What to do if your boss is a tyrant? How to behave?

Relationships with managers play an important role in career advancement. Communication with a boss turns out to be a serious psychological test for many people, and when the boss does not know how to control himself or does not adhere to business ethics, the problem gains momentum. The relationship between a subordinate and a boss does not always work out well, and often interferes with effective work. Not every person can tolerate rudeness, but it is extremely difficult to respond to such behavior with dignity. How to resist a tyrant boss? When is it better to remain silent, and when is it necessary to make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable? Answers to these and other questions can be found in our article.

Types of bosses

Managing people is a complex art that requires a person to have certain qualities: flexibility, self-control, sociability, ambition, organization, and so on. And when work in a team does not work out, the atmosphere is oppressive, then it is worth thinking about the competence of the boss.

It is the destructive behavior of bosses that destroys peace and order in the team. So, the types of tyrant bosses:

• A reptile is a petty leader who is always at the beck and call of big bosses; today he is in a good mood and happy with the work of his subordinates, and tomorrow he scolds him because he was criticized by management. He is a middle class god.
• A dictator is a boss who will not let you say a word against it. He does not accept criticism, does not hear wishes, does not listen to advice. He thinks he knows everything better than others. His desires are undeniable, even if he does not fully understand the issue.
• A slob - he is not organized, not collected, forgets about important meetings, assignments, deadlines. He does not control the progress of work at all, but at the same time he lashes out at his subordinates for his mistakes and mistakes.
• A sadist - he knows all the weaknesses of his subordinates, he takes pleasure in mocking them, he seems to become attached to the victim, skillfully steps on her wounds, humiliating and insulting the person.
• Tyrant - he experiences sadistic love and affection for his subordinates, he cultivates slavish obedience and dependence in the team, instilling fear in his subordinates.
• An actor - he plays a competent specialist and supports the image in every possible way, even through humiliation.
• A coward - this boss is very afraid of competition, he is very suspicious, he sees subordinates everywhere who want to take his place, he humiliates them and by all means kills the spirit of competition and the ambition of his subordinates in the team.

If your boss is a tyrant, what should you do? The answer depends on his behavior patterns. Increasing intonation, ridiculing the actions of a subordinate, rude speech, belittling dignity, familiarity, obscene jokes, flirting are signs of a manager’s unprofessionalism. But before you start fighting inappropriate behavior, you should evaluate your strengths and capabilities. The slightest mistake will significantly worsen the situation.

It's not that easy to get fired

One might even say it is very difficult. In any case, it is not as simple as it seems to your superiors. No one has filed a lawsuit for reinstatement at work, and in court the burden of proving that you were fired legally falls entirely on the employer.

It is the employer who must prove to the court the legality of your dismissal, and then the court will get to the bottom of everything, and the employer will have to explain why all the big shots in the organization fell on one employee.

There is a whole stack of disciplinary orders against one employee, and the rest, it turns out that, white and fluffy, is everyone else really crystal clear? And what is this act of absence from work for 10 minutes, who signed it, why not in the form approved by the Ministry of Labor, where is the explanatory note, where the requirements for giving explanations are described, how it is confirmed that it was handed over, and so on.

In general, if the court reinstates the employee, the employer finds himself in an unenviable position, especially if he has already hired someone for this job.

Correct employee behavior tactics

What to do if your boss is a tyrant? Advice to subordinates who depend on this leader is the simplest. First of all, employees need to understand that they cannot act without permission in response to their boss’s behavior. Open confrontation will only do harm, and the boss will get away with it. How to deal with a tyrant boss:

• Make any decisions carefully.
• Behave calmly and reservedly.
• Always play it safe and perform any of your actions in the presence of witnesses.
• In front of strangers, treat your boss with respect.

If subordinates are thinking through a plan on how to get rid of a tyrant boss, then they should think through a secret and clear strategy of action. The main thing in this struggle for workers is to keep their jobs and not lose their jobs. The main rule in confrontation is to never complain about your boss to higher management. In companies, denunciations and complaints are not welcomed and are severely punished.

You shouldn’t even flirt with fighting with your boss. An employee must be responsible for his work and perform it efficiently and on time, and only then concern himself with creating a psychological atmosphere in the team.

The leader is a woman

If the boss is a hysterical woman, then what can be done in this case? If she gets hysterical, wait it out calmly. Perhaps something is wrong with her at home. If this happens often, then this is already a problem. Try to get an appointment with her and openly discuss questions about your work:

1. How to prepare reports. What should they contain?
2. When should they be provided?
3. What tasks to set and how.
4. When can I contact you if clarification is needed?
5. Formulate this in the form of instructions, including only what is required by the specifics of the work. Her signature must be on the paper. If the boss signs it herself, she won’t be able to find fault.

Ways to put a tyrant in his place

There are legends about tyrant bosses in the team; many employees discuss their behavior and personal qualities. But few people know how to behave with such a leader. What to do if your boss is a tyrant? Psychologist's advice:

• You can't give in to emotions. In a state of anger, anger, irritation, a person is most easily controlled. You need to prepare for the conversation in advance. Prepare yourself for a difficult conversation. You should behave calmly and evenly in front of your boss, and not show him emotions. Calmness in response to aggression will moderate his ardor.
• If your boss is rude, you need to ask him to give reasons for this behavior. You should speak to him in a cold and restrained manner. Uncultured behavior is the main sign of low intelligence, and restraint and politeness are signs of courage. If a subordinate knows how to control himself and his emotions, he becomes uninteresting for a sadistic boss or an actor.
• You should not publicly contradict your boss. You should talk to him alone. We need to find out what exactly doesn’t suit him about his work. It is better to write down everything that does not suit him. If any of the items listed are not true, you need to ask your boss about it. By forcing him to repeat the lie, you focus attention on the wrongness of his actions.
• You should not hurt his pride, otherwise the tyranny will become even harsher.

Is there protection from tyrants and sadists?

Try to talk to him less. They are usually skilled speakers, capable of instilling so much fear that you begin to feel its sticky touch on your skin.

• Buck up, you won't be killed or beaten here.
• Call on your imagination to help: place the screaming person in an aquarium, then watch how he opens his mouth and waves his arms for some reason.
• Place a wall between you with the mirror side facing him. That's how a ray of light blinds his eyes!
• Your indifference and calmness will turn on a different program for the boss, and he will calm down.
• If you go to an appointment tomorrow, think in advance about how you will communicate. Write down several possible answers to the expected questions. Any remark should not take you by surprise. You must be prepared and confident. For example, never say that you don’t have time to do anything. Better to say: “YOUR order at the moment will not be able to meet the required quality due to time constraints.”
• Ask your boss for advice, even if you know the answer yourself. He will be pleased that you recognize him as a leader.
• If you want to put a tyrant in his place, then you need to fight as a team. It’s great if you write down offensive words or the cry of a tyrant. Be prepared that not the entire team will support you. But to humiliate yourself and let yourself be yelled at is too much.
• Orthodoxy has a good short prayer of protection. Say to yourself: “Lord, remember King David and all his meekness.” You will calm down yourself and influence your boss.

What can't you do?

• Tolerate insults in silence. This is a sure way to lose the respect of both your tyrant boss and your colleagues.
• Respond to rudeness with rudeness, be rude to him. This will give rise to a new wave of aggression.
• Criticize the boss, neither of them likes criticism. If the boss is a tyrant, criticism is a sure way to aggravate the conflict.
• Ask for forgiveness and take the blame. This humiliation of one’s own dignity further frees the hands of the tyrant boss. This behavior is especially dangerous with a slob and a sadist.

Indirect methods of influencing a boss or supervisor

A person receives about 80% of information non-verbally! If you build a behavior model correctly, the information will be firmly entrenched in your boss on a subconscious level.

• Forget about smiling. Don't try to smooth things over by smiling at your boss during an awkward moment.

Be serious. Women, when communicating with men on a subconscious level, use a smile to achieve sympathy. In business relationships, this technique may not work.

By smiling awkwardly, you show softness and provoke an attack, especially from a sadist, dictator and actor. An emotionless facial expression cools the boss's ardor.

• Follow your gaze. Look your boss in the eye. If you find it difficult to maintain eye contact, keep your gaze at nose level. When you lower your eyes, you recognize the strength of the other person. On a subconscious level, he feels that you have given up and goes on an active offensive.

• Control your gestures. Lowering your head, constantly nodding, nervous gestures, defensive postures and movements show your uncertainty and weakness. Watch your behavior:

• Don't backtrack when communicating with your boss;
• Do not look for additional support in the form of a table or chair when standing in front of your boss;
• Do not fence yourself off from him with crossed arms and legs;
• Stop blowing away non-existent specks of dust and removing imaginary specks from your clothes;
• Remove your hands from your face and raise your eyes;
• Express agreement with a discreet single nod;
• Formulate phrases accurately and answer questions.

• Don't hesitate trying to avoid answering . By hiding behind vague phrases, you are admitting insecurity and weakness.
• Work on your clothes. Business style in clothing is a symbol of distance. A formal dress code sets subconscious boundaries of communication in the boss’s head. It is not for nothing that in large companies employees are required to comply with mandatory appearance requirements, the main one of which is business attire.
• Don't pay attention to jokes and provocations. Failure to respond as expected will disrupt your boss’s plans. Move on to discuss work issues without noticing sarcasm and inappropriate jokes. This technique does not work with tyrant leaders. Silence for them is a sign of weakness and fear, which affects sadists like a red rag on a bull.

Coping with habitual nonverbal reactions is difficult, but necessary if you want to show your boss his place.

When choosing a method of response, be guided by your own strengths and the character of your boss. The more individual factors you take into account, the more effective your behavior will be.

How to prevent conflict

It should be remembered that all conflicts with your boss are much easier to prevent than to deal with their consequences later.

Often conflicts arise due to misunderstandings. The manager does not explain his position to his subordinates, and the employees silently tolerate his character and vague assignments.

We need to establish a dialogue. Through it you can convey verbal information and your inner state.

You need to show self-confidence from the first days of work. Actors and sadists avoid confrontations with such people. Of course, excessive self-confidence can irritate and irritate a dictator and a cowardly boss, but these are special cases. In addition, they will not enter into an obvious conflict with such a person. You can find a balance in communication with any leader, the main thing is to be attentive and not be afraid of your superiors.

Get team support

The last advice will be so everyday, but we cannot do without it. It consists of the following: remember that no one likes brawlers. That is, there is no need to show off your knowledge of the law and talk to your boss in such a way, they say, “if you try to fire me under the article, I will cause such problems for you!”

Remain calm and whenever they want to punish you for something, simply politely and correctly ask management to explain the meaning of their actions, the basis on which you are being held accountable.

Don’t turn the team against yourself, this is completely unprofitable for you, let everyone see that you are a normal, adequate person, and only the boss is wrong here.

Even if, for obvious reasons, none of your colleagues dare to openly stand up for you, at least your colleagues will be on your side. This is important because, in the end, if you lose this fight and leave this place of work, already looking at your empty place, your colleagues will remember you with a kind word among themselves, and your reputation will follow you to a new place of work.

During this cold war with your superiors, at the same time, continue to conscientiously and regularly perform your job duties, work, be a punctual worker, and be less distracted by extraneous matters and conversations during working hours. This will make it clear to both the team and management that essentially there can be no complaints against you.

Patience

All difficult situations in relationships darken your mood and work process; you need to learn how to overcome them correctly. At first, you need to observe the tyrant boss: his behavior is temporary or permanent, it is connected with troubles at work or with personal problems. If a person humiliates and insults his subordinates for the sake of pleasure, he is not worthy of respect and the position he holds.

Observation will help develop an action plan: find the leader’s weaknesses, collect evidence of his illegal actions. You should be very careful with despots; they always have escape routes. You should be patient; it will help you act rationally and not emotionally.

Don't write excuses

Based on practice, we can say that in order to get rid of an employee, any violation of labor discipline will be “pulled by the ears” (being two minutes late, smoking breaks, coffee breaks, personal conversations on the phone, etc.).

No matter how much we would like it, everything that does not relate to the performance of your direct functional duties is a violation of labor discipline, and therefore formally you can be subject to disciplinary liability for this.

Therefore, you should remember: never write explanatory notes at the first request of management. If you write an explanatory note, you thereby admit that you have committed a disciplinary offense.

Typical explanatory:

“On such and such a date, I went for 15 minutes to the next office to drink tea with my colleagues, this did not affect the work process, I undertake not to do this again.”

Or:

“I was 10 minutes late for work on January 28, 2021, because I was taking my child to kindergarten, and the teacher detained me to discuss such and such issues. I pledge to not allow this to happen again.”

Agree, it looks like a humiliating excuse.

Don’t write anything, let the personnel officer draw up an act of refusal to give an explanation; you don’t need to sign it either.

If you subsequently file a complaint with the labor inspectorate, and when it arrives with an inspection, looks at the materials and sees your explanatory note, it will become clear that you actually committed a disciplinary offense, made excuses for something, and then also complained.

A way to deal with management negativity

If the boss’s behavior, despite everything, does not change, you should weigh all the pros and cons. Decide for yourself: resist tyranny or change jobs. If you decide to resist, then you should seriously prepare for this.

Here are some signs that you should start fighting with your boss:

• The boss does not listen to the advice and competent arguments of his employees.
• Gives unfair punishments.
• Belittles the merits of the subordinate, puts him in a negative light.

It is difficult and sometimes impossible to come to an agreement with such a boss. He is on his own mind and does not consider it necessary to listen or hear anyone. In case of a mistake, he will always find the culprit - the one he likes least.

The fight against tyranny can only be achieved through the joint efforts of the entire team. Real evidence is needed to fire or demote him. Before they gather, you should under no circumstances express your position to the tyrant.

How to behave with a tyrant woman boss

In many ways, the tyranny of female bosses is due to psychological characteristics and a different leadership style, by understanding which you can easily get along and even win yourself a bunch of bonuses. It is important to remember that when evaluating any act of a woman, more attention is paid to the motives for its commission and personal sympathy for the person. Thus, reports of the same quality from a pleasant employee and from one who is annoying will be evaluated differently. The same applies to personal situations, for example, the understanding that an employee lives alone in a foreign city and is leading an important project can lead to concessions, but a girl with a very wealthy husband will not receive an extra hour of rest. If you initially earn a high level of trust or make friends with your boss, then you will not run into tyranny, but on the contrary, you will be rewarded and forgiven for mistakes.

There is no point in entering into a reciprocal conflict; it is optimal not to notice her inadequate criticism or excessive hysteria at all. If the emotional message does not meet with a response and remains unnoticed, then neutrality leads to female reassurance. They may start making friends with you and sweetly ask you to work on weekends, pressure you for pity and threaten you with social measures. All these are exclusively feminine manifestations that have nothing to do with the professional sphere, a way to test your boundaries - you need to clearly define the circle of your responsibility and not get involved in any additional interactions. The idea of ​​making friends with your boss is fraught with the fact that any disagreement, even over ordering pizza in a cafe, will affect your career.

Choose tactics of constructive cooperation, where each of you takes care of your responsibilities. Adaptation, constant fulfillment of the boss’s requests leads to the disappearance of personal time and the complete destruction of all projects. Look for a compromise where you can realize your potential as a professional.

Confrontation

Open confrontation alone is a very difficult way to combat tyranny. It is best to start with an objection that should be devoid of aggression or emotion. You need to ask him to explain his decision, and it is better to conduct a dialogue in front of witnesses. If your boss responds with aggression or disrespect, you should politely ask him to follow the rules of business communication and etiquette.

You should not enter into an unequal dispute; in such conflict situations, the leader always wins.

What to do if your manager is toxic

On a global scale, you have only two options: leave or endure.

Obviously, evacuation is the best option when it comes to something toxic. If we were talking about real poison, the solution would be a little simpler. The exclusion zone around Pripyat or the asbestos-covered ghost town of Wittenoom in Australia are rather attractions for tourists who like to tickle their nerves. And frankly speaking, there are not many people who want to stay there permanently.

Sometimes, of course, there is a temptation to fight with a toxic leader. Like, running away means losing, so you have to stay until the last. Occasionally this even succeeds. But is it worth it? In most cases, you run the risk of wasting a lot of effort but not changing anything. But in the heat of battle you yourself will receive new wounds, from which it will be even more difficult to recover.

You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Moving away from the source of the poison is smart.

Another thing is that quitting is not always easy. Maybe you love your place of work so much that you are willing to put up with difficulties. Or you don't have a cushion, so regular income is vital. Or you have a rare specialty, so it will be difficult to find a job. In this case, your task is to stock up on protection from “toxic fumes” for the time being until you can quit or the situation corrects itself.

Subordination

The most unsuccessful way to deal with a tyrant is through senior management. Modern companies don’t really like sneaking around, so you can resort to this method of influencing a destructive boss only if you have nothing to lose and it’s simply impossible to continue working like this. At the same time, the rules of subordination should be observed: disrespect for the boss does not give reason to insult him.

In case of indecent behavior or sexual harassment, you must contact the company management and set out in writing all the details of the incident. Humiliation of an employee's dignity based on gender or race is a serious violation of the country's legislation, which is fraught with a fine and dismissal.

Summary

If you don’t want to end up with a tyrant boss, waste your nerves and health on work, and then get fired, then here are 3 triggers that are worth paying attention to.

1. I am imposing values ​​on you and demanding that you abide by them.
2. Everyone is silent. About the boss, about the company. They shy away from conversations and feel afraid.
3. They give you the “correct opinion” even in the field in which you are an expert.

Even the presence of one of them is a serious reason to be wary.
However, it's up to you to decide. There are many videos on YouTube on this topic. Here's one of them.

A much more interesting situation arises when you yourself are an asshole. However, there is hope that by realizing oneself as an asshole, realizing all the inferiority and destructiveness of one’s behavior, a person. ceases to be one. Who knows? I really hope for it.

Source

Block 5. The boss is yelling! How to answer correctly?

The main task is to SELECT THE CORRECT PHRASES that will neutralize the boss’s scream. What words might be more appropriate for "ROAR"?

“Olga Pavlovna, I will be able to hear your words if we manage to speak calmly.”

“Sergey Vladimirovich, you are unhappy with me and in order to understand the extent of my guilt, it would be fair to listen to you in a calm atmosphere, for example, at the end of the working day.”

“Alexey Petrovich, when can we talk about this in a calm atmosphere? Maybe in an hour? There will be a break in work..."

“Vladimir Viktorovich, when you talk so loudly, I start to get nervous, but I restrain my emotions, and I know that you also know how to restrain yourself.”

“Natalya Sergeevna, we are employees of a company that has professional standards for conducting dialogue in a calm, constructive manner, let’s follow them.”

“Veronica, I understand that something important happened, but I can’t understand what exactly, because you speak very loudly, I’ll allow you only to clarify the essence of what is happening.”

“Valery Stanislavovich, forgive me, the loudness of your presentation makes me urgently understand what terrible things happened, and it’s difficult to deal with it because it’s too loud, it would be nice if once again we could talk through everything first in a discreet way.”

“Svetlana Fedorovna, you and I together right now are able to conduct a dialogue in a constructive manner and in a calm voice, and there are no reasons not to do this.”

“Vadim, when you say this, you are interested in being heard, but it is impossible to get this when you shout and we have a choice to get what you want.”

“Konstantin Andreevich, you have already wasted your time, and if you ask me what happened, I will not find an answer, because it is difficult to understand what the reason is when a calm, constructive discussion of what happened is not available.”

It is difficult to say such phrases impromptu, so it is better to learn them by heart.

It is also necessary to say each individual phrase out loud at least 10 times so that it is “absorbed” into you.

For many, such language structures look cumbersome and complex. You may feel uncomfortable when you start saying the phrases. This is fine! Try to control your urge to put off your workout and learn the phrases so that they sound natural. These language constructs are arranged in a special way and are very effective.

If after your answer the boss continues to shout, move on to the second phrase, then to the third (consider the context and choose language structures that are appropriate to the situation). Most bosses will get tired of it quickly and stop yelling at you.

Some phrases instantly induce a slight trance on the boss. Some of the structures make the screamer stop, because he simply has to think about what you just said. When the screamer stops to think, the likelihood of resuming the scream tends to decrease.

Of course, there are difficult cases when phrases do not work, because it is already a CLINIC and the boss urgently needs an injection with sleeping pills or hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. In such cases, RUN! Under any pretext or even without pretext, just leave. But such situations, fortunately, are extremely rare.

Not every option I suggest will work with a specific boss!

Block 1. The boss is yelling! Have you encountered this?

Do you have bosses? No? How lucky you are! But aren’t there people around you who periodically begin to behave towards you like bosses? For example, your wife or your husband, friend, girlfriend, son, daughter, stranger, official, boor on the road?

Let me make an assumption that most of us have direct bosses at work and there are indirect bosses who have assumed a temporary social role.
At the same time, some bosses allow themselves to raise their voices at you. When this happens, we often make behavioral mistakes. Instead of transforming a yelling boss into a non-yelling state, we ourselves become loudmouths or shed tears from our powerlessness to respond to the boor.

Block 2. The boss is yelling! Why is he yelling at you?

1. He is angry.

2. He is afraid.

3. He acts stereotypically, “as always”; there is such a special type of boss - “Howler”. Some talk on the mat, and some talk by shouting.

4. He plays a role. Deliberately staging your dissatisfaction.

A boss shouting at you is direct aggression, severe provocation, and therefore you immediately begin to experience stress (perhaps not if you are under the influence of tranquilizers).

This can be compared to a sudden fall into an ice hole. You have just stood and admired the landscape, when suddenly you find yourself in icy water and cannot feel the bottom with your feet.

VIDEO “How to overcome harsh provocations from your boss?!”

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