Surely everyone can remember a dream that made you terrified and numb. From time to time such nightmares visit our minds. They relieve stress and help the nervous system prepare a person for real risks while awake. But there are people who have nightmares regularly. Scary dreams can lead to exhaustion and can cause sudden injury. There is even a support group on Facebook that brings together people suffering from regular nightmares. Izvestia looked into what to do if sleep does not bring joy and relaxation.
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Terror of the night
“Every night is some kind of madness that is difficult to cope with. I recently broke several ribs because I jumped off a damn balcony. I hate this. Sleep does not bring me rest";
“I often wake up at night and “see” something falling on me from the ceiling. It could be spiders, snakes, rope, even the ceiling itself!”;
“I always see the same black demon. Many years have passed... so I’m not afraid anymore.”
Such descriptions are given by people suffering from regular nightmares. As you know, scary dreams visit us in the third phase of sleep. This is deep, dreamless sleep that occurs 30–60 minutes after a person falls asleep. The cycles replace each other throughout the night. It is known that phase 3 occurs more often in children, which is why nightmares usually occur in youth. However, scientists estimate that 2% of the adult population also suffer from regular nightmares.
One of the causes of nightmares in adults is sleep deprivation. When the body becomes overtired, it enters Recovery Stage 3 more quickly and stays there longer.
"I'm afraid to fall asleep again"1
Photo: Global Look Press/imago-images/Ute Grabowsky
At the same time, nightmares can perform an important protective function. A study on this topic was published in 2021 by neurophysiologists at the University of Geneva. According to threat simulation theory, scary dreams allow the nervous system to train behavioral responses by simulating dangerous situations. In other words, nightmares are created so that a person is prepared for threats while awake.
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How to get rid of fear?
Regardless of his age, explain to your child that it is normal to be afraid. Then carefully try to find out the cause of the fear. Remember for yourself when these fears began, what event preceded them, what changed in the family. If every time the baby gives a new version and easily switches to something else in the conversation, perhaps he is simply trying to get attention, which he did not get during the day, and wants to stay with his mother longer. If you can compensate for this, the night “fears” will go away on their own. Sometimes it is enough to devote just a few evenings to discussing the child’s well-being and mood, and the sleep situation improves dramatically. Sincere attention and care work wonders!
If the fear is real, the child is usually fixated on something specific. Then it's time to do things differently. So, what to do if your child is afraid to sleep alone at night?
Bedtime ritual
It is recommended to start with a daily ritual: the child should know when to change into pajamas, brush his teeth and go to bed. Let him be sure of what activities precede sleep, how much time is allocated for them and how many bedtime stories he will be told. Motivate your child with stories about what awaits him after sleep: what a delicious breakfast his mother will prepare, where you will go during the day, and so on. You can put your baby’s favorite toys to bed together. If your ritual suits all participants, suits both parents and child, helps him fall asleep quickly and rarely wake up in the middle of the night, then everything is in order.
“If a dream evokes pleasant associations, the child looks forward to it, instead of making a fuss and being stubborn. Of course, your bedtime routine will vary and you will choose what works for your family, but be sure to include plenty of time for socializing each night.”
Maximum attention
Try to find out what exactly is bothering the child: silence, darkness, some sounds or something else? Try not to leave the bed for several days until the baby falls asleep. You can unobtrusively discuss the topic of his fears with him, ask if he wants to fall asleep with a night light or, perhaps, with the bedroom door ajar, or perhaps he wants soft music to play.
Fight the monsters!
If a 3-year-old child is afraid to sleep alone, this is a completely normal phenomenon. So, when you go to the nursery at the call of a frightened voice, remember that your main weapon is a positive attitude. Find out who exactly is hiding behind the closet, under the bed or hanging on the ceiling. Then invite your child to check out the monsters together! Turn on the light in the bedroom and go “to the monsters” hand in hand with your child. After the baby sees that it is empty and there really is no one there, he will feel better.
To “protect” a little sleep-deprived child, you can come up with a talisman that will protect the child from “monsters.” This could be a cute keychain, a “magic wand” or any toy that the child likes. You can make a talisman yourself and endow it with all the desired qualities: to protect, protect and prevent anyone from approaching your child at night except mom, dad, favorite cat or dog!
Or you can give the tasty and nutritious drink PediaSure Maloyezhka every time 1.5 - 2 hours before bedtime and tell your baby that it contains as many as 29 vitamins and minerals that will help strengthen the immune system. No monsters can withstand such a strong opponent who has a super weapon inside!
Heart to heart conversations
If a child is afraid to sleep alone, psychologists advise discussing the consequences of situations that worry him. You need to start with the positives: for example, if we are talking about moving to another apartment or house, mention the cool location, playgrounds, a larger room than now, new friends and impressions. And then try to dispel all the child’s worries. When everything becomes known, fear will go away by itself!
Being alone is not scary
One of the main factors why children are afraid to sleep in a separate room is the fear of loneliness. A three-year-old baby does not yet understand the concept of time; for him, every parting with his mother is like separation forever. Day after day, inspire your child that you are nearby, that even if you are forced to leave him on business, to the store or to work, you will certainly come back, because he is the most beloved baby in the world!
Self-soothing
If the child is over 8 years old, he can already be taught ways to calm himself. For example, waking up in the middle of the night, he first counts to ten, regains his breathing, and hugs his favorite teddy bear. And only then, if none of the options help, he can go wake up his mother. This is a great way to learn to distinguish real fear from a desire to attract attention, and this is also how independence develops.
Let our tips help your child fall asleep quickly and easily, sleep peacefully all night and see only wonderful dreams!
Sources: 1. Ferber Richard. Child's sleep: The solution to all problems. M., 2021. 2. Monse Domenech. Monsters under the bed. How to help your child overcome any fears. M., 2017
- Article author: Abbott
- Posting date: 09/07/2021
Scary to sleep
Sometimes nightmares are accompanied by intense panic attacks. A person may scream, gasp, or thrash around during sleep. Sometimes such actions frighten the sufferer more than a nightmare.
“Sometimes I find myself screaming horribly in the middle of the night, and I find it hard to believe that I can scream so loudly. The next morning my throat hurts... I wouldn’t be able to scream like that even during the day if I tried,” shares a user named Joshua.
However, screaming is a relatively harmless part of the nightmare. It’s much more scary when a person sleeping suddenly begins to behave like someone who is awake. A person can talk, laugh, cry while sleeping, rearrange things on the nightstand, put on and take off shoes.
Doctors call this behavior parasomnia. It is defined as a disorder that causes unusual behavior during sleep. Usually a somnambulist walks, eats or talks with his eyes open, but without awareness of what is happening.
If left unchecked, parasomnia can be very traumatic. On social networks, a girl under the nickname Jen retells the story in horror: “Yesterday my mother called me. She was rushed to hospital after a nightmare caused her to jump out of bed and hit the wall. She now has seven surgical staples in her head!”
“I’m afraid to fall asleep again”2
Photo: Global Look Press/imago-images/Ute Grabowsky
At what age should a child sleep in a separate bed?
To calmly transfer your baby to a separate room, you need to catch the moment when he begins to separate (that is, separate) from his parents. This is an important process, without which normal growing up is impossible. The first stage usually occurs at the age of about three years, when the baby declares to all your suggestions: “I myself!” At this time, he can already tolerate the absence of his mother nearby, while internally feeling a strong connection. Until the age of three, it is better for a child to sleep close to his parents, even in a separate crib. It’s not surprising if a child is afraid to sleep alone a year - moreover, this is absolutely normal.
You can think about completely independent sleep starting at the age of four. Decorate the room in your favorite colors, buy an unusual night light that you can turn on if you are sad alone. And most importantly, be patient and be consistent when teaching your baby to sleep in his own crib.
"A couple of hours when I'm not afraid"
In an effort to unite people suffering from nightmares, a thematic support group has appeared on Facebook. It consists of more than 500 participants from all over the world. The group provides a safe space for nightmare sufferers as users search for similarities in symptoms, share medical prescriptions, and simply blow off steam.
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“My nightmares really annoy me. Yesterday I had a dream in which I was choking on a pile of coins that got into my throat. That evening I had another nightmare - I was sure that I was choking on broken glass that had once been a figurine of a ballerina. Why don't I just have a normal choking dream involving food??? Now I'm wide awake and afraid to fall asleep again,” writes Mindy.
The next morning, the group members are usually broken and in a bad mood. Some feel shame and embarrassment because they raised the whole house to their feet with their scream.
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“I had to quit my job. My nightmares were so bad that they affected my ability to cope with simple tasks,” says Holly.
“There are only a few hours a day when I am not afraid,” Barbara comments below.
Users note that nightmares become more frequent during periods of severe stress. The loss of a loved one, overwork, and neurotic disorders affect the plot of dreams.
“I’m afraid to fall asleep again”3
Photo: Global Look Press/imageBROKER/Oleksiy Maksymenko
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Why is the baby afraid to go to bed?
- Young children are very impressionable. During a period of rapid development of fantasy, for example, at 5 years old, a child may be afraid to sleep at night because he saw an unpleasant excerpt from a news report, watched (even with adults) a horror film, or maybe a bright negative character suddenly appeared in his favorite cartoon. An impressionable imagination easily creates monsters under the bed or in the closet, and to a child they seem quite real. The fact is that preschoolers do not yet know how to think logically; only visual-figurative thinking is available to them. “Some cartoons are overly aggressive, and the characters in them are dark and sinister. Be careful with children's channels on TV. Even adults get scared when they watch them! The smartest thing to do is for an adult to decide for himself what the child will watch. It is best to include a film that you have already watched and, knowing the child’s tastes, are sure that he will have a lot of fun and will not be tormented by nightmares at night. At the same time, this will introduce your baby to the world of cinema, which is much better than watching most programs on TV.”
- A child may be very worried about something completely ordinary at first glance: a disagreement between parents, an upcoming test at school, even waiting for guests or a long trip can cause anxiety. And if it happens that the child has to move to another room, or even more so an apartment, he goes to school or kindergarten for the first time, a new family member appears, such events will definitely affect the psycho-emotional state. For these reasons, a child may be afraid to sleep alone even at the age of 10, when he would seem to be old enough.
- Finally, the baby may be afraid of the dark or have trouble falling asleep because he fears that mom and dad will go away and leave him alone forever. This fear may be due to the fact that you had to go to work early, and now the baby sees his mother less often. Or, for example, you often leave your child with strangers. Or maybe the baby ended up in the hospital, but you weren’t allowed to see him. Such children are afraid to sleep without their parents because they do not want to lose them.
