In the life of every parent, sooner or later there comes a time when he is faced with hysterics in a child. For some parents, this becomes a real problem: they do not understand what is the root cause of this child’s behavior and how to deal with it.
In this article we will try to understand the possible causes of children's tantrums, their symptoms, and also consider options for parental behavior in which the risk of children's hysterics can be reduced or even eliminated.
What is "hysteria"
Hysteria is a very vivid emotional reaction, which is accompanied by loud screaming, tears, and demonstrative behavior; a condition in which it is difficult for a child to calm down.
The reasons for this behavior can be completely different. They depend on the age of the child, the characteristics of the nervous system, the type of upbringing in the family, etc.
A child’s hysteria can occur in response to an insult, a parental demand that the child has no desire to fulfill, or in situations of unpleasant news.
It is very important that parents can distinguish hysteria from another state of the child, very similar to hysteria - whim.
Caprice is the desire of young children (mostly preschoolers) to achieve something forbidden, but very desirable, at this very moment in time.
Whims occur in almost all growing children and are not a cause for concern. They are safe for the child’s psyche. If the parent behaves correctly, they help the child understand and accept the boundaries of what is acceptable.
Doctor Komarovsky's opinion
A well-known doctor believes that a “spectator” is important for a child during a hysteria. This is a must. There is no spectator, no hysteria. The person who is most sensitive to the child’s behavior will definitely be chosen to play the role of spectator.
Komarovsky’s opinion somewhat contradicts the generally accepted opinion that when in a state of hysteria, a child cannot control himself. Evgeniy Olegovich claims that the child assesses the situation very well and everything he does during a hysteria is quite conscious.
The doctor advises the whole family to choose a single behavioral strategy - “not to pay attention and not to succumb to manipulation”, then the child will understand that hysteria is not an option and will stop using it in his behavior.
About how to wean a child from hysterics, Komarovsky E.O. says in this video:
Causes of night tantrums
The physiology of sleep is quite complex. Sleep consists of fast and slow phases, replacing each other throughout the night. And if in an adult the slow phase predominates, when the body is relaxed and the brain rests, then in children, especially younger ones, the REM sleep phase predominates.
During this period, the brain is engaged in processing information received during the day. You can observe how the baby's eyes move under closed eyelids, he twitches his arms and legs, pronounces sounds, words, even whole sentences.
In babies, REM sleep occurs throughout the night. The older the child gets, the longer the slow, deep sleep becomes. During the REM sleep phase, dreams occur, which most often cause tantrums in many children. These can be bad dreams, nightmares, or simply an abundance of impressions. This is comparable to the waking moment when a child cries from overwork and many emotions. The same thing happens when he sleeps, only he experiences all this in a dream, not yet being able to distinguish a dream from reality.
What exactly causes hysterics in a child at night is something parents should figure out.
Unhealthy atmosphere in the family
Young children are very sensitive to negative energy. If there is a tense atmosphere in the house (quarrels, scandals or a constantly tired, irritated mother), all this will certainly affect the child’s psyche. During the day, when adults loudly sort things out, insulting each other, a child is able to hide in a secluded corner and quietly watch what is happening, and at night he will experience this horror again. Feeling the weak protection of mom and dad, the baby has nightmares and wakes up in tears.
Important! You need to learn to sort things out outside the room where there are children. It would be ideal if adults learned to conduct dialogues without raising their voices. You can’t drag a baby into a conflict! Mothers who take it out on their children should remember that the smallest irritation is a big tragedy for their son or daughter.
Fears and nightmares
Nightmares are usually associated with increased emotional stress. If during the day the baby was seriously scolded by his mother, he quarreled with a friend on the playground, watched TV for a long time before going to bed, where they showed the terrible Baba Yaga or the “ugly and evil uncle” from an adult film, then at night these fears will return to the child, and hysterics can be avoided It's unlikely to succeed.
You should limit your TV viewing, especially before bed. When a tantrum occurs, the little one needs to be calmed down by stroking his head and whispering warm words to him. If necessary, turn on soft light (a night lamp or sconce with a very weak glow - ideal for a nursery). A good practice is to put your child to bed with his favorite soft toy, which will definitely “protect” him from bad dreams.
Wrong daily routine
Some modern parents popularize education “without boundaries”: you can make noise and run around wherever your beloved child wants, and eat and relax when you want. But there is nothing good in the fact that a child wakes up at lunchtime and goes to bed for the night well after midnight. The nervous system is exhausted, problems with sleep appear.
The daily routine needs to be normalized. The bedtime routine should be pleasant and last at least an hour: play interesting but calm games, take a warm bath, perhaps with soothing herbs recommended by the pediatrician, read books or listen to music.
Hyperactive children
There are more and more such guys, because modern life dictates its own rules. Parents trying to make a child a genius, unfortunately, often overdo it. From Monday to Sunday, the child attends many clubs, sections, and events. But they do not always maintain such a rhythm.
It happens that a hyperactive child himself requires such a busy life, but you need to think about whether he has time to play with peers or do his favorite things on his own. Bright everyday life carries a heavy burden that the baby does not feel. But at night all this manifests itself in the form of whims arising from overwork.
Note: It is imperative to develop the child, but this should not be done in spite of health. Parents should leave time “for childhood” so that their son or daughter grows up not only smart and comprehensively developed, but also healthy.
Of course, health problems can also be the cause of a child’s nightly tantrums. In small children, these are often teething problems, colic, and neurological problems. Then it is better to resolve this issue with a doctor. It is worth seeking advice if the situation has not improved by the age of 7-8 years (at this time, as a rule, children's tantrums at night stop).
Causes
When examining the causes of children's tantrums, most psychologists agree that the most common are the following:
"Pay attention to me!"
In the modern world, mothers make high demands on themselves and place too much responsibility on themselves: every day they need to complete a number of household chores, have time to work as a freelancer, pay attention to their husbands, take time for themselves... In such a series of events, mothers quite often try to find an independent activity for a child.
Sooner or later, the child realizes that he is “standing in line” for his mother’s attention. Of course, this state of affairs does not suit him and then he unleashes a series of unreasonable, from the mother’s point of view, hysterics. In the manifestation of such hysterics, one can read his words: “Remember me! I'm here! I want your love, care and attention!”
"What if…"
Often, with his hysterics, a child tests the boundaries of what is permitted. Through trial and error, he understands: what is possible and what is not, where is good and where is evil. Through probing the boundaries, knowledge of the world occurs. This is fine. This process is a natural component of the interaction between parent and child.
“I can’t, no way!”
The inability to restrain negative emotions and cope with them independently in the process of acquiring new skills is one of the main reasons for children's tantrums. The child wants to get the final, final result of his actions of some nature as quickly as possible (sculpting a certain figure, cutting out a circle, drawing a tree) and if there is no such result, be hysterical! You must understand that at such moments he is really very upset and this problem covers all the thoughts and feelings of the little person.
“Today you can, tomorrow not!”
In cases where parental behavior is inconsistent, when there is no clear and understandable system of restrictions, the child is at a loss and does not understand how to behave. He cannot choose the right landmark. In such situations, hysteria becomes the child’s ally and helps him.
"I'm tired"
If a child is planning a difficult and eventful day (lots of outdoor games, holidays and birthdays, long trips), the risk of hysterics at the end of such a day is very high.
“It hurts me! And give me something to drink!”
Any physical discomfort such as hunger, thirst, pain can cause a child to become hysterical.
"When there is too much love!"
When parents do not see boundaries in their care for the child, and smother the child with their love and care, children begin to resist this. And the main weapon in this battle for the child becomes hysteria. This is especially evident during crisis periods of age.
Respect your child's personal boundaries! With the “Where are my children” application, you will always know where your child is and what is happening with him, without unnecessary calls and SMS.
Doctor's help
If the efforts of the parents do not help, and the child wakes up at night and screams in hysterics several times a night, without calming down for more than 40 minutes, then this problem goes beyond the “home” category and the child should be shown to the pediatrician.
The doctor may prescribe:
- sedatives;
- massage;
- physiotherapy;
- examination of the nervous system.
Being a parent is not an easy job. There are many problems along the way that you need to solve on your own. Having corrected the situation when a child wakes up at night with hysterics, mothers and fathers become more experienced. They are relieved to realize that they can handle this and other problems of raising children.
Symptoms
The most common symptoms of hysteria in children are loud crying and screaming, which is accompanied by tension in muscle tone throughout the body.
Then, impulsive and chaotic movements take place, palms clenched tightly into fists (knocking on walls, tables, floors).
If an adult tries to physically influence a child at this moment, he receives blows, bites, and scratches in response.
After this, sudden movements subside. The baby is crying. There are a lot of tears. The muscles relax. Signs of fatigue appear.
Manifestations of hysteria also include: teeth biting (for example, furniture upholstery), hitting the head against the wall and floor, falling and “stomping” feet. Severe tantrums can lead to convulsions and respiratory arrest.
After this, children often complain of headaches, pain from bruises, and nausea.
Diagnostics
Parents should understand that tantrums are just one of the signs of crisis stages in a child’s development.
Often, the parent independently (intuitively) selects the most harmonious way to help the child with hysterics.
When should you seek help from specialists:
- during or after a hysteria, the child stops or holds his breath for a long time,
- he loses consciousness, is subject to sudden mood swings,
- harms others and/or oneself,
- experiencing pain and nausea,
- experiences fears and nightmares.
In addition, if hysterics end with the child’s extreme fatigue or severe lethargy, then the parent should not ignore this and should consult with specialists (psychologists, neurologists, psychotherapists, etc.).
Hysteria of children at different age periods
Some children may experience tantrums even at the age of nine months, but most often the onset of children's hysterics occurs when the child is one and a half years old. Due to his age, the baby is unable to control his emotions. His speech is not yet developed at the proper level in order to express and explain his thoughts, feelings, and desires.
At 2 years old, a child often resorts to tantrums to attract the attention of adults. In doing so, he uses:
- screams;
- lying and rolling on the floor (especially in crowded places);
- stubbornness.
This behavior is quite natural, since the emotional system of a child of this age has not yet matured.
We can observe especially vivid attacks of hysterics in three-year-olds. During this special, crisis period, hysterics are expressed in completely different ways, but they are united by strong stubbornness, negativism and strong self-will.
At this age, the child does not have the ability to compromise. The method of manipulation is mastered. If a three-year-old managed to manipulate his parents with hysteria once, then in the future he will actively use this tactic.
As the child grows up, his knowledge of the world around him expands, and he no longer feels the urgent need to resort to hysterics. By the age of four, communication skills are quite well developed, and the child increasingly chooses the “eco-friendly” - verbal way to tell the parent about his feelings and desires.
If hysterics continue after four years, this is a serious reason to reconsider the education system and seek help from specialists.
When are tantrums good?
It’s hard to believe, but tantrums also have a positive component, both for the child and the parent:
- With the help of hysterics, including tears, the child gets rid of tension and stress.
- The release of suppressed emotions during a hysteria helps to normalize the emotional state and sleep.
- If a child shows you his feelings openly (through a tantrum), this indicates some kind of trust between you.
- Through hysterics, a child learns to probe the boundaries of what is permitted.
- After the hysteria ends (if the adult does not try to stop it), the child “reads” the parent’s unconditional acceptance and subsequently begins to feel more trust in him.
How to deal with a child's tantrum
If a child has constant tantrums, it is worth observing his behavior and daily routine. Before deciding how to deal with a child’s tantrums, you need to think about how to prevent their occurrence. Here are ways you can try:
- provide the baby with rest, including full daytime sleep, and avoid overwork;
- ensure that all the child’s natural needs are met immediately (food, water, sleep);
- allocate enough free time for games;
- give the child the opportunity to feel like an adult: dress independently, go down the stairs, build a tower from a construction set;
- talk to the child using active listening: “I see that you are angry,” “I understand that you are upset because you lost your toy,” and so on. This is how we help the child understand his feelings and control them;
- indicate the boundaries of behavior: “It’s clear to me that you are angry, but you can’t fight”;
- provide the right to choose - you can start with the illusion of choice: “Will you eat meat and rice or meat and potatoes?”, “Which shirt will you wear today - blue or green?”;
- distract the child with a request for help as soon as the first attempts to cry begin: “Please take the dirty mug back to the kitchen.”
But if none of the above helps, and the child is hysterical, what should you do? The best option is to simply stay close to him, remain calm, do not give in to his demands, do not physically punish him, and, if the child agrees, hug him.
Parents should carefully monitor, first of all, their behavior, calmly resolve conflict situations, avoid quarrels and harsh actions, so as not to give the child a reason to copy their own hysterical behavior.
After the storm has passed, it is worth discussing what happened in a hug with the child, voicing what upset him, what feelings he experienced. Be sure to express your love to your baby so that he understands that even when he misbehaves, he is still loved.
What should parents do?
How to calm a child during a tantrum
- Try to prevent the onset of hysteria. Especially if you already have experience with your child’s tantrum, you can “calculate” the risks and prevent its occurrence in advance.
- You should not try to stop a hysteria with severity, shouting or using physical violence. If your child does not harm himself or others during a tantrum, you can say that you are waiting until he calms down so you can talk. You should speak calmly, not loudly, but confidently.
- If you haven’t had time to understand what exactly led to the hysteria, try asking leading questions: “Are you scared?!”, “Are you hurt?!”, “Do you want...?!”
- Hug your child. He will feel safe, understand that he is not alone and that they will help him.
Treatment of hysterics
If all your efforts to prevent tantrums do not work and the child’s condition only worsens from time to time, you should seek help from specialists.
At the very beginning of your journey, it is better to consult a psychologist. If working with a psychologist does not bring results, then the psychologist himself can recommend other specialists, or you can make this decision yourself. A neurologist and psychotherapist, if indicated, can prescribe medication. But in the conditions of modern medicine, before starting treatment, try to consult with different specialists, listen to different points of view, and only after that make an informed decision regarding medications.
Parents' behavior when their child is hysterical at night
- At the first screams coming from the nursery, you should get up and go there. It is important to understand that an episode of nighttime arousal is often not recognized by the child. It may be part of a dream.
- Without losing your calm, approach your baby and hug him. Stay with him until he calms down. In this case, you need to hold him firmly, but not rudely, and calmly wait until the hysteria subsides.
- When you extinguish night tantrums in a 2-year-old child, special physical strength is not required. With older children this is more difficult, because during uncontrollable excitement they can wave their arms and legs so much that they involuntarily hit you. For this purpose, you can use a blanket or blanket. Wrap your screamer up like a baby and hold him until he stops kicking, then rock him gently. Take your baby to the toilet and send him back to bed.
- Don't make these nightly episodes something pleasant. Do not allow the rest of the night to be spent in your parents' bed. Strictly limit persuasion and conversations in general. When you start talking to your baby, you can focus your child on the attention you are giving him at such an inopportune moment. Children easily reinforce deviant behavior for the sake of the favor they receive.
