Fear of childbirth? Try not to be afraid! — Psychologist Nadezhda Khramchenko

Tokophobia is a strong fear of pregnancy and childbirth, which can turn into a serious deviation and lead to a girl refusing to have children at all.

As British researchers have found, every seventh woman suffers from panic fear of possible childbirth. And this phobia is one of the main reasons for the sharp decline in the birth rate in Europe.

Researchers are confident that most cases of tokophobia appear in childhood. An impressionable girl, having heard enough stories about terrible pain during childbirth or having directly observed the process, can mentally put an end to repeating this fate.

Fear of the unknown

Proper preparation for childbirth helps a woman to tune in psychologically and learn to behave competently during childbirth, and of course, if you are informed, the fear of the unknown, which always frightens people, goes away.

Currently, there are many courses for pregnant women. It is advisable to choose courses where there are classes with a psychologist, an obstetrician-gynecologist, and a pediatrician. Only then will you know about all aspects of childbirth. Unfortunately, it happens that in courses conducted only by psychologists, a woman is instilled with a negative attitude towards medical manipulations and cannot explain their meaning, and in courses attended only by people with medical education, they do not help to properly tune in psychologically, which is especially important. for emotional women. Childbirth preparation courses are useful not only because you receive reliable and understandable information and get rid of the fear of the unknown, but also because there you communicate with other expectant mothers and discuss similar problems.

The courses should include not only lectures, but also practical exercises where relaxation and proper breathing skills are practiced.

In addition to courses, you need to read books or magazines about childbirth. But these should be popular publications about natural childbirth. You should not study a textbook on obstetrics and gynecology, because such books are written for doctors and the emphasis is on those situations where medical care is necessary, that is, on the complicated course of childbirth.

Imagine in advance how your birth will go, make your plan. In psychology, there is a special technique called “modeling.” This technique involves creating a scenario for a favorable development of the situation and consolidating this experience in memory.

For many expectant mothers, the maternity hospital is their first experience in a hospital, or, simply put, in a hospital. In order not to be intimidated by hospital corridors and wards, it is advisable to get acquainted with the structure of the maternity hospital in advance - it is better to go there on a tour (it can be provided in a cycle of classes for pregnant women or be included in the contract for childbirth) or at least read about the structure of the maternity hospital in special literature for expectant mothers .

“God gave a bunny, he will give a lawn”

“It’s not for nothing that adoptive parents go through a special preparatory school, since raising a child requires special physical, material and moral preparation. Unfortunately, this is not always true for spouses who are raising their children. As a result, through the prism of parental violations, children receive various restrictions and attitudes that prevent them from living fully and happily. Yes, the GSR system (depth system of development. - Approx. FAN) removes them, allowing you to look at the child with an unclouded look and give him the opportunity to open up,” explained Olga Matveeva.

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According to the psychologist, not every parent even thinks about “first working through their violations, and then letting a new life see the world.”

“What conclusion can we draw? It is much better to first get to know yourself, your fears, limitations, illusions, the heavy baggage of life... Free yourself from them and let a miracle into the world. Otherwise, we get a lot of unrealized expectations, pain, negativity, the source of which is not the child, but ourselves,” added Matveeva.

Fear of pain

Pain accompanies almost all births to one degree or another.
But the information that this is a terrible pain that cannot be withstood is incorrect. What causes pain? Pain is caused by irritation of nerve endings and nerve plexuses in the uterus and cervix - these are the objective reasons for its occurrence. However, the body has protective mechanisms that reduce pain: during childbirth, “joy hormones” - endorphins - are released. In addition, during pregnancy, partial denervation of the uterus occurs - the number of nerve fibers in it that conduct pain sensitivity decreases.

The question arises: why, despite this, pain is still felt? This is largely due to fear. Fear reduces the pain threshold, that is, in order for a woman to begin to feel pain, fewer pain impulses are required. Fear is always accompanied by an increase in the release of biologically active substances - adrenaline, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, which greatly increase pain. Of course, a completely painless birth is hardly possible. But the function of this pain is not to harm the woman, but to help her control the birth process. If over time the contractions become stronger and longer, and the pain increases, then everything is going as expected, and soon you will meet your baby. You need to learn to “trust” pain, and not be afraid of it. Remember that physiological pain during labor may be mild to moderate in intensity, especially if you are relaxed and positive about what is happening to you.

There are methods of self-pain relief during childbirth (self-massage, breathing, auto-training). They can be learned during pregnancy - in special schools and courses for pregnant women, with the help of literature. Self-anesthesia methods significantly relieve pain. It is especially important to “watch” for pain when pushing. Often the midwife tells the woman that she needs to hurt herself as much as possible. In fact, you need to direct your efforts to the point of maximum pain; this pain helps you understand that you are pushing correctly, that your efforts are not in vain.

The woman's active participation in childbirth is necessary. Firstly, the more a woman is focused on how to behave correctly during childbirth, the less time she has to concentrate on pain. Secondly, the active participation of the woman contributes to a favorable outcome of childbirth.

What does the term “active position in labor” mean? This means that, firstly, a woman must control contractions - their frequency and duration. Secondly, a woman should choose a comfortable position. You shouldn’t lie down all the time—it’s good to walk around and stand, and if you’re lying down, don’t shrink, but, on the contrary, spread your legs and relax. The position can and should be changed periodically. Thirdly, during the birth process it is useful to engage in auto-training, reminding yourself that childbirth is the happiest event in life, you are about to meet your long-awaited baby.

It is worth remembering about responsibility. You can and should influence what happens to you and your child. The medical staff can help you, but they cannot give birth for you. In addition, they can only help you if you listen to what they tell you and trust your doctor and midwife. This is especially important in the process of pushing: at this moment the woman in labor is actually dictated what, when and how to do. Remember that you can’t just wait until everything is over, because both the duration and outcome of labor depend primarily on you.

I'm afraid to give birth - advice from a psychologist

Psychologists working with the fear of childbirth identify two sources of these experiences: the external environment and internal problems, conflicts caused by thoughts, what a woman thinks while pregnant. External and internal factors are interconnected here - after hearing, for example, a frightening story, a woman begins to worry and stress herself out from the inside. The external side of provocateurs of fear of childbirth includes problems with the spouse, children, parents, and other problems outside the family.

It is very important what birth stories exist in the family, what mothers and grandmothers told about their births. If these are happy stories with a successful ending, fears arise extremely rarely. Where are there bad stories, for example, if a grandmother’s child died or she had a difficult birth - this is passed on in stories through generations and provokes fear. It can also cause anxiety that the marriage is not registered, or that the partner began to move away from the woman during pregnancy, then the actual fear of childbirth is layered with a feeling of loneliness and worries about the future. Here it’s worth talking with your significant other, discussing what exactly is wrong, and examining your fear up close.

However, there are cases when a man does not agree to dialogue, it is not possible to talk, then a woman, with the help of loved ones, specialists, and the experience of women who have given birth positively, needs to debunk her fear and rely on herself. Stories of successful births will help you tune in to a positive mood and contribute to a successful outcome with your condition and actions. Here you should treat negative stories and thoughts like weeds in a garden - weed them out, removing them as unnecessary, so that they do not interfere with the useful and positive ones.

I'm afraid to give birth to a child, what should I do if I have bad dreams? A frightened woman in such a situation may begin to have dreams in which her experiences will be revealed, but it is worth understanding that this is just an illustration of her own fears from the unconscious, and not a prophecy of a negative outcome of childbirth. In the case of deep-seated experiences and dreams, it is worth analyzing them, preferably with the help of a psychologist, which will help to extract information about the internal conflict from them and, having resolved it, gain confidence and calm. The fear of childbirth in this situation is a consequence of other experiences, not real danger or fear of giving birth.

I'm afraid to give birth - the following forum and advice from women who have given birth, as well as specialists, are offered. During pregnancy, fears and mood swings are partly a natural phenomenon - in the first and last trimesters, which is associated with hormonal levels. Therefore, when experiencing fear, if you have figured out the rest of its possible causes, you should keep in mind what you naturally feel.

Body-oriented therapists advocate the need to master your breathing, which will help childbirth. And we are talking not so much about specific breathing techniques, but about the ability to control the body and emotional state through attention to breathing. Proper breathing will allow you to direct your strength and energy to the right part of the body, which will help support both yourself and the child during childbirth. First of all, you should learn to breathe with your stomach. You can try and develop this type of breathing by closing your eyes and placing your hands on your stomach. This way you will direct all your attention to this part of the body. As you inhale, you fill your belly with air, and as you exhale, you release it and your belly drops. There is no need to specifically move the abdominal wall; your task is to completely relax your stomach and watch how the air pumps through your stomach.

Feel the presence of your baby and feel the flow of relaxation spreading throughout your body. You can practice this technique every day for a few minutes to tune into your body. And so it is in childbirth, if you are in pain, when you feel anxious, try to close your eyes and just breathe, relaxing your stomach.

The next breathing technique is the technique of calm and long exhalation. She is also natural. When we are in pain, we want to relieve the pain, as if to breathe it out of ourselves. Or we take a breath when it’s hard for us. This technique is based on this natural desire. You just need to take a calm breath, exhale slowly. Another pose in which you can breathe is cat pose, on your knees, when breathing in it you arch your back. And also in a pose on all fours, breathing is like a dog’s, frequent, as if the dog is hot. After each active breathing, you need several breaths and several exhalations to recover. There is no need to regulate your breathing, just close your eyes, take a few calm and smooth inhalations and exhalations so that your breathing returns to its natural course.

It is very important to breathe during labor. Remember this need, don't hold your breath. So you deprive yourself, the child, of oxygen. You also suffer, since labor pain in the tissues intensifies from a lack of oxygen, and the child, who already has a hard time at the moment of contraction, because the uterus, the placenta, through which the blood flows, contracts. Remember about the baby at the time of birth, help his movement with your breathing, then the process will be much easier, much faster.

Fear of “not coping” with childbirth

Do not forget that childbirth is the natural end of pregnancy. Nature has thought out everything; it does not force a person to experience what is beyond his strength.

You can and should physically prepare yourself for childbirth. Of course, grueling physical activity and intense training are contraindicated for pregnant women, but there are special exercises for expectant mothers.

It’s good if the school for pregnant women offers gymnastics or water aerobics classes. These activities help you stay in good physical shape, which is very important, since childbirth is a physical activity, and it is more difficult for an untrained body to withstand it. In addition, during special gymnastics classes for pregnant women, you are taught to train the muscles of the perineum, control your body so that the desired muscles work or relax as you wish.

You can also practice at home. Sets of exercises can be found in specialized books and magazines, and there are also special video courses on DVD.

How to raise children correctly

Many parents wonder how to properly raise their child? Unfortunately, this is not taught in educational institutions. So you have to turn to publications on the Internet, the experience of elders, friends, colleagues.

“But the trick is that there are no rules or canons. Especially in the GSR system. She does not accept stereotypes and frameworks, value judgments such as “good” and “bad,” for the simple reason that each person has his own system of violations, the elaboration of which gives a very different effect,” said Matveeva.

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According to the psychologist, the format of a kindergarten, school, or higher educational institution kills the flow of life in children, the initiative to discover the world and study it. Questions asked of a teacher or educator are inconvenient, inappropriate, and sometimes incomprehensible to adults.

“And what should be the reaction to them? Negativity or ignoring. And a sad picture emerges in the child’s head: he and his questions are bad, since adults are angry or do not want to talk to him. It’s better to remain silent and guess about everything yourself. What should parents do if they cannot raise their child 24/7 and send him to kindergarten and then to school? Firstly, don’t think that children are the flowers of life, but only in the neighboring garden,” Matveeva explained.

In her opinion, it is important to listen and hear the child in any state (tired after work, dissatisfied with life, spouse, and so on), and not brush him off. A healthy position is to support the message with which your child came to you, and then give explanations.

“There is no need to be scared or shut down if the questions are not clear. This is not the child’s fault, but echoes of violations of the parents’ system. And answers like “you can’t want everything at once,” “shut your mouth,” “don’t touch,” “keep quiet” will only make things worse. You also need to stop broadcasting your condition, your fears, concerns, limitations on a little person, if you do not want to raise a neurotic who has no strength, energy, desires, repeating the unenviable fate determined by the generic scenario. All problems of adults come from childhood. And this is an immutable truth. Difficult? For some, yes. But education is work that needs to be invested in every second in order to grow a harmonious personality, open to new things and without a bunch of complexes,” Matveeva explained.

Fear of medical interventions

Some women, realizing that childbirth is a natural process, are afraid that unwarranted medical interventions await them in the maternity hospital, which could harm the baby. However, childbirth is not only a natural process, but also a very responsible one, so supervision by medical personnel is necessary. And all medical interventions are carried out only when necessary, and the risk-benefit ratio must be weighed; no “extra” medications or manipulations will be offered to you. Upon admission to the maternity hospital or in advance (if you know which doctor will conduct the birth), you can tell the doctor about your desire for the number of medical interventions to be minimal. If you are offered some kind of injection or manipulation, you have the right to receive an answer as to why and how necessary it is.

The procedure for stimulating labor usually causes the most fear. These fears are partly related to the not very distant past, when only the so-called equine oxytocin could be used to intensify contractions, which sometimes had a negative effect on the baby. This drug is not currently used. These medications are prescribed if contractions are initially very weak and the cervix is ​​not ready for childbirth: they allow stimulation to be carried out carefully and effectively. In any case, stimulation of labor is always used only in the interests of mother and child.

Why is it scary to give birth?

Fear of childbirth can arise spontaneously in a pregnant woman. Not a single expectant mother is immune from a panicky fear of change. Women who are prone to depression and melancholy are especially susceptible to anxiety. Before you try to understand how to overcome the fear of childbirth, you need to find out why it appears.

Excessive availability of information

Just a quarter of a century ago, women did not know anything about the details of labor except what was told by friends who had already been to the maternity hospital. Today you can learn the most intimate details about the birth of a baby from specialized magazines, documentaries, the Internet and educational programs. Moreover, they actively discuss both the positive aspects of the birth of a baby and possible complications in the process.

Hormonal changes

Along with an increase in the amount of hormones that affect the preparation of the female body for childbirth, the amount of substances responsible for the emotional state of the pregnant woman also changes. Estrogen levels increase and progesterone levels decrease, so a woman’s mood can change rapidly. She becomes irritable, whiny, apathetic, or, conversely, overly active. Along with this, a fear of childbirth appears in the pregnant woman.

Expecting extreme pain

The main female fear is pain. After all, according to the stories of grandmothers and mothers, giving birth to a child is incredibly painful. Thanks to the rapid development of modern medicine, childbirth takes place with completely different pain than 30-40 years ago. Doctors know how to relieve pain with the help of safe anesthetic drugs; in addition, breathing practice, which is studied in preparatory antenatal courses, significantly relieves pain.

Unknown

How to get rid of the fear of childbirth if it does not allow you to relax and the expectant mother is constantly in a restless state, worrying about the process of giving birth to a baby? The unknown is extremely frightening, because a woman worries not only about herself, but also about the baby.

I can not

Panic before childbirth often occurs in pregnant women who are unsure of themselves and their own abilities. They believe that at hour “X” they will not be able to cope and will harm the long-awaited baby.

If you are afraid of childbirth, how to cope with a negative attitude? First, it is necessary to dispel all the myths associated with labor and the dangers that lie in wait.

Fear for the baby

Childbirth day is the day a new baby is born. Many women feel fear for their baby, they are afraid that something will happen to him during the birth process, because it is also difficult for him.

Indeed, during a contraction the baby experiences stress because the supply of oxygen is disrupted. But the baby has adaptation mechanisms: in response to a decrease in oxygen supply, the heart rate increases, so the baby’s condition does not suffer. However, with prolonged oxygen starvation, the adaptation process may be disrupted. Therefore, it is very important to breathe properly and relax so that there are no spasms of blood vessels and muscles of the birth canal and blood circulation does not suffer. You can talk to your baby between contractions. In addition to the fact that the mother herself helps the child during childbirth, doctors monitor his condition. The fetal heartbeat is periodically listened to using a stethoscope or recorded using a special device. During pushing, the midwife tells the woman how to behave so as not to harm the baby.

After the baby is born, he is examined by a special neonatologist who deals with the health of newborn children. This is a highly qualified specialist who has undergone special training to work with babies in the first month of life. During the first examination, the doctor will evaluate the functioning of all the main systems of the body and, if necessary, prescribe additional examinations. If the condition of the newborn requires any intervention, then currently every maternity hospital has equipment to provide medical care even in the most serious cases.

Childbirth will definitely end with a long-awaited meeting with your baby, whom you have loved for a long time. He will be born, you will hear his first cry, then he will be placed on your stomach and pressed to your chest. And you will feel incomparable happiness - the happiness of being a mother.

Talk to those who have already been through it all, and you will understand that childbirth is a small ordeal compared to the feelings you will experience as a result. Childbirth is the home stretch on the path to your dream of becoming a mother, so don’t be afraid of it.

Argument with fate

The psychologist drew attention to the fact that every person at birth is entitled to a certain resource and energy of the kind for the implementation of any tasks.

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“It is necessary for the mother to work through her inner fears and experiences and understand that it is impossible to realize herself on her own without investing anything in her child. And by this we mean not only material things. When a mother stops living with problems, past experiences, failures, fears, and begins to feel a flow of “wow”, then a state in which she experiences happiness, satisfaction, love for herself, her spouse, the world, wonderful (but actually quite natural) “changes fate in a way,” added Matveeva.

The most important thing, according to the psychologist, the impulse for this is not somewhere outside (“I’ll get a good job”, “I’ll find a richer husband”), but inside each of us. You just need to work on yourself.

Earlier, psychologist Natalya Malysheva said that parents bring the behavior model of their childhood experience to their families. They communicate and treat their children the way they were treated. Malysheva recommends not to scold or criticize the child.