When the analysis of past relationships begins or nostalgia overwhelms you and you want to remember how it all began. Often a person comes to the conclusion that past experiences are somewhat similar. All events seem to develop in a circle and always go through the same stages of relationships. This is a natural process for healthy relationships, which must go through all periods of relationship development in order to become even stronger.
Why do relationships go through stages of development?
The harmonious development of a couple must go through different stages of building a relationship. It is impossible to always be content with sweets and bouquets, long walks under the moon and always relationships and meetings several times a week. Of course, this is a convenient format, but it is impossible to build long and lasting relationships on it.
Attachment is formed at the stage of falling in love, hormones are overflowing, it seems as if the world stops without a loved one. Gradually, passions fade, wild sex is replaced by marital duty, children appear and everything becomes ordinary and gray. From the outside it may seem that the couple is stuck at one stage of development and nothing further happens. The transformation of a couple’s relationship takes place according to its own scenario, with its own speed and characteristics, despite the fact that the stages of development are the same for everyone.
It’s hard to deny that everyone changes with age, demands become greater, complaints appear, and at this moment you need to grow and develop along with the relationship. If you neglect to work on the union, you can stop at the first stages forever. It is quite logical that then a break will occur and the relationship will cease to exist.
Every couple should know what stages of relationship building there are, what makes them special and how to get through them in order to maintain a harmonious relationship.
If the relationship has stopped at one of the stages
Friendship between a man and a woman - how it differs from female friendship
Stoppages in the development of relationships occur for various reasons. “Sticking” can occur at any of the initial stages. This is due to the partner’s lack of psychological readiness for a more serious relationship.
The relationship has stopped
Sometimes a man and a woman have been dating for a long time, stay overnight with their partner, but the question of living together is not raised. As a rule, there are logical explanations for this:
- Housing issue. If both adults live with their parents, then moving in with him or her will embarrass close relatives. It is not always possible to rent or buy your own home due to financial problems.
- Many people are afraid of running a household on their own and are afraid of getting into debt.
- The need for personal space. If a person lived alone for a long time, he got used to his habits and his order. He is afraid that the usual foundation will be disrupted, that the territory will have to be divided.
First stage3
Relationships begin from this stage, and sometimes end there. The easiest stage is when lovers see only advantages in each other, the partner seems like a fairy-tale hero, a real prince or princess, about whom everyone had dreams. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, your cheeks are burning, your eyes are sparkling, you want to take each other’s hand and walk for a long time, not to separate even for a few minutes. At this time, even a small sweet SMS delights you and time slows down when there is not a single news from your loved one on your phone.
Guys behave like courageous knights and are ready to do anything to win the heart of their beloved lady. Girls tend to idealize the image of their lover. It's quite normal. When you don’t really know a person, haven’t seen him in everyday life, or in conflict situations, it’s easier to come up with an airy image and endow him with the desired qualities.
Every date is perceived as the most important meeting, for which they spend hours preparing. The state of being in love is inspiring, you want to shout to the whole world about love, write poetry, admire an ideal relationship and a wonderful person nearby. No one can fill the emotional hunger from lack of communication with a loved one. If the relationship is interrupted at this stage, then it will forever remain in memory as the best relationship in which everything was perfect.
Respect.
When people have gone through a number of tests together, get to know each other well, and have learned to accept their partners as they are, the fifth stage of the relationship begins.
It is characterized by a tight platonic attachment, the formation of a reserve of gratitude and trust. Partners easily share thoughts or feelings and understand each other’s needs.
What to do:
Now much less energy is spent on relationships. Having spiritual independence and respect for your partner, you can delve deeper into self-development. It is important to put the resources you have into action, avoiding despondency. It is advisable for everyone to have their own outlet.
Take the jealousy test
Second stage4
The onset of the second stage with satiety is inevitable. Communication brings the same pleasure, you no longer need to spend every minute together. At the second stage of the relationship, you no longer need to go everywhere together and visiting friends and events separately becomes normal. Leisure is becoming less romantic; evenings can now be spent lying together on the couch watching your favorite movie or TV series. Gradually, passions subside, and every minute of anticipation of intimacy is not perceived as a disaster.
Relations have become more harmonious, calm, everything is going smoothly. Partners reveal themselves and show their strengths and weaknesses. The veil of love gradually subsides, small flaws and character flaws become noticeable.
Everyone begins to behave more naturally; there is no longer a need to praise the partner for every joke or action. Communication remains just as warm, surprises excite and pleasantly delight. Emotions have become more stable, relationships are developing smoothly and nothing threatens to break up. Development at this stage resembles a hungry traveler who has already eaten his fill of the first fruits and becomes calm and balanced, well-fed and satisfied.
1. Falling in love
The development of relationships begins with the emergence of attraction. A man is attracted to femininity, beauty
appearance, as well as sexuality, which is expressed in certain parts of the female body
Most men pay attention to a woman's hands, eyes, lips, breasts, legs and buttocks. A woman is subject to visual admiration only in the first seconds
Although this is typical for her when she is in love. She pays attention to laughter, smile, glance. She is attracted to a man's intelligence and sense of humor.
A common feeling among people of different sexes is the desire to be nearby, to highlight the object of attraction among the crowd. The level of attraction lays the foundation for building a strong relationship built on mutual love.
This stage can be called the candy-bouquet period. The hearts of lovers merge into one. Complete mutual understanding and an excess of feelings brings happiness.
Psychology, or rather its representatives, compare this period with complete calm at sea. There are no quarrels, everything is fine.
Third stage5
An important and crisis period that all couples who have been dating for several years or young spouses come to. There comes a turning point in the relationship and all problems become impossible to hide. Every movement, an incorrectly spoken word, an inappropriate joke could previously touch you, but now they cause an instant explosion of emotions and a stream of reproaches with a response. A loved one and close person causes negative emotions, he becomes imperfect, behaves in a way that he did not allow before. The romance has gone, perhaps children have appeared, and it has become impossible to see the same face in front of you every day.
The duration of the period depends on the duration of the relationship, the temperament of the partners, their wisdom and ability to evaluate everything critically from the outside and understand that this is a normal stage. You don't have to act like your partner. Getting irritated in response to actions and starting to scream heart-rendingly for every crumb on the table is not the best option. Most couples break down at this stage. Thoughts come that the partner cannot satisfy all the needs and the choice in his favor was wrong. Everything happens due to the lack of nourishing, intoxicating emotions that previously delighted the brain.
Refusing the alliance and breaking off the relationship is the easiest way. The new partner will delight you just as much and then everything will happen again. If you don’t want to constantly break off relationships and spend your whole life finding new partners, you need to learn to go through the third stage and move on to the next stage of development.
Love
The first thing that motivates people who want to reunite their lives into a single whole is, of course, love. An important role in mutual attraction and further spending time together is played by the sensual aspect of the relationship, mental and sexual attraction. It is no coincidence that sexual intercourse is not separately identified as the most important factor in a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman. Undoubtedly, this is a fairly significant moment in the development of any couple, and much depends on how the intimate life of the two partners works. If passion fades, if erogenous perception and attraction fade away, the relationship begins to lose that fire and that zest that connects them at the physiological level. Many notes and articles by qualified sexologists have been written about how to return sexual harmony to a relationship.
A joint visit to a psychologist, the use of new erotic lingerie by a woman, or the purchase of sexual paraphernalia in the appropriate store for the thrill of sensations - all these methods are effective, and they are not news to anyone. But can sex alone become the limiting factor in a falling apart relationship? Not at all. Only a union that is based on emotional and sensual attraction, a passionate perception of each other by a couple, can lead to truly harmonious contact between people. And the basis is love, not sex.
Fourth stage6
Overcoming the crisis stage is behind us. Problems become less noticeable, wisdom and understanding gradually comes that you can come to an agreement with your loved one and find a solution to any problems. Understanding comes to someone who is more mature, mature, morally prepared and mature for relationships. You need to share and understand that at this stage you need not to endure and think that everything will change, everyone has endured and I can do it, but to resolve conflicts wisely and be able to turn a blind eye to not minor irritating factors.
The big problem is to look at the world with negativity and constantly convince yourself that others are to blame for your problems. There must be a realization that half of the blame for problems and quarrels in partnerships lies with both partners. Previously, it seemed that the relationship had reached a dead end, and not a day went by without quarrels and problems. Now quarrels have become different, rare and associated more with external stimuli. Problems at work, women's menstrual cycle, sudden car breakdown and other irritants provoke quarrels. It's more like taking out your emotions on your partner to make it feel better.
Patience and wisdom, like threads, sew relationships together in those places where they are constantly torn. Just don’t confuse patience with bullying, beatings, moral violence in the family and patience with minor shortcomings. In the first case, you need to call the police, and not hope that your partner will suddenly have an epiphany and understand what he is doing wrong. You need to work on your ego, be able to overestimate changes in your partner, his needs and desires. Let there be no more romantic aura, no one greets you from work at the office door with a bouquet of flowers. There is a reliable partner nearby who has been tested in many situations and wisely resolves minor conflicts without showering you with hundreds of caustic words. At this stage, a person truly opens up and the success of the transition to the fifth stage depends on how he is perceived and accepted.
Psychological differences between men and women
There are significant differences between the way men and women think... especially when it comes to relationships.
The problem is that both partners often don't even know about these differences! This means that they become easily irritated when their partner does not do what they expect.
For example, a woman can share problems with a man simply because she wants to relieve stress, she does not need ready-made solutions. If a man gives her advice instead of listening, she will subconsciously be annoyed because she expects different behavior from the man.
All she wanted was to talk to relieve stress. But the man did not know about this female feature.
Therefore, in order to avoid conflicts in relationships, it is necessary to know the differences between the male and female psyches.
"Harmony of Relationships" . Interview with Oleg Gadetsky, founder of the Psychology 3000 project.
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus ,” says John Gray in his book. In it, he describes two completely different types of life that must somehow coexist in this world.
Indeed, the difference between a man and a woman is so significant that we can assume that these are creatures from different planets.
Men and women react and view situations differently. Often their vision does not coincide at all. But men and women, in order to build strong relationships, need to take into account each other's characteristics.
Let's look at the main differences between men and women.
#1. Different needs
For a woman, the main thing in a relationship is the relationship itself, and the ideal man is the one who understands and accepts her.
While for a man the main thing is recognition, respect and achievement of results. A man is a protector by nature, and the ideal woman for him is one who unconditionally accepts his authority and considers him the head of the family.
When a man is having a bad day, he is not going to talk about it in detail like a woman does. He wants to be alone to cope with the situation.
Women, on the other hand, tend to be more emotional during difficult times. This turns into a need to be listened to and empathized with.
It is very important for both men and women to be loved. But women, as a rule, need words to satisfy this need, while men need actions.
#2. Logic vs intuition
In most cases, men are guided by logic, and women by intuition. Therefore, men are more objective - feelings and emotions do not prevent them from adequately perceiving what is happening.
Women are more observant due to their innate ability to focus on small things. These details are the source of women's intuition.
#3. Decisions versus feelings
For women, emotions and feelings are the most important thing in any relationship, while men live in a world of action and responsibility.
In difficult situations, men ask themselves the question “What can be done?” , while women ask “How to do this?” or “With whom?”
We recommend reading → The essence of positive thinking: characteristics, benefits + selection of quotes
Men make laws, women make morals. It's important to understand this difference when it comes to building long-term relationships.
#4. Emotions
- You are so indifferent! You didn't answer my call! Oh, you're cheating on me! You do not love me! — I just went out to drink coffee!
It's not hard to guess where the man is and where the woman is, right?
Women often cannot cope with their emotions, also due to the constant influence of monthly hormonal cycles.
Men are more consistent. Yes, they also go through a number of hormonal changes, but the rest of the time they are very stable and balanced.
#5. Physical intimacy vs emotional
Before sex, it is enough for a man to have visual contact with a woman, while a woman wants romance and emotional intimacy.
A man is attracted by the spectacle, a woman by the personality of a man. A man can start right away; a woman needs time to prepare emotionally and psychologically.
#6. Achievements vs. Relationships
Men value their achievements, and women value their relationships. That is why for most men the main thing is work and career, while for most women it is family.
Men are very sensitive to professional successes and failures. To feel fulfilled, men must achieve their goals.
For women it's the other way around. If no one cares about a woman, this is not good , even if she is a self-sufficient and independent entrepreneur.
#7. Independence of decision making
Men are less influenced by the environment, so they are more likely to be decisive and confident.
Women, on the other hand, listen to different opinions, weigh the pros and cons, and have strong doubts in the decision-making process.
Men care too little about what women have to say, and this isolation sometimes leads to women feeling emotionally abandoned.
#8: Substance vs. Details
Women see the details, men see the essence.
On the first date, she will analyze his every word, gesture, sign, smile, face, nails, eyebrows, shoes and much more. He will see the woman as a whole.
In a long-term relationship, a woman worries about dirty dishes in the kitchen, lots of socks around the house, and stains on the curtain.
A man doesn't do this. Often he doesn't even notice that anything is wrong. "Mess? I don't see any disorder..."
Women also pay a lot of attention to others. They will never miss someone's teary eyes, trembling lips, poor appetite or unusual restraint. Men may well not notice this.
#9: Temper vs. Patience
Despite the emotionality of women and the stability of men, which we have already talked about, in conflicts women are more flexible and pliable, while men often swear and argue a lot.
Moreover, women's patience is especially noticeable when it comes to illness or fatigue. A woman may go to work, cook lunch and carry bags from the supermarket with a high fever.
At the same time, most men turn a runny nose into a struggle for survival.
# 10. “Channel” of love
Last on this list is how men and women perceive the world. For men, the main thing is what they look at, for women it is what they hear.
Woodrow Wyeth's famous quote . ”
Contrary to popular belief, men fall in love at first sight: they quickly examine the girl and begin to act.
Women, on the contrary, need to find out as much as possible about their prospective partner, listen to his opinions on all life issues and then make a final decision.
How to deal with these differences?
Most often, problems in relationships arise when men and women do not know how different they are from each other.
Our inability to accept and respect these differences leads to bitter disappointment, stress and, as a result, the end of relationships.
So, the key to overcoming differences in a relationship between a man and a woman is understanding the differences between the two sexes.
Fifth stage7
Learning to realize the uniqueness of a partner, his needs, desires, and feeling a duty to him are the first steps towards true Love in its highest manifestation. Love is already on the threshold and waiting to be let into the house. There comes a clear awareness of the fact that the spouse is not an ethereal being, which is woven from clouds and tenderness. A living person with problems, worries, thoughts, claims and, on understanding the duty to him, the success of the relationship in the future depends.
He is imperfect, but he loves me, tolerates me, understands me. Acting the same way towards your spouse is a duty and a primary responsibility. I no longer want to scream over little things, there are no scandals due to the lack of candles and romance. It becomes clear that in order to receive benefits you need to put in your own efforts, and not rely on your partner and expect actions from him.
At this stage, one realizes the duty to the family and children. Maintaining an undying family hearth, a delicious dinner, the wisdom and understanding of a partner, time together, the desire to develop and find answers to all questions are the key to success at the fifth stage. Trainings, consultations with a psychologist, books will help you find answers to all your questions. You need to constantly work not only on relationships, but also on personal development. Maintaining interest in yourself and being a harmonious complement to your partner is something without which it will not be possible to maintain a relationship for many decades.
Introduction: what is love
Every girl from her youth dreams of a prince, then of a popular singer, of a Hollywood actor. We are brought up on books and films that glorify romance and tender feelings. But often in real life we encounter completely different pictures - discontent, mutual claims, disappointed expectations, and jealousy appear. But you can’t give up, because real strong relationships need to be built and protected.
Initially, any connection is formed by two individualists, egoists - everyone wants to receive, but has not yet learned to give and find compromises. Initially, both the guy and the girl are not equipped to understand the values of an outsider, and only respect, friendship or passion keeps them together.
There is nothing wrong with this; you need to understand that a person is, first of all, a biological being, which means that he is also driven by instincts, one of which is reproduction. Sexual attraction, interest in a partner at the level of smell (the body emits pheromones) can develop into something more over time if people are suitable for each other on an intellectual and cultural level, and also have a need for spiritual intimacy.
Women's course
Consultations
Remember that you cannot force your lover to change, he will feel pressure and instinctively begins to resist it. But over time, as we go through the stages of development of relations between a man and a woman, everyone begins to transform, first of all, his feelings and needs develop, and his values also improve, and his psychological state stabilizes. Thus, people who learn to find compromises during quarrels and controversial situations begin to understand that their opinions coincide, as do their interests and views. Thus, stronger feelings than falling in love arise.
Sixth stage8
The penultimate stage of a relationship, in which partners become not just lovers, parents, but true friends. There comes a time when another unwashed cup no longer causes an explosion of emotions, sex is not so bright, but emotional intimacy covers everything in full. These are two truly close people who steadfastly withstood all the hardships and difficulties, found the secrets of understanding, fulfilled their duty to their children, went through all the temptations and stayed together. This is where the desired fairy tale comes in, in which “they lived happily ever after” best describes the state of things.
Although a person has been known for a long time, there are new traits and virtues for which one can respect, admire, glorify and be proud. Love has not yet reached the stage of highest meaning, but is already very close to it. Two people talk cheerfully and openly, ready to spend time together. Relationships are built on dedication, boundless trust and defense of common interests.
Year 1 crisis
Typically starts after 6 months of relationship. This period is especially difficult for couples who live together and are trying to establish a family life.
Peculiarities of manifestation: “everyday life” prevails over romance, and the “rose-colored glasses” of future spouses fall off. Lovers begin to notice each other's habits and behavior patterns that they were not even aware of before. For example, it turns out that a woman takes a bath for 2 hours and does not know how to cook, and a man does not clean up his things and grinds his teeth in his sleep.
Partners should learn to calmly discuss troubling issues and contradictions so that certain norms and rules can be developed in the relationship that suit both. If this does not happen, the lovers will separate. According to statistics from family psychologists, about 90% of couples break up in the first year.
Therefore, if you really have strong feelings for your significant other, then try to survive the crisis in the relationship. 1 year is the time when partners should listen to each other and seek compromises. Go ahead.
