There is an opinion that female friendship does not exist. Only those who have not known this happiness say this, because girls’ friends often become the closest people! But before getting closer, female friendship goes through many tests. And now the next moment has come... You had a fight. What to do in such situations? How to behave, how to act correctly?
How to make peace if the cause of the quarrel is a man
A man always directly or indirectly brings discord into female friendships and this is normal. The main thing is to resolve all omissions immediately.
If you are jealous of your man for his own girlfriend, then it’s time to prioritize your relationship with both of them. To begin with, stop these endless dates of the three of you - you’ll chat with your friend during breaks (at home, at the institute), but make it a rule to spend the evening alone with your guy. Ask your boyfriend to come with a friend, arguing that your girlfriend feels uncomfortable. If the situation does not change, talk to her, explain your feelings. Tell your friend that you love her madly, however, you are now experiencing conflicting emotions that are still difficult to get rid of. This will help you make peace without dramas and hysterics, since a true friend will always understand and support.
If the situation with your boyfriend and girlfriend is exactly the opposite, and you act as that third “extra” person, avoid this situation. Never be alone with her lover, become less active in general conversation, do not touch him, do not joke about your friend. Monitor her reaction to you and if you feel that the situation is escalating (her friend is increasingly in no mood, stops calling, gets offended), stop interfering in this relationship altogether. Politely refuse the offer to go for a walk together in the evening, and admit to your friend that you feel awkward, so you don’t want to disturb them.
If a man was initially the object of admiration for both of you, but he liked you, a frank conversation will help you make peace with your offended friend. Say that every woman sooner or later finds the one, and you seem to have found him. Convince her that she is not the “losing” party, but simply someone who has not yet found her happiness. Help her find her soulmate.
If your friend is offended that you pay little attention to her, correct it, but with some reservations. If you used to spend 24/7 together, now she can only claim half of your time. A real girlfriend will understand your condition, believe me!
A quarrel with a friend over a man can be long-lasting, or it can even end the friendship. The main thing is not to choose “between,” but to differentiate your relationship with your friend and your boyfriend.
Universal methods of reconciliation
To understand how to make peace with a classmate, colleague or best friend, you need to adhere to certain rules:
Determining the cause of the quarrel
It is very important to determine exactly the cause, and not its consequences. Let me give you this example: a random unpleasant phrase is a form of reason, and the resulting resentment arises because a friend considers you fat - the essence of the quarrel. Being late for a meeting will be a form, lack of respect is the essence of the problem. It is very important to determine what is really causing it.
Seeking compromise or concessions
Ideally, you will both come to a compromise, but this doesn't always happen, so be prepared for it. If you have offended your friend, then please find the strength within yourself to apologize. If the problem is lack of care, promise that you will be more careful next time. If you cannot find a compromise, look together for a solution to the situation that will be most acceptable for both of you. For the sake of friendship, you can give in a little.
Stop being shy to show your feelings
Try not to stand in a pose, but share your feelings with your friend. Tell her how dear she is to you, how good she is and how much you love her, that your friendship is very valuable to you, and you want to strengthen it with all your might. If for a friend friendship turns out to be more than just an empty phrase, then hearing a speech in this direction, she will follow your example and try to participate in a constructive conversation.
How to make peace if your friend is to blame
If the quarrel is your friend’s fault, you definitely need to take a short break. If your offense is small, a pause will act as an “eraser” that will erase and smooth out this discord. If the quarrel is major and emotions are too intense, a couple of days of silence will help you come to your senses and look at the situation soberly. Girls are quite emotional, and often, instead of constructive dialogue, it turns out to be a major scandal with offensive personalization. It's so impossible to make peace!
Before you go to reconciliation first, think about what caused your friend’s behavior towards you. Were you deliberately offended or did you misunderstand her? Is such a disdainful attitude towards you the norm or an absurd coincidence of circumstances? What do you feel - resentment, anger, melancholy, sadness? Is she aware that the friendship is on hold because of her, or is she in the dark? Think about whether you provoked her to such actions? These questions will help you understand your future behavior strategy.
Logically, a friend should come to make peace, since she is to blame for the quarrel. However, each person sees the situation from their own perspective, so she may not even realize how much damage she has done to your friendship. If this relationship is important to you, you don’t like being in the status of a victim, you know for sure that your friend did not intentionally offend you, it would be logical to approach you first. You can approach them right away with a serious conversation, indicating your position, or you can break the silence with a harmless joke.
If you are the first to decide to start a conversation, the main thing is that the dialogue proceeds calmly, without raised tones, claims or insults. Otherwise, you will not make peace, but will quarrel even more. Say that the nature of the disagreement is not so serious that you would lose your best friend, but you sincerely wish that such situations would not happen again. Speak out your feelings, your friend will henceforth think about the consequences of her words or actions. Initially, do not hope that they will fall to their knees in front of you. If this is what you are currently inclined to do, it’s too early to reconcile!
If your friend is indirectly to blame and the cause of your quarrel was a third object, find a common compromise. Think together about how you can eliminate such situations in the future.
If your friend is one of those who is shy/afraid/unsure of herself/hesitant to reconcile, give her a sign that you are ready to forgive her. Post a status on social networks that says that you miss her, love her, and are ready to forgive. Post a general photo or picture that describes your feelings. Sometimes this is more than enough.
In any case, you should listen to your feelings. If you love your friend no matter what and accept her anyway, be the first to make peace! There are no winners or losers in friendship!
Causes
If a quarrel with your best friend upset you and you want to make peace as quickly as possible, but don’t know how to do it, think about the reason for your discord. After all, further actions will depend on it.
Things you might quarrel about:
- excessive touchiness (low self-esteem, internal complexes) of one of the friends;
- envy (one is the head of the department, the second is a gray mouse in the office);
- different views on life;
- pride, conceit, narcissism, high self-esteem;
- jealousy (and not only towards men, but also towards other women who claim to be a potential girlfriend);
- finances (borrowed and doesn’t pay back, only one person always pays for everything, etc.).
As practice shows, these are the most common causes of quarrels between friends. Which one came between you? Were you able to determine it? Let's move on to the next step of the instructions.
How to make peace if you are to blame
To make peace with your best friend, if you are to blame, only an admission of guilt and a frank conversation will help. Sometimes it’s better to apologize right away (if you said a ridiculous phrase about her), sometimes it’s better to think it over and give your friend a little time to cool down.
Switch places with her and assess the depth of her resentment. Look at the situation from the outside. You think your joke about her slowness was funny, but you missed the fact that among those present there was a guy she likes. You thought you were joking, but your friend took it as humiliation. Talk to her about this moment. Sincerely say that you were stupid (you didn’t think, you forgot, you didn’t want to hurt her). Don't discount her feelings, don't call her emotions stupid. Respect her, otherwise there is no meaning in your words.
During a conversation, have the courage to listen to what is said to the end. I often want to retort back and point out her shortcomings. However, refrain from this now, you have come to make peace! Promise that in the future you will be more attentive to your statements and say that you would never allow yourself to intentionally offend a friend. Don’t generalize, speak only on your own behalf: “I’m sorry that I ruined your evening,” “I’m sorry that this happened,” “I’ll try to keep you safe from this in the future,” “I want to fix everything.”
If you can’t establish communication in a personal conversation, you can write a letter to a friend, send an SMS, or use social networks (send a postcard along with a message or attach a track that symbolizes your feelings). The letter should express a clear desire to establish contact and sincere repentance. Choose your words carefully for this, and re-read the text again before sending.
Sometimes the best way to make peace with a friend is to come visit with her favorite cake. Without words, without invitations. Sincerely cry, hug, be silent, laugh. But you must be sure that the door will open, otherwise the conflict may develop into something more serious.
If nothing serious happened and there is essentially nothing to apologize for, ask for forgiveness for her bad mood. “I’m sorry, dear, that I made you sad (upset, angry).”
Psychologist's advice
Friendships are rarely equal. Someone always becomes the leader. A strong and strong-willed person always takes the initiative in reconciliation.
Recommendations from a psychologist:
- If you are a leader in your friendship, then you must be wise, fair and kind. To make peace with your friend, show the maximum of your leadership qualities. Be active, take the first steps. Write a message, invite to a meeting. Of course, if the response is complete ignorance, then you should think about whether you need this friendship.
- If you have thoughts that you are not to blame for anything, and you don’t need to do anything to reconcile, then think about who you will spend your free time with, who you will trust with all your secrets. Therefore, draw the right conclusions and understand for yourself whether you need to put up with your friend or not.
Learn to forgive and meet halfway. You always need to find compromises, because every person needs a trusting relationship. The main advice that psychologists give is to suppress your selfishness in time and think not only about your feelings.
Sincerity and the ability to admit your mistakes will help reconcile girlfriends after any quarrel. But you need to understand that sometimes it happens that a scandal can become a “cumulative bomb.” In such cases, it is almost impossible to restore friendly relations.
How to make peace with a pen pal
The word is not a sparrow, as you know, and it is impossible to return what is said. If you both haven’t cooled down yet, or your pride is stopping you, or you’re simply ashamed (terrified) to have a frank conversation, you need to write a letter to your friend.
Having realized the cause of the conflict, state your position on paper. Not just: “It’s my fault”! Describe your feelings today, offer to make peace. Indicate for what reasons you want to improve the relationship, what exactly you value, what qualities you love in a friend. Remember the pleasant moments spent together: a trip to the sea, a vacation at a camp, your favorite ice cream on a bench, riding on a swing.
You can also write a letter electronically, but it is better to choose a paper version. Highlight the main words with colored pens and accompany the text with cute patterns. You can paste her favorite candy, a movie ticket, or an invitation to tea to the letter.
The content of the letter should depend on the cause of the quarrel. If it’s your friend’s fault, it’s enough to simply and succinctly say that you miss her. If you are to blame, but the reason is not serious (you were late, didn’t pick up the phone), then you can ask for forgiveness and ridicule yourself at the same time for your shortcoming (deaf grouse, turtle). If your guilt is strong, you should be as frank as possible in your statements, express remorse, a desire to help, and support your beloved friend. Even if you sprinkle ashes on your head, show the extent of your despair!
If you are at school, you can throw a note on her desk with a cute content: “I’ve had enough of Rafaello, you’ve had enough of my presence :)”, “I missed your cheerful laughter”, “I haven’t slept without you for a week, save me, dear”, “Let’s go after school for cotton candy in the park.”
Why do people stop being friends?
It is clear that everyone has quarrels for different reasons. Sometimes they are stupid, and sometimes the reason is significant, and the offense is justified. But it is important to remember that a friend, even if the girls are in conflict, is a close person who deserves understanding and empathy.
READ Behavior after a quarrel: what to do to make your girlfriend forgive you
Initially, it is recommended to analyze why the scandal occurred, and only then make attempts to make peace with your girlfriend:
- Misunderstanding. People, even the closest ones, have different views on certain things. You need to accept this or find friends who would share the person’s opinion completely. But it is almost impossible to agree on everything, because disagreements will still appear somewhere.
- Pressure. If a friend tries to provoke, manipulates, forces you to do something, or behaves hysterically, then it is better not to communicate with her. The girl is able to adopt this pattern of behavior or develop some internal problems that will prevent her from making friends with people in the future.
- Violation of personal boundaries. Not every person understands that you should not interfere in your friend’s life, even if their communication is very close and trusting. Someone tries to give advice, finds out information, tries to insert their two cents when there is no need for it. It is better to warn such friends so that they do not cross conventional boundaries and do not begin to become familiar. If talking doesn't help, then communication should be stopped.
These reasons are the main ones that can ruin a friendship. It is important to understand whether it is necessary to establish interpersonal relationships with this person at all. If a friend does not value her loved ones, neglects their feelings, behaves meanly and ugly, then it is better not to contact her. Even if it’s hard at first, after a while it will pass, the emotions will fade away.
READ How to apologize to a guy and get forgiveness
When a girl admits that she is guilty, but in general is not too eager to continue the friendship, it is recommended to resolve the conflict and then reduce communication to nothing. This way, the friends will remain good acquaintances, and there will be no enmity or hostility between them.
How to make peace with a friend via SMS
If your friend doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s quite reasonable to establish contact via SMS. SMS is suitable when the reason for the quarrel is not serious or you and your friend simply misunderstand each other. If the conflict is large-scale, the above option is more suitable.
You shouldn’t overwhelm your friend with text messages; a couple of laconic phrases will be enough. The text should aptly indicate your position and become the start of your reconciliation. The tone of the text should be friendly, without a hint of accusation or arrogance. If you are to blame for the discord, the SMS should be short and serious. Humor will be inappropriate, even if you communicate in life exclusively on a cheerful wave. For example: “Let's go to the cinema”, “Forgive me, I was wrong”, “Shall we take a walk after lunch?”, “Help me, please”, “I regret that this happened”, “I don’t want our friendship to fade.”
And if a friend is to blame, you can add a touch of humor to the phrase initially. This will let you know that you are ready to make peace. For example: “Eh, since my friend won’t give me tea, I’ll have to go home and drink it alone,” “Come with me to an important matter in the evening, Agent Page,” “I have your friendship hostage, urgently go to negotiations.” If you and your friend have your own jokes, be sure to include them in the SMS, it will show your warm intention.
If you can’t establish a relationship with your friend this way, leave her alone. This means the time has not come yet. Let him miss you and rethink your friendship. Don't bore her with long tirades about your desire to make peace. You did everything you could at this stage, then the decision is hers.
What to do to reconcile two friends
Please note that such help may not only not be appreciated, but also received with hostility. Not all people like it when someone tries to get into their relationship with someone, and it doesn’t matter whether we are talking about existing relationships or about ones that have already been destroyed. If you know for sure that your help will be appreciated, and the quarreling girls need it, or one of the parties asked you for it, then you can take some steps in this direction.
Transmit a letter
Invite one of the parties to write a letter to a friend and seal it. Your mission will be to deliver this letter to the recipient, and make sure that he actually reads its text. The fact is that one of the girls may not dare to take this step, fearing that the message will not reach or will be ignored. You will make sure that the letter is still read.
Sudden meeting
You can organize some kind of event or celebration where you can invite both girls. If the breakup of their relationship was painful, then it is probably not worth warning them about an imminent meeting. If you know that each of them regrets the quarrel and wants to make peace, then you can certainly warn them that they will soon see each other - in such a situation, the girls themselves will most likely try to take advantage of the opportunity provided. At the event itself, give your friends the opportunity to talk alone - you can ask the two of them to go to the store for some “necessary” purchase, or leave them alone in the kitchen, after asking them to help with cutting the salad. There can be many options - your task is to give them a chance to talk without witnesses.
How to make peace with a friend on social networks
The social network is the salvation of modern people. With its help, you can express an emotion, show your mood with music, or send an important video. As a rule, if a friend refuses to reconcile, the functionality of a social network comes to the rescue.
First, think carefully about whether today there is any reason to make peace (her name day, the anniversary of your friendship, the day of kindness, the day of a good person, etc.). On the Internet now every day some event is celebrated. Send her a gift on this occasion, be sure to sign it. For example, today is Tiger Protection Day, send her a corresponding picture with the caption “The most harmful/cute/beautiful/kisula.”
Attach a song to her page that reflects your current mood or has positive emotions or pleasant memories between the two of you. You can sign the song “When you are not there, I don’t see the sun”, “Song of the little mischief-maker”, “Drive away my sadness”, “If you continue to sulk, it will be like in this song :)”. If you have signature jokes that only the two of you understand, great! Connect them.
If you and your friend have your own nicknames, use them! If you call her Pulka, find a picture with this image and, using a photo editor, make an interesting inscription on it: “You hit me in the very heart,” “Your cold is about to kill me,” “Fly to me, my Pulka.” Or come up with a poem with this nickname. This will show your special attitude and melt the heart of even the most unapproachable friend!
Quarrel - destroys or strengthens
Reconsider your attitude towards quarrels. Most people perceive them as negative, don't repeat their mistakes. In psychology, this is a release of negative energy that accumulates from time to time when communicating with absolutely any person. If this does not happen, the consequences can be very dire:
- depression;
- anger, irritation, psychosis, nervous breakdowns;
- development of complexes;
- termination of communication without explanation.
Therefore, it is much better to throw out all this negativity from time to time, but in portions, restraining yourself within the bounds of decency. It turns out that a quarrel is a release of accumulated tension, and after reconciliation, the relationship will become even stronger. Think along these lines and don’t treat these conflicts as something destructive and negative.
Example from practice. The two girls, college students, had been friends since elementary school and were inseparable. Upon completion of their studies, one of them was going to go to work in her specialty, the second was going to study further at the university in her field (teachers and parents insisted on this). However, a friend dissuaded her from this because she knew that she was doing this to please adults, although she herself had dreamed of a different profession all her life. They constantly had quarrels about this until the relationship broke off forever.
Everything ended well: the second girl realized that her friend discouraged her from going to university not out of envy, but because she wanted a better life for her. Thanks to her support, after college she was able to retrain for the profession in which she saw herself and become successful. This is one example of how a quarrel between best friends carried not a destructive charge, but a positive one. According to statistics, in 85% of cases this happens in women, it’s just that not everyone understands it.
Should you give a gift as an apology?
People have mixed opinions about gifts. Some say that a gift is an excellent reason to return friendship, while others consider it an imposition of obligation.
There is nothing wrong with the gift itself. It will be especially relevant if there is no serious discord between you. In this case, you can simply show up in front of your friend’s door with her favorite fruits, sweets, wine, a ticket to the show and solemnly wave your hand and a rattling bag through the peephole.
If the quarrel was serious, then the gift will be appropriate only in certain cases:
- if it is inexpensive (to eliminate the friend’s feeling of guilt);
- if the gift is chosen according to its meaning (according to the friend’s character);
- if between you it is permissible to give gifts to each other.
If the above points are taken into account, then a gift may well smooth out some awkwardness. Give something that your friend will definitely like - her favorite lipstick, a fresh bouche, a collection of stickers, a balloon. The main thing is not the price, but your attention and effort!
Remember that a gift itself cannot smooth out rough edges and say unsaid things. It only acts as an accompanying detail, but without constructive dialogue it is impossible to make peace.
What to do
Usually, after going through the above stages, you will already want to make peace even after a strong quarrel. But how exactly to do this? Start from the reason.
- Pride
If one of your friends considers himself better than the other (in terms of social status, career growth, marital status, moral principles), this can hardly be called friendship. But if it is perennial, it means there is something above all this that has connected you for so many years. And you’ve probably already learned to put up with a crown on the head of one of you, so cool down and just continue communicating as if nothing happened.
If the cause of quarrels is your friend’s pride and inflated self-esteem, still make sure that in the heat of the conflict she does not humiliate you. If it constantly comes to this, the relationship is not worth renewing.
- Resentment
Did you say something offensive to your friend? Apologize sincerely, give her a nice gift (chocolate, bottle of wine), admit that you were wrong. Knowing that she is so sensitive and vulnerable, next time think about what you say. And in general, if she has low self-esteem and gets hung up on any negative word, try to help her get rid of her internal complexes.
Did the quarrel happen because you were offended? You will have to work with your own self-esteem (we have already told you how to do this). What if what your friend said is true and needs to be corrected? If you are sure that her words are unfounded, let them pass you by - you are above this.
- Envy
If you quarreled because she was jealous of your ideal relationship with a man, think: are you showing it off too much? Especially knowing that your friend is now having problems with her personal life? This also applies to any other areas. Do not be provocateurs of envy and there will be no conflicts. What to do? Go and explain to her that not everything is as good with you as she thought.
If you are envious, this is a reason to seriously think about why she was able to achieve the desired position, while your career stands in one place. Maybe we need to stop blaming her for getting into this chair in a not entirely honest way, and start working on herself? How to make friends in this case? Call, apologize, express admiration for her determination and ask for advice on how you can change your life for the better.
- Outlook on life
She is an Orthodox believer, and you are an atheist? Or is she a vegetarian to the core, and you can’t live without fast food? If the reason for your constant quarrels is antagonistic views on life, avoid these topics and do not try to change it. And making peace in such cases is easier than ever. Treat her to something nice: invite her to dinner and make her favorite vegan arugula salad.
- Jealousy
If the reason is jealousy towards a man (she has someone), she should not start quarrels, like “Oh, you traded me for him,” but wait patiently until their candy-bouquet period ends. Everyday life, grinding, gray everyday life will begin, and guess who she will run to with all these problems? Of course, to you.
If you have a man and they are jealous of you, reassure your friend, explain to her that this relationship will not affect your friendship. Pay more attention to her, show her that she still means a lot to you - and the conflict will be resolved.
If the reason for the quarrel is jealousy towards other women claiming to be a friend, then you need to let go of the situation and not throw tantrums. True relationships will stand the test, but if not, that means it’s not destiny, and you shouldn’t regret it.
- Finance
This issue must be resolved openly, without hints or circumlocutions. All grievances and complaints should be expressed, but in a calm tone. If both value friendship, a compromise will definitely be found.
Analyzing the situation
First, you need to abstract yourself from emotions and consider the situation as it is: what exactly hurt your friend - for this you need to look at what happened from her side
Talked to someone about her, and she took it as a betrayal? Didn't you say something important in your life? Didn't support you in a difficult moment? The claims may seem strange, but even if this is so, a person’s feelings are hurt and they must be treated with respect
Perhaps in response, during the quarrel, I had to listen to a lot of unpleasant words. There is no need to go through them in your head, it’s better to just apologize - it was just a manifestation of the fact that a loved one is in pain. If you begin to develop retaliatory resentment, peaceful relations will not be achieved through mutual accusations.
We find a compromise solution
You need to try to understand how serious the friend herself considers the situation. It is clear that if you flirted with her boyfriend, a simple apology will not be enough, some action will be required.
You should consider what she loves and what qualities she has. Will she get a joke about this? Will he agree to listen to long explanations? Will she accept the gift with joy, or will she decide that it is a dishonest bribe? Sometimes it’s better to just give it time and not touch the painful part.
You can remember how the injured party itself resolves conflict situations, or how it spoke about different methods of reconciliation. This is usually no secret for close people.
A simple "sorry"
Sometimes simple words can do more than anything else. The willingness to admit guilt shows that friendship is more important than your own ego.
It’s good if you can find a good moment when her indignation subsides a little. At the same time, you can ask how to atone for your guilt.
Approach with humor
Perfect for those who like to joke. Surely there is humor that only you understand - then she will remember what unites you.
You can joke about yourself, about the situation, but you should not laugh at her feelings - even if it seems that she was offended for an absolutely ridiculous reason.
A reconciling gift
The gift will show the determination to make sacrifices to restore peaceful relations. It could be something that a friend has long wanted: a new toy for her souvenir collection, cosmetics, jewelry.
Some come to put up with a bottle of something alcoholic to finish the use of gatherings. In any case, the gift should bring joy to the offended party.
Sincere message
Sometimes it's better to put your thoughts in writing. This will help you weigh every word and wording. Great if your friend likes to interrupt or if you tend to get angry.
It is worth choosing a method of transmitting information: just SMS or a beautifully designed paper letter sent by mail. It is clear that the latter will cause more joy.
Intimate talk
Often, conversation plays an important role in how to apologize to your best friend - a simple “sorry” is not enough, although it all starts with it.
You need to be prepared that your girlfriend will not immediately want to have conversations. It’s good if you can create a welcoming atmosphere.
What to say during a conversation
It's usually best to start by admitting your guilt. Even if it's unclear what happened, you can apologize for hurting her feelings and reassure her that it wasn't intentional.
Sometimes it is appropriate to explain the reason for your behavior: I said it without thinking, in the heat of the moment. If you did something wrong, tell me what the reason was. In any case, what is said must be true. If you are tempted to make up a mind-blowing story, you need to think about how dishonest it is, firstly, and secondly, what will happen when the lie is revealed.
Explanations should not look like an attempt to justify yourself or get out by making yourself look innocent. This causes hostility because it does not look like a sincere apology. And vice versa: when a person admits that he is guilty, the accusing party can find others involved.
Then you will need not to speak, but to listen, even if the answer is unpleasant. Most likely, she will repeat her complaints and feelings again - this is how women experience what happened. She will talk it out and she will feel better. You can then ask what she expects - what could be done to improve the situation.
If the conflict is serious enough, she may ask to give up something. For example, if you flirted with her boyfriend, she has the right to ask not to communicate with him anymore. And if the problem is gossip, then you should talk about what things can be considered acceptable for discussion and what are not. This behavior will show that the request for forgiveness is sincere and the problem will not happen again.
