It is much easier when the loss of feelings affects both partners, in which case it is possible to end the relationship painlessly. But what to do if your wife has fallen out of love, and you still have hope for saving your family? The main thing is not to panic, understand the reasons for what happened, and decide whether to return your spouse.
If you are sure that you need her, follow the simple advice of psychologists on how to restore her feelings, what to do if she leaves. Also, become familiar with situations where divorce is imminent so you don't waste your energy.
Why the wife stopped loving her husband: reasons
To understand the question of how to save a family if your wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening and understand the reasons that motivate her. Feelings never go away suddenly, which means that some kind of push contributed to this. Most often the reasons are:
- financial difficulties, insolvency of a man, inability to support a family;
- frequent quarrels that develop into huge scandals, complete misunderstanding of partners;
- heavy losses, bitterness, for which spouses may blame each other;
- the routine of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, romance;
- lack of attention, care, any manifestation of feelings in her direction;
- lack of sexual desire, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
- neglect of it, selfish behavior, preference to mind “your own” affairs;
- lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
- abuse of bad habits, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction;
- violence from a man, both moral and physical.
Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova
Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.
To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, and have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant actions, and help in difficult situations. A caring, loving man will not have a question about how to return his wife’s love, which means you did something wrong.
What are the reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage?
Routine. Home, work, dressing gown, dishes, cleaning... At first glance, this is the most ordinary life, it is stable and predictable, and this has its advantages. But, in fact, monotony and lack of fresh emotions kill relationships. We must not forget about this and try to bring freshness into every day. Then love will find a source of inspiration.
Grievances. Inability and unwillingness to resolve conflicts. If the problem is not completely resolved, then it will flare up every time with renewed vigor. To maintain love you need to learn to forgive.
Lack of communication. Spouses are the closest people, but for some reason there may be a lack of communication in the family. This cannot be allowed. It is important to talk, share your plans for the future, dreams, look for ways to solve problems, and support each other. Only in this case can you count on real feelings.
Family crises and age-related ones negatively affect relationships, but if both partners are interested in overcoming them, then there is a high probability that they will emerge victorious from such “storms.”
Fatigue. Life, as one of the songs says, “This is not only a May day in which everyone dances and sings...”. People have to overcome difficulties, ensure material well-being, and raise children. It is not surprising that a person can get tired, and this also affects his attitude towards his partner. Everything in this world needs love and attention, which is why it is so important to support your loved one.
Signs of cooled feelings
In order not to part with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in a timely manner before it goes away. If she does not directly say that she has stopped loving you, the following signs will be alarming:
- she regularly refuses intimacy;
- communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
- sharply changes priorities, increasingly spends time outside the home with friends.
Simply put, a woman becomes cold, uninterested in the affairs of her husband, and shows warmth and care less and less. There are a lot of indirect signs that indicate that feelings have subsided:
- she no longer hides her shortcomings;
- ignores your presence;
- shows unreasonable jealousy;
- shows irritability over small things;
- demonstrates rudeness, selfishness;
- pays less and less attention to household chores and cooking;
- prefers to make any important decisions independently.
This behavior does not always mean that she has fallen out of love, has fallen in love with another man and is going to leave for him. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs rehabilitation.
Will you try to get your wife back after betrayal?
Not really
Characteristic manifestations
Frequent nagging and quarrels may indicate that the wife has fallen out of love
The first warning signs include the following manifestations:
- the woman becomes overly irritable, this provokes constant conflicts;
- the girl stops being sociable, she withdraws into herself, and is silent most of the time;
- the young lady behaves indifferently towards the man;
- begins to disdain the actions and words of his partner.
There are signs that may indicate that a woman has lost feelings for her husband. However, you should not mistake quarrels for a sign of dislike. It is necessary to understand that even the most ideal and loving couple can have scandals, disagreements, and everyday difficulties. If you love each other, things will work out over time. Let's look at what manifestations can cause disturbing thoughts, indicating that a woman has lost interest in you.
- An empty bed. If your relationship is more than a decade old, over time, interest in love pleasures may subside slightly, and that’s one thing. Another situation is when a woman begins to come up with various excuses just to refuse intimacy. If your spouse does not flirt with you, does not show tenderness, does not strive to enter into intimacy, most likely, her feelings for you have cooled or she has health problems, and it is also possible that the woman has a lover.
- Your spouse stops caring about you, practically does not pay attention, and is not interested in what is happening in your life. Your own desires and needs come first, as well as caring for children, if any. A woman no longer thinks about how to impress you and look attractive to you.
- The wife becomes indifferent; she does not make scandals about where you spent the evening. She doesn’t care what happens to you, whether you have any relationship on the side, she doesn’t care at all.
- A woman's dislike can be manifested by her disrespectful behavior. She begins to be rude, snap, and ceases to be interested in your opinion. Respect for a man disappears.
- Endless scandals, accusations, insults, reproaches. It seems that your wife sees only one negative thing in you and is ready to throw out all her negative emotions on you.
- The woman practically does not communicate with her husband. She may even avoid spending time together, such as going to bed earlier than he gets home from work or leaving the house before he gets up. He spends his free time either alone or with his friends.
Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?
Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:
- you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
- if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
- there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.
Is it possible to live in a marriage without love?
If feelings begin to fade, then you need to try to revive them. After all, it was not in vain that people met, lived together for a certain period, and, perhaps, managed to have children. But it happens that love passes. And in some cases people agree to compromise. It is about living in a loveless marriage. The reasons for such a transaction may lie in the lack of living space, the presence of children together, or material interest. But, most likely, such a compromise will not make anyone happy.
How to return the feelings of your beloved wife
Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in a relationship between a man and a woman is always the fault of both. Therefore, if your wife decides to leave you and declares a lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then build on them to find ways to save the family. You can return its location in several ways:
- Frank conversation - choose a moment when you are both calm. After this, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, identify the reasons, but so that it does not develop into another scandal.
- Apology - if you know what kind of offense offended your wife, led to a cooling of feelings, apologize. You can organize a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on your spouse, the chances of forgiveness are slim, but it’s worth trying to beg for forgiveness.
- Make her fall in love with you again - remember for what actions and qualities she once fell in love with you. Try to demonstrate all this again, help her in solving any problems, show interest in her and her life.
- Listen to criticism - try to bring your wife into a frank conversation so that she directly expresses all her complaints against you. After listening to all this, you will be able to soberly assess whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
- Break up - if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of loneliness, so that she has something to compare with. And after some time, you can meet and discuss whether it’s worth getting together, or whether you’re both comfortable separately.
- Consultation with a family psychologist - specialists save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to go to a psychologist together. If not, visit it yourself to find answers to any questions.
- Let go - if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, demonstrates in every possible way how happy she is in a new relationship, give her freedom. You can say that you are ready to take her back, but you shouldn’t interfere with her new life.
In any case, the surest path is to improve yourself, to work on yourself. Whatever decision you both make, do everything to transform yourself for the better, both externally and internally. Eliminate all shortcomings that led to a cooling of feelings.
What to do with a failed relationship
If these “bells” are present, then the relationship needs to be saved. It may seem easier to leave and get a divorce. Tear everything down and start over. But it's not that simple. And the feeling of loss can haunt the spouses for several more years, and the wounds from separation sometimes remain for life.
Experts believe that first of all you need to change not your partner, but yourself. Only in this case there is a chance to get results.
And divorce is also an attempt to escape from oneself. There is a high probability that the partners will carry unresolved problems with them into other relationships.
You can and should fight for happiness. And you can win this fight if you determine the reasons why love began to melt.
How to behave if your wife leaves
A cold marriage will sooner or later lead to the spouse leaving. Breaking up can also cause betrayal on her part. What to do if you are determined to renew your marriage? Establishing relationships requires the following measures:
- give time to both yourself and your wife, don’t run after her, causing scandals, and especially don’t drag her back home by force;
- leave her alone, perhaps she left temporarily to take a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of environment will benefit the relationship;
- if she declares that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, realize her misdeeds, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
- if she lives with another man, don’t try to get her back, become a better person, behave with dignity, there is a high probability that very soon she will realize the mistake and come back;
- restore normal communication in order to maintain contact with her, provide assistance in every possible way in any matter, take an interest in her life.
A kind, attentive, sympathetic attitude towards her will help to quickly return your spouse home. Try to do everything to show awareness of your mistakes and the ability to change.
Expert advice on how to live with someone you don't love
Every person is born for happiness. Living because of debt, because of someone else's opinion, because of condemnation from others or the fear of being alone is a losing option in advance. No reason justifies being around someone who is unpleasant.
Living with someone you don’t love means deceiving not only yourself, but also him. You can try to find the merits in a person and become truly interested in him. But if you can’t do this, then it’s better not to take someone else’s place. It is possible that each of the spouses will still be able to find their happiness.
In some cases, the only solution is divorce
When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:
- Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
- Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
- No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
- Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
- Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.
Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.
Advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and building relationships
The main assistant in matters of maintaining relationships is a psychologist. He has all the information about what reasons ruin marriages, what causes feelings to pass, and what ways they can be renewed. Tips for getting your wife back and building relationships will be as follows:
- change everything - if before you paid little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, give her compliments, help, show concern;
- give up accusations - any reproaches lead to disputes, scandals, because of which cooled feelings go away even more; on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant act, support any decisions;
- revive romance and flirting - arrange dates, pleasant surprises for her, arrange such meetings with which you once won her heart at the stage of courtship;
- don’t let the bed get cold - surprise her as much as you can, show how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
- establish trusting communication - only in this case you will always be able to express dissatisfaction and complaints without scandals, and also learn from her in a timely manner what you can do to offend or upset your companion.
