The first monotheistic religion, Judaism, speaks of the Garden of Eden, where Adam and Eve lived, and the Bible gives us the Ten Commandments, two of which touch on the topic of adultery in practice and in thought: “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” ”(note that it is completely normal to desire an unmarried woman, but it becomes a crime to have sex with another man’s woman, that is, it is identified with stealing another man’s property, causing him harm and infringing on his rights). Thus, the first monotheistic religion also sets a certain monogamous standard. However, it is unlikely that as many as two out of ten commandments would have been devoted to this topic if such “violations” had not occurred in reality. Taboos and prohibitions exist for a reason. If no one violates anything, then there is no need for them. That is, non-monogamy had to be prohibited and this prohibition had to be respected, otherwise monogamy would not have lasted long. Additionally, the Bible actually describes a polygamous model, not a monogamous one. Anyone who has read it knows how many wives Abraham had and how many King David had, not to mention King Solomon.
Polygamy did not imply equal rights for either men or women
Some scholars, such as Barash and Lipton, argue that Engels [in The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State] missed the point: men did not control women to protect their property, but sought to have property and power to attract women. In any case, it is important to understand that polygamy does not mean a model of society where each man has several women. Only strong and wealthy people with power and resources could afford many wives (such as Solomon, who had 700 wives and, as if that were not enough, another 300 concubines). However, since there are almost equal numbers of men and women in the population, weaker and poorer men in such a society have fewer wives (sometimes only one), and some have no wives at all.
The permission to have sex with a large number of people was, of course, one-sided: women were prohibited from marrying more than one man, and adultery was punishable by death. And - going further - the question arises: how often did any of Solomon's wives have sex? Let's say he had sex with different women every day (even when he was sick!), but even then each of his wives could count on an intimate meeting with her husband once every three years at best. Or maybe less often.
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Thus, polygamy did not imply equality for either men or women. Moreover, it led to instability in society, because men who did not have wives had to fight for resources in order to win women. And the fact that kings and aristocrats had several women and many children, equally legitimate, often became the cause of bloody wars for inheritance. And, most likely, the polygamous model gave rise to prostitution, because single men had to somehow satisfy their sexual needs. Rahab was the answer to King Solomon (theoretically, because in biblical history she chronologically preceded the third king of the Jews).
Monogamy was one-sided. It implied discrimination against women, who were still prohibited from having relationships with other partners and who were simply distributed “more evenly” among men
Throughout the Second Temple period and into the time of the Mishnah and Talmud, Judaism continued to practice polygyny (polygamy - Forbes Woman ). The prohibition of Gershom Meor HaGola (which prohibited Jews from marrying more than one woman and which expired about 50 years ago) is approximately a thousand years old. It was introduced among Western European Jews under the influence of the Christian environment. And, by the way, even then this ban was not accepted by Sephardic Jews in Spain, Italy, North Africa and other countries. Today you can still find Yemenite Jews married to more than one woman.
So, if not in the Bible or the Middle East, where and when did monogamy begin as a social norm?
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What is the difference between monogamous and polygamous relationships
Polygamy
As follows from the previous paragraph, a polygamous person can simultaneously establish relationships with several people. Such a union can be called successful only when all its participants are completely satisfied with this state of affairs. That is, if one of the spouses starts an affair on the side without informing the other about it, then we are not talking about polygamy at all - it is simply treason.
Monogamy
It is believed that most people are still more inclined towards monogamy, and, of course, expect such an attitude towards themselves. It is worth noting that women still gravitate more towards this form of marriage, and this is not surprising, because most of the fair sex are known as homemakers. As a rule, the overwhelming number of women, even being unhappy in marriage, find it difficult to decide to cheat.
Polyamory
In modern Western culture, the romantic idea that everyone is destined for their other half is popular. And serial monogamy, consisting of cycles of “falling in love - exclusive relationships - breaking up,” becomes a way to find this soul mate. At the same time, new love or strong attraction to someone on the side usually means either the collapse of intimacy, or a life of lies and suffering.
However, is it necessary to break up with a loved one if you have romantic feelings for someone else? Proponents of polyamory believe not.
If a person wants to maintain the principles of polyamory without turning his behavior into ordinary infidelity, he informs the potential partner about this approach in advance. If new variables arise in a relationship that was previously exclusive, this should also be discussed.
Polyamorous relationships involve more than two people, but what kind of relationship they have with each other depends on the individual case. For example, person A may be in a sexual and romantic relationship with persons B and C. In this case, B and C know about each other's existence, but there is nothing between them. It is also possible that B and C have a connection with each other. Or eat with your own separate partner.
It is difficult to list all possible variations. The main principle is awareness of all participants.
Examples of monogamy in the animal world
It is generally accepted that most animals are polygamous and do not attach importance to who they mate with. Most often this happens, but not always! So, which representatives of the animal world are inclined to remain faithful to their partner?
1. Swans
The pairs that swans form can last for many years, or even until the death of one of the birds. It’s not for nothing that swans have become a kind of symbol of love for many!
2. Wolves
One of the clearest examples of devotion to your partner, which many people can only envy. If the male dies, the female usually remains alone for the rest of her life. In turn, the wolf is ready to fight with anyone for its partner and offspring.
3. Beavers
Not many people know that these small and nimble animals are amazingly faithful! While the beaver is preparing to give birth to offspring, her partner provides her with food. Subsequently, they raise the baby together for about two years, after which they release him into a free life.
4. Penguins
Penguins live in pairs for many years. After they become a couple, returning every few months to the colony, they try to find each other among the other penguins.
5. Steppe voles
When voles become mated, they produce hormones that affect certain lobes of the brain. The male is faithful to his partner and does not pay attention to other rodents.
Friend's assistant and territory defense
In species where guarding a mate is not needed, the pair can protect each other. An example of this is sentinel behavior in bird species. The main benefit of sentinel behavior is that many survival tactics improve. As already stated, the male or female will act as sentinels and signal to their mate if a predator is present. This may result in increased survival, foraging, and egg incubation.
In some taxa of species, male care of offspring is quite rare. This is because males can improve their fitness by seeking multiple partners. Females are limited in fitness due to their fecundity, so multiple matings do not affect their fitness to the same extent. Males have the opportunity to find a mate earlier than females if internal fertilization occurs or females do most of the care for the offspring. When males are shown to care for both offspring and females, it is called biparental care.
Bilateral care may occur when offspring are less likely to survive without male care. The evolution of this care was associated with the emergence of energy-intensive offspring. Bilateral care is exhibited in many bird species. In these cases, the male has a better chance of improving his fitness by seeing his offspring live long enough to reproduce. If a male is absent from these populations, offspring survival rate is dramatically reduced and the male's fitness deteriorates. Without monogamy, bilateral care is less common and the likelihood of infanticide increases. Monogamous mating infanticide will result in decreased fitness for socially monogamous males and is not observed to a significant extent.
Examples of female polygamy (in history, in the culture of other nations)
Female polygamy has long had a scientific definition - polyandry. According to the latest data, there are about fifty nations in the world in which this type of relationship is practiced - a woman can have more than one spouse. This phenomenon occurs among the Indian population, Eskimos, Tibet, and so on.
For example, in India, the emergence of polyandry can be explained by gender considerations. Many families have a negative attitude towards the appearance of a girl in the family and resort to abortion - the reason for this is the reluctance or inability to collect the necessary dowry. As a result, there are now far fewer women in India than men. Of course, this phenomenon is not widespread everywhere, but only in remote outbacks.
Nowadays, there are places where female polygamy is not only common - it is officially legalized. This type of relationship is quite acceptable in Nigeria and Polynesia.
Why do some peoples do this? We can consider the situation using the example of Tibet, where many citizens value their land, which often feeds them. Naturally, when sons grow up, they need to start families. Not wanting to exchange land, parents prefer to marry only their eldest son. If there are other boys in the family, then subsequently they are also considered the husbands of the only daughter-in-law in the house.
Also, polyandry once became widespread in Venezuela. A woman could live with two husbands, and after giving birth to a baby, as a rule, she did not know who his father was. As a result, two spouses assumed paternal obligations at once, which subsequently turned out quite favorably for the fate of the heir.
Friendship with benefits
A slightly clumsy translation of the expression friendship with benefits describes a situation that can also be described as “friendship sex.”
The expression “relationship without commitment” is also sometimes used, but it must be understood correctly. Actually, we have quite a lot of obligations to our friends: support them in difficult situations, trust them, be honest. Even if friendships have a sexual component, these things do not go away. However, friends-lovers do not have the same obligations that couples have, and the boundaries in friendship are usually stricter.
Such relationships are suitable for those who know how to separate sex and romantic feelings. However, they involve a certain risk: if one is more emotionally inclined than the other, there will be trouble.
Polygamy of men: a question that interests many
Men are polygamous by nature, is this true?
Usually women whose chosen one was caught in an attempt to cheat are forced to ask such questions. Not wanting to tolerate this state of affairs, the woman declares her readiness to break off the relationship, but the man convinces her not to rush off the handle and not hope that the next romance will be more successful, because all men are by nature prone to polygamy. Is it really?
Unfortunately, there is still some truth in these statements. A man can really show interest in several women at once - this is how nature provides. Simply put, such behavior is inherent in the genes. In the past, even before humanity found faith, earthlings were adherents of polygamy. This was not caused by licentiousness or dishonesty - this is how peoples simply survived, because large-scale wars were not uncommon then, claiming many lives. The male population always suffered in these battles, so society had an urgent need for male children. Gradually, harems began to appear.
Much has changed since then, but you shouldn’t be surprised that at the instinctive level, men still gravitate towards several women at once. Cultural society began to emerge only three thousand years ago, but polygamous relationships existed much longer!
The real problem or excuse of men who are womanizers
However, it is worth noting another important fact: yes, men are polygamous by nature, but this does not mean at all that they are not able to control their instincts! Of course, a man with a weak will will easily succumb to affairs on the side; more self-confident male representatives prefer to lead a monogamous lifestyle. Also note that some men are still more polygamous than others.
Lack of attention in childhood.
Many psychologists agree that if an adult man periodically cheats, this means that, most likely, he had problems in his childhood. More specifically, he probably lacked maternal attention. As a boy, he remembered this feeling - the need for female participation and care. Subsequently, he carries this need throughout his life, and, as a rule, the attention of one partner is not enough for him. The more often new women appear in his life, the more harmonious he feels.
Too much attention.
At the same time, there is another extreme - in childhood, a man gets used to the increased attention of a woman. We can talk about an overly caring mother, or a situation where the boy was raised by his mother and grandmother. The second case is more critical. A man, on a subconscious level, notes to himself that two women can take care of him at once, and he likes this state of affairs. As an adult, he will most likely also seek increased attention from women - this makes him more comfortable.
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Why are women less likely to engage in polygamy?
Female monogamy can be fully explained - just like male polygamy, it was inherent in nature. This is the way it is now, and it was established many centuries ago - it is predominantly women who have the fate of raising children and being the custodians of home comfort and hearth.
It is worth noting that both spouses may be inclined towards polygamy, but the fair sex usually has more restraining factors - in the old days they simply had no time to look for new chosen ones.
Also, one cannot leave aside their hormonal background, which helps a woman take care of her children. Of course, this point, as a rule, prevents the establishment of numerous sexual partners.
What history and religion say about polygamy
In world religion, issues about polygamy periodically appear on the agenda, but it cannot be said that this topic has gained some kind of transparency and unified opinion over time. From time to time it still becomes a cause of controversy.
Previously, there was an opinion that this phenomenon first appeared among the Muslim people. However, this theory is already considered erroneous. As it turned out, many centuries ago, different segments of the population were inclined towards polygamy, and one wife for several husbands was not uncommon. As already mentioned, this was due to the fact that many men died in battle, and the survivors considered it their duty to leave as many other healthy offspring as possible. Of course, in these situations, women gradually began to feel disadvantaged, because in essence they were used only for reproduction. At the same time, it was considered a great joy and blessing if a boy was born into the world, but the appearance of a girl made few people happy.
But Islam, in turn, has significant differences from the described tradition. Muslims have established certain restrictions on polygamy.
First of all, it is important to note that a Muslim cannot have an infinite number of women - he is allowed to marry no more than four chosen ones. It is also worth clarifying that polygamy in Islam is not at all a prerequisite - it is the choice of each individual family, and nothing more. Many Muslims prefer to live with one woman, and consider this as natural as possible for themselves.
There are reasons why polygamy is encouraged in Islam. The first of them is that polygamy has been applicable since ancient times where there are significantly fewer men than women. At the same time, no one wants to be left without a husband, and every woman needs male protection. Having failed to become the first wife of her chosen one, the Muslim woman agrees to become the second, third or fourth. In this case, it cannot be said that women's rights are violated. Rather, they feel protected, and such a marriage is preferable to them than living alone.
The choice is yours
Relationships are inherently nuanced and complex. Whether a person wants to enter into a monogamous or polygamous partnership, there are so many factors that influence whether a relationship fails. Time, lifestyle, desires, sexual compatibility, personalities and much more are involved in unions of all natures. Many times, the best relationships come to us when we least expect them.
Society tends to glamorize certain unions and promote the idea that you need to be involved with someone else in order to truly feel happy and fulfilled in your daily life. Now, while a relationship may contribute to a person's happiness or levels of fulfillment, at the end of the day, the true power lies with it. An anguished, dissatisfied individual will is unlikely to become bright and cheerful after suddenly entering into a partnership, be it monogamous or otherwise. One of the (not so) hidden secrets of relationships is that we tend to take ourselves along. Some people may even argue that relationships enhance and highlight a person's true nature over time.
Monogamy and polygamy have their advantages and disadvantages. Not all people will agree with various aspects of the above relationship and have the right to do so. As long as all parties involved are in agreement as adults, there is no right or wrong, good or bad, when it comes to deciding whether to enter into a monogamous or polygamous union. Different people are better suited for certain relationships. Sometimes this changes over time; sometimes it's not. Some people may switch between monogamy and polygyny at the same time or several times.
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