“When I grow up, I will marry my mother!” It is not uncommon to hear such confessions. Likewise, the girl wants to marry her dad. Parents are used to being touched: after all, these are just children’s fantasies, and maybe even jokes. But in fact, these confessions are one of the manifestations of the Oedipus complex. A child who has it becomes overly attached to the parent of the opposite sex (son to mother, daughter to father), and the second parent may be considered as his rival. Freudian theory explains this by saying that the child develops a sexual attraction to the parent of the opposite sex. Often the concept of “Oedipus complex” is applied only to boys, and similar behavior in girls is called the Electra complex. However, a number of authors consider this approach to be outdated, and the “Oedipus complex” is applied to both sexes.
What is the Oedipus complex
In 1897, Freud first described his childhood: tender feelings for his mother and jealousy for his father. He compared the experience to the ancient Greek work of Sophocles. The complex was named in honor of the tragedy “Oedipus the King”.
Freud's theory
The Oedipus complex as a psychological phenomenon was introduced by Freud in 1910. He believed that this phenomenon equally affects children of different sexes. Children experience unconscious attraction to a parent of the opposite sex. They see the second parent as a rival and try to eliminate him. Later, Freud's student Carl Gustav Jung coined the separate term “Electra complex.” Briefly these two phenomena can be described as follows:
- boys aged 3-5 years old strive to attract the attention of their mother, are jealous of their father and see him as a rival;
- Girls tend to pay more attention to their dad and take on maternal responsibilities.
As an expression of Freud's philosophical heritage, the complex gained greater significance in the research of a new generation of psychologists.
Oedipus complex in philosophy
The child's psyche has a need to be like his parent. This is an innate instinct in the formation of a holistic “I” - to identify oneself in the world around us. And the whole world of a child under 4-6 years old is home and parents.
The boy strives to be like his father. At the same time, he wants to take on the role of dad in all respects, including his own mother. The child does not ignore the fact that from a certain age their parents do not allow them to sleep with them. A contradiction, a conflict arises. The same thing works in the relationship between a daughter and her mother.
Praphantasies
Freud originally explained the emergence of castration anxiety
in a boy as a result of spying on girls and threats from adults during masturbation.
“The boy has a castration complex
arises after, having seen female genitals, he learned that the member so highly valued by him does not necessarily have to be with the body.
Then he remembers the threats to which he was exposed while dealing with his penis, begins to believe them and from then on falls under the influence of the fear of castration.” (“ Introduction to Psychoanalysis
”)
You ask me how castration fear
, if the boy has never seen female genitalia and has never been threatened with castration?
So, fear of castration is not universal? Freud, apparently, was also puzzled by this question and found a universal solution for it, introducing the concept of unconscious fantasy
or
proto-phantasy
:
"I believe that these ancestral fantasies
‒ ...are a phylogenetic heritage.
In them the individual goes beyond the limits of his own experience into the experience of prehistoric time
, where his own experience becomes too rudimentary.
It seems to me quite possible that everything that is told today in analysis as fantasy - the seduction of children, the outbreak of sexual excitement when observing sexual intercourse of parents, the threat of castration
(or rather, castration) was a reality in the primitive human family, and the fantasizing child simply
replenished
prehistoric truth
gaps
in individual truth. We have repeatedly had the suspicion that the psychology of neuroses has preserved for us more from the ancient period of human development than all other sources.” (ibid.)
Thanks to this fundamental assumption, it was now no longer important only to prove the existence of the threat of castration in individual history
the patient as the cause of fear of castration, but also to identify
the causes of neuroses
, giving them over to proto-fantasies - whereas earlier Freud saw as the cause of the development of neurosis the real seduction of a child by an adult or as a result of a child observing the sexual intercourse of his parents.
The Legend of the Oedipus Complex
This strangeness in the behavior of men goes back to the myth of King Oedipus. The Theban king Laius received a prophecy from an oracle that his son would kill his father and marry his mother. Frightened by the prediction, Lai began to avoid his wife, Jocasta. But the girl became pregnant by cunning, by getting her husband drunk.
When Laius and Jocasta had a son, the dissatisfied father left the child to die. The boy was found by a shepherd. A kind man did not abandon the child and took him to a neighboring city for adoption to a childless family. The child was named Oedipus.
The adoptive family passed off their son as their own. When the boy grew up, city residents began to notice that he did not look like his parents. Rumors reached Oedipus. He became interested in his past and began to look for his real parents. This is how he learned about the prophecy.
Frightened, he decided to avoid his adoptive parents. He headed to Thebes, where along the way he met his real father, Laius. The king of Thebes did not recognize the traveler and was rude to him. He, in turn, could not tolerate the insult and threw a spear at the royal chariot. The horses, frightened, quickly carried the king to the cliff. Without knowing it, Oedipus killed his father.
Afterwards the young man married his own mother, Jocasta, and became the king of Thebes. This is how mythology gave Freud the name “Oedipus complex.”
Treatment
The office of a psychoanalyst or psychotherapist is the most suitable place to look for treatment methods. But most importantly, the owner of a set of manifestations of such a mental state must try with all his might to get out of this state.
Treatment of the Oedipus complex, which is perpetuated by stress and nervousness, is a long and complex process. The emotional connection between children and parents is the strongest, and it is impossible to break it. And pursuing precisely this goal is impossible even with the use of medications. There will be no positive dynamics.
In the treatment of the Oedipus complex in children, a clear example of correct family relationships and the presence of a healthy, independent, intelligent man nearby can be useful. When there is no clearly directed positive model of behavior, not only a father, but also a coach or teacher, an older brother or friend, a favorite actor or athlete can become a role model.
For adult men, treatment of the Oedipus complex results in a serious, continuous struggle with their superego. In this case, it is not at all easy to bring the super-ego out of the depths of the subconscious, to subordinate the instincts to total and comprehensive control. But as a result of this struggle, next to the mother there will be not a notorious, capricious child, but an adult, adequate, reliable man.
Oedipus complex in men
The father plays a huge role in a boy's life. This is the first authority that you want to rely on. This is an example to strive for. He does not allow the mother to protect her son with immeasurable love, and stops overprotection. In a word, this is a person who helps a child get out from under his mother’s skirt. Mom is kind and gentle, father is strict but fair.
The boy's father violates his childish fantasies about his mother. Because of their father, they seem wrong, unnatural. Therefore, the child displaces them and outgrows them. But when a child is raised by one mother, a completely different situation arises. This is how the reasons for strange behavior in an adult man arise.
But in practice, the mother can occupy a dominant position in the family, and the father can be weak-willed. Or it may not exist at all. Then the mother showers her only son with all the love and care. There are no barriers between mother and son, and the Oedipus complex bursts into the life of an adult man.
The danger of such a phenomenon
“Electra”, due to an unresolved and constantly reinforced syndrome, develops dependent behavior over time. The girl will sooner or later have to part with her parents' nest. However, due to her attachment to her dad, the daughter may become depressed. In adulthood, women are in search of a father figure, which sometimes lasts a lifetime and ends in failure.
The danger of the Electra complex is that girls begin to copy their father’s habits. They smoke or drink alcohol. In addition, a person with such a complex is capable of inheriting the typical traits of representatives of the stronger half of humanity.
How does the Oedipus complex manifest itself?
You can notice specific oddities in a child’s behavior between the ages of 3 and 5 years. During these years, the phallic stage of the child’s psychosexual development occurs. Over the years, the complex disappears. But under certain circumstances (incomplete family, authoritarian mother, etc.) the child may become fixated on problems.
Signs of the Oedipus complex in adult men
A boy without a father understands that his mother will always feed him and be sorry. No rival will come between them. Growing up takes longer. Then the question arises, how to recognize the Oedipus complex:
- a man lives with his mother at 20-30-40 years old;
- is in no hurry to get a girlfriend or wife;
- compares any potential partner with his mother;
- extreme stage – sits on mom’s neck, doesn’t work.
Causes
Many believe that the emergence of the Oedipus conflict is the result of an unhappy childhood. But this is fundamentally wrong. The syndrome can occur in a child both in a dysfunctional and in a loving family . Among the main reasons for the appearance of excessive craving for one of the parents are:
- severe stressful situations in childhood;
- lack of attention from mom or dad;
- growing up in a single-parent family;
- hyperattention and guardianship;
- excessive display of tenderness: kissing on the lips, caressing the genitals;
- demonstration of the naked body of one of the parents;
- conflicts in front of the child with subsequent attempts to get his support.
How to deal with the Oedipus complex
“Mother’s son” does not want to get rid of her care. The only way to snatch him from the clutches of maternal love is to realize the consequences of such a problem:
- childlessness;
- hopelessness, lack of initiative;
- lack of personal space;
- lack of sex life;
- inability to survive in society.
The only way to get rid of the problem is to weaken the role of the mother in a man’s life. At the same time, it is important to recognize the threat in time so that it is not too late.
Oedipus complex in boys: what to do?
It is important for mothers to understand that excessive custody of a child is a direct path to death. This is especially true for single mothers. If you see that your son does not leave your side at the age of 12-14, then sound the alarm. Teach him independence, send him to wrestling courses, where he can communicate with men. It is important for a fatherless boy to find an authority that he can look up to. This could be a coach, an uncle, an older brother.
If you are a father and notice a similar problem in your child, show interest in his life. Spend time together. The boy is in dire need of your care and support.
How to remove the complex from an adult man
In a man over 30, the Oedipus complex is treated radically: by moving out of his mother’s house. The only way. It is necessary to force a person to live independently, to reduce the influence of the mother. Otherwise, why look for relationships and develop if you have a mother?
Self-diagnosis
Timely diagnosis of the complex is the first step towards getting rid of it. You can determine whether you or your child have a disease by the following signs:
- Irritability. It is difficult for a person to control his own negative emotions, including jealousy.
- Whims. If the baby refuses to do anything without mom or dad, we can talk about the presence of a sick attachment.
- Breakup problems. When the object of adoration leaves, a person with a complex begins to develop a sense of ownership and anger. Sublimation and redirecting thoughts in another direction do not help. It is difficult for a child to come to terms with the fact that mom or dad is leaving.
- Reluctance to communicate with other people. If the baby refuses to contact children, preferring the company of his mother or father, you should sound the alarm. This symptom does not necessarily signal a complex; similar manifestations are also typical for other groups of disorders, but measures must be taken.
In adults, similar manifestations of the oedipal conflict are observed. In order not to aggravate the situation, you need to gather your willpower and take measures to eliminate the unpleasant disorder.
Oedipal syndrome is a complex phenomenon, which is not so easy to get rid of alone. Only well-coordinated work of parents in duet with a psychotherapist will help correct suppressed child sexuality.
