How to help your baby fall asleep: the best sleep aids

From the moment of its birth, a child makes serious changes in the life of its parents. In addition to happiness and joy at the sight of their long-awaited baby, mom and dad experience sleepless nights and screams. All this is accompanied by anxiety and concern among adults: the baby feels this and begins to cry even more. Why do small children cry before going to bed and what can be done about it?

Causes of tantrums in children

Hysteria is a state of intense agitation, which is accompanied by sudden changes in mood, outbursts of anger and despair, as well as loss of self-control. Children in hysterics may scream, cry, fall to the floor, bang their fists and even bang their heads against the wall. It is difficult for a small child to get out of this state on his own, so hysteria can last for quite a long time. What are the causes of tantrums in children?

• Overwork and overexcitement. Kids can get tired of both monotonous activities (long trips, intellectual work) and emotionally intense events (trips to entertainment centers, active and noisy games with peers, visiting a new place for the baby). If a child is tired, the likelihood of a tantrum increases significantly.
• Physical discomfort: pain, hunger and thirst, stuffiness, overheating, and so on.
• Inability to describe your requirement in words. Young children often have conflicts and misunderstandings with peers due to the fact that they cannot yet express their desires in words. Adults also do not always understand what a baby wants, who cannot yet or is just learning to speak. Misunderstanding on the part of loved ones often leads to hysterics.
• The desire for independence. If parents, being overly concerned about the baby, do not allow him to show independence, this can provoke frequent hysterics. This is especially evident during crisis periods of development (1 year, 1.5 years, 3 years).
• Lack of attention. A child who does not receive enough care and affection will most likely try to attract attention in various ways. Hysteria rarely leaves parents indifferent.
• Refusals and prohibitions. Due to emotionality and insufficient development of self-control, young children usually react violently to any obstacles to the fulfillment of their desires.
• Inconsistency of adults. The lack of a common position on the part of parents regarding the upbringing of a child or the floating boundaries of what is permitted lead to the child’s lack of a clear picture of the world, and therefore a lack of a sense of predictability and safety. In this regard, capriciousness and impulsiveness appear.

Even the most balanced little ones fall into hysterics from time to time, seemingly out of the blue. This most often occurs during periods of crisis of 1 year and 3 years. If a child over 4 years old systematically experiences hysterical attacks, this may indicate the presence of neurological disorders or serious errors in upbringing.

Individual characteristics of the child

In rare cases, a child may be healthy and sleep restlessly due to his individual characteristics. In my practice, there have been cases when a mother went to the doctor with a complaint about the child’s poor sleep, but an examination, additional examinations, and consultations with medical luminaries confirmed the child’s health. Such cases are rare, but they do happen, and here, unfortunately, you just have to wait for the child to “outgrow” this condition. But most often, if the child is neurologically healthy, the cause of poor sleep should be sought in somatic problems or excessive emotionality of the child. Which is what we will talk about next.

Two types of children's tantrums

Some teachers and psychologists distinguish between two fundamentally different types of hysterics in children: true and manipulative. This classification is based on the criterion of a child’s awareness of his behavior.

1. True hysterics occur involuntarily. Emotions completely take over the baby, so he is not able to control his actions, take into account their possible consequences, or accept the persuasion and arguments of adults. The lower parts of the brain (in particular, the amygdala) are involved in the occurrence of this type of hysteria.
2. Manipulative hysterics occur consciously (the upper parts of the brain are involved in the work). They are usually typical for children of middle and older preschool age. In this way the child wants to achieve the desired result. Indeed, when the baby is in a hysterical state, especially if this happens in a crowded place or if they need to rush somewhere, parents often find no other way out of the situation other than to instantly satisfy the baby’s need (or whim). If adults succumb to such manipulations at least several times, most likely, this model of behavior will be firmly entrenched in the preschooler.

When faced with manipulative hysteria, or “top floor” hysteria, it is important not to succumb to provocations and make it clear to the child that this method of getting what they want is not constructive. When the child understands that a tantrum is not effective, he will stop behaving in this way. If a child’s hysteria occurs unconsciously (a “lower floor” hysteria), first of all you need to support the child and accept his emotions. When the emotional outburst subsides a little, the baby will be able to perceive your words.

Distinguishing one type of tantrum from another can be difficult. But every parent knows their child well and can observe what is the reason and reason for hysteria.

How to respond to your baby's tantrums?

So, how should you behave with a child who is in a state of hysterics? First of all, we need to understand what exactly we want to achieve: to stop the “shameful” behavior as quickly as possible (that is, to achieve an immediate effect), or is the long-term perspective important? Of course, the second one. Adults (parents and other loved ones) must teach the baby to understand his emotions, express them constructively, follow the rules, and cope with difficulties. This cannot be achieved by responding to a tantrum with punishment, ignoring, or simply distracting attention. Here are the basic rules, following which you can stop hysterics and maintain a trusting relationship with your baby:

1. As soon as you notice that the child begins to cry, let him know that you hear him. You don’t need to immediately enter into dialogue with him, just turn in his direction.
2. To make the baby feel that you accept his feelings and can share them with him, approach the child and get down to his level.
3. Analyze the situation and tell your baby his emotion: “you’re angry,” “you’re very upset,” “you’re sad,” and so on. At this moment, most likely, the child will somehow respond to your words, he will begin to gradually become aware of his emotions. You can tell him about a situation when you yourself experienced a similar emotion.

Hysteria develops in waves: first, anger and rage arise sharply, then, having reached their peak, they are replaced by sadness and despair, after which the emotions gradually subside.

1. Try to find out the reason why the child became hysterical. Maybe something didn’t work out for him, or he really wants to buy some kind of toy, or he didn’t expect anything and got scared. There can be many reasons. If the baby can talk, you can ask him about it directly. If the baby doesn’t speak yet, ask him to show him what he wants, and also show him the possible options yourself. The child will begin to interact with you and break out of the vicious circle of uncontrollable emotional reactions. It is very important not to evaluate or criticize what the baby tells or shows you, but simply listen to him carefully.
2. When the child speaks out and you understand the reason for his worries, calmly tell him your position on this matter. The opinions and capabilities of adults do not always coincide with the requirements of children, so you should not be afraid to say “no” to the baby. Speak calmly and confidently, clearly justifying your position in a language that the child can understand.
3. If your child receives a refusal, try to end on a positive note and redirect his attention to something interesting. With preschool children, you can dream together or make immediate plans.

Laying procedure

In order for your baby to fall asleep, it is advisable to adhere to a certain bedtime procedure. If every evening before bed your child performs the same actions, for example, putting his toys away, watching “Good Night Kids,” brushing his teeth, this nightly ritual will help him get ready for sleep. After putting him into bed, mom can read him a story, kiss him and wish him a “good sleep.” If your child is afraid of being in the dark, it is better to leave the night light on.

When putting small children to bed (up to one year old), I also advise you to adhere to a small ritual, this could be singing a lullaby or reading a fairy tale, don’t worry if the baby doesn’t understand you yet, at this age the main thing when putting them to bed is monotony of speech. One of my patients (a university student) read notes to her one-year-old baby before bed - and the baby fell asleep faster, and the mother prepared for exams.

I do not recommend rocking your baby to sleep for a long time; sleep during rocking is not deep, and besides, the child gets used to it very much and the mother becomes hostage to motion sickness. If your baby sleeps well at the breast, you can feed him while lying in bed and this may be a better ritual for him. Don't try to immediately put him in a crib; let him fall asleep more deeply.

Preventing tantrums in children

To prevent tantrums, parents need to follow a number of principles:

• It is advisable that the child follows a daily routine and also has enough time to rest. For the development of the baby's nervous system, proper sleep, walks in the fresh air, and outdoor games are extremely important.
• Pay attention to the baby's emotional state. Talk to him about how he feels at a particular moment in time and why. Parents are the guides of children into the world of emotions.
• Teach your baby to express his emotions in a constructive way (for example, if the baby is angry, he can stamp his foot; if the child can speak, then it is best to try to express your demand in words).
• Keep calm. If a child watches his loved ones get angry, he will copy their behavior.
• Give your child the opportunity to choose and exercise independence. The desire to do something yourself is a natural need of a child who, as he grows up, separates from his parents.
• The baby should not have many prohibitions. In order for a child to understand the meaning of the word “impossible,” it should mean only the strictest prohibitions (for example, do not run out onto the road, do not stick your fingers into a socket). It is in your power to arrange your life in such a way that you have to forbid something to your baby as rarely as possible. If you still need to restrict your child in some way, be sure to explain to him the reason for your decision.
• Be consistent. Do not cancel your ban, even if the baby begs you, cries or screams. Sometimes it can be very difficult to resist negative reactions to a ban, but believe me, changing your mind will make things worse. Only the persistence of parents gives the child the opportunity to predict the consequences of his behavior.

Small children do not yet know how to cope with their experiences on their own, so do not leave your baby alone if something is bothering him. The child must be sure that you accept his feelings and emotions and want to help solve his problem.

Physiological characteristics of a child's sleep

At the physiological level, a child's sleep differs from an adult's sleep. Children sleep differently than us, their sleep is more superficial, more sensitive, and this is the norm.

As you know, sleep consists of alternating phases - slow and fast. In children, most of the sleep is REM sleep (and in adults, REM sleep is only 25%). During this phase, the mother can observe how the child’s eyeballs move quickly under closed eyelids, at which time the child dreams. Muscle tone is lost (except for the muscles of the eyes and nasopharynx), the child cannot move, as nature intended. If the possibility of movement remained, people would make all the movements that they dream about.

conclusions

Every parent experiences their child's tantrums. In some children they occur more often, in others less often. The peak of hysterics usually occurs in early and early preschool age (1-3 years), older preschoolers are already sufficiently able to control their emotions. At the moment of hysteria, be close to the baby, help him understand his feelings, analyze the situation together and find out the cause of the hysteria. By including your baby in a dialogue with yourself, you prevent a further increase in emotional tension. Only after this is it necessary to express your position and explain to the child why in this case you are making this or that decision.

Calming the baby

In infancy, children actively grow, gain weight, develop their skills, and learn about the world around them outside their mother’s tummy. Quality sleep for babies is the key to good health. The most active development occurs in sleep. The baby gets tired quickly. A newborn baby feels tired after just 1 hour of being awake.

Hysterics before bedtime in infants can occur for several reasons: the desire to eat, drink, fatigue, pain, discomfort.

An insufficiently rested baby is capricious and whiny. In children under one year old, active formation of behavioral reactions occurs. If during this period of time the parents do not accustom the baby to the regime, then his behavior will not change even by 2-3 years.

Dream interpretation of a newborn:

Such sleep standards are relative, but they are still worth adhering to so that the baby feels good and comfortable.

If a child cries before bed, and the reasons are discomfort or fatigue, change his clothes and hold him in his arms. The mother's heartbeat will quickly calm the baby and he will fall asleep.

To calm your baby, pick him up

It is better to swaddle a newborn baby 2-3 days old at night. This will help him feel like he is in his mother's tummy.

Babies may wake up during the night and then go back to sleep. They begin sleeping through the night at 8 months. Develop a special regime and strictly follow it.

Every mother should learn tips on a daily routine for a baby that allows them to settle down without tantrums.

1. Monitor your waking hours - a 3-month-old child gets tired in 2 hours, i.e. after such a period of time he needs to be put to rest.
2. Teach yourself to spend time actively during the day. Hyperactive children continue to have a tendency to play even in a dark room. In the evening, switch to quiet games, wash your baby in a lavender bath and turn off all the appliances in the house to signal that it is time to go to bed.
3. Don't be with your baby all the time. At 6-8 months, the child should already enter a state of sleep on his own.
4. Avoid rocking - over time, this process becomes a habit and the child will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.