How to communicate with a married man - you will learn the most important rule of psychology. It will help you learn how to talk correctly with a man, lover and husband, so that he falls in love and is always interested.
I myself am married, and I am also one of the representatives of married men. Therefore, my opinion may not be the latest. If you try these tips first hand, they say, it may even help you in life.
Why do you even need to communicate with a man correctly? The fact is that we are all at work, communicating with friends. And it happens that these men are either married or in some kind of relationship with other girls. Of course, you need to somehow communicate with them correctly so that there are no unpleasant incidents. And if you succeed, then you and your friends will not have quarrels.
And men will appreciate and respect you. You will have many strong friends. Accordingly, you will succeed better in life. And your life will be happier, richer, more fun. Without any bad incidents to the maximum.
And we’ll start by taking an honest look inside a man’s head.
How to communicate with a married man if he is a headless horseman
Men are such interesting creatures who love women very much. They love them especially physically. And sex is very important for a man. Their instincts are very strong. Men are such more simplified creatures than women. More earthly. They really want women. And that’s why the topic of sex is so difficult.
Men react very strongly to female expressions of sexuality. For short skirts, for the shape of the female body: breasts, hips, legs. And the eyes are directed there, even regardless of the man’s desire. They just automatically boom and go down there.
In such situations, a man can be wedged simply for sexual reasons. Therefore, you need to be very careful in this regard. That is, to separate friendly, work and love relationships.
Why is it important? It is not so difficult to take a person away from the family. But at the same time, you dragged him away, but where is the guarantee that someone else won’t do it later? And here the question seems to arise: have you exchanged sewing for soap on the one hand?
On the other hand, he has some children there. It may also be small. And so the family breaks up: a lot of grief for children who are not guilty of anything. You were just flirting. But it hit him in the head and now he has already given up on his family. Usually, things are probably not that simple.
What are men afraid of in such relationships?
When entering into a relationship with a mistress, men are most afraid of the following moments:
- What does the wife find out about the fact of the “leftist”.
- That the mistress will become pregnant.
- That the mistress will insist on leaving the family and remarriage
Most fears are in the zone that a love relationship will require some kind of excessive effort, turning from an exciting but simple game that can be interrupted at any moment into a problem that requires solutions, often complex and unpleasant.
Time bomb: how not to blow it up
But even some short-term hobbies, novels - they tend to creep out sideways after years. And families fall apart. Even if then the person himself seems to have remained in the family, it is very difficult for him, almost impossible, to admit his wrongdoing to his wife.
And this silence will sooner or later ruin her family. This will corrode the relationship. This person actually doesn’t want to do bad things to his loved ones.
And this ultimately forces him to break up with him. Those. he will not want to do evil so much, those bad things that he would not want to be done to him. And, in the end, it is a person from the family who kicks off.
Those. adultery is not even so terrible in terms of all sorts of diseases, but in the fact that it leads to the breakup of a family. The woman suffers, the children suffer, and the man himself suffers greatly. Because he loved this woman, and now he really loves her too. That’s why he leaves so as not to cause her even more harm.
And the relationship will simply deflate if such a factor takes place. Because to honestly tell my wife about this... I don’t know what percentage of men might have enough gunpowder to do this. Almost none of those who really love their wife and children.
Why do relationships arise on the side?
Male psychology claims that a guy starts relationships on the side when he is dissatisfied with something in his marriage. Maybe he's missing something? An example would be bad sex, lack of warmth and affection, misunderstanding, and so on.
This usually happens when people have been married for a long time. Their feelings become commonplace, in which passion has faded, there is no previous surge of emotions and desire. Men constantly want new and bright impressions, and with age this desire only intensifies.
In modern society, families have often begun to be formed due to obligations. For example, an unplanned child was born. People get married with the agreement that they will not interfere with each other's personal lives. This means that they may have connections on the side. This way, no one will feel guilty about having affairs. This is usually easier for people to communicate with, especially women.
But there are exceptions. In traditional Russian families, the spouse is not ready to share her loved one with someone else. The husband, similarly, is not ready to ruin the family idyll and leave his wife because of his mistress. Such relationships are the strongest and less likely to end in separation.
For a man, an affair on the side is perceived as a drain on the soul and an emotional shake-up. In fact, most of the male population would prefer a stable family life than running around with mistresses.
Where do successful men really come from?
And here it is very important to understand the next important point. A married man can be an eagle, making a great impression on girls: he’s such a good guy. At the same time, we must not forget that this is a married man.
He can be well dressed and look good: so fit and slender. But he is not alone: he has children, he has a wife who cares, a wife who inspires him. And her support actually largely determines a man’s success.
Such a wonderful dude suddenly meets you on the path of life. First, ask: is he free or not? Before starting artillery salvos. Women, they certainly attract men like hell. And sometimes it’s hard to resist. But not every fortress is worth it. Sometimes you have to not take it. And if this person is married, then leave him.
Sexy feminine things, charm, coquetry - it will certainly work on him in many cases. But at the same time, with a slight movement of your hand you can destroy a family. Not right away, but gradually it will simply collapse. And there are children, there is a woman who invested in this man. Why take on this moral burden?
How to recognize a “married man”?
- You rarely go somewhere together. You know practically nothing about his friends, acquaintances, family, and he doesn’t even try to introduce you as his girlfriend. At first this mystery is very exciting, but gradually it begins to get annoying.
- You meet at a certain time : on weekends, after work, on pre-agreed dates. Your companion tries to avoid crowded places. And if he takes you to hotels and restaurants, he prefers suburban locations.
- You often can't reach him on the phone. He calls back only at certain hours, and also sends SMS when it’s convenient for him.
- Such a man is in no hurry. Even if he comes across a “tough nut to crack,” he will storm the girl’s defenses for months, but he will achieve his goal. In principle, he has a solid supply of time: he has a wife at home, a well-established life, and periodic sex. But some resource is missing... Tenderness, feelings of love, admiration, diversity... He will look for this resource on the side.
- He alone controls your relationship : where and what time to meet, where to go, what to do.
Your attempts to make adjustments or offer something new are met coldly. He has a bunch of excuses why everything should go exactly according to his scenario
Between friendship and love: the psychology of communicating with men
And along with this there is another thing. After all, you can really communicate with men without sexual moments, which greatly influence men. And you communicate with this person as a friend, as a comrade, as a colleague - do not cross this line. No flirting, light flirting, coquetry. And one day you may see that you have a friend.
What is real strong love? But it’s not just sex, not just common children. It's also friendship. And no one forbids this friendship between a man and a woman. When they are honest with each other and with their other halves: no one cheats on anyone. On the contrary, your circle of contacts is expanding: good relationships with people of the opposite sex appear.
And it greatly improves your life. Because everyone feels good when there are those who will help and support. Both in good times and in bad times. Man is not a solitary creature, he loves to communicate, he lives in a group, one way or another. And everyone feels good when this group is large, reliable, cheerful, successful, and so correct.
And as for friendship without sex, I myself did not understand this thing for a long time. After all, sometimes spiritual intimacy arises. When a good relationship develops into a truly great understanding of each other.
It is possible without sex. And this is not cheating on the person with whom you are already in such a sexual relationship. And there were times when I was very shy. I suddenly had this feeling of unity with another person of the opposite sex. Not sexy. You just suddenly realize that the person is very disposed towards me and you towards him - such a mutual good attitude.
How to get out of a hopeless relationship
If you are tired of waiting and want to end a meaningless relationship with your married partner, you are going in the right direction. You are required to have a serious inner attitude, an understanding of your desires and willpower.
So, how to break off a relationship with a married man once and for all!
Internal mood
What it is? This is the right motivation and definition of your life goals. How long has your relationship been going on? You understand that separation is inevitable, it’s just a matter of time? Why are you delaying this moment? What motivates you: fear of the unknown, habit, hope, fear of destroying any happiness? This is self-deception, you are not happy.
Are you tired of carrying the burden of negative emotions? Are you tired of being jealous of his wife, of being comfortable and not loved, of being in the shadows, of being asked to be patient and wait it out... Are you tired of constant excuses or fairy tales about wanting to be together someday in the distant future? Then the time has come for big changes for the better.
Get out of the victim role. This is not sarcasm, but sincere advice, because a mistress is a victim. Take off your rose-colored glasses already. Set priorities: do you want to create a strong union filled with love, trust, respect? Do you want children, a normal, happy life? Then tell your hopeless companion about this, he already has it all. The time has come for you to become happy. No reproaches, absolutely calm. You do this not in order to force a married man to indulge in promises again, but in order to let him go!
If you can’t find reasons to leave him, write down the negative qualities of your lover on paper. When you want to meet when he calls, look through this list before he arrives. Watch and make sure your choice is correct.
Ending the relationship
Based on the character of your partner and your attitude towards him. If he really has warm feelings for you, talk to him honestly. Explain the reason for your decision to end the relationship. Let him see that you have weighed everything and are determined. Thank the man, tell him that no one is to blame for anything, and that it’s time for you to move on. All.
But the above image is such a rare specimen that few people succeed in breaking up with a married man on good terms. Most often, contacts need to be broken quickly and irrevocably. There is no more chance of reuniting the relationship (and there will be a large number of them, because the hunter’s pride is hurt, and he urgently needs to be returned). Delete SMS immediately, without even reading them, ignore his visits, do not pick up the phone. If you shout from behind the door: “Go away, I don’t want to see you,” he will perceive it as a game. Control yourself. Throw out everything connected with it from the apartment. Don't walk along the street where he lives, pass by his favorite shops and cafes. If you meet on the street, calmly move on. Your weapon is ignorance.
A married man may ask for one last night, one last conversation, a kiss goodbye, a gift to remind you of a great time you had. Stop such an initiative on his part. It was just so convenient for him to live, he just wants to return to his measured lifestyle. Not you, but a well-ordered life! If necessary, change your phone number, change your job, block pages on social networks. Threaten, in the end, to tell his wife about his persecution, let him tuck his tail between his legs and calm down. There is no way back anymore.
Go on vacation. Treat yourself now. You need a distraction. If there is no opportunity to rest, load yourself up to your shoulders with work. So that you don't have a minute of free time.
Desired release
What does it mean? This means letting go of a person and everything connected with him. Do not take revenge, do not try to destroy their marriage (there is no point in this anymore) or prove something to anyone. Accept your feelings that have prevented you from living peacefully for so long. You are not bad, you are just a woman who wanted happiness. Did you accept? Now let them out: cry for a day to loud music, dance with your friends until the morning, break all his gifts, tear all the things that remind you of him.
Now learn to live for yourself. Find new hobbies, meet interesting people, do things you've never done before. Take up extreme sports if your relationship with a married man gives you thrills. Use your free time to improve yourself.
Look around - how many men walk past you every day, you didn’t even notice it before! Open your eyes, wake up, it's time to start a new life. Yes, it will be painful and scary, unbearably difficult at times. Do not give up. Believe in yourself and your feminine happiness!
If a woman is not ready for this step now, let her know that this imaginary “readiness” will never come. The best time is now.
When it really becomes stupid to hold back
One woman shared her own experience. She worked together with a man who was such a fine fellow. He, as befits a man, fought for a just cause, and she supported him and helped him in this. They had very strong, powerful friendships. Together they did one thing successfully and efficiently.
He had a family, he had children. And she was not married. She says: “Well, of course I scammed him.” And later this man left his second family too. Someone took him away again. And that woman’s mistake was that there was simply no need to allow sexual relations into their powerful friendship. Those. don't cross this line.
In these relationships, a man is often somewhat weak. And here, of course, the woman has a very big role in ensuring that she competently builds a relationship with him. And this woman will be rewarded: she will be truly honest with herself and with other people - she will be a Person with a Capital P, and this is very good.
And in the end, she will find her man. Just launch your artillery, turn it on all the time when you see a single man who is not busy. And everything will be wonderful. Make him a true friend - become friends with him. Well, the bed will be a wonderful addition for both of you.
And now you have it all started, started spinning - great J And be happy! And let no one be able to destroy your union. Continue to communicate with this person and be a true friend to him.
What to do if love is strong
Love is a strong feeling, and perhaps the marriage from which the man is now running away has really become a fatal mistake in the lives of two young people. If there is strong love between you, and you are ready to take on the burden of great responsibility, learn to be wise in order to achieve what you want.
How to build a relationship with a married man?
First, be patient. They spoke about the seriousness of their feelings once and fell silent. The next step is up to the gentleman. While you are taking a wait-and-see attitude, become a real support for your companion, a guiding star, an adviser who will always listen and support. “Honey, it’s not that bad, you’re just tired. You need to rest, otherwise your emotional state will affect your health.”
Secondly, never mention your wife in conversations, especially in negative contexts. Even if a married man himself complains about her, there should be no mention of her in your mouth! It’s better to remember its shortcomings and improve against this background.
Thirdly, always be glad to see him. It doesn’t matter the time, day of the week or how you feel. He is the idol of your life. This advice is especially relevant for older men. For example, the behavior and desires of a married man after 60 years are significantly different from younger lovers. The famous testosterone that drives the male to other “prey” has already faded away, but is replaced by the desire to please other women, teach them, take care of them, and educate them. To be vitally needed by someone (not to children, but to a pretty person who will open her mouth when her mentor appears).
And of course, you must keep your romance in the strictest confidence. The male position on this matter is quite strict: if a married man finds out that a woman takes this point lightly, she risks being immediately abandoned.
But as M. Bulgakov said: “Be afraid of your desires...”. Let's simulate a situation where you finally achieved a married chosen one. What kind of man is this? Handsome, strong, responsible, you say. But psychologists will answer you differently!
As a result, for a relationship as a life partner you get:
- a man who is used to running away from problems (he didn’t honestly resolve crises with his wife);
- a man who has tasted the taste of betrayal;
- in addition, with a man you ALWAYS get his past family (as you know, there are no ex-wives).
In addition, a woman who finds herself (even unwittingly) third in a relationship is unlikely to be able to become happy for other reasons of her own. Subsequently, she herself begins to become pathologically jealous and suspicious of this man. “He was stuck in traffic for 1.5 hours? But he said the same thing to his wife when he dropped by to see me after work?” “Why don’t you pick up the phone for a long time, who calls you in the evening, why are you so tired?” This is a vicious circle in which a woman quickly gets tired and gives up.
Now close your eyes again and answer the question again: “Who is this man that you finally achieved? Are you ready to accept such a treasure? If you are thinking about it, don’t ruin your life. If you are still firmly confident in your feelings, well, no one will dissuade you.
If there is love, a man declares it immediately, but not in words, but in actions. I talked to my wife like a human being, packed my things and gave you the whole world. Everything else is an illusion that deceives you in a relationship with a married man.
Where is this prince of mine on a white horse - or is this a fairy tale?
As for free men in general, there are a lot of them. The simple fact is that men are not as eager to get married as women are to get married. They have a calmer attitude towards this issue and their heads are occupied with other things.
My wife once gave a lecture on how to find your soul mate. And women came to this lecture who could not find their man for some reason. One of these women could not stand it, stood up and said:
“How can you find a single man in our time? After all, they are all sorted out immediately. He had not yet gotten a divorce - he had already been married again. And it doesn’t happen in nature that normal single men remain unemployed. All the time I just have time for a head-to-head analysis - such tough competition is impossible.”
So she tells it, she says it passionately. A really sore subject. But the whole drama of the situation was that Seryoga was sitting to her left. He is over 30, he is such a good guy, reliable, single. He is such a great specialist, and he is a kind person – he helps many people selflessly. To her right, that means, another man is sitting. Simply golden hands.
And he’s also over 30—that’s the age for men when their brains are already tuned not to sex, but to relationships. This is our Lyokha, he frames paintings for cool artists and very serious people. A really serious level, you know. And he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke – neither one nor the other.
Why does a man need a mistress?
What pushes a man to have an affair on the side? Is he poorly cared for at home? Or did he fall head over heels in love as a teenager, and now longs for secret meetings with another woman, dreams of starting a family with her and building a house?
We have compiled a list of the main reasons why a man decides to take such a step: having an affair on the side.
He lacks novelty in sex or sex in general
Sex once a month in the missionary position with the lights off?.. This is not what the man dreamed of when he got married. If partners don’t surprise each other in bed, don’t make eye contact with their significant other in a restaurant, and don’t share erotic fantasies, the brightness of sex fades.
At first the man tries to fix something, but if his efforts are in vain, he switches to another girl. This does not mean that he loves her to the grave and will leave his wife. But the reddened cheeks of a satisfied woman on his shoulder and pleasant fatigue after sex are so alluring.
He seeks lively emotional experiences
Your relationship with your wife may be in crisis. When partners irritate each other, don’t find common topics for conversation at dinner, are stuck in everyday problems... Some men cannot endure, survive and find a way out - and simply give up.
They begin a relationship with a woman with whom it is simple and easy: he gave flowers, took him to a restaurant, had sex in an expensive hotel... No children, cooking breakfast or repairing a leaking tap. Everything is simple and painless. Only shallow.
He wants to prove that he can still do it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye to his youth
And my health is already failing, and I have problems with potency, and the number in my passport is not encouraging... Why not prove to myself that I’m still wow, I can satisfy even a quick young lady? In an attempt to catch youth by the tail, men take on mistresses, with whom the feeling of approaching old age disappears.
This way he shows his status
When status is no longer measured by the cost of a business suit, the make of a car, or the thickness of a leather wallet, other methods of comparison come into play. For example, lovers. Their model appearance, youth, passion, quantity.
He doesn't have very high moral principles
Disrespect for wife, children and disregard for family values. Such motives also push men to cheat.
His wife doesn't understand what a man really needs
If things are bad at home, the man will first withdraw mentally and then physically. Constant dissatisfaction with the husband, his income and appearance, stupid jokes and the lack thereof, insufficient participation in raising children and walking the dog... In such a house it is easy to feel unnecessary, clumsy and insolvent.
The wife does not appreciate the man, does not praise him, does not look with enthusiastic eyes and does not thank him.
How to talk to a man correctly - our cockroaches get in the way
Another Seryoga is sitting in the hall. He is an entrepreneur with extensive experience. A most talented person and a wonderful lecturer. This is also a man, he’s about 40. And this is also not a guy who only needs sex from a woman and that’s all. All three are single men, do not drink, and are successful in their business.
They do their job, and they help people, and they have strong friends, you understand. And she stood up and said: “There are no single men! This doesn't happen! These are all fairy tales! And around her sit three awesome single men. Not young guys, but ready-made husbands.
Therefore, I can tell you for sure that the hell out of single men. And the man you need is walking around somewhere. Sometimes it may be necessary to take a communication course.
Maybe work a little with this topic - get some strange cockroaches out of your head about this. Read an interesting book about the structure of the mind. And one day suddenly your eyes may open. And you will see it.
This way you can create a happy family. You can really hone all your feminine charm, all your talents, the tricks of seduction on him. And he will be simply happy about it. Imagine, your wife is constantly flirting with you! Edrid Madrid! It’s not easy to wait until nightfall, but is it worth it?
Illusion of deception
Being a lover is not only about receiving gifts and passionate sex. This is to play a second role. Constantly wage an internal struggle: on the one hand, understand that the relationship is doomed to be superficial, and on the other hand, continue to go on secret dates again and again.
Hiding, not being able to call in the middle of the night and say: “Come, I miss you so much!”, not wearing perfume, not giving gifts, being prepared for the man to cancel the meeting at the last moment.
And the initial lightness and increased attention that so flattered you are replaced by a heaviness on your heart, the realization that he belongs to someone else.
Who benefits from this relationship?
There are no winners in a love triangle. Sometimes you want to hang a sign on a married man: “Don’t get involved, he’ll kill you,” so that fewer girls suffer because of toxic relationships.
Why does a man look for an affair on the side?
- He gets new impressions and sensations.
- He wants to prove to someone (himself, friends) that he’s still cool! In some circles, having a young mistress is considered an essential element of high status.
- It asserts itself and increases self-esteem: that’s how great I am, my mistress is a supermodel, twenty years younger than me.
- Experiences an acute lack of female resources in the family. His wife is always busy, refuses sex, has stopped paying attention to him... He will look for these qualities in his mistress.
- He believes that nature itself created men to be polygamous. Who was he to oppose her? Simply put, he is a womanizer. By vocation.
Such men are considered scoundrels without moral principles. In fact, 9 out of 10 married men realize that their actions are betraying their wife.
To drown out a persistent conscience, husbands try to atone for guilt: they give flowers, gifts, and fulfill the whims of their spouses. In this case, the mistress, without meaning to, strengthens the marriage.
What does the mistress get?
The mistress is not always a deceived virgin who believes in pure love and that right tomorrow a man will divorce his wife and rush to her with a ring in his teeth. Some women are clearly aware of the benefits of their position.
- At first, such a man is like a gift in a chic wrapper, and you just want to open it. And no one has canceled the forbidden fruit.
- The woman is satisfied with an open relationship. She’s not in a hurry to get to the altar, but she doesn’t really want to live alone either. And here is a man with similar views on life.
- A lover (wealthy, of course) can significantly improve the lady’s financial situation.
- Sometimes a woman is content with what she has. Her self-esteem is so low that she believes that there are not enough good men for everyone. And here he is successful, handsome, generous. Well, married, so what?
The mistress does not need to take care of the man (wash, clean, cook), these functions are performed by the wife
There are two categories of lovers:
- Confident in their own exclusivity. They believe that a little more - and he will throw the whole world at his feet. And yes, of course the man will soon get divorced.
- They are content with little. They are afraid of loneliness, so they are ready to take second and third roles.
Representatives of both categories are mistaken. A woman deserves happiness. But not every man can give it. Every lover will get burned, make her own mistakes, and shed a lot of tears.
