How to become an insensitive person. How to become thick-skinned? Getting rid of vulnerability and self-doubt

More and more people, especially teenagers, are interested in how to become insensitive. Emotions are good. But not always. Life is unpredictable, there are ups and downs. And it is precisely the latter that can seriously injure some particularly emotional, kind, sympathetic and vulnerable people. If this happens regularly, you have to somehow abstract yourself from the situation. And the question that comes to many people’s minds is how to become cold and insensitive. Just to no longer feel pain, not to feel the sorrow of failure. This is not the best solution, but in some situations it is the only way to escape. There are several tips that will definitely help you bring this idea to life.

Learn to say "NO"

How often do people ask you for help?
How often do you answer “No”? Perhaps you are one of those people who, at the first request, will drop everything they are doing and will solve the problems of colleagues, acquaintances, and friends? Then everything is bad. You urgently need to change your life! Learn to say “No” if it is not beneficial for you. Learn to refuse, even if the person really needs help. After all, it's not your problem, right?

But there is one more point to consider. Suppose you did help the person, what next? Perhaps you will experience strong positive emotions from the fact that you did a good deed and helped a person. But do you need it? After all, it is possible that feelings will cause attachment to a person, or the person will be very attached to you. Such “joy” is of no use to a cold-blooded person. Mind your own business, and if it is not beneficial to you personally, always refuse help.

Cultivate selfishness

An insensitive person should not care about anything. Stop paying attention to the events that happen in the lives of friends and loved ones, stop taking part in improving their personal lives, and so on. Again, this is none of your business. In the end, you will be indifferent to everything, you will develop an egoist in yourself, the world will revolve only around you.

It will be difficult at first, but conscience and shame will quickly leave you. Do only what benefits you, make contacts only if you need them, look down on people and go over their heads. Nothing should stop you from achieving your goal. Especially if it’s someone else’s problem. This doesn't concern you.

Lack of attention

The second rule is not to pay attention to anything. Neither for people, nor for any events. Forget about holidays, about relatives, about friends. Sometimes it is enough to fail to congratulate someone on their birthday once for you to be considered cold-blooded.

Yes, it will be difficult at the very beginning. Especially when your favorite holiday comes or some bright, joyful, emotional event occurs. But you should not just ignore it, but meet it with complete indifference. Until you learn this, you will not become an insensitive person. After all, such people usually rarely show their emotions. Most often, their faces show complete indifference to everything.

Suffer again and again

It’s worth mentioning right away that this method works differently for different people, and can either make you insensitive and indifferent, or send you into a protracted binge.

It is not because of a good life that people are looking for opportunities to become cold and insensitive. Do you agree? After all, something or someone probably touched you to the core? Apathy towards the source of pain and suffering appears immediately. But this state should be prolonged as much as possible, returning to memories again and again, experiencing everything again from the very beginning. Don't try to forget everything, suffer. Over time, your sensitivity to the situation that hurt you so much will become less and less. And what was the cause of suffering a month or two ago will today make you feel completely indifferent. Over time, you will get used to this state, and it will become completely natural for you. And if history repeats itself in the future, it will no longer hurt you.

By the way, have you ever thought about the work of a doctor, or a morgue employee? What about the fate of the military? They face pain and suffering every day. They literally immerse themselves in them and quickly get used to them. Over time, many people get used to the pain and no longer notice the suffering of other people. With such work, you will definitely no longer be touched by tears, prayers, or the suffering of others. This is one of the most effective ways to become an insensitive person.

Motivation

For a good person to become evil, he needs compelling reasons. Of course, many people have sudden outbursts. So a person thinks: “That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t help anyone anymore and forgive nothing!” But then she somehow forgets about it and continues to be “Mother Teresa.”

Need motivation. How to become evil? Just remember the reasons that cause this “need”. You can even write them out: “Colleagues constantly leave all the “dirty” work to me. When they are having fun, I stay in the office late. I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t take care of my personal life. It's time to stop this. I still love myself." The principle is the same, even if it’s not about work. Here is an example regarding family: “I am 30 years old, but I still do what my mother wants. I can't resist her, she constantly tells me what I need to do. The situation needs to change - I don’t feel like a man and I can’t present myself as such in society.”

In general, in other words, a person must make a firm decision to change something. Plus, his confidence will be noticed by those around him who want to sit on his neck.

Not everything is given

Just take your time. First, think carefully about whether this is how you want to rid yourself of emotions. They are often more difficult to restore than to eliminate. By the way, not everyone is given the gift of being insensitive.

Remember: few people experience a true absence of emotions. Usually cruelty and composure are in a person’s blood. If there is a predisposition to these traits, then solving our today’s issue will be easy and simple. Otherwise, you will literally step on your own throat and your internal structure.

Often sympathetic, kind people think about how to become an insensitive person. And not vindictive. They will have to work very seriously on themselves. As practice shows, such people are not able to really bring the idea to life. Only for a while. And then there will be a feeling of guilt inside. But true composure does not allow this.

Who needs it?

The question of how to become evil is usually preoccupied by very pleasant and tactful people, whose kindness is blatantly taken advantage of by others. At one point, their tolerance ends and they long to change the situation.

A person sets himself a very difficult task - to become the opposite of himself. Naturally, this cannot be done without difficulties. You won't be able to become very angry right away. It is as difficult as it is for an aggressive, irritable person to turn into a kind person.

By the way, you don’t have to become exactly evil. Many people confuse the concepts. It's better to just get tougher. And in this matter, the most important thing is to start saying “no”. It is difficult to refuse, especially when a person always said “yes”, agreeing to help, help out, save a comrade.

When a colleague once again comes up with a request that sounds like this: “Replace me tomorrow, my child has a matinee,” you just need to refuse. And to the surprise: “But you always agree?” - answer without smiling: “Actually, I have a day off, which I have already planned.” This will cause confusion for the person asking. Perhaps he will even whisper in someone’s ear: “He’s somehow angry today,” but he’s unlikely to come up with such a request again.

Let's say no to help

A very interesting fact - refusing to help someone instantly makes you a cruel, bad person. Even if you really are simply unable to help or refuse for some specific, justified reasons. This means that in order to figure out how to become an insensitive creature, you just need to not help people. That is, in general. Absolutely. Even in small things. Remember: helping is very unprofitable. Especially close people. They often demand things from you that will cause you harm. In addition, practical help awakens positive emotions. And this is of no use to you. After all, the main task facing you is to completely get rid of emotions.

Please note that you must always refuse. And even if help is vital. Initially this will not be easy. But over time you will get used to it. By the way, very often such a step makes life much easier. You will not do anything to the detriment of yourself.

Return to suffering

The first rule that can help is to return to your suffering. Every person has some memories that bring pain or great resentment. These are the ones you will have to turn to in your subconscious every time you are overcome with positive emotions.

It usually becomes very painful to experience negative moments at first. But at one point this feeling disappears. And you stop caring. Once you achieve this, it will be easier to solve the problem.

Try to remember all the negative events at once, en masse. Only then can you fully answer how to become insensitive. Yes, it may seem impossible, but with continued practice, you will notice clear changes in your behavior.

Mirroring

Are you often bullied? Or maybe you are simply succumbing to eternal emotional tyranny? Gain strength and courage...and mirror your behavior. Don't be afraid to touch the nerves of your offenders. However, like all other people.

What does it mean? Treat your offenders the same way they treat you. It doesn’t matter who it is – a relative or just a friend/acquaintance. Take people who hurt you as an example. They are usually just perfect role models. After all, the ability to touch a nerve is a good skill for a cruel person.

What to do with those who communicate with you with kindness and friendliness? Mirroring will not help here - it is a charge of unnecessary positive emotions. Therefore, just follow the example of your offenders: try to distance yourself from such individuals, constantly tell them something offensive and unpleasant. Over time, this will become a habit for you.

Cultivating selfishness

From childhood we were taught that selfishness is a very bad quality. Children are taught to share their toys or even give them to semi-familiar playmates in the sandbox, because “you need to share” and “are you greedy?”

The same goes for delicious food that I wanted to eat myself, and not give more than half to my parents or brothers/sisters. This is how individuals grow up who are always ready to sacrifice their interests in order for society to consider them good.

Unfortunately, this approach does not allow you to fully enjoy life, because playing in public takes a lot of energy.

Reference! Many begin to feel ashamed of their reluctance to help relatives and mentally torture themselves. If you recognize yourself in these lines, stop this violence right now!

Selfishness is a completely healthy concern for oneself and one’s interests, which should be accepted as an axiom. From now on, answer a firm “No” to any request for help that you don’t want to satisfy!

If the person asking is not part of your family, don’t even explain the reason for the refusal. It will be difficult at first and you will feel anxious about what people think about you. But over time, only the feeling of freedom and happiness will come from the fact that now every minute of life belongs to you personally!

Spend the time that will be freed up only on yourself:

engage in self-development,
take yourself to new cafes and feed yourself delicious food,
buy quality care products,
Don’t skimp on self-education.

After some time, you will understand that by helping everyone around you, you were trying to earn the approval that you can give to yourself.

Full control

Here is the golden rule that you should always remember. If you want to understand how to become emotionless, you need to take control of all your emotions. How exactly to do this? There is no exact algorithm here. Just a few tips.

First, choose a profession that forces you to suppress your emotions. For example, a doctor. There they will be able to teach you some things that will help bring our today's idea to life.

Various psychological courses and trainings are also a good way to control emotions. They are called “Emotions under control.” True, they teach more to restrain negativity. But similar principles can be interpreted for positive feelings.

In the end, try to keep everything good inside yourself and suppress it. Think: “Everything is bad.” And repeat this to yourself constantly. Even if everything is just great. Sooner or later you will notice how you have learned to control your emotions. In this case, all that remains is to always maintain a stony, emotionless face when communicating.

This is all. Just before you become cruel and insensitive, think carefully about whether you really need it. It will be more difficult to regain your emotions. Pain is always easier to endure than to drown out.

Source: fb.ru

Return to suffering The first rule that can help is to return to your suffering. Every person has some memories that bring pain or great resentment. These are the ones you will have to turn to in your subconscious every time you are overcome with positive emotions. It usually becomes very painful to experience negative moments at first. But at one point this feeling disappears. And you stop caring. Once you achieve this, it will be easier to solve the problem. Try to remember all the negative events at once, en masse.

Only then can you fully answer how to become insensitive. Yes, it may seem impossible, but with continued practice, you will notice clear changes in your behavior. Lack of attention The second rule is not to pay attention to anything. Neither for people, nor for any events. Forget about holidays, about relatives, about friends. Sometimes it is enough to fail to congratulate someone on their birthday once for you to be considered cold-blooded. Yes, it will be difficult at the very beginning. Especially when your favorite holiday comes or some bright, joyful, emotional event occurs. But you should not just ignore it, but meet it with complete indifference. Until you learn this, you will not become an insensitive person. After all, such people usually rarely show their emotions. Most often, their faces show complete indifference to everything. Let's say “no” to help. A very interesting fact - refusing to help someone instantly makes you a cruel, bad person. Even if you really are simply unable to help or refuse for some specific, justified reasons. This means that in order to figure out how to become an insensitive creature, you just need to not help people. That is, in general. Absolutely. Even in small things. Remember: helping is very unprofitable. Especially close people. They often demand things from you that will cause you harm. In addition, practical help awakens positive emotions. this is of no use to you. After all, the main task facing you is to completely get rid of emotions. Please note that you must always refuse. And even if help is vital. Initially this will not be easy. But over time you will get used to it. By the way, very often such a step makes life much easier. You will not do anything to the detriment of yourself. Mirroring Are you often offended? Or maybe you are simply succumbing to eternal emotional tyranny? Gain strength and courage...and mirror your behavior. Don't be afraid to touch the nerves of your offenders. However, like all other people. What does it mean? Treat your offenders the same way they treat you. It doesn’t matter who it is - a relative or just a friend/acquaintance. Take people who hurt you as an example. They are usually just perfect role models. After all, the ability to touch a nerve is a good skill for a cruel person. What to do with those who communicate with you with kindness and friendliness? Mirroring will not help here - it is a charge of unnecessary positive emotions. Therefore, just follow the example of your offenders: try to distance yourself from such individuals, constantly tell them something offensive and unpleasant. Over time, this will become a habit for you. Full control Here is the golden rule that you should always remember. If you want to understand how to become emotionless, you need to take control of all your emotions. How exactly to do this? There is no exact algorithm here. Just a few tips.

Source: touch.otvet.mail.ru

Does a person need to be cruel? Everyone has their own opinion on this matter. It is clear that none of us wants to see cruel people around us, whom we are rightfully afraid of, or at least afraid of. We are much more comfortable being around harmless, compliant, kind and sympathetic people who would not cause you any fear. This desire is understandable, it meets our needs for security. But let's think about it - how safe is it to be an overly kind, sympathetic, soft, compliant and absolutely harmless person in this world? Or at least seem like it? Perhaps not the best option for us. At least we don't always have to be like that. Because such a person will be offended by many, used and self-affirmed at his expense. But tough and, even more so, cruel people, as a rule, are feared, and therefore respected, and therefore taken into account. The world is often cruel and merciless to those who do not understand its laws. And in order not to become its victim, you also need to be able to be cruel. Therefore, in this article we will talk to you about how to develop toughness in yourself, exactly as much as is necessary in order to stand up for yourself and defend your interests in this life.

At one time I worked as a criminal psychologist and dealt with very cruel people, or rather, with the actions that they committed. o allowed me to look at the world from the dark side, so to speak. And I realized that the world can be very cruel, especially to weak people. And since the world can be cruel, then the person in it should also be cruel - when necessary. Cruelty is considered a sign of weakness and cowardice, but let's think harder - is this really so? Does a cruel person who knows how to subjugate the will of other people seem weak? Is he like that? As a rule, no. Although, due to weakness and fear, a person can indeed commit cruel acts to intimidate other people, thus suppressing his fear at the expense of their fear, but even in this case, thanks to his aggressive actions, a person achieves results, and does not remain inactive and does not run away from danger. Therefore, a person needs cruelty, especially in situations where a person’s life depends on its presence or absence. He needs to be cruel in order to resist cruelty, for I have never seen a case in my life when cruelty and violence were successfully opposed by kindness. I do not take the story of Mahatma Gandhi as an example, because I do not consider his philosophy of nonviolence to be nonviolent. But that’s not what we’re talking about now. If you found this article, it means that you have already become acquainted with life - with that side of it that does not pat you on the head, but stings very strongly and painfully. Therefore, why should you become cruel, you yourself know very well. I just want to say that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to use it to commit violence against other people, but in order to protect ourselves from this violence.

So, in order to become a cruel person, dear friends, you first need to reconsider your entire worldview. Kindness and cruelty are two sides of the same coin. You must understand and accept this, and stop considering cruelty as something that should not exist in our lives. Therefore, to be cruel, you need to become practical. What does it mean? This means that moral standards should be perceived by you only from the point of view of your interests. Simply put, you need to be kind when it benefits you. And when it is not beneficial for you, forget about kindness, decency, honor, honesty, and so on. Cruelty, as I became convinced by studying its origins, is, first of all, cold-blooded practicality, in which a person can step over anyone, for the sake of himself and his interests. Therefore, the development of cruelty requires a person to develop composure and indifference to other people, in which a person is able to control his emotions. There is no need to be a rabid sadist, a wild psychopath who terrifies people. Although this is also a manifestation of cruelty. But with an animal character you will not get far, you will either be put in a cage, more balanced, but no less strong people, or other wild psychopaths will kill you. It is better to be a cold-blooded and calculating cynic, quietly and effectively removing everyone who blocks it from his path. Such a person is cruel mainly due to his prudence and the absence of any moral brakes. neither bad nor good, he lives the way it suits him to live. To become such a person, it is necessary, as I already said, to completely reconsider your worldview, and make for yourself the norm of what you now regard with fear and hatred. We must accept cruel and immoral actions into our inner world, understanding their meaning. You should never judge other people and their actions for anything - you should just try to understand what you are afraid of and what you hate. Forget that there is anything good or bad in this world - try to see the meaning in everything, even in the most wild and immoral actions of people. And of course, look for your own benefit in everything. The one who invented this world and you and me knew what he was doing. He created us as we should be, at least in this world.

Whether we like it or not, cruelty and violence have been, are and will be a part of our lives. Now I will not tell you about the reasons for cruelty, because this is not what interests us now, but rather let you understand what thoughts flow through the head of a cruel person who controls his thoughts and actions. Having passed these thoughts through your head and developed them, you will feel how you become cruel, but at the same time, quite a social person. The logic here is very simple - a person is a predator who sees, or at least should see, prey in all living things on this planet, including other people. I don’t know if you have noticed how many people, depending on their capabilities, can harm each other, hurt each other, try to humiliate, insult, suppress each other, and so on. So, the question arises, where does all this come from in a person? Why can we be so bad and dangerous to each other? The answer is simple - we are predators. We've been hunting each other our entire history. Look how many wars there have been in the history of mankind, look at how many and how cruelly people can destroy each other. People cannot live without violence, although they try. Therefore, we need laws, and severe punishment for breaking them, and similar things. Many people cannot be human without a stick, they cannot. From this it follows that in order to become a cruel person, you need to become a hunter, a predator. One must be able to use violence against others when required. You need to look for a victim and come up with ways to catch and defeat him. It’s written in your blood—these thoughts wander through your head, but you don’t hear them. But a cruel person hears these thoughts and uses them in his life. If you live by the principle - I don’t touch anyone and don’t let anyone touch me, then this means that you are a victim, not a predator. Sooner or later you will be eaten if you do not change your attitude towards life. You need to start living in a new way - you need to start looking for those who can be touched and touching them. That is, you need to start learning to hunt those whose interests run counter to your interests, and those at the expense of whom you can achieve some success in life. Do you understand me? Unfortunately, I cannot tell you in this article about all those methods of cultivating a hunter, a predator, that I know and that some members of our society use to achieve their goals. Well, this information is not for the general reader, sorry. In a personal consultation, I can share with you more subtle methods of working on yourself in this direction, but here not everyone will understand me. Not all people know life from all its sides, so they can be traumatized by talking about things for which they are not ready. So it is better to talk about some things only with those who can understand them.

But you and I still must take into account the fact that people’s cruelty is an integral part of their lives, so we need not to fence ourselves off from it, but learn to live with it and show it as necessary. And therefore, the last way to become cruel, which I want to tell you about in this article, dear friends, is very simple - take the example of those who act cruelly, but not wildly, but rather cynically and effectively, achieving their goals with the help of cruelty. Study the behavior of these people, try to understand its origins, its meaning, characteristics, goals. And then, think about what actions you can use to adopt this behavior and reproduce it in situations where you need it. You can, say, not help people when you don’t need it, it’s not profitable and it’s disgusting, right? You can also learn to mercilessly destroy your enemies in a variety of ways, using all the means available to you. You just need to abandon the patterned behavior that you are now unconsciously adhering to, and begin to form a new, more correct pattern, by imitating those who behave more practically.

Cruelty requires from a person not only a certain understanding of life, but also determination. You need to start choosing the behavior model you need. Once upon a time you learned from someone to be a non-cruel person, right? Someone, by example, showed you how to and how not to act in this life, someone made you the way you are now, instilling in you certain attitudes? Well, now learn from other people how to be cruel - take an example from those who, you think, understand life better than you. Study the behavior and thinking of these people - learn to look at the world through their eyes. And then you too will become a cruel person - justifiably cruel.

Also keep in mind that an abusive person can beat other people in a variety of ways. For him, the end always justifies any means. Among the various ways to achieve goals, a special place is occupied by the ability to manipulate people, thanks to which many insidious rulers came to power and established their own strict and even cruel laws and rules for everyone. Manipulation is the most powerful weapon in the hands of any person. This is a weapon of both local and mass destruction. If you are a physically and mentally weak person, if you need a strong weapon to protect yourself and defend your interests, then you need to learn how to manipulate people - this skill will give you great power. Good manipulators are able to outplay, outwit, and ultimately defeat anyone. Master the skills of manipulating people and they will help you cope with any enemies, rivals, competitors.

Friends, do not forget that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to purposefully harm other people, but in order to prevent them from harming us. And also so that they do not interfere with us achieving our goals and do not get in our way. When nothing else helps in such cases, you can resort to competent cruelty.

Source: psychel.ru

Example in life

An insensitive individual can live in abundance without noticing disadvantaged people. He will easily ignore someone else’s misfortune and will have no problem finding an excuse for himself, considering it none of his business.

Outwardly, a person endowed with insensitivity gives the impression of a balanced person. This allows him to easily endear himself to others and produce a person with peace in his soul. However, an insensitive person will immediately reveal himself when sympathy, lively participation, and compassion are needed, but this person will not show this in a critical situation. For this reason, a person’s insensitivity will cause rejection, misunderstanding, and irritation among others, since society values sympathetic and attentive people. Therefore, loneliness is often the companion of an insensitive person. Insensitivity is dangerous because it leads to isolation, heart fossilization, and isolation.

An insensitive person is not interested in what is happening around him or his attitude towards him as something boring, ordinary, gray. He is not familiar with the feeling of compassion, participation, pity. There are no compromises in his life. Such a person has a tough character. At one time, he realized that life is much easier for indifferent people. Such individuals are not bothered by situations that cause ordinary people to suffer and worry. Other people's troubles do not bother them because they have a low sensory threshold. Pursuing only their goals, they move through life literally “over their heads.” Indifference and selfishness protects them from stressful moments and worries.

Steps

Signal your coldness

Make a decision and stick to it.
Once you decide to become heartless towards someone, you must remain steadfast in your intention. Keep reminding yourself why it is important for your well-being and happiness to end the relationship and end your attraction to this person.
- When breaking up, be very clear: “I realized that this relationship was harmful to me, and I decided that we could no longer be together. And it is not discussed".
Cut off contacts as much as possible.
If possible, do not answer phone calls, emails, VK messages, etc. Every time you give the person a chance to explain themselves or ask for forgiveness, your resolve will weaken.
- Explain the change just once: “I don’t want us to communicate unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
When communicating, try to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
If you are forced to communicate with this person, use “no” as a complete sentence when he asks if he can call you, explain something, etc. Otherwise, answer directly and briefly, for example: “I can’t,” “It’s impossible,” or “I don’t have time for this.” And then go away, hang up, etc.
- Or pretend that you didn’t notice or hear the person at all.
Don't show your thoughts or feelings.
Do not express anything that could be construed as doubt or remorse, such as saying the word “sorry,” regardless of whether you are actually asking for forgiveness or not. Don't show any signs of affection. Don't even look in this person's direction. Close yourself completely.
- Don't get into discussions about how you are going to move forward, what your next step is, and so on. Become a complete mystery to the person.
Refuse to reminisce or get bogged down in sentimentality.
Don't think about the "good times" you two had. You cannot be heartless while having pleasant memories. Delete all messages, emails, etc. Get rid of photos, gifts and anything else that reminds you of this person.
- Even if you had good times, sacrifice the memories of them to completely sever ties with this person.

Stand firm on your heartlessness

Remind yourself that you are strong and in control.
Thanks to brain chemistry and social reinforcement, people with power and control are less able to empathize with others. And it turns out that even a temporary “intoxication of power” reduces the ability to “feel the pain” of others. To tap into this element of human nature, continually visualize moments in your life when you felt most powerful and in control.
- For example, before any potential meeting with this person, remind yourself that you have built a successful business from the ground up, secured your financial future, or earned the respect of others.
Remember why the relationship had to end.
In moments of weakness, anger can be a good source of motivation. When times get tough and you feel tempted to give up, get angry. Remind yourself of all the times you were treated poorly, lied to, or left without the support you needed.
- Make a detailed list of all the times a person has hurt you or let you down, and review it whenever necessary. Or, if it helps, stick a picture of a person on a dartboard or punching bag and blow off some steam.
Do other things.
During this period of transition, it is important to keep your mind and yourself occupied. Take up a new hobby you've always wanted to try, or return to something you previously loved.
- If certain activities or hobbies bring up strong memories of the person you're trying to be cool with, stop doing them, at least temporarily. Or change the conditions, for example, sign up for a new gym or drawing classes instead of cooking, etc.
Reconnect with loved ones who support you.
If the problems of a negative relationship you've been in have damaged your connections with other people, work on being a good friend, sister, mom, etc. Show those loved ones who have been by your side all this time that you appreciate their support.
- Don't spread your callousness to them. Show them the love and warmth they deserve!
Start actively taking care of yourself on a regular basis.
Use all the time, attention and affection that you have taken away from this person and focus it back on yourself. Putting your own needs first can help you gain the emotional and physical strength to move on from a toxic relationship completely. Focus on:
- physical health (exercise regularly, get enough sleep, eat right);
spending time with friends and family who support you;
activities that bring you pleasure (go to the cinema, go outside, travel, etc.).

I was surprised to discover that the query “How to become insensitive?” is quite popular. In general, it’s quite strange when a person wants to get rid of all feelings. But after a few moments I realized what motivates such desires. But first things first.

How does a person become insensitive?

When does frankness turn into rudeness? Do people have the right to make unpleasant remarks about the personality of the interlocutor? Why do some people feel they have to speak their mind? Why do they criticize and give unwanted advice?

According to published psychological research, such explicit comments can be attributed to aspects of people's personalities that fall into the established five-factor model.

The model assumes that an individual's personality includes the following five independent traits: extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism, conscientiousness, and openness to experience (intelligence).

Psychologists believe that the area of extraversion is most relevant to understanding what causes people to become overly committed to their beliefs. Aspects in this area include self-confidence (dominating and being the center of attention), sociability (enjoying the company of others), positive affectivity (fun and enthusiasm), and experience seeking (enjoying intense sensations). This means that high extraversion in some aspects reflects the quality of excessive frankness.

You can combine enthusiasm and assertiveness into one group that creates this impatient person who makes potentially intrusive personal comments.

So, extraversion can lead people to develop frankness that turns into insensitivity. This happens because people with high levels of extraversion turn their outgoing nature into antagonism and a desire to overcome others. Other people are outraged by this.

Also, insensitive people may be more likely to seek excitement and may not be able to suppress expressions of emotion. Narcissism may be part of the psychopathology of people with high levels of extraversion, who feel entitled to express their opinions without tact.

Thus, returning to the basic question of why people are insensitive and who become annoyingly outspoken, researchers believe that it is people with high levels of communal extraversion who will push the boundaries of decency, perhaps out of the belief that their opinion is always correct, and therefore they should share it freely.

So, an insensitive person is not interested in the problems of others. He is so self-sufficient and self-confident that he is comfortable dealing only with his own problems. He has no need for other people and has no desire to understand the feelings of other people, to be imbued with their experiences. At the end of life's journey, it is possible that such individuals will awaken something human in their souls. Their personal arguments will no longer work and they realize that after living an isolated existence throughout their lives, they are left completely alone.

be the first to know about new publications!

Transfer to another

If circumstances are such that you have to constantly communicate with a rude and irritable boss, try to predict his reaction and avoid dangerous situations. If this does not work out, silently imagine that instead of you he is throwing thunder and lightning at someone else who is temporarily in your place: for example, at your nasty neighbor in the stairwell. When the anger subsides, the boss himself will be ashamed of his behavior and will be especially attentive to you. In addition, people who can be yelled at without consequences are usually highly valued in the team and any concessions are made to them - after all, they are so rare! Take comfort in this thought if you cannot change your boss.

An outlet for anger

Constantly “hiding” grievances within oneself can produce the most destructive effect on the body. Therefore, choose a different tactic - try to discharge yourself. Anything that helps relieve stress and relax is suitable for this: go to the gym, sauna, take a contrast shower. You can even break dishes or beat a pillow.

Expert opinion.

After analyzing Goleman's work, psychology experts determined that the effectiveness of management activities depends 85% on EQ and only 15% on IQ. By developing emotional competence, a leader can view his own emotionality and his subordinates as a resource that can be used to increase productivity.

It is necessary to understand that EQ is not literally related to the emotionality that everyone is accustomed to. When defining it, the phrase “emotional intelligence” is inseparable. For example, an overly temperamental person may have a low EQ, while calm and outwardly unemotional people tend to have a high EQ.

When assessing emotional intelligence, the following are taken into account:

the ability to immerse oneself in one’s own emotions, feel them, live them;
the ability to rationally analyze one’s feelings and make decisions based on logic.

A person with developed EQ is able to maintain a balance between feelings and logic. In a critical situation, they do not give in to anger, despair, despondency, irritability, but know how to pull themselves together and make a decision or produce a result.

According to Salovey and Mayer, intelligence and emotions cannot be opposed, as many are accustomed to doing, they are closely intertwined, and a person’s success not only in business, but also in the interpersonal sphere depends on their correct interaction.

What does emotional competence consist of?

EQ is built on four components:

Self-awareness . The main "ingredient". High self-awareness allows a person to recognize his strengths and weaknesses, weak and strong traits, his own needs, goals, and motives.
Self-control . It stems from self-awareness. A person who has studied himself learns to manage his emotions. Although they are initially driven by biological mechanisms, it is quite possible to learn to take control of them. The ability of self-regulation allows you to free yourself from the “fetters of feelings.” People capable of self-control can always pull themselves together and not succumb to despondency or excessive euphoria.
Empathy . This ability is already aimed at communication. It means the ability to understand the feelings of others, manage relationships, having knowledge of the emotions of another person.
Relationship skills . This can also be called communication skills. Some people confuse this trait with friendliness. In part, this is correct, but we are talking about friendliness, which pursues a specific goal. It is associated with establishing mutually beneficial relationships.