there are some misconceptions in a couple’s relationship. Most serious of all is the familiar expression: “I will love him for both of us.” However, this is not entirely true. First of all, every person has a need to be loved and cared for. After some time, most likely, the girl will want real feelings, full of passion and love for her. Therefore, this path leads to nowhere and will primarily affect the representative of the home.
• “I will take him by cunning, and if necessary, I will turn to fortune tellers or witches for help, who will cast a love spell on him.” This is the biggest misconception that speaks of a woman’s insecurity and low self-esteem. This is a destructive relationship that will not lead to a proper sense of satisfaction and the ability to create a strong and harmonious union. It is necessary to get rid of thoughts about a love spell immediately, before fate gives the opposite answer.
• “I can make him fall in love with me and get his attention.” Another misconception on the part of women. As a rule, if there is no chemistry between a man and a woman, then no way or means will allow a guy to fall in love with you. You can’t order your heart, and this should also be taken into account when choosing a partner. Happiness does not come from such relationships.
• “I’ll adjust to him.” Another dead-end path and a tendency to underestimate oneself as a person. It is necessary to choose a partner not only according to the principle: “I am a good match for him,” but also by carefully analyzing his behavior and desire to be with you. A man should experience reciprocity right away, and not after a woman’s numerous experiments with her appearance and style of behavior. It must be remembered that guys prefer natural girls who have the luxury of being themselves in a relationship and with him. If the feeling of unrequited love does not go away on its own, you should think about other ways to eradicate it from your heart.

If a girl is fixated on a certain man, she needs to distract herself from him as much as possible. You should not reproach yourself, invent punishment and consider yourself an unworthy woman. It is much more important to love yourself and put your own life in order.

Unrequited feeling among guys

Many women have the opinion that only the fair half of humanity can have unrequited feelings. However, it is not. Men are also prone to love without hope of mutual feelings. Moreover, among male representatives, love can persist throughout life; it can push a person to heroic deeds, and maybe even to crazy actions. Although men are still less likely to suffer from unrequited feelings. Perhaps this is dictated by the fact that they first of all think not about starting a family, but about their basic instinct. When one young lady does not reciprocate, there is always another who will not refuse. But if such problems are constantly observed, the man is lonely all the time, the issue of unrequited love arises very acutely.

1. A guy with low self-esteem takes his failures to heart and worries a lot. A confident young man is not upset about rejection and easily switches to other girls.
2. Development of an inferiority complex. When a person has constant failures in his personal life, he begins to doubt his attractiveness. This may lead to the desire to get drunk or take drugs.

An attempt to conquer

If you are sure that you love a young man very much, but he doesn’t even notice you, then you can try to conquer the guy.

1. When near him, act unapproachable and as cold as possible. At the same time, try to constantly be in his field of vision. It may take a young man a lot of time to notice you, but he will definitely turn his attention to you. In addition, during this period of time you can change your attitude towards your chosen one. Then the following turn of events is possible: the guy will cease to be interesting, while he will truly fall in love. In fact, you will switch roles, because in this case we will be talking about a man’s unrequited love.
2. Another effective method is to show special interest in the hobbies of your chosen one. If the girl herself is interested in his hobby, then they will have topics for conversation. The young man will feel comfortable being next to her.

Consequences of unrequited love

Unrequited love - what does it mean? This is the complete physical and emotional independence of the man you like from your feminine charms. In such a situation, the girl dreams of a future together, starting a family, romantic dates, but the guy remains indifferent, not showing the slightest interest in her. What does love do to female representatives if it remains unrequited:

• devalues ​​personality;
• reduces self-esteem;
• causes moral suffering;
• contributes to deterioration of health, insomnia, loss of appetite;
• leads to complications in relationships with other people;
• makes you rethink your life values.

What to do with unrequited love? It should be destroyed at the root. How to do this with the least moral losses?