April 05, 2021
Pregnancy is an important event in the life of every woman. Expecting a child can be a joyful and long-awaited state, but not always. The physiological process of pregnancy is associated with many changes in hormonal levels and health. The birth of a child is an important step for which, for many good reasons, future parents may not be ready.
An unplanned pregnancy can cause changes in life plans and priorities. It is normal to not want to find yourself in such a situation. But there are people who are terrified of finding themselves in such a situation and experience extreme discomfort at the mere thought of getting pregnant or being the partner of a pregnant woman - gravidophobes .
Meeting any pregnant girl can also cause fear. Gravidophobes experience severe discomfort when contacting or thinking about an irritant; increasing panic may be observed, which is accompanied by physiological symptoms. This disorder causes significant harm to the emotional and physical state, so it is important to promptly identify the causes and begin treatment.
Possible reasons
There are a number of negative prejudices about pregnancy. As mentioned earlier, the pregnancy process can bring a number of inconveniences. Gravidophobia could develop as a result of being intimidated at an early age that an unplanned pregnancy brings many troubles. Stories about a difficult pregnancy or painful childbirth could become a trigger for the emergence of gravidophobia. Some gravidophobes describe pregnancy as the end of a normal life.
Another possible cause of this phobia could be a traumatic event in childhood. For example, a pregnant woman showed cruelty to her child and pregnant women began to be associated with unpleasant and painful situations. Perhaps someone close died during childbirth and the child’s psyche did not find other explanations for what happened. Men often become gravidophobes, as they may not be ready for moral and financial responsibility. The patient often states that they often encounter pregnant women and take this as a sign of a possible replenishment. Patients suffer from nightmares and interpret any dream as a warning.
Fear of pregnancy
“Pregnancy is not a disease,” gynecologists tirelessly repeat. It is curious that after these words they hand the woman an impressive folder - a medical record of the expectant mother, as well as referrals to a number of specialists. “We expect results in a week. And by the way, congratulations!” - the doctor says to the slightly shocked patient. Then the fuss begins: pick up the vitamins all pregnant women are entitled to from the pharmacy, visit an ophthalmologist, dentist, endocrinologist, donate blood, wait for tests and return to the treasured office with scribbled pieces of paper. So it turns out that although pregnancy is not a disease, it requires serious monitoring. Understanding this fact, in turn, makes women worry: “What if something goes wrong?” It is usually possible to discuss all possible development options right at the gynecologist’s office, waiting in line among women with the same problems (that is, with incredible happiness in their tummy). They worry, make guesses, share their experiences and stories from TV. If our heroine is characterized by anxiety, then she rushes to try on everything she hears and comes to the appointment with a full set of fears. A gynecologist I know told me: “Once a pregnant woman asked if she could take a bath in the bathroom, they say, would the baby choke? I spent a lot of effort trying to explain to her that the uterus doesn’t drink water.”
The fears that representatives of the fair sex experience are natural and understandable; after all, you can’t look into your tummy. You have to rely on intuition, and in anxious women it is sometimes so active that there may be too much premonition.
It is important to understand here that a woman will hardly be able to calculate everything and prevent any problems. So it only makes sense to worry about what we can control, not what nature can control. At the stage of preparation for pregnancy, it is better to pass all the necessary tests and, if necessary, undergo treatment. Take the necessary vitamins or enjoy proper nutrition so that from the first day the future baby receives all the necessary substances. And during pregnancy, our heroine should follow a daily routine and doctor’s recommendations, walk in the fresh air and eat healthy foods. Fortunately, in the vast majority of cases, fears associated with pregnancy go away in the second trimester. When the belly begins to grow, the baby’s movements are felt, and it becomes easier for a woman to drive away bad thoughts. Moreover, other fears are replacing them...
Recommendations from psychologists
Many gravidophobes experience fear of pregnancy, even using all possible methods of contraception. Patients have obsessive thoughts about the pregnancy that has already occurred, and girls are often wary of any changes in the body. This creates emotional stress and constant anxiety. To mitigate the symptoms of the disorder, psychologists recommend the following steps:
Admit your fear. Sometimes it is difficult for patients to realize that a certain fear has become obsessive. This may be due to a healthy reluctance to have children at certain times in one's life. It is important to recognize that constant discomfort and fears are very disturbing and affect the quality of life. This way, you can move forward to find a path to a solution.
Tell your loved ones about the problem. Jokes about possible pregnancy are very painful for gravidophobes. Talking with loved ones about your fear can prevent many unpleasant situations. Of course, it is impossible to completely prevent inaccurate statements from others, but if at least in a close circle they know about the condition of a gravidophobe, it will be much easier.
To be informed. Many people, even as adults, may not fully know how the process of conception occurs. Reading medical literature on the topic of pregnancy and its course can eliminate the unknown and common misconceptions. As a rule, the focus should be on the natural thoughtfulness of this process, which in itself is perfect, and modern medicine, which can solve any situation. It is highly discouraged to search for information on the Internet; preference should be given to authors with medical education and encyclopedias.
Heal psychotrauma. If gravidphobia arose as a result of psychological trauma and a person is afraid to contact and meet pregnant women, then it is important to find the root cause and try to look at the situation through the eyes of an adult. Not all gravidophobes can remember a traumatic event on their own; in this case, you need to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Contact a specialist. All of the above techniques can help in the early stages or mild forms of the disorder. But, if the situation gets out of control, the reasons are not found, and the symptoms are overwhelming, you need to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. With the help of cognitive behavioral therapy, finding out the reasons with the help of leading questions and observation by a specialist, you can get rid of gravidophobia.
Fear of not being able to cope with the role of mother
Long before the baby is born, a woman begins to prepare for a new role. As a result, our heroine formulates a clear list of requirements for herself, a child development plan for the next 100 years, as well as strict guidelines for family life. But in practice, as you understand, everything is a little more complicated than in theory. However, some mothers continue to strive for an ideal image without adjusting for reality: they perceive each new day as another test for compliance with the requirements and are very afraid of failing it.
At first, the main criterion for assessing maternal performance is the duration and frequency of children's crying. Imagine that our mother calculated the average indicators of whims, observing the children of her friends, and set the bar - two hours of crying a day. But contrary to her expectations, her beloved baby easily exceeded the norm, moreover, he became a record holder among the children he knew. As a result, the woman declares “I am a bad mother.” In fact, the crying of a newborn baby is not always a signal of trouble or a consequence of the mother’s mistake. The baby develops, recognizes this world, tries to communicate with it, attracts attention by crying and does not even intend to upset his mother. So it’s better not to blame yourself for imperfection, but to explore the wonderful world of motherhood without comparison. Remember - only happy parents have happy children.
As the child grows, our heroine has new criteria for evaluation, and therefore new experiences. If the baby begins to hold his head up, crawl, walk, and talk later than the rest, she is a bad mother. If the baby copes worse than others with children's puzzles, making crafts, and later with reading and writing, she is a bad mother. Here are just a few stories:
“I'm a bad mother. I don't like, and sometimes even hate, my son. He is 8 years old. I am very worried about him, I kiss him, I hug him, but every day he makes mistakes that drive me furious. The point is that he does everything in a way that I shouldn’t, that I wouldn’t like. He has no dreams, he is unkempt, careless, inattentive. I do not know what to do. I seem to scold him, and then I roar with anger at myself, with pity for my son.”
“It’s hard to admit your mistakes, but I seem to be a bad mother. When the baby drives me crazy, I can’t help myself - I scream, even though I know I shouldn’t. I don’t have enough patience, guilt has become my constant companion.”
As you can see, women’s experiences are primarily related to the fact that they feel a sense of guilt in front of the child, and here, most likely, the problem is simply overly inflated demands on oneself and on the role of the mother in general. It is important to understand that maternal perfectionism leads to irritation and causes a constant feeling of guilt, which the child hardly needs.
Hormonal reasons
Of course, you need to carefully approach the issue of planning pregnancy if you previously had cycle disorders and long periods of absence of menstruation, and think about hormonal support during pregnancy. It would be good to find out before pregnancy whether there is an increase in the level of male sex hormones, insufficiency of the corpus luteum, disruption of hormonal regulation and prolactin production, or dysfunction of the thyroid gland. If the cycle is regular (+/- 2-3 days - this is also regular and unstable), then there is no hormonal disease. But there may be erased forms, when the adrenal cortex works a little more actively, the hormone receptors or the hormone molecules themselves are a little more active. A simple blood test for hormones, taken in the morning, on an empty stomach on days 2-3 of the cycle, can reveal a lot. Before pregnancy, it is important to normalize hormone levels.
There may be several reasons for an unsuccessful pregnancy
Firstly, these are chromosomal pathologies, which account for more than half of all reproductive losses before 8 weeks of pregnancy. These are not hereditary diseases, but mutations in this particular pregnancy, which can occur due to anything (ARVI, electromagnetic storm or solar flare, alcohol, drug therapy, age-related instability of genetic material, etc.). Such mutations can lead to the formation of a non-viable embryo. Such a pregnancy is terminated at a very early stage, barely manifesting itself biochemically. You can't protect yourself from this. During 9 months of pregnancy, everyone suffers from ARVI and encounters one or another harmful factors. And no geneticist, having learned that the patient took a couple of tablets of something prohibited or suffered from a high fever of ARVI, will give a recommendation to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons. We are waiting for the first biochemical and ultrasound screening, that is, 11-12 weeks.
The material after curettage for a non-developing pregnancy is always sent for histological examination. But for cytogenetic - not at all. In order to make such a diagnosis, you need to take special care of this. A young aspiring resident doctor, faced with such grief, decided to console his wife like this (after doing this research): “Darling, thank God that this happened, otherwise our baby would have been born without...”, and listed her many things without. Of course, this is a consolation through the tears, but sometimes it is important to know. Moreover, this takes our thought away from other causes of miscarriage and in some way puts an end to it. Gives you the opportunity to start with a clean slate.
The following causes of miscarriage can be divided into:
- Hormonal
- Immunological
- Infectious
- Disorders of the hemostasis system
"I'm afraid to give birth"
Perhaps one of the most common fears of an expectant mother. The situation is aggravated by detailed and emotional stories from friends, as well as numerous forums on the Internet, where mothers are happy to share their impressions and tell what the pain during childbirth can be roughly compared to.
Let's figure out why you shouldn't be afraid. Firstly, if it were so hellishly unbearable, not a single woman in the world would dare to give birth to a second child, you must agree. You are not the first and you are not the last: your mother, grandmother, older sister, friend and millions of other women around the world have gone through this. So you can do it too.
Secondly, during childbirth, a woman’s body actively produces endorphin hormones. They have a mild analgesic effect. If the pain becomes unbearable, doctors may recommend the use of anesthesia, which will alleviate the condition.
Third, don't forget that pain is your friend, not your enemy. It is pain that helps in the process of childbirth, it signals that everything is going according to plan, tells you how the process is going and what needs to be done at the moment.
Remember that this difficult task is difficult not only for you, but also for the baby. And your main task is to do everything so as not to harm the child.
Therefore, trust the advice of medical personnel and study the issue of childbirth in advance. You must know what is happening to you, then giving birth will be much easier. And when you see your long-awaited baby, believe me, all the memories of the painful process will disappear, because all this will no longer matter at all.
- If you are afraid to give birth, understand whether you know enough about this issue. Do you have enough knowledge about physiology, pregnancy psychology, perinatal psychology? If not, go to experts, body and breathing practices,” comments psychologist and mother of many children Yulia Plotnikova.
What should you do first?
We need to live and comprehend.
To live means to survive, not to keep silent, not to withdraw into oneself, not to blame anyone and not to be afraid of anything.
To comprehend means to find the reasons and follow the recommendations of doctors. The Internet is not a very good helper here, since, having received a sea of information, it is quite difficult to navigate it without clinical thinking (which is formed in the 3rd year of medical school) and without a healthy instinct of self-preservation. You can try to diagnose yourself, classify yourself into different risk groups and get confused in statistical calculations. Yes, we don’t belong to any risk groups! It is much better to think that statistics have nothing to do with us. That our life is unique, exceptional, and everything will be exceptionally good in it. A lot depends on the mood. But it’s worth remembering that the purpose of “Internet horror stories” is to encourage you to see a doctor. And we must come.
If you have had a miscarriage once, it is very unlikely that it will happen again. And it is very likely that it will not. It is worth finding out whether there were hereditary or other serious diseases in the family, female diseases in the mother, problematic pregnancies in her and close relatives. For some reason, most patients were not interested in this, and it is better, if possible, to carefully find out. If a miscarriage occurs against the background of full health, then the most likely option in the future is a normal pregnancy. Still, there are much more norms than pathologies.
