Adviсe
- What is modesty
- Modesty and Shyness
- Modesty in Religion
- Pros of modesty
- Disadvantages of modesty
- How to get rid of modesty
In psychology, modesty is understood as a moral quality, which shows the attitude of an individual towards himself and others. She is not characterized by arrogance or boasting, and with others she behaves the same way with everyone, even if there is a reason for pride. The basis of this quality is positive, but there are negative examples of modesty.
What is modesty
Let's look at the concept of modesty in more detail. The term “modest” has existed in our language since the 17th century. It means humble, moderate, meek and undemanding. This is someone who does not put his own personality above others.
Modesty cannot be considered only a positive or negative quality. In the lives of self-respecting people, this quality becomes a virtue. But for politicians and public figures it is a disadvantage.
Modesty due to cowardice or lack of self-confidence is a problem for the individual himself. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl may remain alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
When does timidity form?
They talk about modesty differently if it developed from shyness. In this state of affairs, a person develops a fear of people. By the age of 2, many children become shy, hide behind their mother’s skirt, and lower their gaze at the sight of an unfamiliar person. It looks cute, but without proper correction, this behavior, and most importantly the reaction that provokes it, becomes the norm and significantly reduces the quality of life of an adult.
For such a person, talking with an unfamiliar person causes fear. She is afraid of saying or doing something wrong. The main cause of anxiety is the fear of being ridiculed by other people. This character trait is called false modesty. Due to constant fear, a person is in nervous tension, which leads to various mental disorders and physiological abnormalities.
Modesty and Shyness
A person acquires most of the qualities that are inherent in a person in infancy, and some before birth. Scientists' analyzes say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also capture the mother's thoughts. If a child feels that he is desired, then in the future he will grow up confident in his own abilities. If during pregnancy the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance of growing up as a person without self-confidence and with a sense of guilt.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Shyness is a manifestation of lack of confidence in one’s own strengths, the fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Modesty is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. A person knows his strengths very well, but does not flaunt them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an adornment.
So, after all, is modesty an adornment for a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each individual is undeniable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, and set of habits are unique in everyone.
We are similar to each other, but we are different, like snowflakes and fingerprints. For one person something is good, but for another it is the opposite. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain modest or, on the contrary, to do everything for show.
Probably everyone will remember a situation in life when the arrogant behavior of another person humiliated their dignity or offended them, causing outrage. This behavior causes negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, lowers her gaze. Or a man who gives way, offers his hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous concepts. You can remain a modest person, but confidently follow your own goal. And it is these individuals who are able to achieve what they want.
In the dictionary D.N. Ushakova
HUMBLE, modest, modest; modest, modest, modest, modest and (rarely) modest. 1. One who does not strive to show his qualities, merits, merits, devoid of arrogance and arrogance. Humble person. To speak modestly (adv.) about one's merits. | Possessing moderation in everything, sufficient modesty, not too cheeky, quite decent, decent. “The ladies like me because I’m modest.” Pushkin. “Why are you and the young lady modest, but the maid a rake?” Griboyedov. 2. Simple, without pretensions to luxury, wealth or special grace. A modest life. Modest toilet. To dress modestly (adv.).
Modesty in Religion
All religious movements call on people to be simple, humble, and to make do with little. The desire for pleasure, in any of its manifestations, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that giving up such pleasures will cleanse the body and soul and bring them closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious understanding is pride. This is a sin because it does not allow the individual to show forgiveness, compassion, and humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. There is a hidden importance in this action that is not immediately noticeable. Hidden here is not just the meaning of renouncing superiority, but also the sacrament of purifying the soul.
In the Dictionary of Synonyms
scanty, moderate; simple; temperate, temperate, unpretentious, undemanding, well-behaved, decent, decorous, meek, bashful, mediocre, small, mediocre, decent, bashful, quiet; unpretentious, primitive, primitive, elementary, unpretentious, elementary, restrained, unartificial, lean, uncomplicated, unostentatious, textbook, chaste, dull, economical, unpretentious, limited, uncomplicated, unpretentious, modestly modest, unsophisticated, most modest, uncomplicated, unpretentious, simple, small, modest, modest, modest, artless. Ant. luxurious, rich, plentiful
Pros of modesty
Let's consider the pros and cons of such a quality as modesty. Let's start with the positive side.
Usually, modesty is inherent in girls because this quality is characteristic of them; it is a decisive factor in creating character. Modest girls have always been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, and education. From childhood, girls were taught rules, etiquette, and good manners in schools. Initially, they were instilled with modesty.
Nowadays, modesty does not have such a high value, but it has not gone unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people; they are not rude or offend people. At the same time, we are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others; they maintain some distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he will gladly fulfill your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest individuals rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip; rumors do not circulate about them. If you do not like to act as a leader, to be in the center of the company, or to be an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
Disadvantages of modesty
But not everyone is sure that modesty should be considered a positive personality trait. Some consider this particular trait to be the reason for unluckiness, because modesty is the main disadvantage of a modern person.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble individuals? Nothing. None of the famous people can be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required to achieve heights and prosperity. But this is not the entire list of disadvantages. Modesty becomes the cause of failures on the personal front.
According to statistics, most men prefer modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty interests a representative of the stronger sex only in the initial stages of a relationship, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of the relationship, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the fairer sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, a girl can lose her chance and be left alone. This quality is a hindrance not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving up when you do all the work for yourself and your colleagues and do not try to get a salary increase becomes impossible.
Humble individuals never desire leadership. What they have is enough for them; they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that there are enough arguments against modesty to force you to reconsider your own attitude towards this trait. Modesty takes on negative traits if:
is on display. This approach is often used by insecure people. The one who demonstrates his own shyness and modesty achieves praise. Such actions are called false modesty; natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often excessive modesty and lack of self-confidence become a real problem. They do not allow the personality to develop.
Shy people limit their own capabilities in every area of life. It is difficult for them to take steps towards interesting people. At work, they have a lot of interesting ideas in their heads, but they are embarrassed to share them. In interactions with others, such a person is silent and uninteresting. Therefore, it cannot be said for sure that modesty adorns a person. If this trait is seen to a moderate extent and does not interfere with normal life, then it is positive.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychologists are sure, can be the following factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a gene for shyness. From the moment of birth, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system; upbringing. The wrong approach to education and lack of communication skills become constraining for a person, they force him to become overly shy; childhood trauma. Due to the shock that a person experienced at an early age, many qualities can suffer, so modesty is not an exception.
How does a timid personality manifest itself?
A modest person and his “positivity” is a stereotype imposed for centuries by those who were in high ranks, the church and other authorities. It is worth paying attention to the purpose for which timidity was promoted and continues to be done. The superiors need to keep the masses of people in fear and obedience. This is a psychological move that, over many years, sets boundaries in the subconscious that are then difficult to cross.
If we take an example from the times of serfdom, the servants had to be well-trained and obedient, but the owners were by no means modest people. Not a single poet, writer, musician, singer, artist, politician could achieve a position in society and recognition of his talent, being a timid person.
A modest person is essentially a hypocrite. He is not able to say what he thinks, because he is accustomed to say only the necessary things, pronounce memorized phrases, and be more interested in the person of the interlocutor than in himself. Many modest people even follow the rules, knowing full well that they will be accepted in a certain society and presented in the right light.
Shyness leads to personality degradation. The individual is not able to develop normally spiritually, sexually, or learn. A modest individual will not be able to occupy a leading position, because according to all rules of decency he should not be subject to such sinful thoughts. There is also no need for a modest person to get an education - one cannot show off one’s talents.
In terms of communication with the opposite sex, a modest person also adheres to certain attitudes. If at first this excites the mind of the other half, then over time nothing changes, the spouse remains a cold statue. But everyone has their own needs for love and affection.
No progress is expected in the work either. While the humble guy helps his neighbor, the more adroit employee is already moving up the career ladder. By denying himself simple everyday trifles, following imposed attitudes, without developing, a timid person dooms his children to this. He is building a zombie society that does not try to stand out, but blindly follows the ruler into the pit, meekly submitting to his will, because it is right.
Shy people have a harder time moving up the career ladder
How to get rid of modesty
There are several options for answering the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves character building, training and special classes. Another is to seek support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
Strengthen your character. If you want to do or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid. Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with classmates, classmates, colleagues or friends. Remember, in childhood, modesty does not interfere with communication. Stop tormenting yourself with reproaches for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what you did well. Think about how to fix what doesn't work. Use the “casual acquaintance” training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with complete strangers.
If the above methods do not help, then you need to seek professional psychological help. The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic tests, and if necessary, develop an action plan and tell you how to overcome modesty.
But it is necessary to fight this personal quality only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is a person’s adornment.
In Vasmer Max's dictionary
modest modest, modest, modest, blr. modesty “to calm down”, Czech, Slavic. skromny “modest”, Polish. modest - the same. Derived from *krom-; Wed except plural “loom”, which is associated with d.-v.-s. (h)rama “frame, bed”, original. “one who keeps within limits, restrained” (Bernecker I, 622; Sobolevsky, ZhMNP, 1886, September, p. 156; RFV 70, 87). They assume borrowing from Russian. words from Polish, since this word is not found in other Russian, Serbo-Croatian. and Slovenian (Urbanchik, JP 26, 6 et seq.; Trans. II, 313). Urbanchik comes from the Czech Republic. skrovný “modest, moderate; insignificant, meager", original. “few, small” as the source of these words (the latter is related to cover).
