Treatment of social phobia: six ways to overcome social fear

Do you or someone you know studiously avoid contact with people? Do you find it difficult to meet people, make contacts, or simply ride on public transport and ask the driver to brake at the desired stop? Does this cause you to have problems in your personal and professional sphere, and your whole life is permeated with a feeling of anxiety and discomfort, a desire to “withdraw into yourself”? It is possible that the above phenomena are signs of social phobia.

To confirm or refute this statement, I recommend reading the information below. In addition to describing the essence of the phenomenon, from the article you will receive practical recommendations for overcoming fear, you will be able to better understand yourself and find the root causes of social phobia. But first things first.

The essence of social phobia

Recently, it has become popular to call oneself a social phobe (especially among young people), moreover, in the erroneous understanding of this word.

• Firstly, this is not hatred of people, as many people believe.
• Secondly, real social phobia is an extremely unpleasant condition that prevents a person from living.

So, social phobia, or social phobia, is fear of society, certain social situations or social contacts. The impossibility of building them is due to certain internal reasons (not always conscious), but not from reluctance. I suggest you immediately get acquainted with the supporting points of this question, which I will explain and comment on along the way or later.

1. Social phobia belongs to the group of anxiety-phobic disorders. In the international classification of diseases it is assigned code F1.
2. In total, about 8% of people experience social phobia. Women (9.5%) suffer from social anxiety more often than men (4.9%). This is due to the natural emotionality of the fair sex, the desire to always look perfect. Stereotypes and social pressure also play a significant role (for example, it is more difficult for women to advance in politics; they literally have no room for error).
3. An important difference between social phobia and other disorders is that a person realizes the groundlessness of his fears or, on the contrary, clearly sees the “roots” (previous experience).
4. Social phobia is a variant of the body’s psychological defense mechanism.
5. When faced with a difficult situation for a person, the body turns on defense mechanisms. They are not always recognized by the individual and often make the situation even worse. The most common psychological defense mechanisms for social phobia are regression (child’s behavior), substitution (slamming the door, “breaking down” on another person), projection (transferring responsibility for failure to circumstances or another person).
6. Psychological fear is always reflected by physical, in this case psychosomatic, disorders.
7. Fear destroys personality. There is nothing left in life except phobia. Life turns into existence. We need to fight this.

In professional psychological and psychotherapeutic literature, social phobia is often identified with shyness. In addition, anxiety (read how to get rid of it here), uncertainty, and low self-esteem are closely associated with social phobia. Thus, social phobia is not a fear of people or even a fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or appreciated by society, but a fear of certain situations and their consequences.

The main difference between fear and anxiety is that fear arises in response to a real threat, while anxiety arises in response to a potential one.

For example, hearing news about terrorist attacks, a person begins to fear that this will happen in his city and tries not to leave the house, avoid crowded places - this is anxiety. But if a person once personally encountered a terrorist attack, and later avoids crowded places for this reason, then we are talking about fear. In this case, with elements of post-traumatic syndrome, but this is a completely different topic. I will definitely tell you about post-traumatic syndrome in another article. For now, let's return to social phobia.

However, not all researchers agree that it is worth differentiating between fear and anxiety. According to the definitions of a number of researchers and the psychological dictionary, fear is an emotional state that reflects the body’s internal defensive reactions to real or potential danger. And then anxiety (fear) is a component of phobia. In my work, I am in solidarity with the authors and share this position.

• Phobia is an obsessive fear.
• In this case, anxiety is a person’s constant and main companion.

Comes from childhood

Parents of those children who blush when speaking at children's matinees and are embarrassed to read a poem to visiting guests or to Grandfather Frost, as a rule, should not worry. Such modesty in children will either pass over the years or develop into ordinary healthy shyness. After all, natural shyness does not provoke social phobia at all.

The risk of developing social phobia is increased by completely different things. First of all, these are conflicts in the family or experiences of sexual violence. And also a difficult childhood, in which the child had to become an object of ridicule from his peers. But these are still rare things. Other motives are much more common.

Social phobias are more often obtained from children who suffered in early childhood either due to the excessive coldness of the mother or due to parental overprotection. If children do not receive enough maternal love or if the mother (even with the best intentions) constantly compares them with smarter and more successful children, then, as adults, such people will fear judgment and criticism from society. Parental overprotection is no better. Caressed, over-praised children, growing up and entering society, subconsciously expect the same admiration and approval from others. But often they don’t get it because, as a rule, they are nothing special. It is not without reason that they say that social phobia is a neurosis that arises as a result of a collision of inflated ambitions and low self-esteem.

Article on the topic

There is nothing to be afraid of! What to do with fears and phobias

Signs

You can suspect a person with social phobia with the naked eye. It is especially difficult to miss the telltale signs if you are experiencing this problem yourself. A social phobia is characterized by:

• avoiding any contact;
• fear when communicating with strangers (sometimes even with acquaintances);
• panic and emotional stress in a situation where they are criticized and evaluated (appearance, talents, actions);
• an overly responsible attitude towards responsibilities, important events and meetings (excitement haunts you even a few months before the date);
• soul-searching (“and if I answer this way,” “I should have said it differently”);
• irritability;
• pessimistic negative attitude, expecting the worst;
• excessive focus on outside assessment and other people’s opinions (“what will people say and think if I wear this sweater/don’t come to this event?”);
• constant anxiety, even when performing everyday and usual tasks;
• absent-mindedness, fussiness;
• a feeling of repetition (a person has replayed many situations in his head, which is what causes déjà vu).

Finding yourself in a real situation of personal social fear (public speaking, traveling on public transport), a person experiences not only moral discomfort, but also physical:

• sweating;
• feeling of suffocation, lack of air;
• stuttering;
• pallor;
• increased heart rate and breathing;
• confusion of thoughts;
• sleep disturbances and nightmares;
• stool disorder;
• nausea;
• pain (in the head, stomach, muscles);
• other individual reactions.

The body naturally doesn’t like this, it wants to stop the “torture” and begins to send signals. This gives a person a clear need to leave, run away, or aggression appears (these are the most popular defense options in response to an unwanted situation that once caused discomfort). Thus, social phobia is not so much a fear of society, but of certain social situations, more often associated with success.

Of course, there are individual situations, for example, real mental disorders (obsessive idea that they want to kill a person, they are watching him). Such cases require more complex treatment, often including taking serious medications:

• blockers,
• inhibitors,
• tranquilizers.

It is worth mentioning that in this article I am talking about social phobia as a psychological state of a person, caused by external and internal factors and amenable to correction with the help of psychological therapy (trainings, exercises).

Drug treatment

For some people, self-treatment of phobic disorders is an overwhelming task. In this case, medical consultation and psychotherapeutic assistance are necessary. A specialist will help you choose the right methods for resolving internal conflicts and help destroy negative psychological attitudes. As part of complex treatment, tablets are used that reduce anxiety and prevent the occurrence of a panic attack. Most often used for therapeutic purposes:

• benzodiazipines;
• beta blockers;
• tranquilizers;
• antidepressants.

It is important to understand that the use of medications will not solve existing problems. Pharmacological drugs can reduce the manifestation of fear and other emotions. The main result is brought by psychotherapeutic methods of influence aimed at correcting behavioral patterns and psychological attitudes. In order to consolidate the result obtained, you should change your field of activity or go on a trip. Only in this way will the patient be able to understand that communicating with others can be a fun and interesting process.

It is very important to be able to decide to take the first step towards a new life. The process of changing one's own personality is quite long. It is almost impossible to cope with all the difficulties encountered along this path on your own. Therefore, you should not refuse the help of your close circle. During the first stages of treatment, ask someone close to you to take a walk with you in a crowded place. The support and attention of loved ones allows you to feel confident in your actions and create the right emotional mood.

Possible reasons and prerequisites

As I already mentioned, the development of social phobia is influenced by external and internal factors. Yes, even your own insecurity or anxiety is the result of outside influence (in childhood or adulthood). The following prerequisites for the emergence of social phobia can be identified.

1. Depression (70.9% of cases) or other disorders.
2. Drug addiction, alcoholism (76.7%). Public condemnation can be received more often than support and help, which forces the alcoholic to withdraw into himself, increasingly avoiding society.
3. Experienced situations of failure. Having once "shitted" in public, a person will probably avoid performing again.
4. Properties of the psyche. Accented individuals, that is, with a pronounced character trait, are more prone to phobias. For example, the schizoid and asthenic type are the most vulnerable. The same dependence is observed among temperament types. Choleric and melancholic people are more prone to phobias.
5. Someone else's experience. Often, sophiophobia begins to form in childhood and is caused by the behavior (example) of parents or parenting style. For example, intimidation, prohibitions, or one’s own experience of failure in front of a child.
6. Low self-esteem and uncertainty that arose against the background of social deprivation (deprivation) in childhood. This group includes a tyrannical type of parental education, an authoritarian teacher, and “bullying” in the classroom.
7. Low self-esteem. Often comes from a destructive type of parental upbringing or school childhood.

Why does fear of society arise and social phobia is born?

An individual begins to be afraid and stops trusting others when:

• bullied by classmates (for poverty, special appearance, obesity, poor academic performance). Social phobia often affects children with burns, people who stutter, and people with disabilities;
• cold, cruel parents refuse to see the child’s problems - they ignore, take the side of “enemies”, demand the impossible;
• fear of others is instilled by overprotective parents who seek to protect their child from the “cruel world”;
• unsociability of loved ones is also a potential culprit of social phobia. If parents hate inviting guests and have few friends, then the child is deprived of the opportunity to gain the necessary communication experience. The baby’s social skills remain undeveloped, and social phobia gradually develops.

Fear of others begins at 12–15 years of age. Sometimes social phobia strikes later - at the age of 16–20 years. Fear of society comes with puberty. The teenager begins to think critically. A growing individual has new responsibilities and his social circle expands. This causes a lot of stress, a desire to hide, to belong to oneself again. The teenager begins to avoid others. He gradually realizes: “I am afraid of people.” Social phobia appears.

Fear of others and shyness are similar, but different phenomena. Shyness often affects children aged 6–11 years (especially from disadvantaged families). But in adolescence it goes away. Introversion and social phobia are also different things. Those who prefer solitude are rarely afraid of others.

What to do?

Dealing with social anxiety is not easy. Sometimes it is enough just to correct the worldview and, accordingly, behavior. In other cases, medications may be necessary, including those that relieve symptoms, such as sleep aids.

I want to introduce you, dear readers, to an effective training exercise, a way to change your worldview, and give general recommendations for correcting your life.

Training exercise

You may be surprised, but art therapy is an effective means of combating all phobias, including social phobia.

1. Take a sheet of paper and draw whatever is in your head. It doesn’t matter what you draw, how you draw, or whether you know how to draw. Just “pull” the fear and anxiety out of yourself.
2. After you finish, try to analyze the drawing (if it doesn’t work, it’s okay). It is possible that the silhouette of a person from the past who provoked social phobia, or a situation from school childhood, that is, the very root cause (premise of the phobia), will inadvertently “pop up” from the subconscious and be visualized.
3. After that, take a new sheet of paper and try to describe your feelings and thoughts that arose in the process of how you created. It often happens that a person cannot complete this part, because he is unable to remember those feelings. This is due to what your subconscious drew.
4. The last stage is burning the drawing or both the drawing and the notes. As an alternative, you can simply write down your fears, anxieties, thoughts and burn them.

This visualization method is very effective, despite its simplicity.

Down with self-concentration

Focusing on your own behavior in a critical situation for a person and when unwanted external signs (for example, blushing) appear can play a cruel joke. The opinion that in order to get through a problem situation “smoothly” you need to control yourself is wrong. Noticing that a person is sweating, he will begin to sweat even more.

That is, by concentrating too much on oneself and trying to control the situation, a person drowns in his phobias and distorted perception of himself.

• He has no way to notice people's reactions and support. Take a break for a second and you will notice interest in people's eyes, acceptance of you along with all your features.
• However, the same thing works if you notice that someone from the audience (considering a public speaking situation) is skeptical about you. But even here it should be regarded as a silent request to clarify the material. And even if this is criticism, then a constructive form is necessary for a person (this is important to understand).
• If we are talking about inadequate criticism, then it is not even worthy of your attention.

So, trying to completely control his behavior, a person loses control over the situation. A kind of vicious circle arises. In order to calm down, you need to switch your attention.

For example, you start having a somatic cough attack in an inappropriate place. You understand that you are already having a hard time holding back, but you can’t help but think about it, which is precisely forbidden. In this case, just start counting or remembering a verse to yourself. You yourself will not notice how distracted you are, and the attack will pass.

General tips and tricks

In the fight against social phobia there is no single scheme or plan, in general, as in the correction of any psychological disorder. The work plan depends on the severity and direction of fear of society, as well as its causes. However, some general recommendations can be made:

1. Find a support group. Let’s start with people you know on the Internet. Ideal, of course, to have real contacts (family, love, friends).
2. Understand that there are no perfect people, and you cannot please and please everyone. If you are afraid to meet girls because of an unhappy history, then you still shouldn’t pretend to be someone else. Be yourself. You can't lose what you don't have. And trying and making mistakes is normal and useful. All life, starting from birth, is trial and error. After all, walking was once scary, don’t you agree? And it hurts.
3. Self-confidence and adequate self-esteem are the basis for getting rid of social phobia. Work on your self-confidence, study yourself, find your strengths and focus on them. Every person is terrible in some ways, but beautiful in some ways. But there is no such thing as being wonderful or terrible in everything. This is a reality that needs to be accepted. To correct self-esteem and confidence, you can take training courses or find information on the Internet. You can download entire collections of exercises, for example, Wayne Dyer’s work “How to Believe in Yourself.” The motto of this book is: “When you believe, then you will see.” Unfortunately, in such a narrow article and addressing a general audience, I cannot give examples of exercises. It's very individual. Please find the material and choose something suitable for yourself.
4. Break your comfort zone. No matter how it sounds, the “wedge by wedge” principle often works with social phobia. You literally have to break yourself. A club of similar interests (perhaps you are creating something) would be a great start. Find what interests you (poems, music) and share it with your friends. The second part of breaking is consciously going through frightening situations.
5. Understand yourself. People sometimes tend to unconsciously attribute their undesirable traits to others. That is, expect from people what they themselves are capable or not capable of.
6. Try to clearly formulate the cause of the phobia. If we are talking about a situation related to a specific person, then talk about it. Try to meet with this person and discuss everything. For example, if you understand that in childhood you did not have enough support from your mother, but now you maintain contact with her, then have the courage to express everything and ask disturbing questions, to hear her position. If this is not possible (the person has died and does not keep in touch), then write him a letter, state everything and burn the sheet.
7. If you can’t solve the problem on your own, make an appointment with a psychologist.

How to overcome social phobia yourself with the help of constant communication

Contacts with others are very important for a social phobe, as they help him “keep in good shape.” Therefore, it is necessary to communicate as much and as actively as possible: every word spoken brings a person a little closer to getting rid of social anxiety. Need to:

If there is an opportunity to say something, you need to take it. It is then that silence turns into gold. For a social phobe, the role of valuable metal is constant communication, which makes it possible to understand that the judgments of other people do not pose any real danger.

Not everyone can get rid of social phobia on their own. And you also need to be prepared for potential failure. Some people need the support of a third party who is impartial and in control. And if “at-home” attempts do not produce results for a long time, it is better to contact a specialist. This is not capitulation, but simply a search for another, more effective solution.