A normal woman does not cheat for sex. Most likely, you have serious problems in mutual understanding and communication in your relationship.
Most often this is a lack of attention when you spend a lot of time at work. Or you’ve changed, you’ve gotten your head down on your wife, you’ve relaxed, and you’re not taking care of her or your marriage. You don’t hear her, you’re not interested in her life and feelings. Sound familiar?
Moreover, I will say with 100% probability that she has hinted to you more than once about her dissatisfaction. And she even suggested solutions. Do you remember?
Remember if you heard the phrases from her: “Let’s go on vacation, reboot”, “Be home more often”, “The children miss you” and so on. But you ignored her, put off your family for later, and were busy with business. And now I’m forced to read my article.
Understand that she takes from her lover what you do not give her at home. And it's hardly sex. Rather, it is attention, communication, passion. Everything that you gave at the beginning of the relationship, but now you have stopped.
The most difficult thing you need to do now is to understand the reason why your wife cheated. And admit that the blame lies partly with you.
Think about everything, calm down, understand your feelings and attitude towards the current situation. Namely, decide whether you want to resume and correct the situation or whether you would prefer to stop everything. How to forget, forgive and move on? You will get these answers when you understand the root causes.
Think about it, do you really love her or is it just a habit? Do you really not imagine your life without your wife or do you not want to let her go because you are comfortable together?
Did you push her to cheat? Who is really to blame?
What to do?
Act solely in your own interests.
⠀If you found out about cheating due to someone’s “good” will (demonstrative SMS on the phone, marks left on a shirt, etc.), do not go to extremes and do not break off relations with your partner immediately. Give yourself time to analyze and cool down as much as possible. Then tune in to an open dialogue: ask calmly and with a cool mind the questions that concern you.
Talk to your partner - it is likely that in this case the “well-wisher” is leading you to a quick emotional breakup.
If you are told about cheating in hints or anonymously, think about the motive for such a message and whether everything is really as described to you. It is unlikely that a person friendly to you will act this way.
You don't tell her that you know about the cheating.
Option one. You have thought about the whole situation and understand that you are partly to blame. And my beloved made a mistake because she was not happy with you.
Psychologist's advice: if you want to save your family and correct everything that happened, you don’t have to tell your wife that you know about the betrayal.
It will be much easier psychologically for her. Guilt for treason will not be announced. And all she can do is feel shame inside herself.
Sometime in the future you can talk about this. But for now, focus on making your couple happy.
If you already understand what your mistakes were, start correcting them.
Be at home more often, delegate responsibilities at work, free up time for your family. Remember what you were like at the beginning of the relationship. Bring back the romance, pay attention to your wife. Be a good husband and fight off all possible desires to go outside.
Perhaps you have neglected yourself and lost your form? Perhaps you have stopped being interested in anything other than your work and meeting friends on weekends? Maybe you didn't give her a feeling of care and security?
Analyze all these things and think about what you could do better. What could you change about yourself to make you proud of yourself?
Take my “Sex God” training and become the ideal lover for whom she will run after with a mattress!
A woman will merge all her lovers if the one she once loved appears next to her again. New you, pumped up you.
Analyze your role in the current situation
There are very few pathological cheaters in serious relationships. In the overwhelming majority of cases, this is a man’s reaction to the circumstances that have developed within your interpersonal relationships. Repeated betrayal is likely only if the mistakes made are not corrected.
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A person and his love union are not the same thing. And male infidelity has nothing to do with your female defeat. Cheating does not devalue you or make you a victim or victim.
If you are faced with betrayal, think, evaluate the relationship, what you or your partner did not do enough in this union. Not for everyday life, not for financial well-being, mortgages or external markers of success, but specifically for relationships. This is a good reason to look at the situation soberly and finally take care of yourself. The revelation of betrayal is always a huge stress not only for the one who was cheated on, but also for the one who cheated.
How to cope with a breakup?
Parting with a loved one is not an apocalypse. You just need to learn to live on . Going into depression and shedding tears at night is not the best way out. As well as nostalgia.
The past is already in the past. It cannot be returned or changed. However, the future depends solely on the person himself. If possible, it is best to minimize contact with your ex-partner.
A good option in such a situation would be a new hobby, or even better, a trip to a multi-day tourist trip, preferably of a high category of difficulty, for example, river rafting. Nature calms people down.
The fatigue that has accumulated during the day does not allow sad thoughts to enter your head. New impressions gradually replace old memories.
The most important thing in such a situation is not to despair and not to blame yourself for everything . It is better to soberly and calmly assess the situation and make a decision for yourself - whether it is worth erasing your ex-partner from your life forever or giving him a chance to restore the relationship.
Keep your emotions under control
Do not give excessive free rein to destructive emotions, try to realize what is really happening, and identify your own goals - how you want to solve this problem (save your family or union, separate comfortably, change your attitude towards what is happening, or simply start life again).
Article on the topic
Together is impossible. My husband proposes divorce - what should I do? Based on your and only your goal, build an algorithm of behavior with your man. In some cases, there is a chance to preserve the union and make it more pleasant for both partners, even after cheating. This is indeed possible, so don’t cut and burn bridges at once.
Relationships will have to be built from scratch
So, you decided to save the relationship. How to survive your wife's betrayal and save your family? Remember that the relationship will have to be rebuilt, you will never have the same life that you had before the betrayal, but this does not mean that you cannot live better than before. It all depends on whether you can finally forgive your loved one or not, whether you will forget about the betrayal or whether you will constantly remember it. Although it is almost impossible to forget this, it is quite possible to live with it.
It will probably not be easy for you to forgive your wife, forget the betrayal, and reconnect broken ties. However, the result is certainly worth fighting for!
Ask yourself questions. And answer them honestly
Don't get into your partner's soul. He may, under the influence of his condition or circumstances, say something that will resonate with serious pain in your heart, and the wounds after these words will take a long time to heal, and in a week the person himself will not even remember his words.
If your partner cheated, but does not try to make amends, you should not try to reason with him. In this case, it is better to turn to yourself and ask yourself a few questions:
- How do I feel about what is happening to me? Do I agree to this?
- How do I feel when all this happens: anger, irritation, resentment, sadness?
- Am I ready to live in this situation and how long can I live like this?
- What date (what period) do I set for myself to stop enduring all this?
Is it possible to forgive your wife's betrayal?
Should you forgive your wife's infidelity? For various reasons, a woman can make this mistake. But the “glue” that binds their relationship, if the spouses value them and have a reason to preserve the marriage, often gives rise to the desire to correct and rebuild the relationship. If it is not there, if the wife, by this betrayal, only sought to find an additional reason to break off the relationship, to aggravate the problem, to make the unspoken obvious - perhaps the marriage has already “died”, and there is nothing left to save.
A man needs to ask himself whether to forgive his wife’s infidelity, without blindly following the advice of family or friends. Because they often have a personal, albeit unconscious, motive to influence the course of events. This is how hidden revenge can manifest itself, which is often expressed in actively pushing for divorce, inciting problems and pseudo-participation. Or the person himself is left alone and is trying to impose the same life scenario on you, so as not to perceive himself so lonely, to strengthen his life strategy through you.
A man needs to look at his wife’s infidelity as an illustration of a crisis in marriage, a crisis created not by the wife on her own, but with their mutual participation. Figure out what you expect from your partnership, why didn’t you talk about this earlier, what needs to be introduced into your relationship to make cheating impossible in the future? This will allow you not only to sort out this problem, but will also enrich your family life. Sometimes, even if the marriage could not be saved, the analysis of this problem is useful to the man in the next relationship, and prevents similar difficulties in the new partnership, since they often depend on the man as well.
There is a categorical opinion that a person who has cheated once will definitely continue to cheat. And the man here experiences fear of the unknown, disorder, and lack of control in life with this woman. Sometimes, even when loving, he can experience the loss of trust so strongly that he decides to break off the relationship and remain single, and only after a while build a relationship, while choosing the most predictable woman as a partner.
A man more often experiences betrayal, like the betrayal of a partner in business - when he let him down and found his benefits on the side. Now it’s dangerous to deal with him, because where can we get guarantees that this situation will not happen again? Following logic, he forces himself to make a decision that will protect him. If this approach is close to you, then it is worth examining the directness and honesty in the woman’s behavior, not trying to exaggerate and denigrate her actions, not inflating the image of possible future problems, and also think purely logically about what needs she tried to satisfy on the side. It is possible that in your partnership her interests were infringed; she could not get something extremely important for her. Only by determining what it is will you begin to judge the situation more objectively.
Understand how critical the situation is
If a partner cheats regularly, but does not leave, it means that he believes that he is allowed to do so (even if subconsciously) and feels his power.
Usually such people are more confident in themselves. They arrange their lives so that finances and housing are under their control, they use double standards: “I can, but you can’t.”
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When a person cheats and no one stops him, his partner gradually takes up less and less space, falling into a dependent position. If you are able to live on your own, then it is better to end the relationship, because otherwise it will destroy your faith in yourself.
Dependent relationships cannot be complete and cannot fill you with resources. They are destructive.
Vdovin Ivan
- More than 15 years in psychology
- Owner of 2 successful businesses
- Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
- Certified NLP Practitioner
- Certified Hypnotherapist
- In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
- Helped over 100 clients
- I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
- My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day
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Techniques for removing negative emotions
Having driven away all negative emotions, you will be able to soberly assess the scale of the problem and solve them without chopping unnecessary wood. The most interesting thing is that all feelings after learning about the betrayal are easily processed and complete balance and understanding comes. And also a man easily forgives his girlfriend. But the girl understands everything perfectly and will never change it again. Even from such bad situations, sincere relationships happen.
Analyze the goal.
If a person is not prone to cheating, but it still happened, perhaps an unconscious desire to destroy the relationship was at work.
Article on the topic
Leftist and marriage. What benefits can adultery bring? A man does not want to go through this alone; it is important for him to find someone on the side, someone who will support him in his desire to leave the relationship. The mistress often acts as an external support point. It becomes a tool for solving personal problems.
If you feel that the betrayal had precisely this purpose, leave the relationship and do not try to look for those responsible.
You talk to her and you solve the problem together.
If you don’t really like the option of remaining silent, and you want to throw out all your emotions and resentment, you can talk to her directly.
Remember that this should be a calm and dignified conversation without accusations or insults.
Your goal is to find out with her all the priorities in your family, rebuild the relationship, start with a clean slate.
Explain that the betrayal hurt you greatly, but you want to improve the situation. Ask her what doesn’t suit her about your couple and your behavior. You will be able to understand and listen to her better after a frank conversation.
Most likely, you were missing out on a lot of things that were important to her. And don’t delay changes, be for her the man she wants.
Everything is very individual in each couple, and I cannot assume exactly what she will answer you. But if you decide to be honest, speak to her directly and openly. Be ready to rebuild what has begun to crumble.
Do not move away from her during this period. I understand that your pride is greatly hurt. But don’t be cold with her, don’t act as if you are strangers. On the contrary, surround her with warmth, attention and care. So that she understands how much you love her.
Cool down
The best thing you can do when you find out about your wife's real infidelity while drunk is to leave. While rabies is boiling in your blood, you can do a lot of irreparable things and it will get even worse. Leaving will allow you to physically distance yourself from the problem for a while and calm down.
You need someone close to whom you can talk. Talk about what happened, talk through a problem, or write about how you feel on paper. You will “throw out” the pain and it will become easier. There is no need to make immediate, irrevocable decisions and communicate them to others.
Take a break
If you have the opportunity to throw yourself into work, take advantage of the situation. If friends invite you to go fishing, hiking, hunting, to the gym, to the ends of the world - go, a change of scenery is useful. Even after your wife’s betrayal, you should force yourself to move, communicate, work, load yourself up so that there is no time left for mentally “scrolling” the situation in your head.
Sooner or later, the problem will require a solution, but you should have time out to calm down and get rid of unnecessary emotions caused by your wife’s betrayal. Try to step back and not take any action rashly. If your spouse insists on a meeting, explain that when you are ready for a constructive dialogue, you will call yourself.
Don’t “extinguish” the pain by drinking - alcohol will not ease it and will not solve the problem.
If you are 100% focused on preserving the relationship, but there is resentment and anger, what to do?
If you have decided to save your family, then the hardest part is over. All that remains is to remove all the hidden emotions that prevent you from communicating comfortably with your woman. There are different methods for this, for example, like the one I posted above or this:
Technique for neutralizing emotions
If you need a quick and powerful solution to a problem, then write to me, we will work through all the negative emotions and lay down a new life scenario. With happiness, without betrayal and complete trust in each other.
Helpful tips for restoring relationships after cheating
In order to quickly restore your relationship, follow these recommendations:
- Spend more time with your spouse, take an interest in her life.
- Compliment her more often and say nice words.
- Arrange her romantic dates more often.
- Give her romantic gifts regularly.
- Don't be afraid to experiment in bed.
- Take care of yourself: exercise, eat right, dress stylishly
- Frequently visit places with which you have common pleasant memories.
Then you won’t have to live in constant depression and fear of repeated betrayal. The experience, although unpleasant, will remain a life lesson.
What not to do
The main mistake of many men is trying to do something to drown out the pain of betrayal. Most often it is alcohol or reciprocal infidelity. Any of these actions will only aggravate the situation, but will not help in any way to sort it out. The likelihood of a complete break in the relationship will increase significantly, since there will only be more insults, but now from the spouse.
Also, do not indulge in extreme sports or gambling. The pain of betrayal can dull the instinct of self-preservation or caution, leaving room only for the desire to somehow rehabilitate oneself. This causes serious injuries and significant financial losses.
Reasons for female infidelity
The women themselves identify several reasons why they were drawn “to the left”:
- Sexual dissatisfaction. It is more difficult to bring a woman to orgasm, and some representatives of the stronger sex do not even know how to do it. Over time, she will want to add some variety to other people's embraces.
- Jealousy and constant control. When a husband smothers his wife with attention, constantly calls and writes in order to find out “where are you and with whom?”, then in her eyes he loses respect.
- Her husband doesn't pay attention to her. All women love compliments, flowers, and doing things together. But if you exchange this for football and beer with friends, then there is no romance, feelings fade away. So you shouldn’t be surprised if your wife leaves for someone who appreciates her and makes her desirable.
- The influence of her environment. Women are receptive, and when they are told from all sides about the shortcomings of her man, neither parents nor friends approve of her chosen one of the heart, then a woman often listens to public opinion and follows its lead.
- Treason in revenge. If a man constantly lies to his beloved and cheats on her, then she either leaves him or tries to reason with him at the cost of her own betrayal. Such relationships are hopeless.
You can read more about the reasons that may push your loved one to cheat in this article.
There is only one 100% accurate way to determine the reason - calmly talk to the girl . The key word here is calm. Another scandal will not help here. Remember, your main task is to let the woman speak. This will help you look at the relationship “through her eyes.”
