How to save a marriage on the verge of divorce: what to do if there is a breakdown in the family to save the relationship, how to save the union if the partner wants to leave, advice on psychology

A successful tandem of a man and a woman is one of the most important goals in the life together of most people.
Especially when it seems that everything is serious: there are certain plans, sincere desires to be together always.

But mutual ambitions, inability to hear each other and many other circumstances can prevent even a harmonious and loving couple from building a happy union.

In this case, it is necessary to admit in time: the relationship needs to be saved, and this is daily and difficult work for both men and women. Let's take a closer look at how to save a relationship, a marriage on the verge of divorce.

Signs of discord in a relationship

The main signs that a tandem is on the verge of breaking:

insincerity, concealment of details, lack of trust, desire to isolate oneself from a partner with a wall of personal space;
a feeling of distance from each other, giving rise to lies and hypocrisy;
lack of passion in the intimate sphere, reluctance to physical intimacy and sensual contacts;
frequent quarrels, disagreements with all the ensuing consequences - from unpleasant words in calm tones to breaking dishes in angry outbursts;
reluctance to be one whole, the desire for independence and loneliness - not just for a day, but in the long term;
regular rivalry, desire for leadership in the union;
neglect of the feelings of a loved one, disrespect for his feelings and interests, lack of understanding in basic matters.

What to do before taking action?

Before starting an operation to save a relationship, you need to:

Find out from your partner the reasons why you wanted to leave . Admit to yourself that not everything is so smooth and do not try to manipulate, encouraging you to be with you against the wishes of your loved one.
Take a break, don’t force your communication right away . Cut off contact at least until there is a real chance to fix everything.
Ask for help - a close friend or a specialist . Any person who will help to adequately analyze the situation, understand it, overcome difficulties and, finally, start a new life.
Turn the emerging hole in your personal life into new opportunities - learn something new, go on a trip, etc. Remember that life goes on and does not end with the end of a relationship.

Is it worth fighting?

How to understand whether it makes sense to save a marriage or not? As soon as a conflict arises with your significant other, you should not rush and threaten that you will file for divorce. The first step is to free yourself from violent emotions. They do not allow us to objectively assess the situation at the moment.

You can try to re-experience all the most joyful moments with your partner, for example, remember the beginning of your acquaintance, all the feelings that you experienced at that time. View photos from joint events, vacations, travel.

The surging warmth will allow your thoughts to be organized and set you in a positive mood. Think about why you no longer experience the warm feelings you once had, whether there is a need to break the connection because of one conflict.

But if your conclusion is disappointing, you admitted to yourself that you are keeping your family together out of fear of starting life over again, or you simply cannot justify why you are still with this particular person, most likely you will have to make a decision about divorce.

What to do if the other half wants to break up?

Let's try to figure out what is special about active actions for both sexes.

To a woman

The main tips are:

The main tool for resolving any disagreements is an honest conversation.
It is necessary to prepare for honest revelations - this is the only way the desired results will appear.
Here's what you need to understand:
1. What do we think is not working in a relationship and how does it manifest itself?
How does personal character and behavior influence this?
How does the character and behavior of a loved one influence this?
What exactly is the most difficult thing to accept in your case?
What concessions are you willing to make to prevent separation from happening?
Why do you want to improve family (partnership) relationships?
What effects do you expect to see and feel?
By preparing honest answers to the above questions, you will be able to provide a basis for a conversation in which it will be easier to control your emotions and express your feelings.
If you notice that in your relationship with a guy something has ceased to work out, and “everything is not the same as it was before,” you definitely need to make contact, but always taking into account the desired method of communication. Men usually expect a problem to be presented to them clearly and legibly so that a concrete solution can then be found.

To a man

The main advice of a psychologist:

It is easier for women to talk about their feelings and show them, including negative ones. If you often quarrel, hear numerous accusations from your chosen one, and you get the impression that the conflict is growing, taking the initiative and offering to talk will definitely be appreciated by a woman’s heart.
Try to show closeness, tenderness and understanding to her. Keep in mind that in addition to solving your problems, it may be very important for her to let go of accumulated emotions and receive support from you.
Announce specific changes, because non-empty promises are an important guarantee for her. When telling her your expectations, emphasize what you value and like about her. If a conversation becomes dangerously tense, break it off and return to it later.

Where has the love gone?

When there are a lot of conflicts in a relationship, and the relationship is mired in mutual criticism, mockery, insults and discontent, then it seems that there is no more love. But it often happens that love is simply hidden behind criticism. She became invisible because you began to perceive the person as an absolute aggressor or hysterical, and behind all this nightmare you stopped seeing the person himself and what you loved him for.

Take a closer look. It's still him. Perhaps the reason you fell in love with him is still with him. Try to see it again. Try to see these qualities in each other together, and then you are likely to see and feel love again.

What should not be done to protect the union?

So, what not to do:

Take action and don’t put off dotting the i’s for a long time.
Try not to beat around the bush and pretend nothing is happening.
Don't use empty words - use exactly those examples that best illustrate true feelings.
Don't attack, but communicate and demonstrate your willingness to work on your relationship.
Avoid arguments and keep the conversation going in a way that makes both of you feel at ease and that external environmental factors do not cause disturbance.
Remove the high-pitched tone and pretension in your intonation: the more specific and gentle you are, the more likely your partner will be to work with you, inspired by the common goal of preserving the relationship.

What to avoid

To avoid the collapse of relationships, you need to avoid rash decisions. Initially, you need to normalize your emotional state. So that nothing distracts you and you can think sensibly. It is not uncommon to encounter situations where people get divorced in a hot head. Then they regret their decision.
Avoid empty words. When you constantly threaten your partner with divorce, this is manipulating his fears. You shouldn’t tempt fate and scare your spouse with this. His reaction may surprise you. He may agree to your proposal sooner or later.
Don't drag children into your squabbles. By dragging a child into such a situation, you will greatly damage the child’s psyche. This could ruin the rest of his life. A child should know that his parents are the best and most worthy people. This is necessary for him to understand the value of peace in the family, so that he grows up as a full-fledged person.

Consequences of keeping a family on the verge of breaking up

In the further preservation of a relationship on the verge of divorce, much depends on what were the reasons for the failed separation. Understanding them, in fact, is the key to adopting the right strategy to restore the former union.

Problems that can arise include a lack of trust and one party being too involved. Remember that mistrust, excessive control and conflict are the first steps to betrayal, which usually begins with you telling the other person about it.

On the other hand, if you see that your partner is less interested than you in maintaining the tandem, perhaps you should admit to yourself that further “cooperation” does not make sense .

Reasons that keep people together

Often unhappy couples continue their relationship and are constantly on the verge of breaking up. What are the reasons for this behavior:

they do not see more attractive options for themselves with other partners;
a lot of time and effort was invested in this relationship, so it’s a pity to ruin it;
people are actually satisfied with the relationships they have.

This terrible word is treason

Betrayal by one of the partners is an objective reason for divorce. There is no point in thinking about how you can save a marriage from divorce under such conditions:

the spouse continues the relationship on the side and does not plan to end it;
there has been no love and mutual respect in the family for a long time;
the spouses do not want to continue the relationship.

But if the deceived party has the strength to forgive, and the cheating partner is ready to correct himself, then everything can be restored. To avoid rupture you need to do the following:

start with forgiveness;
work to restore trust;
find out the reasons for the betrayal;
eliminate them.

The betrayal of spouses is driven by dissatisfaction with family relationships. We need to look deeper for the reasons and begin to work through all problematic areas of family life in order to avoid a repetition of the situation in the future.

What relationships don't make sense to preserve?

Unfortunately, there are also situations when an attempt to save a partnership or marriage is doomed to failure. If all your dreams of a wonderful and bright future together are crumbling in a series of delusions, you should not put off the final breakup for a long time. You need to be able to say goodbye to a person forever in time.

This should be done without hesitation in cases where the other party:

subject to bad habits and addictions;
often uses physical and moral violence, exerts psychological pressure;
refuses to take on responsibilities, such as working and providing for a child, or parenting;
regularly has sexual relations on the side.

Reasons for divorce

All married couples are completely different, with their own traditions and stories. If a marriage is falling apart at the seams, this trouble can be caused by various reasons. A psychologist will tell you what to do to prevent family breakdown. Experts analyzed the prerequisites leading to the end of a marriage. In their opinion, the main reasons for divorce are:

Treason. It can break even the strongest relationships, destroy even the strongest love. In former times, women were convinced that men were polygamous, that they were hunters by nature, they needed a new object of passion for self-affirmation, that there was no man who would not go to the left at least once. But for a modern woman, even the slightest affair with her chosen one is a reason to end all relationships with him, even if you have lived together for many years. The situation may worsen if the partner becomes infected with a sexually transmitted disease or HIV infection.
Alcohol and drug addiction. Few spouses are willing to put up with the addictions of their loved one for a long time. In addition to these two addictions, two more have been added in our time - computer and gaming (gambling).
No children. If a husband or wife does not want or due to health reasons cannot leave offspring, separation can be predicted for this couple. Even if one of the spouses is infertile, it is not the disease itself that leads to divorce, but a categorical reluctance to correct the situation, for example, through adoption.
Partners are incompatible. This doesn't just apply to characters. Any disagreements can lead to a breakup, for example, if spouses have different national, religious, political beliefs, or they have different views on the process of raising children.
Material problems. Especially if one of the spouses refuses to look for work. Interesting fact: a couple of decades ago, women feared that they might be left alone, without the financial support of their husband, with a child. Modern ladies have adapted socially; they have no need to hold on to a boring marriage. Women often make successful careers and solve problems themselves. Becoming a nanny for an adult man is not part of their plans.
Inability of spouses to cope with difficulties. This often occurs in young families. A young husband and wife find themselves unprepared for everyday difficulties, especially if the reason for marriage was the bride’s pregnancy. A child is born and caring for him leads to a breakup. Another reason for divorce after the birth of a baby is the situation when the new mother devotes all her time to the child, and the husband has not gotten used to the new role and does not perceive himself as a father.
Intervention by third parties. Relatives and friends, imposing their opinions on how to live on the family, with their advice destroy the harmony within the marriage, thereby forcing the spouses to separate.
Couples who have been married for decades face another problem: grown children leave the house, and a void is created. If the spouses stayed married only for the sake of the children, after they began to live independently, the need to preserve the family disappears.
Illness or disability of a husband or wife can also lead to divorce if the healthy spouse does not find the strength and courage to cope with the difficulties that have arisen.
The use of physical or mental violence also leads to divorce.
Intimate problems. If one or both spouses are dissatisfied with intimate relationships in marriage, this will inevitably lead to the breakdown of the family.

The best advice from psychologists on how to stop being jealous of your husband towards everyone and become a confident woman