How to stop being jealous of a guy, screwing yourself up and trusting: advice from psychologists

24.06.2019
Most often, it is not the man who is suspected of cheating who suffers from jealousy, but the woman. She experiences fear, resentment, anger, anger. Negative thoughts prevent you from enjoying life and enjoying your relationship with your loved one. If there are no compelling reasons for suspicion, jealousy becomes pathological, you need to take urgent measures and seek help from a psychologist. We’ll tell you in our article how to stop being jealous and screwing yourself up, and trust a guy.

Stop controlling

Constant control exhausts both. Don't torture yourself and your loved one. Realize that the problem is only you. The search for signs of betrayal turns life into a spy thriller, but the end of the story is often tragic: the man, tired of hysterics and scandals for no reason, leaves. And the woman is left alone. Find harmony within yourself and give your loved one peace of mind using the following tips:

Learn to trust your partner. It's complicated. You'll have to make an effort. Do not check SMS, correspondence on social networks, do not pick up his phone. Don't ask who is calling or writing. If the guy wants, he will tell him himself.
Analyze what you are afraid of. Psychologists advise to survive and understand your fear. If you are afraid that a guy will cheat, imagine the picture that he is with someone else. Live these emotions as if they were real. This way you will get rid of fear. Now pain and phobias will be under control.
Stop nagging your husband or boyfriend for being late, meeting with friends, or saying the wrong word. Scandals and frequent quarrels cannot be tolerated by any normal man. You yourself push him to lies, secret meetings with friends.
Don't call your guy every 30 minutes. One call per evening is enough. A man should feel freedom and trust from the woman he loves.
Take responsibility for your emotions. Do you want to experience anger, rage, fear, please. It’s not the man’s fault that you have a good imagination and a 10-15 minute trip to the store, in your opinion, can be used to meet your mistress. Don't blame your spouse or boyfriend for something for which there is no evidence.
Let go of the situation. Stop beating yourself up and holding on to one man. Only a self-sufficient woman, and not a crybaby and hysterical woman, can keep a guy nearby. If it seems to you that there are enough signs of cheating, and your loved one denies all accusations, continues to kiss, hug, and care for you as before, relax. If he has a mistress, you will definitely find out about it reliably later.

According to psychologists, a woman’s lack of control is the first sign of her self-confidence. This does not mean that you need to completely stop asking your guy questions about his day and not pay attention to his behavior. Know your worth and don’t keep a person next to you who is not worthy of trust and does not have real feelings for you. Accept a simple truth within yourself: if a guy wants, he will cheat, he will leave. Control and mania for persecution will never be able to correct the nature of an unfaithful man. Therefore, there is no point in wasting energy on spy games.

Talk more with a man about your feelings

We are all brought up in different families, and, as you know, “every hut has its own rattles.” What is considered normal in one family may not be acceptable in another. To some, even harmless flirting will seem like betrayal. A man may not even realize what a storm of emotions the fact that he just said hello to an attractive colleague caused in his woman.

Therefore, it is so important not to harbor resentment, not to accumulate irritation, not to invent reasons for jealousy, but to find time and the right words to understand each other.

Take care of yourself

Beautiful, fit, smart and thrifty girls will always be in demand among normal guys. To stop being jealous of your man, engage in self-development.

If you don't know how to cook or want to improve your culinary skills, sign up for a chef course.
Be sure to play sports: swimming, gym, tennis or jogging in the morning are good for toning. Physical activity takes a lot of time; there is no energy left for sad thoughts.
Read books on psychology, personal growth training. A confident girl will not be afraid of breaking up with an unfaithful man and will stop comparing herself with more successful representatives of the fairer sex.
Meet and communicate with interesting people. Broaden your horizons in conversations, go to creative and friendly meetings.
Find a method to release negative emotions. This could be communication on forums with like-minded people, or going to the gym.
Generate positive emotions in yourself. Accumulate them, look for them in everything. Try to remember the feelings of joy and happiness, capture them in a photo, write them in a diary.

On a note! According to psychologists, the desire to get rid of pathological jealousy and an independent search for methods to eradicate negative thoughts is the first step towards recovery. Only in this case can a person turn the situation in his favor.

Make him jealous

You can get rid of suspicion with another effective method: make a guy jealous of his beloved. The main thing is not to overdo it with deception and tricks. The task of a jealous girl is to create the appearance of an affair on the side, but under no circumstances to start an affair for real.

To put your plan into action, use the following methods:

Write less often, call your boyfriend. Don't be constantly online on social networks. If he calls you himself, do not pick up the phone and call back in 10-15 minutes.
For unclear reasons, cancel several dates or reschedule them.
Complain to your loved one that a colleague or fellow student wanted to take you home, was refused, but continues to insist and court you.
Buy a beautiful trinket, put it on the chest of drawers in your room or in your purse. And accidentally let it slip that it was a gift from an old friend.
Communicate more with friends, go to the theater, club, exhibitions without a boyfriend. Post photos of parties on the social network where your loved one is registered. Let the guy see that you are not alone.
Take care of your appearance, change your wardrobe. Prepare carefully for meetings with girlfriends, college or work. The guy will definitely be alarmed.

If you succeed, then the question of how to stop being jealous of a guy will no longer worry you. Now a man must think about cheating, how to get his beloved back.

Signs of pathological jealousy

Pathological jealousy is a dangerous condition for a girl and her lover. In it, the lady loses touch with the real world and may show aggression and inappropriate behavior.

READ

Psychological controversy: why a man insults a woman

Pathological jealousy is one of the three main reasons that lead to domestic injuries and murders. The following symptoms will help you recognize that a woman has an unhealthy sense of possessiveness:

The desire to completely control a partner is the main sign of pathological jealousy. Who the man talked to, who he wrote to, where he went, what photos he looked at on VKontakte - all this cannot be hidden from his beloved.
If a girl suffers from pathological jealousy, she is not able to adequately respond to the actions and actions of a guy. A lady can cause a scandal when her chosen one’s phone is unavailable for 1 hour. If a man does not tell his beloved what he talked about with a colleague or friend on the phone, she will regard this as a sign of infidelity or dishonesty.
Blackmail is a favorite means of manipulating jealous women. It helps make your partner's behavior more flexible. A girl may threaten a guy with separation, suicide, or beatings from friends. This sign should not be ignored, as sooner or later it can cost the victim his life.
A jealous lady will constantly demand declarations of love and proof of feelings. But it will be impossible to earn the girl’s trust, because she understands that any promise can be broken.
A woman may demand that her chosen one stop communicating with the person she is jealous of. At the same time, the termination of friendly relations or friendship must necessarily take place in an aggressive manner.
A jealous person is characterized by frequent mood swings: a gentle expression of feelings can turn into attacks of aggression in a minute. In an excited state, a girl is capable of insulting a guy, shouting at him and using physical violence.

Overcoming pathological jealousy is very difficult. In such situations, it is advisable to consult a psychotherapist. It will help not only eliminate the symptoms of an unpleasant condition, but also teach you to look at the world differently.

How to stop being jealous of your ex

The psychology of girls is such that the relationship can be over, but jealousy towards the ex will remain. The strength and duration of anger at a guy depends on the character of the woman. To stop the mental anguish, consider the following options:

Go on vacation for a couple of weeks. Visit new places, meet new people. Be sure to post photos, joyful statuses about your vacation on VKontakte and other social networks.
Analyze past relationships. Couples do not break up if they have harmony and mutual understanding. Remember all the guy’s character traits that annoyed you, force yourself to forget about his good deeds. Try to create a negative image of your ex and feel sorry for his next lover.
Treat yourself. Go with your girlfriends to the most luxurious club, update your wardrobe. Make a wish list and gradually fulfill all of them.
Chat more with friends in real life, meet men online, enjoy compliments and dates.
Do something global. For example, charity, regularly help orphans, abandoned animals. Good deeds should absorb you completely, so that in a month you cannot remember what your ex looks like.

What to do if there is still a reason for jealousy?

Relationships should be a joy. Don’t get used to bad things and try to cure your partner of harmful cravings for the female sex:

Take care of yourself. Every girl knows ways to make a stunning impression on the right guy. Buy a dress with accents on the best parts of your figure so that Romeo can’t take his eyes off you. Ideally, you need to try so that your charms begin to work flawlessly on all the men you meet. Let the prince feel like he is in Othello's shoes. Such an emotional experience definitely won’t hurt him.
Disappear for a while. Motivate the unexpected decision with the need to put the relationship on pause, to figure out how suitable you are for each other. The realization that you can be lost so easily will make a guy think about his behavior, behave more carefully and take care of the achieved level of mutual trust. True, an alternative option is also possible: you returned, but the miracle did not happen. Don Juan continues to flirt with everyone, as if he was looking for alternate airfields. Reason to think: is such a loving boyfriend needed?

Advice from psychologist Yulia Lanske

Julia Lanske, a relationship expert and author of trainings for women, knows exactly how to stop being jealous of a guy and constantly screwing yourself up.

Her advice will be useful to you:

Don't ask unnecessary questions. Especially if you are not ready to hear an honest answer to them. Don’t rush things; if it happens, you’ll definitely be the first to know about a breakup.
Understand that your husband or boyfriend is not your property. He has the right to look around, talk with other women, and at the same time not put sexual overtones into the communication.
Take care of yourself. The fear of losing her usual way of life after a man leaves makes a woman weak. Realize your desires, opportunities, invest strength in yourself, in your career, then you will understand that you can exist perfectly well without this man.
Love yourself, your body. Low self-esteem pushes a woman to think about cheating, divorce, or the departure of her loved one to another, more beautiful, smart, economical one. When everything is in order with self-esteem, there is no room for jealousy. A self-sufficient woman understands that the guy chose her, which means everything about her suits him.
Don't look for a rival in every woman. There is no need to interrogate a guy about his colleagues, classmates at the institute, or his neighbor in the country. So you yourself push your loved one to another.
Do not deprive the guy of communication with the girls he knows. A union between a man and a woman does not imply shackles and a ban on talking with other people. Understand that you and your loved one should not avoid socializing after getting married or going on a couple of dates with each other.
Get rid of incorrect settings. The thought that all men cheat, if the husband does not give flowers, he does not love his wife, and so on, poisons the lives of girls. Understand that a guy doesn't have to live up to your idea of real men. He has his own ideas about correct behavior. Get rid of common clichés and life will be easier and more fun.
Find a hobby, go in for sports and don’t tell your loved one where you were and what you did today. Create suspense. Your loved one will become interested in your hobby when he sees the happy eyes of his partner.
Be interesting to others and yourself. Men quickly get bored with crybabies and bores.

External factors

To understand what worries you, you need to take a pen and a piece of paper. Next, you need to remember all the events that have happened over the past 3 months. How the communication went, how the young man behaved and was there any evidence of jealousy. Here are a few key points to pay special attention to.

Everything has changed. The girls are very worried that the relationship has changed, and now there are no those bright emotions and passions that were before. The loved one has become more restrained, and it is more difficult to overcome the strange feeling of betrayal. The main thing to remember here is that living together is not a permanent holiday. Over time, both partners settle down and the relationship moves to a new level. In this case, there is no point in being jealous.
There are fewer and fewer words about love. It is very difficult to find a guy who will talk about love day after day, especially since men tend to hide their feelings. If the other half constantly repeats that he cannot live without his beloved, then later his words simply will not be taken seriously. Why repeat what is already clear?
The guy moved away. Lately, has a young man shown less concern and spent more time without his girlfriend? He may have personal reasons for this, such as work, study or helping his family. Perhaps the jealousy here is unnecessary, and perceiving the situation less acutely will help get rid of it.
Gossip. There are many ill-wishers who will want to convince the girl that her lover is cheating. You need to treat all the information you hear adequately; you just need to learn to trust people, and especially those with whom you want to build a strong family. If doubts still prevail, then you will need to take a closer look at the guy’s behavior.
Other factors. The man began to avoid meetings, constantly hides his eyes, and on a date he looks for an excuse to leave quickly? In this case, you need to weigh everything and think about whether such a person is needed in life. Will a girl fight to show love? If so, then the tactics of conquest must be radically changed.

When it becomes clear what reasons caused jealousy, you need to start changing the situation or change yourself. But if there are no visible reasons, then you need to direct your energy to fight this feeling.

Advice from psychologist Denis Kostosh

A well-known expert on the development of relationships between a man and a woman, Denis Kostash, gives the following recommendations in his video lessons:

stop controlling a man;
talk to him about your feelings;
work on being interesting to your lover.

Jealousy ruins the lives of people of any age and social status. Young and mature representatives of the fairer sex suspect their loved ones of cheating and torment themselves with bad thoughts. If you don’t know how to learn not to be jealous of a man, be sure to take the advice of experienced psychologists from our article, and finally establish a harmonious relationship with your husband or boyfriend.