5 Tips for Raising Children's Self-Esteem

Formation of self-esteem in a child

A child's low self-esteem makes him very vulnerable and sensitive. Such children often find themselves in awkward situations. It is this character trait that causes shyness and timidity. Due to low self-esteem, the child cannot stand up for himself and defend his opinion. Some parents want to raise an obedient child so much that they raise indecisive and complex children. It is difficult for such children to achieve success in life, set goals and go towards them. They think they can't do anything and don't believe in themselves. To prevent this from happening, you need to change your attitude towards the education process. Forming a child’s self-esteem is a very important operation.

Causes

The formation of this type of self-esteem occurs during the period of primary socialization: in the process of parental education or training in educational institutions. The reasons why people begin to put themselves above others can be different:

Manifestation of parental narcissism. For parents, a child becomes a way of self-affirmation, which prevents them from being perceived as an individual.
Spoiled. The child in the family is given increased attention, no restrictions are placed on him, and any whim is satisfied upon request. In childhood, no type of punishment was applied to a person for misdeeds.
Appearance or any distinctive abilities. Spectacular external data or talent is often felt by a person as some kind of advantage, which allows him to feel chosen.
Teacher evaluation. Teacher support, which may be based on personal sympathy or benefit, contributes to the formation of high self-esteem.
Material security.

Types of self-esteem in children

There are 3 types of self-esteem: normal, overestimated and underestimated.

Normal. The child adequately evaluates himself and his behavior is expressed in the following:
can find a solution to a problem on his own, but if it doesn’t work out, he knows how to ask for help;
admits his mistakes and corrects them;
normal communication with peers.
Overpriced. The child overestimates his importance. Inflated self-esteem is expressed in:
painful perception of criticism;
attracting attention in any way;
aggression in communication with peers, desire to humiliate others.
Low self-esteem is characterized by:
shyness;
distrust and fear of being deceived;
isolation and touchiness;
negative mood.

Functions of self-esteem of younger schoolchildren

Student self-esteem performs several functions:

educational - when a child performs exercises and then evaluates their results, he repeats the educational material again;
stimulating - uncompleted exercises encourage the student to put in more effort next time;
motivational - fosters the desire to achieve one’s goals;
analytical - encourages the use of structural thinking and organizing experience and knowledge.

Psychology considers all these functions to be key for the age-related development of children. Any activity - school, household or play - gives the child the opportunity to develop certain skills. Adequate self-esteem of a preschooler is based on the totality of their correct assessment.

Features of children's self-esteem

Features of the formation of self-esteem in children depend on age. Therefore, mom and dad need to monitor changes in the baby’s behavior.

In preschool children, self-esteem is sometimes high. This is due to the fact that kids are just learning to evaluate themselves. And under the enthusiastic exclamations of parents, it is difficult to do this adequately. If parents find a middle ground between compliments and scolding, their son or daughter’s self-esteem will return to normal.

At primary school age, the educational process plays a large role in the formation of self-esteem. The baby's environment changes, and self-esteem changes along with him. Academic performance is also important. After all, before his work was not assessed in any way, but now there are grades, points or stars that must be met.

At middle school age, children are accustomed to evaluating themselves adequately. They grow up and learn to analyze their behavior. But at the same time, there is a risk of low self-esteem. Because the child turns into a teenager, and he may have problems communicating with peers and family.

At high school age, low self-esteem is common. At this time, many events occur: preparing for exams, first love, entering adulthood, fear of the future.

Diagnosis of self-esteem of a junior schoolchild

Modern pedagogy can offer a variety of methods and exercises that allow you to find out the opinion of preschoolers about themselves. Special events that are designed to determine what a student’s self-esteem is should be held before lessons so that children’s thinking and emotions are not overloaded.

The method for determining self-esteem is usually complex, that is, it includes at least 3-4 different exercises:

The teacher invites the child to depict himself, to draw. The student must describe the drawing and explain whether he likes the person he depicted. The teacher should ask which qualities of the drawn boy or girl are the best and which are the worst.
An important part of the technique is to invite children to come up with new names for themselves. Children's imagination often exceeds all the expectations of adults, and the named names can provide a lot of information to psychologists.
The test method is also popular: children are given questionnaire forms, and they give answers to the questions, which are then processed.

Diagnosis of self-esteem should be comprehensive. It is done in order to understand whether the self-esteem of preschoolers needs adjustment, and if so, what kind of adjustment. Adequate self-esteem is rare in a primary school student. It is important to remember that self-esteem at this age can change quickly, so diagnostic exercises should be carried out at least once a month.

Low self-esteem in a child. How to get it back to normal?

Find something he is good at. So that he can see his results, introduce a system in which the child receives certificates or prizes.
Throughout the day, record your child's accomplishments. For example, he helped prepare dinner, cleaned the room, got a good grade at school. Before going to bed, read the list.
Allow him to make small decisions on his own. This could be the choice of clothes or breakfast. Let him see that he can influence his own life.
Tell him that you love him more often. Surround with care and attention. In this case, the moral side of the issue is very important. The baby won't be able to cope without your support.

Games and tests

I suggest you get acquainted with some games that will help determine the type of self-esteem of your child, as well as form and maintain an adequate level of self-esteem in him.

Test "Ladder" ("Ten steps")

This test is used from 3 years of age.

Draw on a piece of paper or cut out a ladder of 10 steps. Now show it to the child and explain that on the lowest step there are the worst (angry, envious, etc.) boys and girls, on the second step - a little better, on the third even better, and so on. But at the very top step are the smartest (good, kind) boys and girls. It is important that the child correctly understands the location on the steps; you can ask him about this.

Now ask: on what step would he stand ? Let him draw himself on this step or put a doll. Now you have completed the task, all that remains is to draw conclusions.

If a child places himself on the first, 2nd, or 3rd steps from the bottom, then he has low self-esteem .

If it’s 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, then average (adequate) .

And if it is on the 8th, 9th, 10th, then self-esteem is too high .

Attention: in preschoolers, self-esteem is considered too high if the child constantly puts himself at the 10th level.

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“Name” (N.V. Klyueva, N.V. Kasatkina)

This game can provide additional information about a child's self-esteem.

You can invite your child to come up with a name that he would like to have, or leave his own. Ask why he doesn't like or like his name, why he would like to be called differently. This game can provide additional information about your baby's self-esteem. After all, often giving up one’s name means that the child is dissatisfied with himself or wants to be better than he is now.

“Playing out situations” (N.V. Klyueva, Yu.V. Kasatkina)

The child is offered situations in which he must portray himself. Situations can be different, invented or taken from life. Other roles during the enactment are performed by one of the parents or other children. Sometimes it is useful to switch roles. Example situations:

You took part in the competition and took first place, and your friend was almost last. He was very upset. Help him calm down.
Mom brought 3 oranges for you and your sister (brother). How will you divide them? Why?
The guys from your group in kindergarten are playing an interesting game, and you are late, the game has already started. Ask to be accepted into the game. What will you do if the children don't want to accept you? (This game will help your child learn effective behavior patterns and use them in real life.)

Try to be more attentive to your children, encourage and praise them, spend more time together, and you will help your baby become happier, fill his life with bright colors. I believe in you!

Inflated self-esteem in a child. How to get it back to normal?

Be careful with your compliments. Excessive approval will negatively affect the baby’s behavior.
Teach your child to respect other people's opinions. Let him understand that his point of view may not coincide with someone else’s, and this is in the order of things.
Use constructive criticism to guide your conversation sometimes. The child must understand that everyone makes mistakes, and that the consequences of their misdeeds should be taken into account.

How is it formed?

A small child’s opinion of himself begins to form at the age of 2.5 - 3 years through experiencing a crisis of independence, when he wants to try to do everything himself. The second indicator of formation is praise from adults; this is the main incentive for further performance of certain actions.

Often at this age, kids do certain things in order to get attention, first for their mother: the child draws and runs and shows his image to his mother, or hangs on the horizontal bar with one hand and shouts to his mother to see how he can. Intrudes into adult conversations with his “urgent” request.

It is important to pay attention to all this, not to ignore, but to correct, stimulate, encourage, explain, and gently guide in the right direction.

I repeat, first this is for the mother and the close circle where the child revolves, then for the educator, teacher, coach, and then for the girl she likes, and so on. This is how our life develops, and all this is layered, formed, and it is molded, like a layer cake, a person’s self-esteem.

How to build adequate self-esteem

Some parents ask how to increase their child's self-esteem. There are several tips for this. And remember, the self-esteem of a preschool child is not much different from the self-esteem of a teenager. A child of any age should be approached with care and attention.

Teach your child to notice the good. For example, play this game with him. In the evening, ask him to remember 5 good things that happened to him during the day. It doesn't have to be something big. A delicious lunch at school or an A on a test is enough. In this way, the child will notice that there is a place for good events in his life.
Give your child freedom of choice. If the baby shows independence, he will understand that much in his life depends on himself. Consult with him on small things: what to cook for dinner, what movie to go to the cinema. But do not confuse freedom of choice and permissiveness. Parents should make decisions about the most important things.
Stop swearing. They say correctly that words can hurt. If you have a conflict with your child, there is no need to blame him or give vent to rage. Better calm down and discuss the problem. You should not use the word “guilty”. Replace it with “responsibility”. Instead of “You are to blame,” say “Any wrongdoing has consequences. We need to be responsible for them."
Don't demand more from your child than he can do. Consider the age of the child, his capabilities and your desires. A five-year-old baby will not be able to look after a baby, but a teenager will succeed. If a child cannot do something due to his age, he will be upset and think that he is good for nothing. Although in reality he just needs to grow up and learn.
Teach your child to say “No.” Some adults have a problem that they cannot refuse others. They always agree with everyone because they have a weak will and no strong character. To prevent your child from becoming the same, teach him from childhood to refuse people if necessary, and to defend the boundaries of personal comfort. It is necessary to explain to the child that if he refuses people, this does not mean that he is bad. Explain to him that there is a difference between “keeping a promise” and “always agreeing with everyone.” A son or daughter must realize that first they need to assess the situation, calculate their strength and time, think about the consequences, and only then give an answer.

Characteristics of self-esteem levels

From a psychological point of view, there are three levels of self-esteem. When determining this quality, one cannot operate solely in terms of “good and bad.” A more in-depth approach is needed here, taking into account some features.

Low self-esteem

If a child succumbs to the influence of others, he exhibits:

diffidence,
indecision,
shyness,
excessive caution

- These are indicators of low self-esteem. Such children simply need the approval and support of others.

The existing inferiority complex does not allow him to set high goals for himself. And the means to achieve them are not always worthy. Such children are often fixated on their failures and are afraid to change the usual course of events.

They grow up to be closed and envious, overly demanding and self-critical, cruel and vindictive people. Having decided that a loser is their role, they simply do not notice their opportunities and successes. External portrait of a person with low self-esteem:

the head is pulled into the shoulders;
indecisiveness in gestures and actions;
"running" look.

Such manifestations in childhood should cause anxiety in parents and a desire to immediately try to correct the situation.

Heightened self-esteem

Often a child with high self-esteem complains that no one wants to be friends with him. This comes from the fact that he constantly tries to convince others of his superiority and requires recognition of his uniqueness. Believes he is underestimated.

Neither the advice of parents nor the opinions of others are important for such children. They take on impossible tasks and risk failure. The child attributes failure to chance, someone else’s fault. He perceives criticism as pickiness.

Children with high self-esteem gradually develop rudeness, aggression, rigidity, and quarrelsomeness. Externally, the following characteristic features are also determined:

head held high and back straight;
long, direct gaze;
"commander" tone.

Such people strive to be the first in everything. This desire is worthy of praise, but it is worth explaining that not all means to achieve goals are good.

Adequate self-esteem

Success in society, in professional activities, in interpersonal relationships largely depends on a person’s ability to balance strengths and capabilities. That is, it is very important that a child develops adequate self-esteem from early childhood.

This level allows the little person to normally perceive healthy criticism, correctly assess the goals and his strengths (the chance to complete the task). A real assessment of oneself generates a feeling of stability and inner harmony. This is the key to a positive attitude towards others. A person with such a behavioral reaction will be able to fully demonstrate his advantages, compensating for his existing shortcomings.

Thanks to the descriptions presented above, you can determine the child’s level of self-esteem. And a thoughtful approach to development and education will help correct it.