The man is a manipulator. Run or stay? More details

A manipulator is a man who causes his woman suffering, even if he truly loves her. But how can you tell if a man is manipulating you? What should alert you in the behavior of your boyfriend or husband for you to ask this question? In fact, manipulators in relationships are recognized very simply; their specific behavior gives them away already on the first date.

It is worth knowing that this type is almost the most dangerous in a relationship. If you are already a member of them and know that your boyfriend or husband is a manipulator, then the constant feeling of guilt and depression is familiar to you firsthand.

How to recognize such a person? He has certain patterns of behavior that he uses depending on the situation. In addition, a manipulative man always returns to the same type of woman. Usually these are young girls who have little experience in relationships or who have recently experienced a difficult distance and are still depressed. Such a man understands perfectly how to manipulate a woman, especially in a vulnerable state. When meeting you, he will ask why you are upset and try to gain your trust. Another bell at the first meeting is his question about whether you have friends and whether your loved ones are nearby. It is important for a manipulator that there is no one with his woman but him.

By the way, sometimes a girl doesn’t even feel how a guy oppresses her. He does this so imperceptibly and without obvious pressure (both moral and physical) that on an unconscious level she already begins to obey him and live by the rules that he sets. This is because a manipulator at the beginning of a relationship is very charming and pleasant, and the signs of a tyrant begin to appear later, when he sees that the girl has been conquered.

Manipulator, who are you?

In our daily life, we very often encounter manipulation. We are manipulated our parents, children, work colleagues, and store clerks. Yes, and we ourselves resort to manipulation and all in order to get the desired result. But these tricks seem harmless. Then where is the danger?

A manipulator is actually very dangerous. This is a man who thinks only about himself, his opinion is also wrong, he doesn’t care what others think. He likes to impose his way of life. I hadn’t thought about it before, but these men like to use people.

At first glance, it's perfect. He always knows how to properly communicate with women. He is intelligent, romantic, with a great sense of humor, charismatic, and courteous—just the kind of man that women might like.

Thanks are expected from you

A man can do a lot of good things for you, but at the same time you feel that he expects a certain gratitude. This is the situation when “all gifts love gifts.” “If the service is not done for you disinterestedly, if some conditions are implied, it is already manipulation,” says Shari Stines. “I call this type of manipulator “Mr. Nice Guy.” This person tries to be useful to others, he does many good deeds. And it's confusing - you don't realize that anything negative is happening. But, on the other hand, a certain thread of expectation is connected with every good deed.” If you do not live up to the manipulator's expectations, you will be accused of ingratitude.

“In fact, expecting reciprocity is one of the most common forms of manipulation,” says Jay Olson, a psychologist at McGill University. “You encounter it at every step, for example, in a store, when you ask the seller to show you a product, and then you feel obligated to buy it. After all, this is exactly what is expected of you. It's the same in relationships. Your partner can give you flowers, some kind of gift, and then make it clear that he would also be glad to receive something in return. This tactic works because it doesn't violate social norms: it's okay to reciprocate a favor. But even when someone doesn’t do it entirely sincerely, we often still feel obligated to reciprocate, to submit.”

Why do you need this?

Psychologists name several reasons why men become manipulators:

Initially, such a man has low self-esteem and is not confident in himself. He must have support in his close social circle and at the same time remain independent. He doesn't know how to trust other people. That's why he tries to control everyone. There is a desire to use other people for your own purposes. Thus, a person solves his internal problems at the expense of other people.
As a child, all his actions were ridiculed and criticized, which is why he develops a fear of close relationships. When he uses his manipulations , he is protecting his emotions due to childhood traumas.
He copies the behavior of his parents. When his parents used the carrot and stick method towards him. This is how, as an adult man, he behaves with women.
Self-affirms at the expense of others.

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You doubt yourself

Psychologists often use the term “gaslighting” (gaslighting). It means a type of psychological manipulation in which the aggressor makes his victim doubt himself, his own memory, perception, and judgment. This can lead to serious psychological problems - anxiety, cognitive dissonance, low self-esteem and even depression. All this makes the victim of emotional abuse even more dependent on his abuser. It becomes necessary for constant emotional support and approval.

“A man who manipulates you may distort the meaning of what you say and make you feel guilty about things you didn’t do,” says Shari Stines. “By becoming a victim of sophisticated gaslighting, you will eventually believe in your own inadequacy and doubt your sanity.”

You can recognize this form of manipulation by the following pattern of behavior towards you. The offender will try to violate your personal boundaries, hurt you, make you angry, throw you off balance, and cause discomfort. But as soon as you become indignant and begin to resist, the following technique will be used: the aggressor will be “sincerely” surprised and declare that it was all your imagination, it was your imagination, you came up with it all yourself. Then everything will repeat according to the old pattern and will continue until you stop the toxic relationship.

How do you recognize you, manipulator?

How to identify a psychological rapist? After all, when a relationship is just beginning, it is impossible to determine whether he is a manipulator or just an ordinary guy. There are several signs:

Makes you doubt your actions. When communicating with a manipulator, you will always doubt your actions. He will always lower your self-esteem.
Narrows your social circle. He gets rid of all your family and friends. To be number one for you. He is the only one who needs you, and you don’t appreciate it.
He is constantly fussing . You can be sure that you are right and there are even witnesses, but not him. Only the manipulator tells the truth and everyone slanders him. Why shouldn't he be offended? And you feel guilty.
He reacts sharply to criticism. He is very hurt by small remarks; at such moments it seems to him that he is worse than his woman. And now is the time for aggression, insults, scandals, and sometimes even beatings to appear.
Always evaluates your actions. For example, you somehow acted wrongly in some situation. They didn’t take his side when he argued. You are guaranteed to be offended. And he will prick you with this for a very long time.

When to ignore and not give in

In what cases should you not succumb to manipulation:

When a man’s desires sharply diverge from a woman’s values.
When there is a gross invasion of the personal space of a wife or girlfriend.
When a man goes too far in manipulation.

When to ignore manipulation or give in:

How can I resist you?

What then should you do if this manipulator turns out to be your friend, boyfriend, husband? Let's think about how we can live with this:

Try not to resist, but to give in. Have common sense, otherwise you will very quickly become a victim.

Love yourself. What to do if he disappears again? Yes, drop everything and go to your parents and friends. If you offend, do yourself a favor and update your wardrobe.

Don't react to his mockery of you. Make fun of him back. Remember, you are alone.

Don't panic when he tries to avoid you, and especially don't be afraid of losing him. Let go of the situation, and he will come running when he realizes that they are not running after him.

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Tell him that he is so predictable that you are not interested. Give him a rebuff to his manipulations . Overwhelm him with your intellect. As a rule, they cannot stand it and run away.

Try to perceive his manipulations as some kind of game, he’s just having fun and that’s all. When he manipulates you, try to puzzle him. Instead of crying, try laughing. Or tell me, you were right, I’m not the woman you need.

Signs of psychological pressure

Manipulation is a hidden way to control human consciousness. It can be difficult to recognize, especially when it comes to your significant other. Based on specific signs, one can determine that a person is trying to put pressure on pity and influence in other ways.

Feeling of internal discomfort. During communication, anxiety, irritability, and depression appear. It is impossible to feel comfortable next to the manipulator. After all, he strives to rise to the occasion, and humiliates the victim in every possible way.
Tears, depression. The influence of the manipulator is strong: a person is deprived of his will and conscious personal aspirations. That is why, against this background, a feeling of panic arises, tears appear, and despair overwhelms. If a guy negatively influences a girl, she considers herself ugly, unfulfilled and unable to sort out her own problems on her own. This is how a situation of codependency is formed, causing considerable mental anguish and limiting habitual actions.
Need for detachment. If after interacting with a specific person you want to withdraw into yourself, this is an alarming sign. After all, when surrounded by positive people, an individual opens up, and one wants to realize one’s talents and abilities. In the case of a manipulator, there is a desire to hide your thoughts and feelings away.

What happens to the female victim?

Why do many women become victims of such men? How to recognize a manipulator in a man ? Yes, probably not. Absolutely any girl or woman can get into such a relationship. Such a man does not immediately begin to manipulate, but over time. When a relationship becomes strong, it becomes more difficult to leave it.

Many women have the feeling that she is doing everything wrong. A feeling of guilt appears. Women begin to think about their actions, how they will act in order to please him. Constantly make excuses, get through so that he understands you correctly and is not offended. Even if you do the right thing.

The woman gradually turns into a dull shadow of a manipulator. She is constantly in tension. Depression sets in, it’s just pure stress. Many women have the feeling that there is no other life.

Counter attack

How to manipulate a manipulator? You shouldn't pay him in the same coin. Do not plunge into the world of hidden conspiracies, intrigues and cunning calculations. There is no happy future in relationships built on insincerity. Talk openly, say you have your own opinions and ask for advice when needed. Be prepared that after the enslavement plan is exposed, the guy may disappear from your life.

In very rare cases, love helps correct the “puppeteer”. If a sincere feeling arises, a gentleman can overcome his attraction to changes in his beloved and accept her with all her advantages and disadvantages. How to make a manipulative man fall in love with you?

Try to study the guy and predict his desires.
Don’t give up your personal interests - don’t be like an obedient lamb, this will provoke the manipulator.
Make an appointment and... miss it! On your next date, don’t explain the reasons for your absence.
Create the illusion of losing interest in his person and disappear for a short period from his life. Let the manipulator be nervous. If he demands a report, then say that you are a free person and are not obliged to report.
Constantly praise the guy and admire his strength, intelligence, and intelligence. After a while, declare that you exaggerated your virtues in a fit of love.

The manipulator will definitely feel interest in the untamed young lady. The main thing is to clearly control the situation, then you can easily find a chink in a gentleman’s armor and use men’s weaknesses against him.

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Run or stay?

We now understand who a manipulator is. The main thing is to understand that not every woman will be able to resist such a man. You love such a man, and you are a strong personality and can openly confront him, then fight for your relationship. If you have no desire to be with such a man, then run away from him. No one has the right to cruelly manipulate you! Close your energy to him in the ways described above. And such a woman will simply become uninteresting to him, and he will go out hunting for a new victim.

Such a man has mental problems, and you are not a doctor to correct his health problems. You cannot build a happy family with a manipulator. Yes, and such a man himself is a deeply unhappy person. If you have no desire to be with such a man, then run away from him. No one has the right to cruelly manipulate you! Close your energy to him in the ways described above. And such a woman will simply become uninteresting to him, and he will go out hunting for a new victim.

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How to get out of such a relationship without sacrifice? It will be very difficult to make a decision. Breakdown is guaranteed. Keep your head busy with something, a new project, a sport. Then you will have less time to think about the manipulator. And over time you will think less about him.

And in the end, you are alone. You must live a bright and happy life. There will definitely not be such a life with a manipulator. You will be a deeply unhappy woman. So put yourself first and most importantly love yourself!

He/she constantly demands to prove love

Photo: East News

Manipulators are egoists, and it is important for them to constantly hear assurances that they are the best and irreplaceable. These people will do their best to use your love to force you to do things you don't want to do. “If you love me, you will leave this job,” “You love me, right? Then give up on buying a coat so we can buy me a console.” Such demands to make sacrifices for the sake of love are one of the most important signs that they are trying to control you.