It's finished! Finally, you are freed from vague guesses and nagging doubts, now you know for sure - THIS is Pregnancy. Long-awaited or unexpected, planned or accidental, first or next. At the very beginning, like early spring. You wish that the coming nine months will bring peace and joy to your soul. What if a wonderful dream does not come true? And the persistent reminder of others “it’s bad for you to worry” does not help get rid of contradictory, anxious thoughts and feelings.
What to do with the crisis of change that worries a pregnant woman
The first months of pregnancy are a time of revolutionary changes not only in a woman’s physiology, but also in her psychology. In the inner, hidden space of her “I”, the space of another person appeared, whose existence must not only be taken into account, but perhaps the whole life must be rebuilt, all plans must be changed. Not everyone can accept these changes unconditionally. Even if the child is desired and long-awaited, the enormity of the accomplished event captures all the woman’s thoughts, making her worry: “How will my life develop next? How will the pregnancy proceed? What will happen to my career? Will I be able to provide my baby with a decent future? Will I be a good mother? Familiar questions, aren't they? Such mental anguish can cause not only a feeling of fatigue and irritability, but even cause toxicosis or the threat of miscarriage.
Psychologist's advice.
First, don't try to solve all problems at once. Postpone them indefinitely, and perhaps some of them will be resolved without your participation. And in general, pregnancy is a unique time when you can rightfully allow yourself not to react to life’s problems. And not feel guilty for such irresponsible behavior. Remember that more than all the material benefits in the world, the child needs your attention, understanding and love.
Secondly, the most important thing now is to realize and accept your new state. Give yourself permission to be pregnant. Accepting your new state means accepting the appearance of a child in your life and learning to understand his needs. Indulge your little weaknesses - be it the desire to lie down in the middle of the day or buy yourself some delicacy. Let pregnancy enter your life not as a time of prohibitions, but as a time of new opportunities. A statement like “I won’t be able to wear my favorite skinny jeans” can be replaced with: “I’m finally updating my wardrobe!” It is enough to change your point of view to get a taste for change.
General recommendations of a psychologist
In any situation, you cannot escape reality and not allow your emotions to come out. If a person experiences a traumatic situation alone, then he needs to talk through it, writing down thoughts in a diary or on a voice recorder. After recording, it is important to review what has been stated several times and, when you decide that everything has been said, destroy what you have written.
You can write several symbolic letters and talk about the feelings and experiences that you experience. Remember: this is not for publication anywhere. After creation, these letters are subject to mandatory destruction (burn, tear into small pieces, etc.). The purpose of these activities is to release pain and relieve suffering.
If you have a social circle that helps you survive the loss, you need to talk through all the memories associated with the circumstances of what happened (from the moment you decided to have a child or learned about pregnancy to the very fact of the loss).
When forming a circle of support - loved ones who will live with you during this difficult period, it is necessary to exclude people who are dishonest, prone to gossip, distortion of information or manipulation.
If you are in doubt about whom exactly you can trust, then the ideal solution would be to contact a specialist.
The help of a psychologist specializing in such conditions is necessary if:
- the period has not been overcome in 3-4 weeks;
- there is no trusted person with whom you could talk through absolutely all stages of the situation;
- there is a feeling that the experience has been prolonged and there is no way out;
- there is a feeling that you are not able to cope with the problem on your own;
- there are signs of destructive behavior;
- there is a need for support and understanding.
Your main task is not just to survive the loss, but to completely restore resources for future life and new projects.
How to deal with irritability during pregnancy
Pregnancy makes a woman emotionally vulnerable, prone to anxiety, and more sensitive to negative experiences. It seems that the reason for frustration is insignificant, but the eyes are “wet”, and nothing makes you happy. Many women are haunted by the feeling that you are “trapped” by incessant nausea, fatigue that has come from somewhere, and constant irritability. Doctors explain this unstable emotional state by rapid hormonal changes occurring in the body. Only understanding that such a state is natural and quite physiological does not make this difficult period easier for a woman.
Psychologist's advice.
Increased irritability is a signal to the expectant mother that she needs to learn to relax. This valuable skill will come to the rescue not only during pregnancy or at the time of childbirth, but will also have a positive impact on your life in general. The easiest way to relax is to turn on calm music, lie down, get comfortable, and focus on your breathing. Take a deep, calm breath and slowly, relaxed exhale. Imagine that with each exhalation comes relaxation and peace. By the way, moderate physical activity is an excellent remedy for the blues.
Signs of behavioral deviation after pregnancy loss
Deviation, as a rule, begins as a defense against too strong emotions in the form of masking or denial of grief and loss. It may occur daily or periodically. Exacerbations may be due to dates (anniversary of loss, planned date of birth, etc.).
Deviation can manifest itself in the form of:
- prolonged groundless anxiety;
- self-flagellation;
- eating disorders (starvation or constant overeating);
- refusal of marital relationships and communication with loved ones;
- formation of addiction (games, medications, alcohol, etc.);
- workaholia or any phobia;
- sexual dysfunction or violent relationships, etc.
All these conditions are associated with a complicated experience of loss and require qualified help. Do not give up! Look for an opportunity to restore the resource!
Increased sensitivity in pregnant women
Even if before pregnancy a woman had a calm disposition, now she can easily panic from her doctor’s abstract reasoning about the complications of pregnancy or from an eccentric friend’s story about her childbirth. Scenes from certain films or television news, a harsh remark from a boss or a fellow passenger on the subway can bring you to tears. Don’t be afraid to give vent to your emotions - cry, complain to someone, the main thing is not to push dark thoughts and resentment into the depths of your soul. Such increased impressionability is simply a reminder that it’s time to change your impressions.
Psychologist's advice.
Remember that there is another side to your impressionability - it is an opportunity to look at the world in a new way. It’s as if during pregnancy a woman becomes a little like a child who looks at the world with interest and surprise. Take this opportunity to enjoy the finer aspects of life. Through your impressions, you convey information about the world around you to your baby. Your impressions tell him whether the world is good or evil, colorful or dull, cheerful or sad. So try to get out into nature more often, visit concert halls or museums.
When do you need help from a psychologist?
If your condition does not change and you feel that your emotions are going in a vicious circle, increasing depression and indifference, keep in mind that this may be a sign of the formation of a psychological complication known as complicated grief syndrome .
Its signs: anxiety, numbness, fear of children or fixation on another child, similar memories, nightmares .
Like any complication, this syndrome requires immediate intervention from specialists.
Acknowledging and processing loss is an important component of healing. At the same time, ignoring this fact and repressing emotions hinders recovery and can cause behavioral deviation (actions that do not correspond to generally accepted norms of behavior). A psychologist or psychotherapist can quickly help you break the vicious circle and find a constructive way out of the situation.
How to overcome the feeling of loneliness that worries a pregnant woman
There are so many changes taking place in the soul of a pregnant woman that she may begin to feel very lonely in the whirlpool of new experiences. All the people around her have remained the same, only you are at the mercy of “pregnant feelings”. But at the same time, the experience of loneliness allows you to look deeper into your own soul, understand yourself, analyze your life experience, and possibly re-evaluate your life values.
Psychologist's advice.
Use loneliness for self-knowledge, but do not become too isolated, share your experiences with loved ones, consult with a psychologist, talk with other pregnant women. Nowadays there are many opportunities to communicate with “your own kind” - these include courses in psychological preparation for childbirth, and special groups for pregnant women in a swimming pool or sports complex, and even specialized stores organize lectures for pregnant women. And most importantly, start communicating with your child, because he is the closest person to you.
Recommendations for your inner circle
The most important thing is that at any stage a person should feel supported. It is necessary to find ways of communication that are acceptable to him. He should know that he can contact you at any time of the day, and this is convenient and allowed.
Are you having difficulty conceiving or maintaining a pregnancy? ISIDA clinic specialists have everything necessary to help you find the happiness of motherhood. We will be glad to see you among our patients. Any questions? Call 0, +38 and we will be happy to answer them. Or ask your question on our website and we will definitely answer it .
Misunderstanding from loved ones
The pregnancy period can give a new positive impetus to family relationships, or it can give rise to misunderstanding. But the most important thing for a woman is to receive support from her loved one. However, it is much more difficult for a man to get involved in the process of his wife’s pregnancy and become a “pregnant” dad. He has a hard time imagining that there is a little man growing inside your belly (by the way, not a stranger to him). A man is more likely to be concerned about your new quirks than about the specifics of your pregnancy. It is a rare representative of the stronger sex who talks with inspiration to the “tummy” or is touched by the shocks from its depths. But this does not mean that men are completely indifferent to the upcoming changes. They just experience “pregnancy” in their own way.
Psychologist's advice.
Take the trouble to unobtrusively educate your loved one about pregnancy. He needs simple, concrete information about what is happening at the moment. Ask him to go with you to the ultrasound. Some men, having seen with their own eyes their baby inside their tummy, completely change their attitude towards their wife’s pregnancy, as if convinced of the real existence of the baby. Use the pronoun “we” more often, this will be another sign that you are no longer alone. Unobtrusively tell your husband about how the baby behaved throughout the day. If at first there is no expected reaction, do not be upset and do not blame your husband for misunderstanding. It's just that many men don't express their emotions openly.
If you have a joint desire for your husband to be present at the birth, then he simply needs to undergo the appropriate training courses. And not at all so that he would not faint at the most inopportune moment. And so that from an uncertain witness, your husband becomes an active participant in the events (which he actually was at the dawn of your pregnancy). Not only will he be able to gently hold your hand, but he will also be able to give you a relaxing massage, remind you of proper breathing, and help you change positions. Such active participation in childbirth helps a man realize his paternity, and for a woman it is an indispensable support.
How to help survive pregnancy loss: advice for loved ones
If one of your family or friends has experienced pregnancy loss, you can support them with the words: “You are not alone. I'm very sorry this happened. How can I help you?" Try to help the woman recognize her right to grieve - this is the first small step towards healing.
Grief has its own path. It may consist of 5 stages of overcoming a traumatic situation: 1. Denial. "No! This can't be! 2. Anger. “I hate everything and everyone!” 3. Search for reasons. "Why? Who is guilty? For what?" 4. Apathy. Depression. “I don’t want anything...I don’t have the strength...”
- Adoption. “I can't change anything in the past. But I have a present and a future.”
The development of the condition in each case is individual in duration and intensity. A person, depending on individual characteristics, may skip several stages or become fixated on one, return and move on again. The general task of getting out of a traumatic situation is to realize what happened and allow yourself to live with this new experience of grief.
Everyone experiences grief in their own way, at their own pace. It is especially difficult to experience what happened alone, muffling, repressing and not recognizing painful emotions.
Why is it important to acknowledge and live through emotions? This will allow you to let them go in the future.
How to deal with a pregnant woman’s worries about the baby’s health?
Sometimes a pregnant woman begins with fear to go through all the risk factors that she has been exposed to since the beginning of pregnancy and think about how they will affect the child. Memories of drinking a glass of wine or taking aspirin when you were not yet aware of pregnancy, thoughts about the polluted air of your hometown or radiation exposure from the computer monitor on your desktop are used. You never know what else can affect the baby’s health. There are dangers here and there.
Psychologist's advice.
Do not exaggerate the degree of risk. Congenital defects are very rare. Think that unnecessary worry is much more harmful to your child than the mistakes you made. Don’t indulge in feelings of guilt, it’s better to find a way that can compensate for your “misses” - be it active walks in the park or a balanced diet or listening to classical music. Also, try to imagine more often how healthy, strong and beautiful your baby will be. Such fantasies have a very beneficial effect on the development of the baby.
What is important to know after pregnancy loss
To avoid complications associated with pregnancy loss and move on with the belief that everything will be fine, it is very important to understand the following:
- The possibility of healing is as real as the fact of loss. The experience itself contains the potential for restoration.
- There is no predictable bereavement experience. Every person is unhappy in their own way. The only thing that is predictable is the presence of a way out and a constructive solution.
- Even very close and empathetic relatives or friends are not always able and able to provide adequate support. You need to understand this and contact specialists in time.
- You have the right to the support of others and the time and space to heal. Each path of overcoming is unique.
Take care of yourself
Don't forget that you also need your own source of support ! Otherwise, a man may experience stress during pregnancy. Only a partner in the resource can support his woman. Moral help can be provided by a psychologist or an experienced friend who has gone through similar difficulties and learned to help his woman. Advice from people far from the topic can only worsen the situation.
You see that you can’t cope, and the expectant mother is getting worse , arrange an appointment for her or both of you with a specialist.
Pregnancy can make a couple stronger. The special condition of a woman will require understanding, sensitivity to each other’s needs, the need to listen and support the partner. Having gone through difficulties together, you can improve communication and strengthen relationships in a couple. Very soon you will have a baby, and mom and dad will simply need to join forces to raise him.
Author of the article Daria Sovina
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Why does nervousness increase during pregnancy?
During pregnancy, as mentioned above, the hormonal background of the expectant mother changes greatly. Hormonal changes occur in any organism in which a new life is born, so any woman in one way or another becomes vulnerable psychologically. During the period of bearing a baby, people around you, and especially relatives and friends, need to be very sensitive towards the woman.
Already at the moment of fertilization, the value of the hormone gonadotropin jumps sharply. Its indicator reaches its maximum at 7-10 weeks. Increased concentration greatly affects a woman’s physical condition and changes her psychological background, making her mood changeable. Many people feel nauseous and their taste preferences change.
Reference! The hormone progesterone has a great influence on the mood of the expectant mother. Its level fluctuates from low to high at high speed, which dramatically affects mood. An important role is played by estriol, a natural antioxidant produced throughout the entire period of gestation.
Emotional support
Talk to the expectant mother, ask how you can support her. One day she may need to take a break from her condition, remember that the world around is diverse and there are so many interesting things in it, and on another day she will just want to cry on your shoulder. When asking, listen! The burden shared by two becomes much lighter!
Hugs and touches provide powerful emotional support to help you cope with the stress of pregnancy. Hugging, holding hands, and showing different forms of physical affection. Give her a back or leg massage if this relieves her pain and fatigue.
Help her find the good , remind her how the doctor praised her, how well she copes with difficulties, how smart she is.
Get creative . Perhaps the changes in diet or lifestyle recommended for a pregnant woman are very upsetting to her. Think of ways to replace temporarily unavailable activities.
The influence of stress on pregnancy
Irritability and constant dissatisfaction with circumstances often develop into depression, and this, in turn, puts the safety of pregnancy in serious danger:
- Miscarriage. The stronger the stress factor, the higher the risk of miscarriage. Neuroses are especially dangerous in the early stages of pregnancy.
- Premature rupture of water. Emotional stress quite often develops into physical stress, and this can lead to rupture of the amniotic sac.
- Fading pregnancy. Most often it occurs in the 8th week, against the background of stress and anxiety.
Of course, there are no conditions under which you can completely protect yourself from all irritants. This is not necessary: for a pregnant woman to feel comfortable, it is enough to protect her from prolonged moral experiences and sudden shocks.
