Fear of loneliness: fear of loneliness in women, how to deal with the fear of loneliness

Loneliness. For many it is their own. Some people suffer from this phenomenon in a crowd, while others suffer from the absence of loved ones nearby. One thing is clear - it can drive you crazy and cause fear. What is the fear of loneliness and how to deal with it? We figured it out especially for you.

We are sure that you have often come across the thought: “What am I going to do alone?” Yes, most people often cannot be alone with themselves. Often this condition affects their emotional stability and life in general. The fear of loneliness is especially evident in women. So let's look at this issue in detail.

In psychology, the fear of loneliness is defined as autophobia. It manifests itself in constant restlessness, spiritual emptiness, boredom and anxiety when a person is alone.

However, a person does not have to be lonely. Discomfort arises even from the thought that he is not loved or ignored. Moreover, the disease affects women and men differently.

Fear of loneliness in women

Fear of loneliness affects the emotional state of women. The fear of being alone is not only sometimes upsetting, but also affects the personal life of the fairer sex. As a result, many decide to take rash actions. Namely:

They marry someone they don’t love or have children “before it’s too late.”
They save the family when there is nothing left to save.
They live with scoundrels, gigolos, alcoholics, so as not to be left alone.
They meet the first person who pays attention.
They build their lives around a person.

In principle, this list can go on and on, but here it is important to understand why the fear of loneliness arises and what to do about it.

Is it possible to solve the problem of loneliness?

Not judging yourself for being lonely is an important first step. Blaming and scolding yourself for being lonely is ineffective and wrong, at least from the point of view that such feelings in the absence of significant connections are completely normal. Today's mobile and emotionally charged society may have increased the challenges of forming and maintaining relationships, so accepting that loneliness is part of the human condition can help channel energy toward finding a solution.

Some psychologists suggest that the roots of deep loneliness are associated with a lack of love in early childhood. Sometimes deep loneliness is accompanied by physical differences or mental disorders that lead to discrimination and isolation. Loneliness can also be caused by negative teenage experiences, such as being bullied in school, according to other scientists. Loneliness in childhood appears to be associated with loneliness in adulthood, including increased sensitivity to it.

Unfortunately, there is no one good recipe or path for moving from feeling lonely to feeling satisfied with your social life, but there are general ideas that seem to work. The first step is accepting yourself and how you feel without judgment. The second is contacting a specialist.

Finally, if you are new to the feeling of loneliness, it may be difficult to understand how devastating the experience can be. In this sense, we can all make the world a little better by being kinder to people who are alone - whether it is their conscious choice or not.

Why are we afraid of loneliness

The fear of being alone arises from the beliefs that girls have been fed since childhood.

A woman must get married before the age of 30.
Behind every woman is a successful man.
If a woman is not in a relationship or married, there is something wrong with her.

Whatever one may say, such attitudes of society or family influence the subconscious. Over time, you begin to fear: “Am I going to spend my whole life with cats?” Self-esteem plays an important role here. Often girls don’t like themselves so much that they can’t imagine anyone treating them well, and if such a person appears, they cling to him with all their might.

It's all due to immaturity

One of the reasons for fear is the girl's immaturity. Psychologically, the woman was unable to separate from her mother or father, so she is constantly looking for a person who could replace her parent. What can I say, some are so afraid of being alone that they plunge headlong into relationships and see nothing else around them. When the relationship ends, they cannot return to normal life for a long time, falling into deep depression.

Fear is a relationship destroyer

Most relationships also fail due to the fear of loneliness. A girl who prefers to live and engage in any activity only in those moments when her beloved is nearby, becomes so attached to a man that all love turns into fear - fear of loss.

Men are loners by nature, so they need freedom. When a lady of the heart does nothing and is not interested in anything other than taking care of her boyfriend, it begins to depress even him.

As a result, you start to quarrel with your boyfriend or spouse; it seems to you that he is moving away and spending little time. And he may just live...

Remove negative attitudes

The fear of loneliness appears in childhood, or from negative adult experiences. When a child does not have the best relationship with his parents, he inevitably develops unwanted attitudes that affect his life. They appear because parents try to manipulate their child through their relationship, most often for educational purposes.

For example, when a child receives emotional coldness from a parent for a bad grade. Children do not think in perspective, so they perceive such behavior as eternal alienation. After this, he will try to return everything as it was, since the emotional connection with his parents is very important for him, and in the future he will be afraid of such alienation, afraid of loneliness.

How to overcome the fear of loneliness

When dealing with any fear, you just have to face it. By identifying the cause of your phobia, you can take a fresh look at the situation and reevaluate your experiences. Perhaps the granted loneliness is not a punishment at all, but, on the contrary, a gift of fate. This is freedom that you have the right to use exclusively for your own personal pleasure. To accept and overcome the fear of loneliness, we advise you to try the following.

Assess your importance

Nothing makes us as weak and susceptible as low self-esteem. Of course, you shouldn’t consider yourself better than everyone else. However, it is difficult to perceive life without self-love and respect. This is where the fear of loneliness arises. A person who does not love himself feels uncomfortable alone with himself, as if he is not loved. This is not strange, because in fact he treats himself this way. Re-evaluating your importance will help you get rid of this.

Write down or identify your best and worst qualities. This will help you understand what kind of person you are and what you need. Once you know yourself, your inner world, you will understand your value.
Ask your friends or family what they see in you. Maybe you yourself don’t notice how beautiful you are.
Define for yourself the meaning of the word “loneliness.” Its scale can be interpreted in different ways. Suddenly your situation is not so global. Otherwise, you will know what exactly your fear is and can learn to overcome the emotions it causes.
Do something interesting. Even if you don’t feel like it, still try to entertain yourself. Watch a movie, TV series, go to the cinema, go shopping, have a spa treatment. Do something yourself that will bring you pleasure and energy, rather than looking for it on the side.

Take care of your health

Problems with emotional health make you want to lean on someone's shoulder, get support and help. Nerves can make a woman feel weak and unwell. Men are rarely ready to take on the role of “comforter” or “nurse”. In order to rid yourself of thoughts of loneliness or even uselessness, it is better to get your nerves in order, learn to enjoy little things, and not just be sad. Yoga, gymnastics, breathing practices, herbal medicine and other sports will help with this.

How to improve relationships with people?

If you have analyzed all the above information and realized that you are still ready to communicate with people, but it’s not working out, then you should learn how to build normal friendly relationships with other people.

First, ask yourself: “Do I love myself? Do I respect myself? This question seems strange, but only at first glance. If you look deeper into the issue, everything will become clear. The fact is that the attitude towards oneself relays the attitude towards others. Therefore:

The more you love yourself, the more sympathy others will show towards you.
The more neglectful you are of your psyche, the sadder and more detached you feel every day.
Every person deserves the same respect, and so do you. Once you understand this and allow yourself to be respected, everything will change.
It's hard to believe, but you can see your problems through your claims to others. After all, you see in other people only what is in you. This is the mirror principle. What is not familiar to you will remain a mysterious feature of another person.

Discover more facets in yourself, try in different areas of life and you will become a more versatile person. The problem of loneliness will be solved by itself, and you will be able to be more interesting to yourself - this is the key to a happy, fulfilling life without loneliness.

What is more effective: online or offline?

Despite the fact that I have been working online for a long time, I still believe that offline trainings are of great value for the student.
Still, in this format it is very important to “touch” your mentor, to be in his energy. In general, I think that offline will soon be very expensive. At the same time, online learning is actively developing and growing in terms of opportunities. Yes, it is accessible, yes, it is sometimes more convenient than offline, and now there are many mentors who perfectly tailor their training to this format. For example, I have been working in television for 20 years and I know exactly how to make an online webinar effective. But all the same, when people come to live consultations after them, they always say that everything in life is brighter and cooler! This does not mean that if it is not possible to attend the training in person, then you don’t have to engage in self-development at all. When choosing between online training and no training, I would unconditionally choose the first. Because I myself regularly attend online trainings and consider this an excellent tool for not losing “shape” and constantly staying focused.

Personal growth has no limits: you can devote your entire life to self-development. But, as I already said, it’s better to focus on one training at a time, without spreading yourself thin.

Personal growth should be like a sport in your life. We achieved a certain result, exhaled, perhaps took a break, and then go ahead and conquer new heights. The level of involvement in life should always remain high! Otherwise it's just a waste of time.

This leads to a simple rule: no matter what training you undergo, it is important that in the end you acquire new habits, thinking and speech. To do this, you must continue to adhere to the recommendations of your mentor and perform all the same rituals that you did during training. Because it is our daily thoughts, words and actions that determine our future.

At the end of my trainings, I always tell my students that the real training is just beginning, and its name is life! Continue to work on yourself, enjoy the process and then, no matter what you do, everything will bring the desired result!

What's next?

mohamed_hassan / Pixabay
From all this the eternal question arises: what to do? What to do? Of course, there is no one exact universal answer, just as there is almost never one. But a conscious desire to get out of the state of a victim who no one loves and who is completely alone in this endless world can help. Who can help a drowning man who is only swimming deeper into the sea? His counter-desire to go ashore is necessary.

Next, when you feel the desire to overcome fear, you need to try to redirect it. Loneliness is not a punishment, not a painful state, but something that can be beneficial (“solitude”). A harmonious state when meeting yourself, the opportunity to benefit from this for yourself - learning the ability not to suffer, but to become stronger, better alone with the one and only one who will always and everywhere be there.

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This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment

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Diet for autophobia (fear of loneliness)

Metabolic diet

Efficacy: therapeutic effect after 14 days
Timing: constantly
Cost of products: 1300 - 1400 rubles per week

As you know, boredom and lack of peace are caused by the lack of a favorite activity and a planned day. When a person knows that he needs to read a book, go to a workout and take care of a nutritious healthy diet - then there is no time for fears.

It is recommended to write down a menu for each day, make a schedule, for example, eat at 9, 11, 13, 16 and 18:00, a couple of hours before bedtime - a glass of kefir or other fermented milk drink. In general, the menu should be built taking into account the balance of BJU:

a hearty breakfast - porridge with berries, toast with meat or cheese, omelettes with vegetables;
light lunch – a glass of juice or some fruit;
for lunch there may be a first course, meat, legumes, porridge or stewed vegetables;
for an afternoon snack you should treat yourself - eat a piece of dark chocolate, marshmallow, halva or dried fruits with herbal tea;
dinner should also be made as light as possible, for example, prepare a fresh salad with seeds, a spoon of vegetable oil, or use a grill or steamer, not forgetting about protein, best of all - fish or seafood, but if the day turns out to be physically difficult, then whole grain spaghetti with steak too will do.

It is best to weigh out portions and limit yourself to pepper and salt (no more than 5 g per day), replacing them with herbs, Mediterranean and oriental spices.

Male loneliness after divorce

Usually men in relationships are less emotional. This is primarily caused by upbringing and stereotypes in society. Every man heard in childhood: Don't act like a girl. Therefore, in a difficult situation, he does not know how to properly cope with surging emotions and survive this negativity. Therefore, in the event of a divorce, a man not only suffers, he does not know how to cope with it.

Most often, after a divorce, a man strives to get what he was deprived of in marriage: female attention. It is important for him to prove to himself that he can still be attractive to the opposite sex. This is a kind of attempt to escape from the fear of loneliness. In order not to think about failure in the family, a man prefers noisy companies and female society.

At the same time, he is not currently seeking a new long-term relationship. Moreover, he tries to avoid them. The pain of divorce has not yet subsided, so it is difficult to let a new person into your life.

After a divorce, a man is more drawn to people. But this does not save him from inner loneliness. You should not ignore this problem; it is better to work through your fears. But as practice shows, men after a divorce extremely rarely turn to psychologists or resort to other qualified help.

Most often, in order to solve his psychological problems after a divorce, a man enters into a new long-term relationship after a few years.

Varieties

The manifestation of phobia in men and women occurs differently. A smile may now appear on the face of skeptics who consider this assumption not entirely logical. But they will not be able to refute the obvious - a man’s reaction to a certain situation will be different from a woman’s.

In men

The strong half of humanity rarely manifests this feeling. For most, collecting women's hearts is the norm of life. And only at the end of life some of the men will be able to experience loneliness in all its ugliness.

But even among the stronger sex there are individuals susceptible to this phobia. The causes of pathology should be sought in provoking factors:

Othello syndrome. It is typical for such men to see the catch in everything related to adultery. At the same time, they are not averse to going on the side themselves, which leads to even greater jealousy towards their partner. Having fleeting affairs, they do not intend to abandon the woman they love. At the same time, “males” realize that their wives can do the same. This understanding creates fear in men for a possible lonely future.
Probability of financial insolvency. Some young people are convinced of female commercialism. Yes, it happens that love is replaced by market relations. But the female point of view, that “with a sweetheart there is heaven in a hut,” also takes place. But there are still men who are frightened by the thought of losing the woman they love due to potential bankruptcy. The thought that he might be left alone does not go away, gradually transforming into a phobia.
Conditions for active business life. The fear of loneliness does not threaten inveterate workaholics, because they love work more than women. They are quite happy with fleeting connections if they do not become an obstacle to their career path. To keep up with success, they are ready not to notice anyone around them. Work comes first. But even among workaholics there are those who dream of a home, family, and children. They understand that a high-intensity work life will not give them the opportunity to have what they want. As a result, a successful, independent man acquires a real phobia.
Betrayal of a loved one. Many women believe that “a man does not cry, but is upset.” But this is just a phrase from the famous film “Aty-Bati, the soldiers were marching”, and also a myth. Anyone who is betrayed leaves scars on their soul. Gender in this case does not matter. Men are able to react sharply to betrayal or the departure of a beloved woman, which in turn provokes the formation of autophobia.

There are many reasons why this phobia may arise.
Most people believe that showing emotions is unacceptable for the stronger half. Boys are told from childhood “don’t cry, you’re a man!”

However, the position of doctors and psychologists is on the opposite side. They focus on the inappropriateness of gender division in such a situation.

Among women

Only active feminists are not afraid of a hammer drill in inexperienced hands, or repairing electrical wiring according to instructions from the Internet. The majority of women correspond to the accepted opinion in society - they are gentle, defenseless, in need of care.

But no matter what the girl is, no matter how strong her character, symptoms of autophobia can appear under the following circumstances:

Unsuccessful marriage, anxiety about a lonely future after divorce, fear of being left alone after separation. Every woman wants to believe in the heavenly powers that bring about marriage in heaven. But reality is far from such ideas. A passionate admirer, having received legal rights, can transform beyond recognition: from a sweet young man - into a domestic tyrant, from a romantic - into a quarrelsome curmudgeon. From the wonderful candy-bouquet period, couples plunge into everyday life at different paces. The routine of everyday life can destroy even the most ardent feelings. A woman in such a situation has two options: endure it or go in search of new love. Having chosen the first path, the phobia will force it to continue existing in a disgusting environment. And considering the second option, her fears will lead to an awl that can be exchanged for soap.
Consequences of a painful divorce. The decision to divorce and the firm intention to start a new life do not guarantee protection against the development of autophobia. Sad consequences can occur if a woman immediately rushes to look for a new partner. After breaking up a difficult relationship, the method of knocking it out with a wedge will not work. Here it would be more appropriate to give yourself time to restore your peace of mind, avoiding panic and fear of being alone.
If a loved one cheated or died. The mental state of a woman who has experienced difficult dramatic events can change dramatically. Stress does not allow her to think sensibly, considering ways to get rid of the fear of loneliness. Only after some time will she be able to bring her panic under control.
He sees no prospects in starting a family. It is not so easy for some women to find a reliable partner. And marriage with the first person they come across is a last resort for them. In the event that numerous attempts to build strong relationships once again end in failure, it is quite possible to develop autophobia.
Cannot have children. This reason ruins destinies and becomes fatal for many women. Anxiety about a lonely future takes precedence over common sense. Since unrealizable dreams force you to constantly think about the prospects and rationality of relationships.

Women are more emotional than men, so the listed psychological difficulties cause more painful experiences for them. Again, not every psychologist will agree with this position. Some experts believe that much depends not on a person’s gender, but on his confidence in life and his attitude towards the future.

Why are people afraid of the dark and how to get rid of nyctophobia?

General information

Autophobia or monophobia (from the Greek mono - 1) is a pathological and obsessive fear of loneliness. The condition is manifested by internal anxiety , spiritual emptiness, frequent feelings of boredom and lack of peace.
If you have minimal knowledge of the ancient Greek language, then it is not difficult to understand what the fear of loneliness is called, because the term “autophobia” comes from two words φоβος - fear and αὐτоς - itself. You can suspect a fear of loneliness if all attempts to occupy yourself do not yield results; a wave of sadness and anxiety, internal restlessness, a feeling of uselessness still rolls in, causing obsessive thoughts, ideas, doubts and memories.

Today, loneliness and fear of it have become a sociocultural problem, in the context of changes in mass forms of behavior, the development of the phenomena of personal alienation in industrial society, expressed as “flight from freedom” and the formation of a “lonely crowd” in conditions of a very busy life and a busy work schedule.

Loneliness or solitude?

First you need to define what it is. Loneliness itself is a feeling of discomfort, fear, pain that arises as a reaction to the physical or mental isolation of the subject. “Solitude” is often confused with “loneliness”; they are made almost synonymous, and this is not entirely fair. Solitude is a state in which the subject is given the opportunity to spend some time alone with himself for benefit, to calm down, find an answer to any problematic questions, or simply as a leisure option. From this it turns out that “solitude” has a rather positive effect on a person, while “loneliness” is a depressing feeling that envelops like darkness and you need to look for a source of light in order to save the person from this.

A relationship with a man who does not want a long-term relationship. Do you need it?