It's boiling! Never do that: 10 reasons why your friends or colleagues are now ignoring you

What happens when your friend is upset with you? He starts ignoring you.

When this happens, it is not only confusing, but sometimes even infuriating. And in this state, it’s easier than ever to mess things up and completely ruin your relationship, both with the friend himself and with your mutual friends.

To avoid this, just follow simple, clear, practical advice. In this article, I will give you 3 tips for when a friend ignores you.

Once upon a time, I lightly wrote an article What to do if a friend ignores you, and I was quite surprised to find out that this is a very painful topic for many people.

At the very bottom of this article I will give you links to other materials about being ignored by a friend, or a sudden cessation of communication on his part, and what to do about all this. There you will learn a lot more useful things for yourself.

The first tip is quite simple - write him just one message.

Voice messages

Who even came up with them? Never send without prior agreement or absolute necessity. Especially to strangers. If you had to, be sure to apologize. Let's reveal a secret: people can be so busy that they don't have the opportunity to stop what they're doing, look for headphones and listen. Your message will be postponed until later and may be safely forgotten. It may be convenient to send them. Receive - no.

Final Thoughts

To be fair, we must say that we have all been ignored by someone. But we are not perfect either, so it may well be that we have ignored other people over the years of our lives. So, with that said, I believe that when a person tries to ignore, it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, everything may end in even bigger problems or an ordinary separation. Therefore, do not be afraid to solve problems and meet difficulties halfway. As a result, you will only become stronger and wiser.

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Tip 2. Communicate more with other people

Perhaps the main reason why you are so frozen by being ignored by a friend is that you are fixated on this relationship and do not want to communicate with other people.

Maybe you had such a close relationship with this friend that all other friendships in your life pale in comparison. This is often characteristic of introverts.

Universal advice from the field of self-development is quite applicable here. Communicate more with other people. Make yourself new friends. Step outside your comfort zone. And all that wonderful stuff.

Why is it important to communicate with other people?

In a sense, relationships with people are comparable to investments. If you invest too much of your resources in one project and then this project is canceled, naturally, you feel bad.

On the other hand, if you diversify your risks and invest in several assets, businesses or relationships at once, then if one of these assets or one relationship fails, you may be a little sad, but it is not the end of the world.

So it turns out that if you have more friends, contacts, connections, then you will 100% be less obsessed with one of these connections, no matter how chic it may be.

And if you are obsessed with one person, on the one hand, this promotes greater intimacy, but on the other hand, it carries the risk of developing a scarcity mentality, in which you no longer see anything beyond the framework of some relationship.

In short, go be friends with other people, the world is waiting for you and your love.

Finally, the third tip is in case the first two tips don’t work and the matter is rubbish.

State of abandonment

Ignoring can also be considered in isolation from the context of communication. Of course, for the person expecting an answer, thoughts about the motives of the interlocutor, his messages and the general process of communication will come to the fore. However, it will be mainly the neglect itself that will affect him. This is an independent act in terms of psychological influence, which also applies to non-verbal gestures. The absence of a message can have a much greater impact than the text itself.

In psychology, abandonment is considered one of the most painful experiences for a person as a social being. Ignoring affects deep-seated fears at the level of subconscious instincts to be with each other, communicate and interact. The rupture of a strong attachment, especially without obvious reasons that could attract attention, as a result becomes the main prerequisite for the experience.

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Ultimately, being ignored can have a negative impact on self-esteem. The feeling of one's own unattractiveness and uselessness is a derivative effect that destroys self-confidence and creates favorable conditions for plunging into depression.

Tip 1. Write him one message

Being ignored by a friend can manifest itself in different ways.
Sometimes it's daycare where he just walks away when you try to talk to him. Sometimes this is suspicious behavior, in which he is never next to you in your common company (although you know that when you are not around, he communicates with mutual friends). Finally, he may not respond to your attempts to contact, literally disappearing from all radars. In such a situation, I strongly do not recommend catching him out and asking him directly what the hell he did and why he is behaving so strangely. The reason your friend is ignoring you is because he doesn’t want your company right now. With your attacks and direct questions, you will only aggravate the situation.

Is this friendship?

You may be wondering what kind of friendship this is. After all, that’s what friends are for—to tell each other the truth to their faces.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that your friend doesn't necessarily share your idea of friendship. Just because you are friends does not mean that your friend has agreed to communicate according to your rules and strictly follow your vision of friendship.

Moreover, a friend may have a thousand reasons why he cannot tell you the reason to your face. And if he is your friend, he deserves respect in relation to his life situation, whatever it may be.

Based on this, the most rational move on your part would be to write him just one message.

When a friend ignores you, write one message

The purpose of this message is to make it clear that you do not intend to put pressure on him, and that your door is open, in case his situation is temporary and he simply cannot communicate with you now for some reason.

What exactly should I write to him?

I can give you a more or less universal option. But be sure to remake it to suit your style. You and your friend have probably developed a certain style of communication and I recommend following it, otherwise your message may sound forced.

Let's say a friend's name is Lekha. Here is a message option that you can send to him (after altering it to suit your style):

As you can see, with this message you declare your reluctance to put further pressure on him and give him the opportunity to unsubscribe.

Further events can develop according to two scenarios.

The first scenario is optimistic

In the first scenario, he answers you and the situation becomes clearer.

This is an ideal scenario because then you will be able to understand what is happening and why. After exchanging a couple of messages, offer to meet for coffee/beer or whatever you usually drink there, and when you meet, you will casually discuss what and how.

Or maybe he will say that he can’t stand you anymore and you should go far away.

It is also good! Because now you know for sure that you no longer have a relationship with this person and you can calmly mentally send him to the same place where he sent you and go communicate with other friends.

The second scenario is pessimistic

In the second scenario, he doesn’t answer you, and the ignore continues.

This scenario is worse because the situation is still unclear.

Maybe something happened to him and he can’t communicate with you, or maybe he’s tired of you and he can’t stand you anymore. You won’t find out the real reason for being ignored.

Be that as it may, I recommend letting go of this friendship and getting your friend out of your head. Either way, you left your door open. And if a friend eventually gets wet and gets in touch, you can arrange a meeting with him and then the friendship will continue as if nothing had happened.

But if this doesn’t happen and he disappears from all radars forever, it won’t hurt you. You have already cut these relationships off in your mind, so this state of affairs will not bother you.

While you are writing this message, you can immediately begin to follow the next tip. Namely, communicate more with other friends or make new ones.

Pessimistic

Even if at heart you are prone to pessimism, anxiety and experiencing failures, do not impose negative emotions on others. People avoid complete negativity for fear of falling into a depressed state themselves. At the meeting, you will have to listen to further details of the illness, unsuccessful personal life, and simply a bad weather forecast. Keep a positive attitude, be cheerful, energetic and cheerful, then people will definitely be drawn to you. Don't go overboard to look natural.

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Hot-tempered and rude

People avoid those who lose their temper over trifles, who can be rude, call them names, or offend in a fit of anger. Control negative emotions. Even if you don’t agree with something or are offended, you shouldn’t shout, be rude or get personal. Conflicts in a team and friendly communication cannot be avoided; it is important to remain within the bounds of decency.

Way out

The search for a solution to the problem will lie precisely in the plane of an objective and cold-blooded attitude to what is happening. In most cases, the negative effects that ignorance causes have nothing to do with the real state of affairs. In other words, the dangers are often exaggerated, at least in the characteristics of oneself.

The best way to overcome the situation is to try to rethink it. Once again the task is to look at what happened without the emotional background that distorts perception. The prefrontal cortex of the brain will be of great help in this case, so efforts must be made to activate it. Presenting dry facts and constant control over thoughts will help change the perception of the situation. Once the acute shock passes, this task will be much easier to solve.

Did something happen between you?

Since your friend has decided to ignore you, you cannot ask him this question, and the only one who can answer is you. Has a friend been angry with you for a long period of time? If it were like that, would you understand?

If you think you haven't done anything, think again. It is very easy to guess that someone is offended by you if there is a conversation in a raised voice, with personalization, etc. But not all people swear and scream when they are upset. Some people don’t even consider it necessary to “sort things out” - it’s easier for them to just cut off contact. They see no reason to try to somehow justify their position - they simply cut off contact with you, exclude you from their social circle and that’s it, the problem is solved.

When friends ignore, many do not understand the reasons and get offended, thinking that it is all about the friends and not about themselves. The reason for this is a lack of awareness. Many simply do not have enough awareness to look at themselves and see the whole picture - what you did, what a friend did, what came of it.

If, through your soul-searching, you identify something you said or did that might have caused you to stop contacting your friend, make a note of it. If a friend gets in touch, this understanding will be useful to you.

If you are convinced that there were no problems in the relationship (and that you did nothing wrong), then your friend is probably going through a difficult period in his life, and this time the investigation should be carried out not in himself, but in life circumstances your friend.

Thought process disorder

Scientists explain the desire to search for worse explanations of the situation by the processes that occur in the brain at this moment against the background of stress. Severe overexertion reduces blood flow to the prefrontal cortex - this is exactly the part that could make the analysis more objective and relevant to the real situation. However, due to the lack of sufficient nutrition, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking loses its influence. Thinking about what is happening at this moment, we can conclude that there is a lack of clear thinking, which is at the mercy of the factors of a stressful situation.

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