Self-flagellation and self-criticism - how to get rid of them

Self-criticism is a habit of introspection and self-criticism. Self-criticism refers to anger and dissatisfaction directed at oneself. It is characterized by the presence of several forms of manifestation, namely: soft, hard and sad. The soft one includes the habit of reproaching one’s own personality, the hard one - self-accusation and self-flagellation, the sad one - the habit of dramatizing mistakes and sending joyless thoughts of the same content in a circle. The psychology of self-criticism is sometimes similar to a child’s defense mechanism. Children believe that if they scold themselves, they will thereby free their own candidacy from punishment from their close adult environment.

Content:

Psychology of self-flagellation;
Reasons for self-flagellation;
How self-criticism manifests itself;
Types of self-flagellation;
How self-flagellation affects a person’s personality;
How to get rid of self-criticism;
Why is it important to have a track record of achievement?
Productive and unproductive self-criticism;
About the connection between pessimism and self-flagellation;
“Artificial thought flow” technique;
Learn from the professionals;
Connect conductors and semiconductors on the way to the target;
Hurry, take your time;

Psychosomatics of self-flagellation

Psychosomatics is a branch of medicine and psychology that studies the influence of mental factors on the functioning of internal organs. Diseases that are caused by mental health disorders are called psychosomatic.

People who constantly engage in soul-searching tend to develop the following diseases:

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

impotence, decreased libido;
hypertension - high blood pressure;
hypotension – low blood pressure;
dermatosis – pathologies of the skin;
chronic headaches;
arthrosis – diseases of the joints;
bronchial asthma;
peptic ulcer of the stomach and intestines.

Treatment of psychosomatic diseases will be effective when self-criticism can be stopped!

Psychology of self-flagellation

Self-flagellation and self-criticism are habits that poison life. This is immoderate, excessive self-criticism. A healthy analysis of your actions, your words, your behavior leads to personality development. Normally, we should be able to look at ourselves from the outside and evaluate our own actions for compliance with our life goals. But sometimes something creeps into our head that we replay over and over again, scolding ourselves and making us feel insecure and weak. Naturally, in such a state you do not develop your personality and even stagnate in one place.

Where does the habit of self-flagellation come from?

Temperament is a stable characteristic of a person, determined by a set of genes in the body. Character is formed throughout life as a result of upbringing, the influence of society, and the presence of personal interests. Self-humiliation, being a character trait, is mainly formed in childhood. Over time, only the severity of the bad habit changes.

The main reasons for self-criticism:

Inadequate upbringing.
Imbalance in three components of personality: adult, child and parent, with a predominance of the latter.
Fear of responsibility.
Low self-esteem.

Inadequate parenting refers to excessive criticism of parents. The child’s psyche is designed in such a way that he needs praise. Children do not understand that they did something right until they hear it from the lips of their authority - mom or dad. Samoyeds grow up from teenagers who were under constant pressure from their parents.

Psychologist E. Berne describes personality as a combination of adult, child and parental components. They have the following functions:

child – emotions, expressive actions, mood, intuition, impressions;
adult – adequate self-analysis and self-criticism, reflecting reality;
parent – strict, indestructible ideas that do not always correspond to reality.

The predominant parental component in the Samoyed suppresses the inner adult. There is no adequate analysis of what is happening. A person hears an inner voice expressing the same ideas of self-oppression.

People who are afraid of responsibility constantly torment themselves. Torment is a way to convince yourself not to do something. Absence of action means absence of responsibility for it.

Low self-esteem leads to self-dissatisfaction. Self-flagellation begins, which further lowers self-esteem. A vicious circle closes. You can open it only after increasing confidence and accepting yourself.

Reasons for self-flagellation

Any phenomenon has its reasons. Excessive self-criticism is formed under the influence of many factors:

Low self-esteem . The person is dissatisfied with himself. The process of self-flagellation begins. Self-esteem decreases. Remorse increases. And this is a vicious circle that will not close until at least one component is eliminated.
Miseducation . If parents are overly self-critical, then their children can become like that over time (provided that mom and dad were authorities for the child).
Hypertrophied parent in the personality structure (according to the theory of transactional analysis). And now from Russian to normal. The famous psychologist Eric Berne identified the following ego states in the personality structure:
childish (our desires are expressed through it),
parental (that is, criticism, self-criticism - it’s all here).

Normally, these 3 conditions should be distributed equally in each person. Overly self-critical people have too strong a parental position, which overshadows the adult one. As a result, a person criticizes himself, completely disregarding objective reality (the inner adult is responsible for this).

Pessimistic view of the world.
The desire to relieve oneself of responsibility.
Just a habit . A person would be glad to get rid of it, but everything happens by itself.

The terrible consequences of self-criticism

At first glance, self-criticism seems, if not a useful habit, then at least harmless. Excessive self-confidence and selfishness are not pleasant to anyone, such people are avoided. But modest, self-critical people with a developed sense of responsibility, on the contrary, are very convenient for others. But this is still not a reason to develop self-criticism. This habit is dangerous for several reasons:

The Samoyed is an eternally dissatisfied, depressed, embittered person who gnaws at himself for his shortcomings and can take out his anger on others. Demonstrative Samoyeds are prone to whining, ostentatious hysterics and pessimism.
Due to gloomy thoughts, such people sleep poorly, have a lot of health problems, and often have eating disorders.
They express their dissatisfaction on other people in the form of accusations or ominous forecasts: everything will be bad, you won’t succeed, etc.
They have no time for developing their own talents and abilities; all their energy goes into self-accusation.
It is also difficult for them to cope with current difficulties.

The Samoyed transmits low self-esteem and bad attitude towards himself to others, and soon he really begins to be considered a loser and a source of problems.
People prone to self-criticism are vulnerable to manipulators and often turn into chronic victims.

If this is not the fate you dream of, you need to somehow fight the habit of self-criticism.

How does self-criticism manifest itself?

Self-criticism begins after realizing a mistake (or its repetition). The man decided that he needed to be perfect. Right now. And if not, then he is a mistake of nature. He missed and stumbled. He started gnawing at himself. He says: “That’s it, I’ll never do this again.” And then he makes mistakes again (and often steps on the same rake) and gnaws at himself even more. It should become even more ideal! On the first try. And this is such a shame. The poor fellow forgot that the first pancake almost always comes out lumpy.

Self-criticism ends in neuroses and psychoses. In extreme cases, a person injures himself or commits suicide. But much more often, life simply goes downhill steadily, which makes us gnaw at ourselves even more. Self-flagellation often ends in alcoholism and drug addiction, which destroy a person’s health and social status. Psychosomatic diseases also appear (that is, diseases whose trigger is constant negative emotions). At one point, a neurotic person comes to the doctor, and he tells him: “you have cancer and I don’t know why.” And the reason is simple - he was engaged in self-criticism for 20 years.

But all this is in extreme cases! For the most part, a person simply lives a dull life, goes to the office, gets paid pennies and chews himself from time to time. There is no degradation, but there is no development either. Just stable unhappiness . And this is what the majority do in our country, alas.

What is self-criticism from the point of view of psychology: concept, definition

Self-criticism
Many perceive self-criticism as self-flagellation or self-humiliation. This is a state when internal negativity is directed in our direction. In this case, the person may experience many bad feelings, to the point of being unable to let go of the situation.

In psychology, there is a clear definition of self-criticism - it is negative self-analysis from the position of disapproval of one’s own words, which turns into dissatisfaction with oneself as a whole. If we compare this process with adequate self-criticism, then it is constructive and after analyzing the situation certain conclusions are drawn, and it is also less emotional and does not lead to self-destruction.

Self-criticism very quickly becomes a bad habit and becomes ingrained in the individual. It distorts self-esteem, as well as the perception of oneself and the world around us. This can be compared to internal eating. There are even situations where it comes to the point where a person accuses himself of self-criticism and the circle closes. The reason for everything is some situation that was a mistake and is repeated again. It can seem very scary, and if a person is used to seeing himself as ideal, then for him this is quite a prerequisite for destroying the image.

For example, he lost his temper and scolds himself for it, considers himself a monster and the worst person, and also promises himself to never do such a thing. If after this the situation repeats again, then the self-criticism becomes even greater. Now a person already hates himself and demands perfection from himself and does not even leave the right to make a mistake.

Self-criticism is far from harmless. It can provoke psychosis, neurosis, and sometimes even leads to suicide. But even if it doesn’t come to this, life still gets worse and more and more reasons for self-flagellation appear. In most cases, this leads to drug addiction, alcoholism, exacerbation of mental illness, and so on. Sometimes even doctors cannot understand that the cause of the disease was many years of self-criticism.

It is also important to note that self-criticism does not tolerate a high quality of life. The Samoyed simply cannot develop and be happy. At best, no degradation awaits him; he will simply stop in his state of discomfort. Most of these people live without joy and entertainment, and spend their entire lives doing things they don’t like.

Types of self-flagellation

The following types or degrees of self-critical personality are distinguished:

Soft . A person demonstratively scolds himself, but does not cause psychological damage. He says that he is a loser so that others will feel sorry for him. And he himself benefits from ostentatious self-flagellation. The reason for this behavior is a lack of sense of responsibility. People usually scold themselves for show so as not to be blamed. This is a way of abdicating responsibility, combined with self-doubt.
Tough . A person gnaws at himself because of an exaggerated sense of responsibility. This is no longer a demonstrative form, but this does not make it any less destructive, even more so.
Neurotic . In this case, self-flagellation becomes a common habit for a person, and only the slightest reason is enough. He no longer even notices how he does it.

Main types of self-criticism

Self-criticism and self-flagellation can be divided into several types:

Demonstrative self-criticism.
Self-criticism here is only an external, formal side: a person is demonstratively upset about the mistakes he has made, extorting other people’s attention, sympathy and, possibly, forgiveness, but in reality he is not particularly tormented. In some cultures, such a psychological game is considered an attribute of spiritual aristocracy, sophistication and high morality, so they willingly indulge in it, making it part of the image and way of life.
Introverted self-criticism.
But here, on the contrary, the whole drama unfolds within the individual, without spilling out. An introverted Samoyed does not work in public, although he is afraid to be alone with himself. He sincerely and passionately reproaches himself for everything he has done and not done, looking for new reasons for self-accusation and maintaining his usual melancholy state. Every mistake is dramatized, self-love is always lacking, and a person gets stuck in a cycle of difficult thoughts and feelings.
Neurotic self-criticism.
This is active self-criticism that has turned into a life strategy and determines a person’s key choices. Self-deprecation and spiritual masochism become the only possible motivator. It is extremely difficult to see for yourself the limitations of such a worldview.

How does self-flagellation affect a person's personality?

Self-flagellation prevents a person from developing. We focus on the shortcomings when we need to think about how to improve the necessary areas of life.

Focusing on shortcomings is a negative focus.
Focusing on how to improve your life is a positive focus. And as you know, what we focus on is what we attract into our lives. We become more optimistic, which creates conditions for personal development and self-improvement. If we bite ourselves, life will become unbearable.

Many people mistakenly believe that self-criticism is the path to development. But this is not so, moderate self-criticism is the main thing in personality development. And self-criticism leads to the development of only psychosomatic and physiological diseases. Feel this edge!

Diagnosis of a group of people prone to self-flagellation

Self-flagellation is a psychological symptom, therefore diagnosis is aimed at a thorough study of the clinical picture and life history (presence of mental trauma in childhood, features of personality development).

But there are areas of the brain that are more active in people with a tendency to develop neuroses and depression. This section is the amygdala. It belongs to the deep brain structures and is responsible for emotions.

Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) can identify changes in amygdala activity. But this method is not a guarantee of diagnosing self-criticism. The first place is the conversation with the patient.

There is no need to be afraid to admit self-criticism. Isolation and pride will lead to the development of depression, which can often only be gotten rid of with the help of antidepressants. Learn to concentrate only on positive thoughts, follow the rule of three questions and repeat the simple “Mistake!” exercise: if self-medication does not bear fruit, do not be afraid to consult a psychotherapist.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

How to get rid of self-criticism?

Oh, it's not easy to get rid of self-criticism. However, like any other habit.

We don’t notice how we begin to eat ourselves from the inside. Therefore, the main task is to learn to notice and strictly suppress any attempts at self-destruction . After all, a person who engages in self-flagellation often does not notice how he begins to experience an inadequate feeling of guilt. And to discover that you are in such a state, you can ask yourself from time to time “if I’m biting myself.” After a while it will become a habit.
You can direct your thoughts in the opposite direction. Form the habit of comforting yourself no matter what happens . However, there is no need to go to extremes. Some people do nothing but console themselves, and this leads to inflated self-esteem and a “don’t give a fuck” view of the world.
The absence of excessive self-criticism is not an excuse for lack of will. You need to criticize yourself, but not emotionally (and ideally, with positive emotions) . Sometimes you can even shout at yourself, but within reasonable limits. But we will talk about this later.

The first signs of self-criticism

Women suffering from self-criticism are constantly dissatisfied with themselves: with their body and appearance, actions, intelligence, character, etc. This attitude leads to illness. When something unpleasant happens in life, they consider themselves to blame and argue as follows:

“I’m just a loser, that’s what I need.”
“I’ll starve since I lost my money.”
“For gullible fools like me, it’s no different.”

Self-criticism and internal conflict gradually kill all the joy of life, a person ceases to receive any pleasure and loses the determination to start new projects, realize his dreams, and assert himself:

“This beautiful dress is not for me with my thick hips (small breasts, bow legs, etc.).”
“My stories are mediocre graphomania, I won’t show them to anyone.”
“I’m too fat to meet people and have relationships.”

Moreover, the person himself does not realize that he is indulging in self-criticism until he hears about it from relatives or reads the corresponding article.

In psychology, it is customary to identify the following signs of self-criticism:

complexes;
dissatisfaction with oneself (to the point of hatred);
constant comparisons of oneself with others;
depression, depression;
shame about your lifestyle;
lack of appetite;
uncontrollable bouts of gluttony;
sleep disorders;
the desire to change your life in the complete absence of real readiness to do this (why, nothing will come of it anyway);
rejection of one's own body and appearance;
evenings spent in regrets about an unhappy life and one’s own inferiority.

Self-criticism has some gender differences. So, if women usually fall into hysterics because of their appearance, then men more often reproach themselves for poverty and low social status.

For example, an adult man living with his mother may hate himself because he does not have money for his own apartment. A bachelor living alone feels unclaimed and not needed by anyone. And the married man is dissatisfied because he feels like a slave to his wife and henpecked.

Why is it important to have a track record of achievement?

When we have already achieved something, self-criticism is more adequate and moderate. She doesn't have such extremes. But this is only possible if this achievement is significant to you. Sometimes people achieve a lot, but remain constantly dissatisfied with themselves. This suggests that they have not read this article and do not know how important it is to focus on improving their lives, rather than eliminating shortcomings.

For such individuals, everything they achieve is constantly not enough. Therefore, you need to start by counting the number of achievements. And what is important: their scale should not be taken into account at all. After some time, you will see that the number of successes will be in the tens, hundreds and even thousands. And everything will be in your hands. And if you are already seeing results, then you will begin to like what you do, and this will lead to faster growth in achievements.

How to stop self-searching

Once you make a habit of self-examination, how to get rid of it becomes a process of forming a new habit, since you cannot simply eradicate something without providing a new way to fill the void. Accordingly, with soul-searching, it will be necessary to monitor the time in finding your thoughts, and orient them towards the present and the future, stopping moments of aimlessly scrolling through the past. In addition to focusing on the future, it is worth learning to see in any situation at least the slightest plus or opportunity for development, since otherwise, soul-searching risks turning into neurosis, and negative perceptions will concern not what has happened, but what is to come.

To avoid excessive self-criticism, after discovering another shortcoming, set yourself specific goals for changing it (in terms of days spent and measured values, the formulation “becoming better is not suitable,” but “helping three people within a week” is a specific plan and the beginning of a new path) . Try not to work on more than three qualities at the same time, which means if you are currently actively correcting what was found during past excavations and you feel like writing a new list of your shortcomings, then put a stop until the correction of past traits is completed, only after Once completed, you can review your personality for the presence of negativity and places that require correction.

Naturally, immediately such concentration will be difficult and will require some resources, you can take them from your own perception: make it a rule to look for one advantage when finding every shortcoming, it is especially good when you can find a positive in the same plane as a negative, then a strong trait can be used to develop a weak one.

Any criticism and memories of failures should be turned into specific goals, life plans or a revision of priorities. If your thoughts don't lead you to any of these options, then ask yourself a few questions about their benefits and practical application. In each analysis process, force yourself to look for positive aspects, even if the situation is terrible and does not bring anything good, perhaps you will be able to notice the manifestation of your good qualities in it or notice the preservation of previous boundaries (often, leaving everything as is is a significant victory, even if other achievements are not visible).

If you introduce more spiritual practices into your life, focused on stopping the internal dialogue or fully remaining in the present moment, then over time such training will teach your brain not to be distracted by unnecessary things and not to actualize negative emotions unnecessarily. At the same time, it is not necessary to attend courses or go to an ashram; meditative music can be downloaded and listened to independently, and techniques for awareness of the present are available both in audio format and text exercises. The only thing that is required is time, but it is better to spend it on being fully present in your life or calming your nerves than on unwinding a negative emotional whirlwind.

When you are seriously addicted to soul-searching and you can’t cope on your own, then use the resources of other people to overcome it. Professional help from a psychotherapist is a great option, but you can turn to a trusted friend and ask him to follow your train of thought

At the next round of meaningless reasoning, your friend will obviously either become bored, or he will want to understand what this is all leading to, then you will be asked a question about the appropriateness of this particular line of reasoning, and perhaps you will come across an argument where you will hear a completely different vision of the situation - in any case, if a person is not afraid to tell you the truth and knows that it is important to you, any reactions will help you take a new path of reasoning

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Productive and unproductive self-criticism

At the same time, never mentally screaming at yourself is also harmful! Lack of self-criticism is also destructive. And here you need to know when to stop. Sometimes anger is useful, because nothing brings us to tone more than the emotions inherited from our smaller brothers in the process of evolution. Fear and anger are manifestations of two of the most important instincts for survival. One emotion is responsible for the “fight” response, and the other is responsible for the “flight” response. So, if you get angry, the fear will instantly go away, and vice versa. After all, you decided to “beat” all the difficulties on the way to your goal. And when the habit of fighting with difficulties reaches the point of automatism, then what kind of self-flagellation can we talk about?

A self-critical person is a person who is capable of achieving success. But if this quality is exaggerated, then it is no longer productive.

What a person calls willpower is anger directed in a constructive direction. He shouted at himself and took a few steps towards his goal. But here three conditions must be met for criticism to remain constructive:

It must precede the action, and not occur after it . That is, if you are afraid to approach a person to talk about some topic important to you, then you should tell yourself “come on, pull yourself together, you rag,” while you still have the opportunity. And if you criticize yourself after you haven’t done it, it will only lead to empty self-flagellation when it’s too late to change something.
Less shouting, more severity . There is no need to scold yourself with the last words. Just mentally say “I decided!” And to do this, you need to learn to manage emotions and improve emotional intelligence. Severity is also aggression, but expressed to a reasonable extent and at the right time. And self-flagellation is a complex of emotions and actions divorced from reality, and this is why it is dangerous.
Positive emotions after performing an action should cover the negativity that precedes the action . For example, if you didn’t want to achieve a goal, you were internally angry with yourself, started doing it and then got what you wanted, then joy will be many times greater than anger. And next time it will take less effort to get started. Verified.

Many people are interested in what “self-critical” means. This word is usually said in response to a person’s ostentatious self-flagellation or when he criticizes himself constructively. It all depends on the situation. That is, it is impossible to say whether the interlocutor is overly self-critical or everything is in moderation based on one phrase.

Self-criticism - what is it?

Psychologists understand this term as a negative analysis of one’s actions, behavior, character traits, which is accompanied by emotions of dissatisfaction and disapproval.

Types of self-deprecation depending on the severity of manifestations:

Mild degree - a person scolds himself so that those around him feel sorry for him. No mental harm is caused. Demonstrative humiliation eliminates responsibility. Scolding yourself so that others don’t do it is a manifestation of a mild degree of self-flagellation.
Severe degree - a person torments himself not for the pity of others, but out of a sense of increased responsibility. This form is more destructive to mental health.
Neurotic degree - self-criticism becomes a habit. It becomes so rooted in character that a person does not notice it. Getting rid of the neurotic form is the most difficult. It is difficult for a psychologist to make a client realize the problem.

At its core, the neurotic form of self-flagellation is a disease, a type of neurosis. The victim is haunted by a constant obsessive thought that does not correspond to reality: “I am bad. I'm doing everything wrong. I'll just ruin everything."

The therapist’s task is to find the cause of this inner voice and eliminate it as quickly as possible.

In advanced cases, neurosis develops into depression. Self-criticism is a symptom that distinguishes depression from sad mood. Apathy (indifference to the outside world), suicidal thoughts and attempts that accompany the disease make it extremely dangerous.

On the connection between pessimism and self-flagellation

Self-flagellation is a direct consequence of pessimism. When we see everything in black tones, we don’t see the light, we find sad thoughts, and we really want to blame ourselves for the fact that the world is exactly like this. Pessimists love to search for those to blame for all their troubles. This leads to difficulties in interacting with others. Every self-critical person can become successful only if she compares her own feelings with reality.

When a person blames himself, he often burdens others with his problems. And all negative emotions are necessarily transferred to other people. They read them automatically, and therefore the relationship also deteriorates. Most people do not like to experience negative emotions, they are simply afraid of them.

A funny but extremely useful exercise to stop self-criticism

Self-criticism is like a car whose brakes have failed: it accelerates quickly, but cannot stop without outside help. A Samoyed schoolchild worries for weeks because of a teacher’s remark, and, for example, an adult prone to self-accusation will worry in the same way about any sideways glance or comment from his boss in his direction. If after some time the incident is resolved successfully and the manager praises such a suspicious employee, he will briefly cease to be tormented by doubts. But only until a new reason to gnaw at oneself appears.

What can we say about situations when something serious happened: a critical mistake, an annoying misunderstanding, a quarrel, etc. A person prone to self-criticism and hyper-responsibility loses peace and sleep, immersing himself in worries, constantly blaming himself for not thought everything through, didn’t take it into account, did the wrong thing, and allowed such negative consequences. Such thoughts are of little use: everything has already happened, regrets cannot change it, and painful emotions and self-doubts only undermine self-esteem. It is much wiser to stop in time and switch attention to other problems.

The “Mistake!” exercise will help with this, developing a tolerant, calm attitude towards one’s own mistakes. This is a kind of psychotherapeutic ritual that combines several simple phrases and external gestures (which, as this technique is mastered, turn from physical to imaginary).

Physically performing gestures is very important at first. But in order not to scare others, do it alone with yourself or among loved ones who will support you and will not laugh. If this is not possible, make gestures mentally.

So, you made some minor mistake or oversight, forgot something, couldn’t restrain yourself and lashed out at someone, or simply said something you shouldn’t. Do the following:

Spread your hands and say in a funny, childish voice: “There was a mistake!” (with the intonation “There are disappointments in life”). At the same time, you can tilt your head to the side and spread your arms in a funny way. Feel this clown gesture, perform it relaxed, exhaling and playfully.

What is all this for? In order to bring down the tragic pathos and stop inflating the problem to the scale of the universe. If you think some kind of nightmare has happened, the typical Goonie gesture will help you see the funny side of what is happening.
Gently hug yourself by the shoulders, fold your arms across your chest, and say: “I am good.” You don’t have to stick to this wording - look for those words that are convincing for you. For example, one lady who practices this method supports herself with the phrase “I’m a real smart, smart girl and well done!” It works for her - it helps her to find a calm mood and get rid of self-criticism.

The point of all such techniques for stopping self-criticism and obsessive thoughts is to switch from negative to positive. Having made a mistake, even unintentionally, a person automatically begins to consider himself guilty, worthless and bad, spurring negative emotions with self-accusation and abuse. The psyche becomes discorded, which becomes the cause of more and more mistakes and breakdowns. To prevent one small mistake from growing into a whole black streak, monitor self-criticism in a timely manner and use self-calming methods.
Your emotional state has improved, but this is not the end of the exercise - the main part of it lies ahead. Extend your hand with your palm raised forward and command yourself: “Work!” After putting your psyche in order, you need to set yourself up for constructiveness. You are no longer bad and guilty, but good, but you need to roll up your sleeves and correct the consequences of what you have done. By the way, purposeful actions do not leave time for hysterics and self-aggrandizement, so this is another step that helps get rid of self-criticism and remorse.

Do I need to keep information about the incident in my memory? Opinions differ on this matter. Occasional minor mistakes can be immediately put out of your mind (you won’t lose anything!). But it would be better to comprehend and remember a serious offense with far-reaching consequences, so as not to repeat it again. If necessary, write it down somewhere.

As it turns out in practice, this three-step method of combating self-criticism is necessary, first of all, for the fair sex. Men may well limit themselves to the last stage (“Work!”).

Artificial Thought Flow Technique

A great way to direct your thoughts in the right direction is to create an artificial mental flow. Simply put, start talking to yourself. Stop, you say. This is crazy. No. You can talk to yourself. And thinking is always expressed in speech. The only exception is visual-figurative thinking, characteristic of infancy. In all other age groups, all thoughts are expressed in speech.

So, if you know how to speak, it means you can direct your thoughts in the right direction. Self-flagellation already implies a dialogue with the unloved one. Just change the subject of the conversation, talk about how good everything is, and everything will become much better. Thinking positively can be daunting at first. This is fine. You are used to a bad way of thinking, and it is not easy to change it. But if you think positively for 21 days, a habit will form, and it will be easier in the future.

How to accept yourself and love yourself. Who are you?

Tricky question :) Often at live meetings and on-line group classes, I ask the participants: “Who are you, who do you think you are?”

Here are the 3 most common answers: I am a soul. I am a soul living an experience in a human body. I am a man/woman. And for some reason, the word I hear least often is human.

Clairvoyance manifests itself only when clairvoyance, clairaudience and clairsentience are developed. This means that a person knows how to listen and hear, look and see, feel and sense. Combine all this together, remember and draw a conclusion. Take past experience into account, think, understand. This is how wisdom is born.

The eternity of life exists only when children are born, which means the soul can incarnate. Environment - living nature is around, which means there is a place to live.

To live means to affirm life in matter.

And this is possible only in the unity of spirit, soul and body. As soon as integrity is lost, problematic situations immediately appear in a person’s life. Either there is no clear understanding of what is happening, then the essence and meaning slip away or are distorted, indecision grows, diseases appear. In general, life becomes difficult...

Learn from the professionals

Find helpers in achieving your goals. The ideal way to become more cheerful and confident is to find a professional who can support and coach you. He will help you achieve any goal and accidentally indicate success. It’s one thing to see achievements yourself, and another thing to have someone point them out to you. And if this is also an expert in your field, then self-esteem soars through the roof. What kind of self-flagellation can we talk about when you are praised by a professional whom you trust?

Have you started learning from an expert, but he scolds you? You made a mistake, no big deal. It's just not an expert. Look for someone else. Not everyone can support and teach at the same time. Look for just such a specialist.

The connection between self-blame and pessimism

Pessimism is the direct cause of the development of the process of self-flagellation. When a person sees the world in black, it is difficult for him to see the light. The layering of sad thoughts leads to the desire to blame yourself for what is happening around you.

The favorite pastime of pessimists is searching for those responsible for misfortunes.

All this leads to difficulties in relationships. The success of every self-critical person depends only on whether she correlates her sensations and feelings with reality. In conditions when a person blames himself, he burdens those around him with his problems.

A negative state has the ability to be transmitted to the environment. This happens automatically. The majority of people do not like and are afraid of negative emotions, so relationships deteriorate.

It's normal to criticize your actions. The main thing is that your self-criticism does not exceed the acceptable limit. Large dosages act like poison, so be careful with your inner judge.

Connect conductors and semiconductors along the way

Experts who professionally deal with your achievements are called coaches, trainers, teachers. These are guides on the path to success. The more of these people you connect, the higher your self-esteem will be over time. As a result, you will begin to bite yourself less and console yourself more.

There is another category of people who will help you understand how not to engage in self-criticism. These are "semiconductors". They will support you in any endeavor, will not pick your brain, and will not criticize you for the slightest mistake. A semiconductor is every optimist you know. Be sure to build good relationships with such people.

What can constant self-flagellation lead to?

There are many outcomes of this destructive thinking and behavior:

Self-criticism excludes feelings of joy, delight, happiness, so the individual is in endless sadness and anxiety. It takes away vitality, energy, the opportunity to rest and relax. There is a feeling of hopelessness and weakness that interferes with the process of self-realization. Eliminates the rationality of human thoughts and actions. The individual does not pay due attention to himself in a positive aspect, and ceases to consider himself worthy of what he strived for. A psychologically unstable individual quickly falls into the “clutches” of toxic people who are looking for benefits purely for themselves.

This is what it means to engage in self-flagellation. This is living with the consequences described and driving yourself into a corner.

What does self-flagellation mean?

CONTENT:

Self-flagellation used to refer to the infliction of physical pain (lashing) on oneself by religious fanatics. Today such fanaticism is rare. And the concept of self-flagellation is more often found in psychology.

Self-flagellation refers to excessive self-criticism, moral humiliation of oneself for shortcomings or failures. Constant dissatisfaction with oneself, dissatisfaction with actions and results, negative analysis of one’s character, behavior and actions. Samoyeds do not find anything positive or positive in their personality. Some psychologists talk about self-flagellation as a kind of human self-destruction program. After all, constant dissatisfaction and being filled with negative emotions can lead, at a minimum, to prolonged depression. And severe forms of self-flagellation are often accompanied by inflicting physical pain on oneself as punishment for mistakes.

Healthy criticism helps you analyze your actions, their consequences, make an analysis and work on mistakes. Self-criticism causes deterioration in both mental and physical health.

Self-flagellation, self-criticism of the individual and self-criticism is blaming oneself for any failures that have occurred in life; religion condemns it, and psychology explains how best to get rid of it. Also, this is severely low self-esteem and uncertainty about one’s own success in life. These two words have different roots, however, in psychology their meaning is the same. The concept of self-flagellation has a religious origin: once upon a time, some believers beat themselves with a whip for committing a sin. Psychology explains exactly how to stop self-flagellation for any person prone to this action. A synonym for these two words (self-flagellation and self-criticism) is indeed self-criticism. This is a psychological concept. In the modern world, a person who intensively engages in it simply creates the impression of being overly demanding of himself (to outsiders). But this is just someone else’s view, but in reality everything is much more serious. Some kind of condemnation of one’s actions is typical for everyone, but there are people who are overly self-critical. They constantly reproach themselves for their failures and try to please everyone. When nothing good comes of it, they blame themselves. In general - a vicious circle.

Personal self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation

What does it mean to be self-critical of yourself? This is when a person is not inclined to brag about his successes, and at the slightest mistake he shifts all the blame onto his own personality. It will be quite difficult for such a person in society, because the results are often related to the work of the entire team, and not one person. Many people are interested in the answer to the question:

Self-criticism, self-criticism of personality and self-flagellation: is it good or bad?

People approve of this trait; they tend to consider it the best incentive to success and even a component in raising children. All because they don't know about her bad qualities. It’s one thing when a self-critical person sees his shortcomings, laughs at them, tries to correct them, but doesn’t get too hung up on them, and another thing is when, due to some action or his own shortcoming, a person cannot sleep at night, loses his appetite, and is in a bad mood all the time and even thinks about suicide. You need to engage in self-criticism in moderation. If its manifestations haunt you always and everywhere, you urgently need to fight it. Absolutely all people experience failures with varying frequency and this is normal. But some people don't think so. The psychology of self-criticism is such that thoughts about one’s unfulfillment and worthlessness torment a person precisely when he is left alone with himself. At these moments, with the help of negative thoughts, people undermine their mental and physical health. Often, the cause of some diseases is self-flagellation. After all, during bad thoughts there is an increased load on the brain and heart. This is where headaches, strokes, and myocardial infarction appear. The medical list of causes of heart disease often includes stress, and it is quite possible that this is self-flagellation. What’s bad is that a person who engages in self-criticism usually does not know how to stop doing it. In the worst case, he doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t notice anything except his thoughts, or he’s already used to living like this. For example, a mother’s child was hospitalized because she neglected to look after him. Naturally, the woman cannot come to her senses for a long time. Thoughts about her guilt and almost participation in this situation do not leave her. At such a moment, it is important to understand: if she reproaches herself, nothing will change. The time spent on self-criticism is better spent on treatment and caring for the child.

Personal self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation: reasons

The reasons for self-flagellation have different origins. These may be ordinary complexes about appearance, which later become an obsession. For example, a woman is dissatisfied with the size of her breasts and dreams of enlarging them. Any compliment to a busty friend, or even a comment on a photo, can not only ruin your mood for the whole day, but also become a reason for unpleasant thoughts. Many will object: this is not self-criticism, but an ordinary complex due to appearance plus jealousy. That's how it is, but not quite. The fact is that a person who engages in self-flagellation is inclined to blame even his external shortcomings for all failures.

Personal self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation: examples

1. So, for example, the girl described above, with small breasts, does not have a good career and salary. And so, left alone with herself, she begins to think: if I had size 4 breasts, then I would work as a model (actress, singer) or be successfully married, not count every penny, and not suffer from jealousy. Then, she blames herself for the fact that for some reason she did not find the money for surgery to enlarge this part of the body. 2. An equally common reason is envy. This point of view will also face the following objections: An envious person hates another, more successful person, but not himself. After all, it is extremely unpleasant for him to watch his neighbor buy a more prestigious and more expensive car every month, while he (or she) cannot even repair the old nine. But hatred of a neighbor does not always happen; for example, an overly self-critical person will perceive this as proof of his helplessness. He will think: “here is a smart neighbor, but I’m not very smart” and find in himself other reasons for his failures. 3. Loneliness also plays a significant role in the development of this habit. If a person does not have friends and family, and with them, things to do that can be distracted, then when left alone it is a sin not to think about why everything is so bad and who caused it. 4.The cause of self-flagellation does not necessarily have to be external and mental deficiencies. This could be an unpleasant fatal incident (the situation did not depend on anyone). So, for example, a beloved and properly raised son went to prison and now his mother does not sleep at night, wailing: “Where did I miss him?” -What was he missing? – What did I do wrong? “I once hit him for a mistake, maybe that’s why he became like this?” 5. The main reason for the development of self-criticism may be “good” friends or relatives. Among them there are those who like to constantly convince a person that he is stupid, ugly, unsuccessful in business, etc. Some constantly ridicule, others dissuade him from this or that idea and the person begins to believe in their words and really becomes what they say about him , while blaming himself for everything.

Personal self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation: symptoms

A person earns himself illnesses, constantly tries to punish himself for something and inexorably destroys his life. Some people say just that: “That’s what I deserve for being such and such!” “I’ll go hungry, because it’s my fault that I’m left without money.” “That’s what I need, so that I’m not so gullible.” If a person is overly self-critical, he, unnoticed by himself, stops enjoying life. For example: – This doesn’t suit me, because I have a big butt, small breasts, short neck, etc. - I won’t meet this girl because I’m not good enough for her. “I won’t let anyone read the book I wrote, because it’s terrible and will become a reason for ridicule.” – I won’t meet or get acquainted with anyone until I lose weight. Of course, such people do not notice how they engage in self-criticism and only learn about it from their relatives or on similar sites. So, the symptoms that a person is a Samoyed: • Complexes; • Self-hatred; • Comparing yourself with someone in terms of success; • Depression about how and why I am unhappy; • Dissatisfaction, and sometimes even hatred, with one’s way of life; • Loss of appetite; • Increased appetite; • Insomnia; • A constant desire to change everything, while not taking any action due to the opinion that nothing will work out; • I don’t like my appearance, I’m always looking for flaws; • My favorite thing to do is sit in the evenings over tea and remember all the failures in my life. It must also be said that the self-criticism of women and men is different. The former often suffer because of their appearance and are prone to hysterics about this, while the latter never like the situation in which they find themselves. So, for example, a man who lives with his mother thinks: “How unhappy I am: I can’t even buy an apartment for myself to move out.” A man who lives alone thinks that no one needs him, a married man thinks that he is henpecked.

Personal self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation: results

At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this character trait. People encourage her. After all, the lack of self-criticism is unpleasant, especially for others. Self-criticism is the same as pleasing everyone. Firstly: this is impossible, secondly, this trait has many side effects, namely: • Positive emotions leave the person, and he is in a state of depression, inclined to take out his anger on others (since he has already taken out more than enough on himself) . An overly self-critical person also becomes pessimistic, whining all the time, causing hostility among others. • Such people cannot be healthy because they do not sleep and lose their appetite, and this causes various health problems. • They try to impose this unpleasant quality on others unnoticed, for example: if it doesn’t work out for me, then it won’t work out for you either. • By focusing on failures, a person completely forgets about his abilities and stops developing and demonstrating them. • It is difficult for those who constantly blame themselves for something to solve problems that have arisen. • Focuses attention on his shortcomings and those around him really begin to notice them. • A person who has a strong sense of guilt easily becomes a victim of a manipulator, who, in turn, constantly uses him. To avoid all the above troubles, you need to end this bad habit once and for all.

Personal self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation: how to get rid of

Before answering the question: how to stop self-flagellation and how not to engage in self-criticism, you need to understand the reason why this habit appeared in your life. If you have become her: a friend, husband, or relatives, you should seriously talk to them about this topic. When all attempts are in vain, it is advisable to limit communication with such people. There is no need to leave your criticizing relatives, but you can live separately or see each other less often. If your plan does not work out, you should look for another way to achieve success. And in order to get in the right frame of mind, it is advisable to avoid excuses and practical advice from friends. There are two options: either not tell anyone anything, or firmly insist on your position. After all, an adult can do whatever he wants within the framework of the Criminal Code. So, can someone really influence his decision-making with his excuses and criticism? How can you stop engaging in self-criticism if it is directly related to complexes and personalities that aggravate them (at work, strangers)? Very simple. You should learn to fight back in the same way, while looking unperturbed. For example: Having heard a joke about small breasts or a fat butt addressed to you, you can respond with no less sophisticated teasing. The reason may be: a gross speech or spelling mistake in words, the expression on the face of a wit, the topic of jokes, and even the appearance of the offender. It is important for Samoyeds to remember that there are no perfect people and everyone has flaws. When looking in the mirror, you need to look for your strengths, not your weaknesses, to love your body (face) and remember that not everyone likes modern ideals of beauty. You can conduct training in front of a mirror as in the old famous movie: “I am the most charming and attractive.” It is very important to look not only for the advantages of appearance. It is advisable to focus on the inner world, because it has long been proven that beauty is only a complement to intelligence, charm and a sense of humor. People who have all these qualities often feel great even without size 4 breasts, huge blue eyes, and legs from the ears. But a beautiful appearance, without a mind, is something funny and arousing pity. Communication with friends (not those who develop complexes) helps a lot. You should take on those things that you can do. For example: there is no need to pledge all property in favor of some business. It’s better to spend only part of it on courses or learning a new business; this will allow you to earn more in the future. Before making an important decision, you must consider all the pros and cons. If you fail, you should not give up. Here many will think: “It’s easy to say, but how to get rid of it if there is no one else to blame for the loss of property (for example)? Even from such a situation you should look for a way out; there is no time to reproach yourself. Friends, relatives, help from the state. Quite selfish advice, but often more than one person is involved in the actions committed, and therefore there will be nothing terrible if a share of the blame is fairly assigned to the accomplice. As for inaction or mistakes in fatal incidents and the resulting endless feeling of guilt, you need to treat what happened as a life lesson. Just sit down and ask yourself: - What was the need for what happened? – What mistakes did I make? – What is the use of all this? In general, the point is optimism. Everywhere you need to look not for negative, but for positive aspects, and then success will not be long in coming.