Monogamy and polygamy in relationships between the sexes

Psychologists and sociologists have long been studying human nature. Family psychology deals with the psychology of relationships and marriage.

Family psychology

Since ancient times, the family has been considered the social unit of society. It is born as a result of a marital relationship between a man and a woman. Marriage and family relations of any state are regulated by legal acts. In Russia, the main documents regulating marital relations are the Constitution of the Russian Federation and the Family Code of the Russian Federation. At the same time, in different countries the attitude towards marriage is not the same: in some places polygamy and polygamy are welcomed, in others monogamous marriage and fidelity to each other are encouraged. Russia is characterized by a monogamous way of family life, while Eastern countries are characterized by polygamy.

What is monogamy

Monogamy is a traditional marriage union between a man and a woman based on mutual love. The woman in a monogamous family is faithful to her husband, and the man is faithful to his wife. This form of family relationships has existed for many millennia. Historians claim that this form of relations between the opposite sex appeared long before man began to be considered reasonable.

The primitive man protected only the woman with whom he had regular sex. He did not take part in raising children, but he provided his woman with food and protected her from other men. At first, women preferred the strongest man, but over time they began to value qualities such as attentiveness and caring.

In modern society there is such a thing as external monogamy. What is this type of monogamy? This is a relationship between a married man or a married woman with someone on the side. In this case, monogamy and polygamy are observed simultaneously.

In addition, sociologists say that serial monogamy has appeared in modern society. What it is? This social phenomenon involves a person having several marriages throughout his life. At the same time, partners are faithful to each other in marriage, but one day the relationship ends in divorce. Each of the participants in this union enters into a new relationship, a new marriage.

Happy marriage after divorce

Attention! Studying the nature of gender relations, scientists came to the conclusion that monogamy is a law that is inherent in animals and is unquestioningly observed in communities of predators. In a wolf pack or pride of lions, males organize fights in which the winner receives a “prize” - a female. Another example of the animal kingdom being monogamous is swan fidelity. Regarding the human nature of relationships, experts are in no hurry to claim that it is characterized by monogamy, because there are many examples of polygamous behavior of people.

Monogamy

For the overwhelming number of representatives of the fair sex, monogamy is the norm and is embedded at the internal level. As a rule, a woman is raised from childhood as a future keeper of the hearth and mother; she is taught that she is responsible for certain obligations.

A large role in a woman’s worldview is played by her hormonal levels, which shape the need to take care of their children. She simply has no time and no need to have several partners at once.

Monogamous marriage implies fidelity between spouses; there is no place for a third person. In addition, it is worth remembering that there are a number of advantages in such an alliance:

• full support from society;
• classic form of relationship;
• concentration of spouses only on each other;
• rational distribution of property between descendants;
• loyalty of partners, guaranteeing protection from various infections that can be obtained in the case of casual relationships.

Men who prefer polygamous relationships justify their needs and inclinations, first of all, by the fact that the classical form of marriage tends to quickly become boring, which means that the family will gradually become an exclusively burden. As men say: “We eat black bread every day, but sometimes we want something more.”

Benefits of Monogamy

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For modern society, monogamy is considered a socially approved model of behavior. Marriage is supposed to be a union between two people of opposite sex. Any deviations from this form of marriage and family relations are considered immoral and condemned in society.

Discussions about what a monogamous and polygamous family is, and which one modern people need, have been going on for several years. From the point of view of psychologists and sociologists, monogamy is the most beneficial form of marriage and family relations. It has the following advantages:

• Monogamy provides better care for offspring.
• Polygamy requires a lot of expense, because you need to make sure that every woman is happy. It is easier to support and provide for one woman than several.
• Caring for one woman requires fewer emotional resources and allows you to save energy for doing what you love and communicating with friends.
• Polygyny sooner or later leads to quarrels between women, which negatively affect a man’s relationship with each of them.
• By bearing children from one man, in accordance with the principles of monogamy, a woman provides equal chances of success for her offspring in terms of genetic characteristics.
• Monogamy is a progressive form of marriage. This means that such a family has powerful development potential. The couple sets the goal not only to enjoy sexual contact and care for children, but also, accordingly, to ensure a successful future for their descendants, to give them a good education, and to raise them as worthy members of society.

Polygamy

• Polygamy is accompanied by serious psychological problems: constant emotional stress, rivalry, jealousy, dissatisfaction with the dual status. This means that for men, monogamy is a more advantageous relationship option, both materially and psychologically.
• The economic system of most countries determines the existence of monogamy. Determining the right of inheritance is only possible if there is documentary evidence of paternity. With multiple family relationships, establishing the right of inheritance is complicated. In addition, polygamy is economically unprofitable, as it upsets the balance of men and women in society.

Important! Scientists, discussing what monogamy and polygamy are, came to the conclusion that these are opposite characteristics inherent in female and male nature. Women are monogamous and men are polygamous. This is explained by a woman’s desire to create a family with a single chosen one and a woman’s desire to become a mother. Men are in no hurry to start a family; they strive for variety in sex and self-affirmation through the number of sexual partners. Society is more tolerant of polygamy in men than in women having multiple partners.

How is it different from polygamy?

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The difference between monogamy and polygamy is the number of participants in the marriage relationship. In most countries, the socially approved structure of family relationships is a mixed-sex dyad. This means that society only approves of marriages where the union is between a man and a woman. There are also communities where they are calm about a man having several wives or a woman having several husbands.

Polygamous relationships among women

A rare woman will have a positive attitude towards polygamous relationships, but this does not mean that polygamy does not exist among the fair sex. Some beautiful ladies are not averse to starting relationships with several men at once; this phenomenon has a specific term - polyandry.

You will be surprised, but there are several dozen nations in the world for which women having several spouses is the norm. Most often, such relationship practices can be seen among the Eskimos and Indians.

As for India, the practice of polyandry has acquired the status of necessity due to the presence of gender complexities. Many families prefer to have exclusively male children, so abortions when expecting a female child are quite common. And all because it is a rare family that has the opportunity or desire to prepare a dowry for the future bride. This situation has led to the fact that there are many times fewer women than men. Moreover, this can be noticed most often in the outback; in large cities this practice is not observed.

We can give several more examples where polyandry is due either to traditions or demographic problems, but if we talk about European society, then the situation is somewhat different. A woman may agree to a relationship with two or more partners if she has strong feelings for them, but it is rare that men in such unions know about each other’s existence.

Some experts argue that polyandry may be caused by psychological disorders, such as an inferiority complex or nymphomania.

Varieties of Monogamy

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There are several types of monogamous relationships.

Family

Family monogamy

A married monogamous person marries one partner and remains faithful to him. This type of monogamy is divided into:

• Monogamy is a marriage with one partner without adultery or divorce. Once married, people live in marriage all their lives, run a family household, raise children, and enter into intimate relationships only with each other.
• Consecutive conclusion of several marriages. While married, spouses remain faithful to each other. Before entering into a new marriage, the existing one is dissolved.

Social

This type of relationship involves two people living in the same territory, running a household, and raising children. Partners do not cheat on each other, but for various reasons such relationships are not legalized: spouses do not go to the registry office, wanting to save money, effort, and time. This type of monogamy is also called cohabitation.

intimate

This type of monogamy involves sex with only one person. In this case, the partners do not live together and do not maintain a household. This type of monogamy is present at the dating stage and during premarital relationships.

Genetic

This is a variant of intimate monogamy, as a result of which a child is born. This variety allows you to confirm the genetic similarity of father and child.

Monogamy in relationships

“People meet, people fall in love, get married...” - this is what is sung in one famous song. During adolescence, everyone falls in love several times and changes partners. Unexpectedly flared up feelings also suddenly go out. There is nothing wrong. Boys and girls are looking for their soul mate, trying themselves in relationships. Psychologists say that the experience of teenage dating is necessary for the formation of ideas about ideal relationships.

Interesting fact. Psychological studies were conducted, during which scientists were able to identify an interesting feature. Boys and girls who did not date or date as teenagers are more likely to be unhappy in their marriages. Their divorce rate is higher than that of those who often changed partners in their youth. Some of them don’t get married at all because they couldn’t find their man.

Wedding

A wedding is the logical result of love feelings that arise between a man and a woman. Lovers want to merge into one whole, to belong only to each other - it is precisely these considerations that drive them when they go to the registry office. They have mutual respect, tenderness and care for each other. If their feelings are sincere, if they made the right choice, then in such a union there will be no place for thoughts of betrayal and affairs on the side. In this case, the family becomes ideal for living in society and having children.

Interesting. Social sciences have highlighted the benefits of monogamous relationships. But this does not mean that polygamy has no right to exist. It is necessary to take into account the fact that some people do not initially plan to get married; for them it is more pleasant to have short-term intimate relationships with several partners. For creative people, this is one of the options for finding a muse: writers, poets, artists and musicians, falling in love once again, are inspired to create a masterpiece. The creative process takes a lot of energy. Having completed a masterpiece, the creator feels empty; for new creative ideas he needs new love.

Polygamy in men

There has been a long debate about male polygamy. Many are sure that men are polygamous, and this is due to their nature. They often justify their betrayal by this phenomenon. A man is capable of simultaneously experiencing strong feelings for two or more women. This behavior in the male body is determined at the genetic level. It must be taken into account that in the distant past, farmers were inclined towards polygamy. This was not due to dishonesty or promiscuity, but to a way of survival. It is worth considering that at a time when there were wars, many men died, there were not enough of them for everyone, the need arose for one gentleman to take care of several ladies, giving them the opportunity to give birth to offspring.

Polygamous relationships are practiced among Muslims. However, this does not mean that they can have an countless number of wives; this number does not exceed four chosen ones. Despite this, many men decide to join their destiny with only one woman; they feel more comfortable this way. A Muslim woman, when it did not work out to become the first wife, agrees to be the second, fourth, because this is better than remaining alone for the rest of her life, in such a situation she has a spouse, has male protection.

It is necessary to understand that in many peoples polygamy is due to difficult conditions, in particular, the need to maintain genetic diversity and low population sizes.

It is worth considering the fact that certain factors that arise along the way of growing up of a future man may influence the need for a polygamous relationship.

1. Lack of attention. The situation when a man tries to date several women at the same time or regularly resorts to infidelity is justified by a lack of parental attention in childhood, in particular maternal attention. As a boy, he constantly felt a lack of female care. This need goes with him throughout his life and it turns out that the attention of one partner is insufficient. The more new young ladies appear on his life’s path, the better he feels.
2. Too much attention. This is the other extreme, when a man grows up with constant attention and care from his mother, especially if he is raised by grandmothers and aunts with her. Then the future man understands that several women must take care of him. This way he feels more confident, in demand and desired.

It is necessary to understand that, despite the presence of a built-in instinct, a man is able to control his impulses. An honest and faithful man who has a strong will will never betray his partner, he will prefer a monogamous lifestyle.

Women, on an instinctive level, prefer males who, in their eyes, look stronger and braver. This phenomenon is the result of human evolution and is caused by the desire to get good offspring. For this reason, women tend to avoid weak partners. In this regard, strong men had the opportunity to simultaneously have close relationships with several women, while weak ones remained lonely.

Why are men polygamous and women monogamous?

The public consciousness has developed many stereotypes regarding male and female fidelity:

• Men always go to the left!
• Women are waiting for a prince on a white horse!
• Not the father who conceived, but the one who raised.
• How many years, and still no husband!

The dominant forms of marriage and family relations of a particular society are determined by its way of life and national traditions. Scientists are confident that polygamy and monogamy are historical forms of sex-role behavior, borrowed by humans from animals. So, in animals, the male is the food provider, the female is the producer of offspring. The male's job is to make offspring, the female's job is to make sure the cubs survive. In nature, males are responsible for population size. If a male impregnated only one female, species diversity on the planet would be greatly reduced. At the same time, if the female did not take care of the cubs, they would die. That is why society is lenient towards a husband’s infidelity, and women’s infidelity is most often condemned: “Who will she leave her children with now?”, “She only thinks about herself, she has children!”

Conviction for treason

In addition, hormonal levels differ between men and women. Thus, testosterone, which causes sexual attraction to a woman, is produced in a larger volume in the male body than in the female body. Men think about sex more often than women, which is why they cheat more often.

Important! To prevent the population from falling, men must impregnate women, and each woman must choose the most promising partner for herself in order to increase her chance of giving birth to a healthy, viable child. At the same time, polygamy is not widespread, because this type of family relationship does not allow for clarity in the distribution of responsibilities between the sexes.

Ideal for family relationships

They say that each person builds his own happiness, decides for himself who to sleep with, who to live with, and whether to start a family. Everyone also has their own ideal version of family relationships. It is determined by a person’s law-abiding nature, his value system and level of moral culture. For most people, monogamy is an example of an ideal relationship, but this does not give them the right to condemn adherents of alternative forms of marriage.

How to rehabilitate a polygamous man

If a woman finds out that her chosen one is having an affair on the side and is generally inclined towards polygamy, then she will not be able to perceive this as something natural. A rare representative of the fair sex will decide to change the current situation, believing that it is simply unrealistic to influence a partner. However, male polygamy can be fought:

• Trusting relationship. If there really is a trusting relationship between the spouses, then the woman may well influence her life partner. For a man who truly loves his wife but is having an affair, the risk of being discovered is a rather painful moment. He may well want to be faithful to his legal wife, but due to certain features, he is simply not able to change himself. In this case, the wife will have to become even closer to her husband, support him in difficult situations, and listen to his opinion. In general, to show that she alone is capable of combining all the most valuable qualities.
• Constant work on yourself. To ensure that the husband does not have a reason to look for a relationship on the side, a woman should not relax after marriage. She must be a good housewife, a reliable friend and a passionate and inventive lover. The most common mistake of almost any young wife is that after receiving a stamp in her passport, she stops paying due attention to her appearance. Nothing will push a man faster to the idea of ​​immersing himself in pleasures outside the family nest than a slacker appearance.

Important

A woman is most often guided by the mechanism of morality and character traits. For the most part, they consider it wrong to even imagine the possibility of building relationships with several men at once. For men, polygamy is a way to feel successful and attractive to the opposite sex.