There's no need to kill yourself, we'll figure it out now.
Still from the film "Côte d'Azur"
So she decided to leave you and maybe even move on with someone else, so now you feel so bad that you don't know how to move on with your life. We advise you not to rush to conclusions and especially not to do anything stupid. After all, now we will tell you what to do if a girl leaves you, namely, how to forget her correctly, return her, let her go, and so on.
You should immediately understand that in such a situation there is no need to fill yourself with alcohol, sit for hours in depression and write crazy emotional messages to her every second. In this case, it is best to analyze the experience and decide on further actions.
Agree, it’s a difficult situation.
Photo: pixabay.com
Surely you know that a break in a relationship is not always accompanied by scandals and a complete cessation of any contacts on the part of both partners. Sometimes couples break up in a semi-passive way, when everything seems to be over, but no one holds a grudge against anyone, because everyone understands that “it’s just not on the way.”
In such cases, even after breaking up, one of the partners can write to the other a message in the messenger with the simple text “How are you?”
, or the slightly more complex
“What do you think about the final episode of Game of Thrones?”
.
It also happens the other way around, when the breakup is very painful, so it’s again quite difficult not to write to your ex.
We will tell you what the reasons for messages from the girl you broke up with may be, as well as how to react to them.
Realize how screwed you are
Case No. 1
If your girlfriend left you with the words: “I can’t do this anymore”
, which means you're probably screwed. And he did this repeatedly and consistently until she ran out of patience. In this case, it will be quite difficult to return your beloved, because you have brought her to the point of no return.
A time machine or a device that erases memory, like the Men in Black, usually helps here. But, since you have neither one nor the other, you will have to think about it and start correcting yourself (without her or with her). We'll talk about this below.
Case No. 2
If your girlfriend left you with the words: “I didn’t expect this from you”
, it means you most likely did something irreparable, after which people are not forgiven or do it with very great effort. Very often, one of the only correct steps in this situation is to let the girl leave and not pester her with your apologies.
However, all cases are individual, so there is always a chance for forgiveness, reunion and further development of a happy relationship.
Case No. 3
If your loved one left with the words “I’m sorry, but you’re not right for me”
or with a more condescending one:
“Sorry, it’s not about you, it’s about me,”
which means, most likely, you didn’t do anything terrible, but simply after some time did not live up to her expectations or were completely tired of her. By the way, we once wrote about the main signs that a girl is tired of you. Check if there is anything there that describes your situation.
In this case, you should either let her go or figure out a way to make her believe in you again as a worthy candidate for the role of a life partner. The main thing is not to overdo it.
Thus, most breakups occur under these three scenarios. Naturally, there are some combinations or even unusual reasons for separation, but in any case, your task will be to take the right step to resolve the conflict that has arisen.
What should I say
It is important to choose the right words
Sometimes it happens so unexpectedly. Your girlfriend left you, you don’t know what to say. It is worth listening to the following tips.
- Don’t even think about saying nasty things about her, no matter what the reason for the breakup.
- If you want to restore your relationship, choose your words carefully and think about every step.
- Be sure to use compliments.
- Tell me how much she means to you, how your life has changed with her appearance.
- If she cheated on you and after that decided to leave, but you still don’t want to lose her, say that you forgive, that your love is stronger than that. But only if this is really the case. Otherwise, you will still remember her betrayal, reproach the girl for this, or simply feel “dirty” and the relationship will end very quickly.
- If the girl left because of your betrayal, you should literally beg for forgiveness. Your words must contain sincere repentance and recognition of your mistakes. However, be prepared for the fact that it is very difficult for the fair half of humanity to forgive such a masculine act.
- If the reason for the separation was your degradation, you stopped taking care of yourself or developing, then you must promise that you will improve and do everything so that you are together again, that you realize that such a princess as she should be next to the appropriate guy. It is important here that these words are not empty space, and that you keep your word. Otherwise, the girl will leave you again in literally a week if she sees that you are inactive.
How to forget your girlfriend who left you
At this point, we will consider the option of letting the girl go and allowing both ourselves and her to move on with their lives. One cannot but agree that such a step requires a certain amount of determination and courage, especially when your beloved has left, for example, for an ex. But if you still decide to leave your relationship in the past and want to understand how to get over a breakup with a girl, here’s what you need to do:
Stop blaming yourself for the breakup
You shouldn’t repeat to yourself every day that it was all your fault, there is no one worse than you in the world, and she did the right thing by leaving you because she would be much happier with someone else.
Firstly, we are sure that you are greatly exaggerating, and secondly, both are always to blame for a breakup, even if you never washed the dishes and ignored her requests to walk the dog.
Stop following her
You wanted to forget her, didn't you? Why then check every five minutes what happened in her stories, and whether she tweeted anything that could hint at your relationship with her. Immediately after breaking up, it is better to completely block her accounts on social networks for a while. If she needs to contact you, she will call you. You can be sure.
Become more independent
Don't worry, we're not trying to quote your girlfriend when she didn't like that you couldn't wash your socks. We ourselves advise you to start washing your socks, washing the dishes, cleaning your apartment, learning to cook and in all other ways to begin maintaining the normal functioning of your body.
If you were previously dependent on all this, now is the time to take responsibility for the household yourself. Believe me, there is nothing special about this. Everyone should be able to maintain cleanliness and order.
Make a new acquaintance
This advice may not seem trivial to you, but believe me, it is one of the most effective on the path to overcoming post-relationship syndrome.
Find a new girlfriend, a second, a third. Nobody obliges you to flirt or have affairs with them. A new social circle will allow you to gain fresh impressions, meet interesting people and think less about the past.
Get out into nature
This is a classic and very effective technique. To relieve your head of heavy thoughts about a dramatic breakup, get out into the fresh air.
Go hiking, fishing, walk in the mountains or go on vacation, after all. A good trip can only improve your emotional state and relieve you of depressing thoughts about your ex.
Ask friends for advice
We hope you didn't lose all your friends while you were in a relationship with your ex. We are sure not. Because true friends will always come to the rescue, even if you have ignored them for several years.
In addition, friends see the picture of your relationship from the outside, and their opinion may be more objective than your soul-searching. They certainly know that “she doesn’t deserve you,” “you did everything right,” and “there are a lot of better girls around.”
Become a lone wolf
When you've already asked your friends for advice, climbed a mountain and learned to cook, it's time to become a tough guy with a difficult but well-lived past. Get out into people more often, attend different events and lead an active lifestyle alone. After all, now you are that wise guy who can give advice on how to survive a breakup with your loved one.
Just remember that you shouldn’t become a heavy drinker or a depressed tramp. You have overcome this stage. Walk with your head held high.
Advice from psychologists
When a man asks a psychologist: “How to get a girl back if she no longer wants a relationship with me?”, there is only one answer: to become someone else for her, someone she would like to date.
First of all, it is necessary to rebuild psychologically. Often, after a breakup, men continue to think for a long time that they still have some rights to their ex-girlfriend, that memories of happy moments in the past should become motivation for her to return.
From the point of view of practical psychology, the past no longer has any meaning, and you need to start communication anew, with a clean slate, again conquer and seduce your beloved, build relationships on a new basis.
To convince a girl to come back, you need to make her fall in love with you again
Therefore, it would be a good idea to work on your image: lose excess weight, if you have it, pump yourself up in the gym, diversify your leisure time, develop mentally and spiritually: in general, become a person with whom any woman would be interested in spending time.
Girls love to look through the pages of their exes on social networks and follow the changes in their lives. Therefore, you can let people know about changes in behavior and thinking through photos and statuses.
Note! Under no circumstances should you try to make your loved one jealous by posting pictures with strangers. This may hurt her feelings and make her think that she did the right thing by ending the relationship.
It’s not worth sitting online for days and waiting for her to write and like the post. It’s better to really take your mind off thoughts of separation for a while, immerse yourself in study, work, communication with friends, learn to enjoy life, even when your loved one is not around. Then magic will happen: the girl herself will want to resume communication.
It is necessary to transfer relationships into a romantic direction, slowly, gradually. It is necessary to give the girl time to be convinced of the changes that have occurred and fall in love again. Only this approach guarantees that the newly restored relationship will last a long time.
How to get a girl back (at least try)
If the question: “What to do if the girl you love left you?”
, you decided to answer:
“Try to return it
,” which means we wrote this point for a reason, and the past seven tips will help someone else.
In such cases, there is nothing better than a sincere and most conscious apology. In order to successfully implement it, you need to take a deep breath, then exhale and begin to prepare. But before you start preparing, you should understand that an apology does not guarantee you a 100% result. If a girl finally wants to leave, even two of your apologies will not stop her. But you can still try.
Prepare well
"For what?"
, you ask,
“This is not an exam!”
. But with this approach, your chances become less and less, because this is much more important than the exam.
Firstly, you need to calm down, give some time to both yourself and her, and analyze everything that happened between you. After awareness comes to you, try to identify the true cause of your conflict and build on it in the future.
Then briefly prepare your future speech in which you will:
- admit your guilt;
- explain your actions;
- Apologize;
- promise never to do this again;
- communicate that you really appreciate and love her;
- and so on.
Now apologize
Once your plan is ready, you can begin to take action. There are also several options here. The best thing, of course, is to meet face to face so that a live dialogue can take place between you, during which she can not only see all your sincerity, but also express her position on everything she thinks.
However, you can also apologize remotely. For example, by phone or on the Internet. The latter method involves many additional functions, for example, publishing videos, sending photos, music and other multimedia.
The main thing is not to be intrusive, but try to apologize once so that they want to forgive you. If unsuccessful, return to the above section. By the way, we have a more detailed guide on how to apologize to a girl.
What not to do
The last section will be devoted to the main mistakes of guys who go to extremes and only aggravate the current situation. Here are some basic recommendations on how not to behave if your girlfriend dumps you.
Don't push for pity
This is not the best option for solving problems, because there is nothing in it but despair. The girl doesn’t want to hear something like: “If you don’t come back to me, I don’t even know what I’ll do to myself.”
This does not mean that a man should be stony and not show his feelings. Just don't be overly dramatic in an attempt to make your girlfriend feel unpleasantly rejected.
No need to prove to her that she is wrong
As we have already said, in a mutual conflict there is no right and wrong, so you should not fanatically prove to her that she did wrong. Especially you should not accompany this with a harsh tone, emotional statements and threatening gestures.
In this way, you can increase her confidence that she did the right thing by leaving you. This is such a paradox.
Don't ostentatiously start dating someone else
If you want to make a new acquaintance for the sole purpose of making the girl who dumped you jealous, this is not the best step.
Firstly, this can once again prove to her that you are not worthy of being with her. Well, and secondly, this is wrong in relation to the girl who will become a tool for resolving your conflicts.
As you know, provocation is not the best method of resolving personal problems. Conflicts between a man and a woman should be resolved rationally, calmly and with dignity.
Don't even think about getting depressed
Surely you have at least once seen a film in which the main character yearned for his beloved, so of course you already know how to do it correctly.
However, it is better not to stop shaving, washing and throwing empty bottles of beer around the apartment. Moreover, you should not ignore your friends and quit your job. If a girl wants to break up, it is unlikely that such behavior will make her change her mind.
Don't ask friends and family to talk to her
Be sure that the phrase “he is so good, and your clock is ticking,” uttered by your mother when talking to your ex, is unlikely to solve all the problems. Even if later your friends say the same line, and then hers, this is not a guarantee that the girl will immediately run to you to make peace.
You shouldn’t think that she definitely won’t withstand such pressure.
Serious errors
Biggest mistake
Often, guys find it difficult to control their emotions and behavior after a girl leaves them. This leads to committing a whole series of mistakes and actions, for which you are later ashamed or which finally put an end to your relationship with your loved one.
- The most common behavior pattern is an attempt to drown grief in alcohol. In fact, alcohol will not help you get rid of the feeling of pain, anxiety, or relieve you of loneliness. But it will ruin your health and can push you to do terrible things.
- You should not try to return it with expensive gifts. If a girl “melts”, it’s not because she needs you, she was interested in the opportunity to receive gifts.
- There is no need to call your ex repeatedly or write numerous messages to her, especially when you are drunk. This way you will only anger or offend the girl, but you definitely won’t get her back.
- You can’t throw mud at your ex after breaking up, especially in front of mutual friends.
- It is strictly unacceptable to behave aggressively, loose hands or verbally insult.
- You should not insist on maintaining friendly relations if the girl has completely cooled off, and you are tormented by love for her. This way you will only doom yourself to suffering.
- You cannot try to take revenge by starting a whirlwind romance immediately after a breakup. After this, your beloved will definitely not return to you.
- Don’t dwell on what happened and cry day and night. This girl is not the last on Earth. If you broke up, then she is not your destiny.
