08.12.2020
Your doctor says that it is useless to continue conservative treatment of the joint. You seem to trust him - after all, you tried to find a good specialist. And at the same time, at the mere thought of surgery, some kind of chaotic mess arises inside, and you are ready to take literally handfuls of pills, just to avoid “going under the knife.”
Sound familiar?
It remains to understand what to do about it.
The origins of suspiciousness
Suspiciousness usually arises from self-doubt and low self-esteem. Morbid suspiciousness is a kind of manifestation of an exaggerated instinct of self-preservation. Many experts rightly believe that the causes of suspiciousness lie in those negative, and often psychologically traumatic, childhood impressions and experiences, which subsequently grow into neurotic complexes. Suspiciousness is a heterogeneous concept. It can be an independent character trait, or it can be part of a disorder, for example, obsessive-compulsive neurosis, hypochondria, pathological jealousy, and delusions of persecution.
Suspiciousness is a common problem; one third of the population of our planet suffers from it in one form or another.
How to use self-hypnosis correctly?
Our subconscious does not perceive the “no” part, so when using this method to achieve a goal, in no case should you use it. Examples: “I will never get sick”, “I will not suffer” - these expressions lose the “not” particle during self-hypnosis and thoughts materialize in a negative way. Tell yourself “I am healthy”, “I am successful”, “I am happy”. Form an attitude in the present tense using verbs. Example: Not “I will achieve the desired result,” but “I have achieved the desired result.” Create simple, clear and concise attitudes. Example: “I want a house somewhere outside the city” - this is an incorrect and vague attitude; consciousness is unable to cope with what it does not understand. “I bought (I have) a two-story house on the banks of the Volga River” - a correctly formulated appeal to one’s consciousness. When setting a goal for yourself, put meaning into it. Mechanical pronunciation is not self-hypnosis, but memorization; you must feel yourself in the state you are striving for.
Why fight suspiciousness?
Even the usual, and not pathological, form of suspiciousness causes a lot of inconvenience to its owner. And if the latter needs to be fought with the help of specialists: psychologists, psychoanalysts, psychotherapists, then you can try to eradicate the former yourself. Suspiciousness not only darkens a person’s life, but also paralyzes his activity, prevents him from achieving success on his path, and building a harmonious personal life. There are a number of ways in which you can get rid of the constant feeling of anxiety about your abilities, capabilities and health.
Content:
- Why does an irresistible craving for alcohol occur?
- How to fight the urge to drink
- How to overcome the urge to drink on your own
The desire to drink alcohol in a healthy person who does not have an addiction, and the desire to drink in an alcohol addict, are two completely different situations.
In the first case, the urge is usually caused by stress or, on the contrary, a joyful event. If you don’t succeed in taking something “hot”, negative emotions do not arise. Attention switches, the person continues to lead his usual lifestyle. With alcoholism, everything is more complicated. It is very difficult for an addict to suppress the desire to drink. If it occurs, it deprives the patient of the opportunity to engage in usual activities, does not allow him to concentrate on anything, and contributes to the development of an unpleasant painful condition.
Fighting suspiciousness: 18 steps to success
Step 1: Train the skill of success Try to develop in yourself the best things that helped you cope with difficulties in the past.
Step 2: appreciate your strengths You should not concentrate on your negative (often imaginary) qualities. You need to try to find the positive things in yourself that distinguish you from others.
Step 3: Don't talk bad about yourself It is not advisable to talk bad about yourself. If you constantly, even jokingly, in the face of minor failures, say: “What can you take from me? I’m a coward and a bungler!” – then soon, no longer as a joke, you will involuntarily strive to meet this definition.
Step 4: Confidence in Friends Don't be shy about sharing your fears, doubts, and worries with good, trusted friends. When a person “verbalizes” a problem (that is, expresses it in words), he has already partially solved it.
Step 5: keep a diary You can start a diary or notebook in order to record your experiences due to suspiciousness. Couldn't communicate with the person you're interested in? Try to write down what you felt at that moment: confusion, heart palpitations, embarrassment, etc. At first, you will just take notes. But soon, knowing what can happen to you in a given situation, you will no longer be lost in similar circumstances.
Step 6: Change Habits Try changing your habits. Not forever, but for a while. Trying to change, even in small things (for example, putting on shoes in the morning starting with a different foot than usual), will gradually set you up for the possibility of more serious, profound changes in your attitude towards life: you will feel, think, act differently.
Step 7: set yourself up for the best Try to set yourself up. This is a very important skill. For example: “All this day I will be as joyful and cheerful a person as possible! I will certainly smile at least seven times during the day!” (precisely seven times, because it’s a lucky number!); “I will give sober, calm, reasonable, adequate reactions to any situation!”; “On this day I will not allow any pessimistic, let alone negative assessments of my actions and qualities!”; “I will simply ignore negative traumatic circumstances!”; “I will definitely try to live this whole truly new day with the belief that success in my life is simply inevitable! Perhaps to achieve it you just need to be patient.”
Step 8: massage your earlobes In the fight against suspiciousness, you can also use physical influence: if you tend to worry and panic in any significant situation, try pressing on two special points, one of which is located inside the auricle, in the upper part of the ear, and the second is in the middle of the lobe. You can also rub the entire surface of your ears, focusing on the earlobes.
Step 9: Laugh at Your Fears Learning to laugh at your fears is not easy. To do this, you can use one technique. Write statements on separate pieces of paper that you don’t like about yourself, for example: “I’m embarrassed by the fact that I immediately blush when talking to strangers”; “I’m worried that my nose (mouth, ears...) is not the same,” etc. Place or pin these notes near the largest mirror in the apartment. When you look at these “paper confessions”, try to arrange comic mini-performances: laugh at your fears, make faces at yourself in the mirror! Sooner or later, the intensity of your experiences will subside, and you will begin to overcome suspiciousness.
Step 10: write down your fears You can write down on a piece of paper everything that you fear because of your suspiciousness. For example: “My heart is tingling, but it’s just nerves, that’s what my doctor told me!” Looking at this recording (it will be better if you make it with colored markers), you will gradually begin to get used to the idea that there is “nothing wrong with you.”
Step 11: fall in love with aromatherapy You can use aromatherapy to combat suspiciousness. Try adding 1-2 drops of rosemary or vanilla essential oil to your handkerchief. They give confidence in their abilities, relieve shyness and anxiety.
Step 12: Replace fear with pity If you are afraid of some kind of disease or infection, you can fantasize, imagining it in the form of an intrusive guest, skinny, frail and frightened. This will help ease fear (well, really, how can you be afraid of such an insignificance?!) or even drive it away.
Step 13: draw your anxiety Drawing helps well in the fight against suspiciousness. You can try to depict your fears in the form of drawings, funny and absurd. You can decorate the walls of your apartment with them in order to have a good laugh at them.
Step 14: come up with a happy ending Modeling the situation that you fear, how events with a successful outcome can also help suspicious people. For example, you are afraid of doctors. Imagine that it is not you, but one of your friends or relatives who needs to visit the clinic. Laugh at their concerns and fears. And then try to model your own trip to the clinic as a calm and safe event. Step 15: scare... your fear Usually, suspicious people drive away their fears and anxieties and thereby simply drive them inside. Try doing the opposite. For example, at the dentist’s office, fearing not so much toothache as the possibility of getting some kind of infection, tell yourself: “Please, dear fear, come in and do me a favor! What do you have there? Some kind of stupid infection? Bring her here!” In this way, you paralyze not yourself, but your fear.
Step 16: find a hobby Try to find an interesting activity or hobby for yourself. This kind of bright and joyful passion will protect you from many fears for the future.
Step 17: apply auto-training In the fight against suspiciousness, you can “adopt” a special technique of autogenic training - self-hypnosis, proposed even before the “inventor” of this psychotherapeutic technique, Johann Schulz, by the famous poet Maximilian Voloshin. Copy his poem “The Spell” (written back in 1929) with colored felt-tip pens and hang it in a visible place, re-read it every day, instilling in yourself everything that is written in it (or even better, learn these lines by heart):
All your organs are working properly: the progress of eternity is counted by your heart, your lungs and stomach are smoldering imperishably! Communion transforms the flesh into spirit and discards the excess toxins. Intestines, liver, glands and kidneys - “Concentrations and altars of the High Hierarchies” in musical Concord. There are no alarm bells or pains: your hands don’t hurt, your ears are healthy, your mouth doesn’t dry out, your nerves are hardy, clear and sensitive... And if you, persistent in your work, exceed your physical strength limits, your subconscious will immediately hold you back!
It is best to repeat these blank verses while sitting in the most comfortable position with your eyes closed, breathing easily and freely.
Step 18: think rationally One of the most important skills in the fight against suspiciousness is rational thinking. You can’t think only about the bad, worrying, exciting or scary all the time. This is especially not worth doing when you are alone with yourself, in the evening or before bed. Everyone knows how these kinds of thoughts and experiences interfere with finding peace of mind, which contributes to normal falling asleep and restful sleep. And a bad dream, filled with disturbing dreams, plunges a suspicious person even more into the abyss of worries. Therefore, before going to bed, it is better to dream, fantasize about something pleasant, and remember joyful moments.
Fear of dentists in children
Under no circumstances should you postpone a visit to a pediatric dentist, since oral diseases in childhood progress very quickly and can lead to serious complications. Parents should understand that caries in children in the early stages can be treated painlessly without the use of a drill; Timely detection of malocclusion in a child will help to avoid aesthetic problems, difficulties with speech development and chewing food.
Kids are very inquisitive, and for the first time they can easily agree to come to the dentist because they are interested in everything new. But it happens that a child flatly refuses to go to the doctor. Usually the reasons are the following factors:
- The kid had a negative experience communicating with people in white coats. And it doesn’t matter what specialty the doctor caused trouble: the child will be afraid of everyone.
- Parents' stories about how bad doctors are and how painful it is to treat teeth. Even if adults talk to each other, children, like a sponge, absorb information and draw appropriate conclusions.
- Parents' experiences before visiting the dentist. If the mother is too worried and nervous, persuades the child to be patient and behave well, the baby begins to suspect that it will be painful. His mother's mood is transmitted to him, he also begins to worry and, most likely, refuses to go to the doctor.
- The indecisive nature of the child. Some children are so indecisive that they are afraid of everything unknown; If such a child is brought to an appointment without any explanation, he will burst into tears and flatly refuse to talk to the doctor.
- You can help your child overcome his fear of the dentist by following these recommendations:
- You need to start by choosing a clinic where doctors work who know how to communicate with young patients. Modern children's classrooms are equipped with toy corners and TVs for watching cartoons.
- You should start getting acquainted with doctors from the age of one: regular examinations at the dentist will turn a visit to the clinic into a habitual procedure; constant monitoring of the condition of the child’s teeth will help to detect diseases at the initial stages and avoid complex, painful treatment. Adults should set an example for children: undergo a medical examination with them, brush their teeth in the morning and evening.
- Before the appointment, parents should not be nervous or express pessimistic assumptions about the results of the examination.
- If the child is not in the mood to go to the doctor now, it is better to reschedule the visit to another time. It is necessary to avoid extremes: some parents, succumbing to their mood, may postpone dental examination for an indefinite period of time; others, realizing the importance of the procedure, begin to threaten the child with punishment.
- If serious procedures are to be carried out, you cannot tell your child that “the doctor will just take a look.” It’s better to tell the truth, but do it in a childish way: explain that insidious microbes have settled in the teeth, which bite and can hurt, and only a doctor can drive them out.
- Let the little patient know that after visiting the doctor, some pleasant surprise awaits him from the “tooth fairy”: at the end of the treatment, the parents or doctor will give it to the child.
People who have been familiar with two rules since childhood have no fear of the dental office:
- It is necessary to maintain oral hygiene daily.
- It is necessary to undergo a preventive examination at the dentist twice a year.
To stop being afraid of the dentist, start treating him as a friend and assistant who will get rid of the disease and restore health and beauty to your smile!
In a positive way
If you can master these steps and add your own to them, you will gradually begin to think in new ways. And you will understand how much in life you have lost because of your suspiciousness.
Yaroslav Kolpakov, clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences: “Suspiciousness is a complex psychological phenomenon. It is associated primarily with such a concept as anxiety. Anxiety means a certain potential readiness of a person to react to new situations, life circumstances, events with one or another manifestation of anxiety. Suspicious people have a fairly high level of anxiety. Suspiciousness in the physical sphere can manifest itself in the form of hypochondria. A person tends to very sensitively and carefully “listen” to all the signals of his body, attribute to them a painful meaning, interpret them as threatening health or even life, and often seek help from doctors. Suspiciousness in the social sphere can manifest itself as paranoia, that is, a tendency to be wary in communication, a distorted perception of the attitude of other people as hostile. The result of a kind of “protection” from suspiciousness can be perfectionism, that is, an almost obsessive belief that “I must achieve only the best results, I must be the best.” In a pathological form, this is manifested by the conviction that “no personal result achieved is ideal,” which could be even better. The fear of not achieving the best result leads a person to procrastination - constantly putting off making important decisions, putting off important things “for tomorrow.” Because of this, a person’s anxiety can only increase, and a kind of “vicious circle” is formed: anxiety – suspiciousness – paranoia – perfectionism – procrastination – anxiety. If you cannot break this circle with the help of the advice given in the article, it is recommended to seek the advice of a psychologist.”
Expert: Yaroslav Kolpakov, clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences
Author: Evgeniy Vosarat
The material uses photographs belonging to shutterstock.com
Causes
Negative attitudes do not appear out of nowhere. Life events and ups and downs have a direct impact on the formation of a worldview and attitude towards the world as a whole. To understand how to get rid of dark thoughts, you need to understand the reasons for what is happening. This is necessary to form an adequate attitude to the surrounding reality. The most important thing is not to deceive yourself and not try to prove otherwise.
Inability to solve problems
Negative impressions often appear when a person does not have the ability to cope with life's difficulties. This happens for various reasons, but, most often, emotional helplessness is caused by a lack of necessary experience. As a result, problems accumulate over time rather than being resolved. At some point, the person notices with surprise that habitual actions frighten her, and fear of failure appears. In some cases, the problem is aggravated by the fact that there are too many negative emotions, and there is no strength to deal with constantly arising circumstances. That’s when you give up and the positivity completely leaves. You have to constantly be in tension and fight the influx of negative emotions.
Parental influence
Father and mother are the first teachers in our lives. But, unfortunately, parents do not always do the right thing and are not always attentive to their child. In childhood, a child perceives close people as an indisputable truth. But even as adults, they adopt the same character traits, fears and doubts. Many do not even suspect that in adulthood they continue to live by their parents’ attitudes. Education in the spirit of endless restrictions leaves an imprint on the self-awareness of the individual. The formation of a feeling of helplessness occurs as a result of the inability to look back at one’s own life and understand individual value. Living in parental paradigms, we lose our sense of our own lasting value.
Diffidence
Certain character traits often prevent one from achieving success. This is timidity, a tendency to doubt, depression, lack of faith in one’s actions. Doubts can drive a person into a state of anxiety and severe worry. Not understanding your beliefs causes you to waste time. Due to the feeling of one’s own inferiority, the personality stops developing. When you are constantly haunted by fears and doubts, it becomes impossible to move towards your goals. Current problems are not solved, but only accumulate into one significant tangle of contradictions. This feeling of hopelessness provokes self-doubt. Subsequently, it becomes difficult to make decisions. It becomes easier to isolate yourself from the world than to try to change something.
Unpleasant experience
Life is so multifaceted and mysterious that sometimes it becomes difficult to imagine what other trials await us ahead. The negative experience gained does not allow us to understand how to remove mental pain and cope with despair and hopelessness. In men, traumatic events often lead to alcohol abuse. These include: divorce, financial losses, dismissal from work, betrayal of his wife. Having received unpleasant impressions, a person often closes himself off from the world and stops trusting those around him. This is a big mistake, but sometimes it is really difficult for people to overcome themselves and act with an open heart. Many people worry for years about a lost love or a failed project.
Inability to love yourself
True self-love has nothing to do with selfishness and stubbornness. Those who truly value themselves are not afraid of any emotional losses or disappointments. Such a person will be able to pull himself together and cope with all-consuming despair. When this skill is absent, self-blame and self-restraint enter into life. These are serious obstacles to any success. The inability to love yourself is a real stumbling block that is best avoided.
Disappointment
Disappointment is a consequence of insufficient self-love. This is the reason that forces you to slam the doors before an obvious victory. Being in this state, it is impossible to make sensible decisions and move along the path to success. It is impossible to be guided by unpleasant impressions and still get a dizzying result.
