Author: Marfa Goncharova, magazine “My Little One and Me”; consultant: Yulia Andronnikova, pediatrician of the highest category, head of the pediatric department of the Center for Traditional Obstetrics and Family Medicine.
The child's expressed emotional state is a message of discomfort. Leaving these messages unattended means ignoring the baby's needs, which can be physical and psychological.
Inconsolable crying, screaming, stubbornness and irritation out of the blue - what so upsets parents and outrages strangers who have become unwitting witnesses to an unpleasant scene is usually called whims. In fact, if in an adult a completely unreasonable whim can be called a whim, then children's whims, as a rule, have a serious basis.
Yulia Andronnikova: “Children under one year old are not characterized by whims in their everyday understanding. If a child suddenly begins to behave in a way that is unusual for him, this is always a signal for the mother, a message of discomfort. No doctor can say for sure: if a child cries for ten minutes, this is normal, but if longer, then this is a sign of a disease. Mom's intuition should work here. After all, already in the first 2–3 months of life, being in close contact with the baby, the mother studies him so well that she knows perfectly well what is typical for her child and what goes beyond normal behavior.
If the child cries, the mother calms him down using familiar methods that suit him. Children love to be picked up, maintaining skin-to-skin contact, rocked to sleep, spoken to in a quiet, calm voice, and held to the chest. Some people stop worrying in a warm bath, while others are better off undressing for a while. The set of techniques may be different, but if the baby continues to cry despite the usual stress relief rituals, the mother should watch him more closely.”
Infectious diseases
Crying that is unusually long for a child or, conversely, lethargy or refusal to eat in children of any age is often the first sign of the development of an infectious disease. Whether this is true or not, it becomes obvious literally after a few hours: the temperature may begin to rise, a cough or runny nose may appear. For babies who cannot yet say or show what hurts, loud crying may be a sign of the onset of otitis media. If the ears hurt, there may be neither a fever nor other signs of a cold, it is the sharply changed behavior that will cause suspicion: the child is inappropriately capricious, shakes his head, sometimes screams sharply, begins to cry when changing the position of the head, refuses to eat because this provokes pain. In such a situation, you should definitely call a doctor.
Meteosensitivity
The peculiarity of the autonomic nervous system's response to changes in environmental conditions is called meteosensitivity. Training the baby’s nervous system and blood vessels will help cope with weather sensitivity. Thanks to hardening, the body's adaptive capabilities will increase, and the reaction to changing weather will become less violent or disappear altogether.
For kids, the best way to harden themselves is to walk in the fresh air in any weather. Not only changes in pressure, rain, thunderstorms, but also simply cloudy weather or a long absence of sun in the sky can affect the body. In newborn children, sudden changes in weather often cause anxiety. After a few months, for most, this weather dependence goes away, but in children with a weakened autonomic nervous system, it can continue to manifest itself and even intensify against the background of stressful conditions.
Chronic diseases
But what to do if the baby not only suddenly changed his behavior, but is constantly in a depressed state - he is lethargic, whines all the time and practically does not smile? Yulia Andronnikova: “The general well-being of a child is an important indicator of his health. A healthy baby may begin to be capricious in the evening when he is tired, but he should wake up in a good mood - this is a signal to his mother that everything is fine with him.
If your child is capricious every day and is in a bad mood all the time, and you have ruled out the presence of any infections, you should bring this to the attention of your pediatrician. Constant moodiness, pallor, lethargy, lack of a smile from birth, low weight gain and height are a set of symptoms characteristic of hormonal disorders. The earlier the diagnosis is made, the better, since with timely initiation of treatment, the disease can be compensated for and the life, health and intelligence of the child can be preserved. If such diseases are suspected, the pediatrician will refer the child to an endocrinologist.
Approximately the same symptoms may occur with anemia or kidney problems. Routine blood and urine tests will help clarify the situation, confirming or dispelling such concerns.”
Is it possible to avoid a crisis?
No. Most likely, the crisis situation will make itself felt one way or another. There is no need to be scared or angry with the child: it is not his fault, he is just trying to understand himself in the big world. Remember this. Trying to avoid a crisis will likely only make things worse. If this stage is not passed and completed at the appropriate age, it can later result in injuries and other, more serious problems. Try to quickly accept the changed conditions and adapt to them. For example, games of hide-and-seek or catch-up can help a child cope with the conflict of separation from his mother [3]. In this way, he separates, and nevertheless remains next to her, because sooner or later the mother catches up or finds the baby.
Overwork
If a child is capricious in the evening, mothers usually explain it this way: “I didn’t sleep well during the day” or “We went to class, he got too excited there, communicating with other children.” Perhaps it will be enough to put the daily routine in order and give the baby more opportunities for rest, sleep and walks. If the child himself is excitable, cannot sit still, control his emotions and at the same time gets very tired, pedagogical problems are superimposed on physical ones, since the parents literally cannot keep up with the baby. A competent neurologist will help normalize the regime and strengthen the nervous system, for example, using massage and hardening techniques. A psychologist will advise parents on the features of proper communication with their child.
The essence of the crisis
During the first year of life, a child travels a long way in development. Just 12 months ago he was a tiny, incompetent lump who was not aware of the surrounding reality. And at the age of one he already has some speech skills, he stands on his feet, plays with toys, and tries to walk. It is believed that the cause of the crisis is the stress that occurs in a child during the transition to a qualitatively new stage of development. Psychologists and developmental psychologists say that around the age of one, the infancy period ends, and the baby begins to separate himself from his parent [1]. This is, in particular, due to the fact that the child gets the opportunity to move independently. In addition, his psyche begins to form, his own motivation appears, the ability to express thoughts, desires and preferences arise - he begins to realize himself as an individual. It is difficult and unusual for the child, his worldview changes; reacting to this, he becomes restless.
Caprice as a message to parents
A whim is always a child’s message about discomfort, which he cannot express in an acceptable form. If a child is constantly capricious, and you have ruled out physical causes (diseases, fatigue), it is worth considering what state of mind he is in. Psychologists note that often a child’s inappropriate behavior is a reaction to intrafamily disharmony. The grandmother is dissatisfied with the way the young mother is raising the baby, she is constantly indignant and gives unsolicited advice. Or parents start quarreling every time the baby needs to be put to bed. Explicit or unspoken complaints and conflicts, a tense situation in the family, have the greatest impact on the child. In this case, his “whims” are the materialization of the discontent and irritation surrounding him. And the situation can be corrected only by improving family relationships.
Certain pedagogical violations in the family can also easily become a source of whims. If parents allow a child absolutely everything, and he simply does not understand the word “no,” any attempt at a ban leads him almost to hysterics. As a rule, parents are afraid of such a reaction and are ready to do anything to avoid its repetition, which means they continue to indulge the child. And this inevitably deepens discord in the family and makes its members even more irritable. The opposite situation can also involve the entire family in a vicious circle: they behave too strictly with the child and literally suppress all attempts at independent action and decision-making. The baby protests, the parents become even stricter with him. The same effect occurs if different family members adhere to diametrically opposed parenting styles - for example, the mother is very strict with the baby, and the father allows absolutely everything. All these situations are best discussed with a family psychologist.
What are children's whims and what is their nature?
This is a question for which there is no encyclopedic answer. All adults put different meanings into this word. In fact, parents are more often faced with a child’s violent emotional reaction to some undesirable events for him, calling it whining, hysterics, whims, which in fact it is not. The baby does not yet know how to express his desires and feelings in other ways. Much also depends on the child’s temperament: if he is easily excited, it is difficult for him to stop, then he will scream, fight, cry and stomp his feet more often than his peers. And this does not mean at all that the child is poorly brought up - it’s just that the processes of self-regulation in him have not yet matured. And this, of course, requires a lot of patience from parents.
The struggle for independence
Parents often mistake their child’s desire for independence for whims. From 8–9 months, the baby begins to “test the strength” of the adults around him. They give him a toy, he throws it on the floor and immediately demands it back. This can be repeated many times in a row. The child finds out the boundaries of what is permitted, and when communicating with mom, dad or grandmother, the boundaries may be different. At the same time, it is quite easy to distinguish between a cry of real need and a “test” one: while “checking”, the baby sometimes stops crying, looks around and listens to evaluate the effect produced. Such stops are a sign of a demand for attention. This does not mean that in this case it should be ignored; it is better to talk softly to the child, give reasonable arguments, explain your actions, including the necessary refusals or prohibitions. Such verbal contact, if established at birth, makes it easier to distinguish what exactly caused unusual behavior and to cope with the situation.
At the age of 2–3 years, the time comes when the child literally answers everything: “I myself!” Moreover, if attempts to do something on your own are not very successful (spilled, knocked, broke, fell), the best strategy would be not to scold the child, but to note his achievements and offer to bring the matter to the end together. Often, the mere fact of recognizing a child’s independent attempts to do something is enough to live in harmony and reduce “whims” to a minimum.
Stubborn facts
- Even if the baby, in principle, likes to cry, certain conditions should alert parents. These are so-called emergency conditions.
- A loud, pronounced cry of a child for two or more hours, in which no conventional methods of calming help, is a signal to call a doctor. With problems such as intussusception (volvulus) or appendicitis, a young child may have no other obvious external signs other than intense, continuous crying. Only a doctor can diagnose the problem. It cannot be said that these cases are frequent. If a mother is breastfeeding her baby and is well acquainted with the principles of introducing complementary foods, then intestinal volvulus, which is caused by a sudden transition to unfamiliar food in large quantities and at too early an age, does not threaten her child. Appendicitis in children is also rare, but since the exact causes of this emergency condition are still unclear, it cannot be discounted.
Helpful Tips:
- Any internal experiences of a child (entry to kindergarten or school, troubles in the family) can lead to stress. There is no need to try to protect your child from difficult situations, but teach him to overcome difficulties. The baby will endure stress much easier if he knows that at home he will always be understood and supported, that for mom and dad he is the best in the world.
Your love and attention are the best “medicines” for stress. Talk to your child, give him the opportunity to talk, find out the reasons for his worries. Play with him, draw, involve him in sports, but try to protect him from unbearable loads.
The article was published in the magazine “My Baby and I” (2014) and posted on the website krokha.ru.
Night tantrums
It happens that babies wake up at night screaming, screaming and crying, and all attempts by mothers to calm, hug and find out what happened are in vain, since the kids simply do not notice the presence of anyone. This is a separate type - night tantrums in a child aged 2-3 years. Such attacks happen to many people. They begin unexpectedly and end abruptly in the same way. Occurs in children aged 3-5 years.
Photo source: shutterstock.com
The following are typical features of nighttime tantrums in a child:
- the suddenness of the onset of an attack, accompanied by a sharp cry, arching of the body and crying;
- characterized by increased sweating, heavy rapid breathing;
- duration 5–20 minutes, possible periodic repetition of the attack during the night;
- attacks begin after the baby falls asleep (usually after 1.5–2 hours);
- the child does not respond to any attempts by the parents to calm down or redirect attention;
- when trying to hug or hold, the troublemaker breaks out of the hug and tries to run away from them;
- aggressiveness towards people and objects.
It is necessary to consult a neurologist if night attacks are accompanied by the following symptoms:
- loss of consciousness;
- duration of hysteria exceeding 30 minutes;
- the onset of an attack shortly before morning;
- urinary incontinence during an attack;
- desire to harm oneself;
- intensification of attacks with each repetition;
- tantrums occur for more than a year;
- the baby speaks incomprehensibly, in a “gibberish” language;
- Even during the day, the baby’s fears do not leave him.
Causes of night tantrums:
- an important event: a move, a holiday, a quarrel in kindergarten - any significant incident that left an imprint on the memory;
- microclimate in the family: conflicts between parents, the arrival of a new resident in the house (aunts and uncles who came to stay, a grandmother who moved, a newborn brother or sister);
- any sources of information within your child’s reach: advertising or news on TV, cartoons and videos on the Internet (there is a high risk of stumbling upon something negative or adult);
- illness, especially if the illness is serious;
- surgery under anesthesia.
In fact, there may be many more reasons. The essence is the same - too many impressions or one, but powerful enough to overload the nervous system.
